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Quotes for
Hank Yarbo (Character)
from "Corner Gas" (2004)

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"Corner Gas: Census Sensibility (#4.13)" (2007)
Hank Yarbo: [to a pregnant woman] Evening, ma'am. Census. We'd just like to ask you a few questions...
Oscar Leroy: Head count! One...
[he points at her belly]
Oscar Leroy: ...and a half!

Hank Yarbo: [at Oscar and Emma's house] How many people in the house, ma'am?
Emma Leroy: 27 and a monkey. Oscar, don't waste my time.
Hank Yarbo: You think this is a joke? This is the census, lady! Look, don't make me mad! I'll fly off the handle! I'll lose it! I'll snap!
Oscar Leroy: Okay, calm down, pal... My partner is a loose cannon. I can't control him. Help yourself out while you still can. How many people here?
Emma Leroy: It's gonna be one if you don't get off my step.

Hank Yarbo: You saved my life.
Brent LeRoy: Yeah. What's that make it, the eighth time?
Hank Yarbo: First time with a pickle. Well, a sweet pickle.

Mayor Fitzy: Normally, we hire Hank to do the census.
Hank Yarbo: [to Oscar] I've got experience.
Mayor Fitzy: On the other hand, normally Hank screws it up somehow.
Hank Yarbo: Granted.
Mayor Fitzy: On the other other hand, Oscar, you're... Oscar. So you can see my dilemma.
Oscar Leroy: But I need the money. Shrubs don't grow on trees.

Mayor Fitzy: You're both fired.
Oscar Leroy: You don't know how it goes down in the street! You sit here behind your desk...
Mayor Fitzy: I don't have a desk. It's a door on two filing cabinets.
Oscar Leroy: Oh. Well, you should have one, you're the mayor.
Hank Yarbo: If he goes, I go.
Mayor Fitzy: I want you to go. I'm firing you both.
Oscar Leroy: I can't do it without him.
Mayor Fitzy: You can't do it WITH him! You're both fired!
Hank Yarbo: So... when do we meet our new partners?

Hank Yarbo: Yep, census. It's a young man's game. You gotta watch your health. I mean, I almost choked on a pickle.
Brent LeRoy: I know, I was there.
Hank Yarbo: No, after that.
Brent LeRoy: You choked on another pickle?
Hank Yarbo: No, same one.

Lacey Burrows: Hank, we're closed.
Hank Yarbo: I've just got something to say. Karen, don't come here, trying to win Davis back, he's two-timing you with Lacey.
Lacey Burrows: What?
Karen Pelly: [to Hank] Breadstick?
Hank Yarbo: No, thank you. Just move on, Karen, it's over!
Hank Yarbo: Actually, I will have a breadstick, thank you.
Lacey Burrows: Davis didn't leave Karen for me.
Emma Leroy: No, he left you for Karen.
Hank Yarbo: Gees, Davis, how many girlfriends have you got?
Davis Quinton: [extremely confused] I don't know.
[to Karen]
Davis Quinton: Told you it'd get weird.

"Corner Gas: Bean There (#3.18)" (2006)
Hank Yarbo: I could save up and buy a Lamborghini.
Wanda Dollard: You have to save up to buy linguini. You can't afford that magazine... I should have said "magazini". "Linguini", then "magazini". Oh, that would've been great! Could we do it again?
Brent LeRoy: No. Look, Hank, if you want to shoot for the moon, you go ahead.
Hank Yarbo: All I want is a sports car. Let's not get carried away with the space travel, huh?
Wanda Dollard: You'll never have a Lamborghini, you weenie, because your brain is teeny.
Brent LeRoy: The moment's gone now.

Wanda Dollard: [Wanda and Hank arrive at a barbecue for Lamborghini owners] Are you saying that we're supposed to own Lamborghinis?
Hank Yarbo: If you want to soar with the eagles, you gotta pretend to be one.
Wanda Dollard: So you're dragging me into a potentially embarrassing web of lies?
Hank Yarbo: Relax. There'll be food.

Hank Yarbo: [about bluffing their way through the Lamborghini barbecue] We make a pretty good team.
Wanda Dollard: I make a pretty good team. You choke like Tennessee Williams on a bottle cap.

Hank Yarbo: Don't tell me you're still upset at me because I told a bunch of people about a Lamborghini you don't have and now they're coming here to see it. Oh. Actually, now that I said that out loud, it does sound kind of bad.
Wanda Dollard: We should just go. We should leave town and not be here when they get here... Could you forget I said "we"?

Lamborghini Owner #2: [Wanda and Hank take Lamborghini Owner #2 to see Wanda's "Lamborghini", i.e. something covered up by a tarpaulin] I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's not a Lamborghini.
Wanda Dollard: You know, sometimes things start out innocently and then just spin out of control.
Hank Yarbo: You want to see a Lamborghini? I'll show you a Lamborghini.
[He pulls aside the tarpaulin]
[Lamborghini Owner #2 stares at her]
Wanda Dollard: It just always impresses me when I see it!

"Corner Gas: Ruby Reborn (#1.1)" (2004)
[first lines of the series]
Brent LeRoy: Want me to fill it up?
Man: Sure. You know I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.
Brent LeRoy: Well, you still haven't really. About halfway to go yet.
Man: Sure is flat.
Brent LeRoy: How do you mean?
Man: You know, flat. Nothing to see.
Brent LeRoy: What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.
Hank Yarbo: How do you mean?
Brent LeRoy: Topographically I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.
Hank Yarbo: There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.
Brent LeRoy: There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh... Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.
Man: You guys always this sarcastic?
Brent LeRoy: There's nothin' else to do.

Hank Yarbo: [upon seeing the changes to the coffee shop] What the hell did she do to this place?
Brent LeRoy: Here we go. Would ya settle down Hank? It's just a little different.
Hank Yarbo: Different? We're in the seventh circle of Hell here! Look, look at this, where's the old clear salt and pepper shakers? I mean you can't see inside these ones, how are you supposed to know which is which?
Emma Leroy: One shaker's black and one shaker's white.
Brent LeRoy: Take a leap of faith.
Hank Yarbo: What if it's a trick?
Wanda Dollard: Then shake some on your hand first.
Hank Yarbo: That's unsanitary.
Brent LeRoy: I've seen you eat gum off your shoe.
Hank Yarbo: What's that got to do with anything?

Hank Yarbo: Hey Wanda, what do you know about this Lacey?
Wanda Dollard: I know she doesn't have cataracts, so you don't have a chance.
Brent LeRoy: Scorch!

Hank Yarbo: [referring to the changes to the coffee shop] I'm gonna fight this.
Emma Leroy: It's her place, she can do what she wants with it.
Hank Yarbo: Well, I got two words for you; boycott. I'm gonna put this place out of business.
Brent LeRoy: Hank, if you had the power to put companies out of business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, and deodorant.
Emma Leroy: Clean underwear.
Brent LeRoy: Books.
Wanda Dollard: Pants that fit.
Emma Leroy: Nail clippers.
Brent LeRoy: Dandruff shampoo.
Wanda Dollard: Um... dental floss.
Emma Leroy: Toilet paper.
Oscar Leroy: Pick-up trucks.
Brent LeRoy: You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?
Oscar Leroy: Shut up!

Hank Yarbo: [about Lacey] Is it so unreasonable to be curious about a new person in town? Does she have a criminal record? That's a reasonable question. Does she do drugs? That's a valid inquiry.
Brent LeRoy: Maybe she doesn't want us in the coffee shop 'cause she's turning the whole place into a methamphetamine lab. Get the kids hooked on the meth and the crack cocaine, 'cause once they're hooked on that, you know what's next: marijuana. Then jazz music. Forget about it.

"Corner Gas: Security Cam (#2.8)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: All my life I've wanted to be zapped by a Taser gun. It's just another dream I thought I'd have to give up on, like being an astronaut or voting.

Hank Yarbo: I'm out of control! I'm freakin' out! I'm freakin' out! I'm on PCBs, man! You gotta stun me! Just put me down fast! I've got the strength of ten ordinary men! I'm freakin' out! Come on! Stun me... . Hello?

Hank Yarbo: I want to do something about that stupid security camera. Usually I start a petition, but no one ever signs it. Or a boycott, or a hunger strike, or a town meeting, or I camp out on top of a telephone pole -
Karen Pelly: Brent might learn a little lesson if his security camera got stolen.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah.
Karen Pelly: [suggestively] By someone.
Hank Yarbo: Hmm.
Karen Pelly: [more suggestively] Someone he trusts.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, I suppose.
Karen Pelly: [even more suggestively] Someone he would never suspect.
Hank Yarbo: [oblivious] Yeah.
Karen Pelly: [gives up, draws him a map of the store] Plot the camera's motion and approach from a blind spot. You could pull it off... hypothetically.

Davis Quinton: Did you tell Hank to rob Corner Gas?
Karen Pelly: No! What? No! That's crazy talk. Hank's crazy!
Davis Quinton: He says you practically drew him a map.
Hank Yarbo: She literally drew me a map!
Karen Pelly: It was a hypothetical map!

Hank Yarbo: [entering Corner Gas] Get rid of that stupid security camera yet?
Brent Leroy: Nope.
Hank Yarbo: Then I can no longer hang out here.
[he leaves]
Brent Leroy: [to Lacey] Thing just paid for itself.

Corner Gas: The Movie (2014)
Hank Yarbo: I'm focusing my energies on money making ideas. Big ideas. Like a petting zoo, or a dude ranch, or maybe a zoo where you pet dudes.
Lacey Burrows: I think that is more of a big city idea.

Hank Yarbo: [opening lines] How long has it been?
Brent Leroy: [immediately without looking up from comic book] April 13th 2009
Hank Yarbo: No way! You sure?
Brent Leroy: Well I can't be 100 percent sure since I don't know what you're talking about.
[April 13, 2009 was the last broadcast of a new episode of the TV series]

Hank Yarbo: I can't believe those Wullerton weirdos
[Hank and Brent spit]
Hank Yarbo: raised all that money to bail us out.
Brent Leroy: Yeah, all those lemonade stands and choir recitals...
Brent Leroy: Hmph. Those self-serving *bastards*.

Mayor Fitzy: We can get water and power back, and solve all our financial problems,
Mayor Fitzy: if we agree to be annexed by Wullerton!
[everyone spits]
Hank Yarbo: Annexed? ANNEXED?
[to Wanda]
Hank Yarbo: What does "annexed" mean?
Wanda Dollard: Oh, it's Latin for "Fitzy's an IDIOT!"
[everyone boos and jeers]

[after seeing Brent and Lacey kiss]
Hank Yarbo: They did a, a lippy kissy thing.
Wanda Dollard: Brent. You just kissed an actual human female!

"Corner Gas: Hair Loss (#3.11)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: [about his hair] I'm going bald, Hank. These things are like lemmings.
Hank Yarbo: Lemmings go bald?
Lacey Burrows: Lemmings follow each other off cliffs and jump to their deaths.
Hank Yarbo: Just 'cause they're going bald?

Lacey Burrows: [re: Brent and his baldness] Hank, he's cracking jokes about it.
Hank Yarbo: Those aren't jokes. Those are humourous cries for help. I mean, sure, yeah, on the outside he's all Clowny the Clown, but on the inside he's in pain. He's like Painy the Clown.
Lacey Burrows: Painy the Clown?
[She imagines a children's party entertained by Painy the Clown]
Parent: Sorry, Painy, but you're the worst clown we've ever seen. You're fired.
[Painy tweaks the parent's nose]
Parent: OW! ... See? This is what I'm talking about!

[Wanda has bought an odd-looking lamp]
Wanda Dollard: It's a Roger Featherstone. The value of this stuff went through the roof after he went blind in 1903.
Hank Yarbo: I think he made this one in 1904.
Wanda Dollard: Because you and your nine Metallica tee shirts know a lot about style?

Emma Leroy: [after Hank rewires the lamp] It's worthless now!
Wanda Dollard: You knew it was a Featherstone! Ah, I can't believe I fell for that smalesy-granny crap!
Emma Leroy: Wait. You knew it was worth money, and you still tried to keep it from me?
Wanda Dollard: I have a weird thing for elephants.
Emma Leroy: You were going to rip me off.
Wanda Dollard: You were going to rip me off!
[they pause, glaring at each other, then Wanda laughs]
Wanda Dollard: Gees, you're a crafty old broad.
Emma Leroy: [also smiling] I swear, you're more like me than my own son!
[they hug]
Hank Yarbo: So... you're not going to fight then?
Emma Leroy: Not with each other.

"Corner Gas: Ruby Newsday (#3.12)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: I lost my part-time job delivering papers.
Brent Leroy: Oh, why'd they give you the boot?
Hank Yarbo: Ah, something about lack of focus, reliability... it's kind of fuzzy.
Lacey Burrows: I didn't know they delivered the Howler.
Hank Yarbo: No, it was one of those big-city ones... The Globe & Post, or The Post & Beam... National Stick... I can't remember.

[Lacey's tip jars are empty]
Lacey Burrows: What's wrong with trees?
Hank Yarbo: Dogs pee on 'em, they get sap on your clothes, you gotta rake up their leaves, they don't make any sound when they fall in the forest... no one trusts them.
Lacey Burrows: Did you fall out of one? Maybe at an early age?
Hank Yarbo: Let's not make this personal. Trees suck, is all.

Lacey Burrows: What do you think of the trivia section?
Hank Yarbo: There's an air of triviality to it.
Lacey Burrows: Makes you think, though. I mean, Brent's cartoon is funny but who knew that Saskatchewan was bigger than the entire country of Sweden?
[cut to the office of the Premier of Saskatchewan]
Lorne Calvert: So what do you think of that, Sweden?

[as people leave tips in the question jars at the Ruby]
Hank Yarbo: What can I say? I do good jar.

"Corner Gas: Demolition (#4.5)" (2006)
Hank Yarbo: [entering Corner Gas] Hey, d'you guys carry dynamite?
Brent LeRoy: That's funny, 'cause we were just talking about getting more impulse items.
Wanda Dollard: I said we should have nut bars at the counter and here you are.
Hank Yarbo: So it's over there by the milk, or... ?
Brent LeRoy: We don't have dynamite.
Hank Yarbo: Oh. I told Cecil I'd demolish his barn by tomorrow, but if I do it by hand it's gonna take at least, y' know, longer than that, so I'm thinking boom, you know.
Brent LeRoy: Geez. I don't know if you and dynamite should be together in the same room.
Wanda Dollard: Unless there's a short fuse and a locked door.

Brent LeRoy: Here's what I figure: we tie your truck up to the support beam inside the barn, pull the whole thing down in one shot.
Hank Yarbo: Um hm, right. And the dynamite's attached to the beam?
Brent LeRoy: There's no dynamite.
Hank Yarbo: You sure that'll work?
Brent LeRoy: My friend Mr. Isaac Newton thinks it will work.
Hank Yarbo: Do I know him?
Brent LeRoy: Yeah. He's got an apple orchard outside of town, big bump on his head.

[Hank hitches his truck to the barn's support beam]
Hank Yarbo: [to Oscar] Okay, she's good! Give 'er a snoot!
Oscar Leroy: What does that mean?
Brent LeRoy: Could be anything. I think he means drive.

Hank Yarbo: How do you blow up a salad?
Oscar Leroy: Happens more than you think.

"Corner Gas: Lacey Borrows (#4.15)" (2007)
[Hank, who doesn't have a wallet, has been searching for his debit card to pay for Davis' lunch]
Davis Quinton: You were out there rooting around in your truck for 10 minutes. If you do that five times a day, multiply that by 365 days for 36 years, you'd have wasted 12 years of your life.
Hank Yarbo: 12 years?
Davis Quinton: Or is it 12 days?
Hank Yarbo: Man, that's 12 years I can't get back!
Davis Quinton: I don't think I carried the 4.
Hank Yarbo: Birth to grade 6 is gone!... Well, grade 5 twice...
Davis Quinton: Anyways, it's something you should think about.
Hank Yarbo: Maybe I should park closer.
Davis Quinton: Think more about it.

Hank Yarbo: [to Lacey, while Davis is stealing his fries] Sometimes, the easiest crimes to commit happen right in front of your eyes. Makes you feel like an idiot, huh?

Karen Pelly: What happened to my computer?
Davis Quinton: What do you think happened to your computer?
[cut to the Ruby]
Hank Yarbo: [pulling Karen's laptop from his pants] Anybody need a laptop?
[cut back]
Davis Quinton: No. Lacey took it.

"Corner Gas: All My Ex's (#1.7)" (2004)
[Lacey's ex-fiancé is in town and Hank is trying to scare him away]
Hank Yarbo: I know what will scare off Kolchak. We'll pretend there's a lottery and the loser gets stoned to death.
Wanda Dollard: I can't believe you read that story.
Hank Yarbo: What story?

Hank Yarbo: [about Stephen] Let him know that we know, you know?
Wanda Dollard: No.

Hank Yarbo: [while posing as Lacey's boyfriend] Lacey, honey, how are you?
[he kisses her, she shoves him away]
Hank Yarbo: Do you want to introduce me?
Lacey Burrows: Yeah, to toothpaste.
Hank Yarbo: [laughs] So this is your ex-fiancé, the one that let you get away?
Lacey Burrows: This is Hank and, er, he's posing as my boyfriend, because... well... he's an idiot.

"Corner Gas: Happy Campers (#4.18)" (2007)
Wanda Dollard: Are you saying that you've had a bad hair day every day for 20 years?
Hank Yarbo: At least. Why do you think I've always got that hat on my head?
Wanda Dollard: To muffle the voices.

[Wanda, usually the cashier at Corner Gas, waits on tables at the Ruby Cafe]
Wanda Dollard: Lacey and I were arguing over whose job was harder, so we switched.
Hank Yarbo: You mean like on Gilligan's Island?
Wanda Dollard: No, not like on Gilligan's Island. They didn't have jobs on Gilligan's Island.
Hank Yarbo: Well, they did on that episode where the Professor made a bamboo movie camera and Ginger made a movie. An actor's a job. So's a bamboo movie camera maker.
Wanda Dollard: Aw, Hank, grow up. An actor's not a job.

Hank Yarbo: Last night I realized that as long as I don't go to bed, my good hair day never ends.
Lacey Burrows: Oh, well, that's a logical assumption. So you'll just never sleep again?
Hank Yarbo: Well, it's either that or go back in time, and I'm months away from cracking that nut.

"Corner Gas: Rock On! (#2.15)" (2005)
[Thunderface - Brent, Wanda, and Hank's high school rock band - rehearses for the first time since 1986]
Hank Yarbo: That is so totally awesome to play again! Totally awesome!
Wanda Dollard: He is totally saying "awesome" too much.
Brent LeRoy: I know. Gag me.

Brent LeRoy: [to Hank] Let me guess: you're broke.
Hank Yarbo: What makes you say that?
Wanda Dollard: Because you're staring at the cash the way Hank stares at cash.
Wanda Dollard: Oh my God. You've become your own metaphor.

Hank Yarbo: [after Davis unplugs their amps] Hey, what are you doing, man? That's the thing that makes us loud!
Wanda Dollard: Well, don't lost him with the technical mumbo-jumbo.

"Corner Gas: Merry Gasmas (#3.13)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: [to Karen and Davis] Hey, d'you guys ever thought about giving to the less fortunate?
Karen Pelly: We're not lending you money.
Hank Yarbo: No. I was thinking we could all get together and raise money for a family in need.
Karen Pelly: We're not lending your family money, Hank.

[Hank stores donated gifts at Corner Gas]
Wanda Dollard: That's Chew-Bot!
Hank Yarbo: Well, you can't have this one. This one's for needy people.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah? Well, right now I'm needing it!
[She lunges for it; Brent grabs her]
Brent LeRoy: Whoa, Wanda! Come on! You can't do that! It's for poor people and it's Christmas!
Wanda Dollard: You're right. Stupid poor people.

Hank Yarbo: How's Christmas at the Leroy home?
Brent LeRoy: Terrible. Mom's making real food right on the stove. They've got a new tree. It's made out of wood. Wood!
Wanda Dollard: [dryly] This could be the worst Christmas ever.

"Corner Gas: Comedy Night (#1.10)" (2004)
[Hank is to host the hotel bar's comedy night]
Lacey Burrows: Stand-up can be pretty tough. I used to work at a comedy club.
Hank Yarbo: That's great! Maybe you could show me how to get laughs!
Lacey Burrows: No, no, no. I worked at a comedy club. I wasn't the one getting the laughs.
Hank Yarbo: Oh. Improv act.

[before hosting Comedy Night, Hank hones his anti-heckler insult skills]
Brent LeRoy: Hey, Hank, you suck.
Hank Yarbo: Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date later.
Lacey Burrows: You're not funny.
Hank Yarbo: Ain't it sad when cousins marry?
Oscar Leroy: Hi, Hank.
Hank Yarbo: Shut up, old man.

Hank Yarbo: [heckling the crowd at Comedy Night] Hey you! Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?

"Corner Gas: Fun Run (#3.7)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: I don't contribute to society.
Brent Leroy: Sure you do. You're a morale booster. By contributing nothing, you make everyone else feel good about themselves.
Hank Yarbo: That's not good enough anymore.

Hank Yarbo: Everyone, I am stopping traffic for Oscar not because he's old and fragile, but because I stop traffic for everyone. It is my duty as a crossing guard, and that is why I'm patronizing him.
Oscar Leroy: [to Hank] Just treat me normal!

Hank Yarbo: [to Karen] You may not respect me, but I respect me and I respect you. In fact, I have enough respect to make up for the lack of respect that you don't have for me... respectfully.

"Corner Gas: Contagious Fortune (#5.14)" (2008)
[Hank enters Corner Gas wearing sunglasses]
Wanda Dollard: Ladies and gentlemen: Ray Charles.
Hank Yarbo: Where?
Brent Leroy: Don't play any of your crazy boogie woogie music in here, Mr. Cool.
Hank Yarbo: I'm not wearing these to be cool. There's something wrong with my eye, all puffy and itchy. It hurts to look at the sun. I think it might be time to get glasses.
Wanda Dollard: Looks like you have conjunctivitis.
Hank Yarbo: What? Oh, man! How long have I got?
Wanda Dollard: I wish. It's just pinkeye.
Brent Leroy: Just pinkeye? That's like saying it's just... just... all right, it's just pinkeye, but still, Hank, get out!

[Hank and Brent kick Wanda, who has caught pinkeye from Hank, out of Corner Gas]
Hank Yarbo: Maybe I was too tough on her. I too was once like her.
Brent Leroy: Short and angry?
Wanda Dollard: [yelling from outside] Hey, Yarbo! I'm coming back for you!
[she points at her pinkeye]
Wanda Dollard: You made me like this! I'll be back... for you!
Brent Leroy: Short and creepy?

Wanda Dollard: [to Brent, who is cleaning Corner Gas] You missed a spot.
Brent Leroy: How'd you get in here?
Wanda Dollard: Through the Ruby. Duh!
Brent Leroy: Hank! Wanda's breached the perimeter!
Hank Yarbo: What? How?
Brent Leroy: Through the Ruby. Duh!
[Lacey enters from the Ruby Café]
Lacey Burrows: Sorry! She got past me!
Wanda Dollard: That's right! I said I'd be back! You can't stop my pinkeye revenge!
[she spreads her pinkeye germs over the Corner Gas counter]
Wanda Dollard: Go, my pets! Spread your pink path as I have commanded you!
Brent Leroy: Yeesh. A little dramatic.
Wanda Dollard: Oh, and "breached the perimeter's" your everyday lingo?

"Corner Gas: Blog River (#4.8)" (2006)
Hank Yarbo: [writing on his blog] Hello, people on the Internet. Welcome to my musings: "Hank Talkin'". Yes, you read right: I spell "talkin'" with no G. That is because I have attitude.

[Lacey mopes in front of the Ruby Cafe]
Hank Yarbo: [voice-over; writing on his blog] I could see my friend was feeling down, so I decided to cheer her up. A wise man said it takes less muscles to make a smile than it does to frown.
[Hank sits down beside her]
Hank Yarbo: Still feeling blue just because you haven't accomplished anything with your life?
Lacey Burrows: [smiles ironically] Well, that is a nice thing for you to say, Hank.
Hank Yarbo: You know, I used to worry too. Then I realized, "Why worry?" And look at me now.
Lacey Burrows: That's your advice? "Why worry?"
Hank Yarbo: And look at me now.
Lacey Burrows: So I should resign myself to failure? Boy, I feel super!
[She stomps off]
Hank Yarbo: [voice-over, writing on his blog] Of course, it also takes less muscles to smile meanly in a sarcastic way.

Lacey Burrows: [to Oscar] I don't want to play horseshoes! I'm no good at horseshoes!
Hank Yarbo: Come on, ya big chicken, you haven't accomplished anything with your life!
[voiceover, dictating his blog]
Hank Yarbo: I was trying tough love. I think later, when she hit me with a rock, that was tough love too.

"Corner Gas: No Time Like the Presents (#5.15)" (2008)
Lacey Burrows: [after Hank explains why he's now 3 hours ahead] You know, Hank, I try to stick up for you, but you make it so hard.
Hank Yarbo: I appreciate the effort.

Karen Pelly: [Hank won't pay a parking ticket because, according to his time, he isn't even parked there yet] A little help here, Brent?
Brent Leroy: Mmm. You've saved a lot of daylight moving ahead 12 hours, haven't you?
Hank Yarbo: Sure have.
Brent Leroy: Think how much more you'd save if you moved another 12 hours ahead.
Karen Pelly: Yeah! It'd be like being on Australian time.
Brent Leroy: Fair dinkum.

"Corner Gas: The Brent Effect (#2.1)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: [about Canadians] You ask anyone over the age of 30 how tall they are, they're going to tell you in feet and inches. Huh? Watch!... Hey, Wanda!
Wanda Dollard: What?
Hank Yarbo: What size is that milk you're putting out?
Wanda Dollard: Uh, some two liters and some half liters.
Hank Yarbo: How tall are you?
Wanda Dollard: Yes, Hank, I'm short. Very funny. You're a regular Jay Lame-o. I'm still tall enough to kick your sorry ass.
Brent Leroy: Now ask her if she's over 30.

Emma Leroy: We need to talk.
Hank Yarbo: No. No, no we don't. No, talk to Oscar. He's the one who stole your money from your nightstand last Thursday while you were out with the church ladies getting ready for bake sale, I don't know nothing about it.

"Corner Gas: R2 Bee Too (#6.15)" (2009)
Hank Yarbo: [showing off his toy robot] Yarby waved hi to you, Wanda.
Wanda Dollard: Yarby?
Hank Yarbo: That's what I named him. You know where that name came from?
Wanda Dollard: An underdeveloped brain?

Davis Quinton: I hate to brag, but I just bought the robot to end all robots. I'll give you a hint: Artoo!
Hank Yarbo: [bemused] Uh huh?
Davis Quinton: Detoo!
Hank Yarbo: [still bemused] Uh huh?
Davis Quinton: Artoo Detoo!
Hank Yarbo: Cool! You got an Artoo Detoo?
Davis Quinton: Not an Artoo Detoo. The Artoo Detoo from a little movie called The Star Wars.
Hank Yarbo: It's just Star Wars.
Davis Quinton: Yeah, but originally it was ca - I don't want to get into this again.

"Corner Gas: Friend of a Friend (#3.14)" (2006)
Lacey Burrows: Great news! My friend from college is coming to Dog River.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, I didn't know you went to college.
Lacey Burrows: Yeah. It's not a big deal. Everyone goes to college.
Brent LeRoy: I didn't.
Hank Yarbo: I didn't.
Oscar Leroy: I didn't.
Emma Leroy: I didn't.
Wanda Dollard: I did... but I don't go around bragging about it.
Lacey Burrows: [to Brent] I thought just you and I were talking.

Hank Yarbo: Hey, Brent, if everyone thought one of your friends was a big jerk, wouldn't you want to know about it?
Wanda Dollard: [to Brent] Oh, that reminds me: I need to talk to you about Hank.

"Corner Gas: Slow Pitch (#2.17)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: I think what Brent is trying to say here, Wes, is that we came here for a good time. Even though you called us a bunch of nimrods.
Wes Humboldt: I didn't call you a...
Paul: Earlier, he called you a bunch of useless ragtags...
Hank Yarbo: Just stay out of this, Paul! You just want us to bet so we'll buy more beer and whatnot at your place.
Paul: Well, duh.
Hank Yarbo: Ragtag? I don't think I like the sound of that.
Brent LeRoy: Sticks and stones, Hank. They're just words.
Paul: He also called you mamby-pambies.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, someone wants their teeth kicked in.
[Wes just looks confused]

Hank Yarbo: Great. I can already taste Wes eating those nachos.
Brent LeRoy: Okay, let's ignore Hank's disturbing image.

"Corner Gas: Just Brent and His Shadow (#4.4)" (2006)
Hank Yarbo: What's a fondue?
Lacey Burrows: Melted sauce.
Hank Yarbo: Oh. I thought it was French for something.
Karen Pelly: It is. Melted sauce, i.e. fondue.
Davis Quinton: Ooh! I eat fondue!
Karen Pelly: Not "I eat", "i.e." It's Latin.
Hank Yarbo: I thought you said it was French.
Karen Pelly: Fondue is French.
Ted: Did someone say fondue?
Lacey Burrows: Just about everyone has.
Pam: I didn't say it.
Hank Yarbo: What?
Pam: Fondue.
Karen Pelly: Okay, that's everybody.

Hank Yarbo: I like fondue. It tastes a lot like cheese.

"Corner Gas: Hero Sandwich (#2.7)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: Don't you guys have anything better to do?
Karen Pelly: No, not really.

Hank Yarbo: Lacey, you've been trying to get a traffic light in this town for years.
Lacey Burrows: Hank, I moved here 10 months ago.

"Corner Gas: The Good Old Table Hockey Game (#4.14)" (2007)
Lacey Burrows: [about the Dog River Youngish Women's Association] If I join I can nominate someone as a Distinguished Woman.
Brent LeRoy: What's their definition of distinguished?
Hank Yarbo: A woman who was on fire and they put her out.
Lacey Burrows: It's a woman who's distinguished herself.
Hank Yarbo: Oh. That's even harder.

[Karen beats Hank at table hockey]
Hank Yarbo: Man, that was unbelievable! I mean, you wouldn't be able to beat Brent, but...
Davis Quinton: Oh, I don't know. She's pretty good.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, but Brent's the best, you know. I mean, when it comes to table hockey, he's king of the knobs.
Karen Pelly: That's pretty high praise considering the source.

"Corner Gas: Smell of Freedom (#2.3)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: [playing Scrabble] Okay, Emma, why don't we start things off... with a bang?
[he lays out tiles that read "ABANG"]
Emma Leroy: "A bang" is two words.
Hank Yarbo: Fine. Have it your way.
[he removes four tiles, leaving only "A"]
Emma Leroy: [unimpressed] Wow. One point.
Hank Yarbo: Emma, Emma, Emma. I guess you didn't realize that the first word played counts for a double word score. Lacey, put me down for two points.
Emma Leroy: [to Lacey] Is it too late to put money on this?

Lacey Burrows: Okay, smart guy...
Hank Yarbo: [to Oscar] I think she means you.

"Corner Gas: Jail House (#4.6)" (2006)
Lacey Burrows: [about the new curtains in the Ruby] Would you just tell me the truth?
Hank Yarbo: Then can I have some fries?
Lacey Burrows: Yes.
Hank Yarbo: Okay. It doesn't matter what this place looks like, it's attached to a gas station which looks kinda junky and bad. So everyone just expects this place to look junky and bad too. Can I have some fries now?
Lacey Burrows: No.

Karen Pelly: Davis is out?
Hank Yarbo: Well, that's not really for me to say...
Karen Pelly: No, out of jail!

"Corner Gas: Mail Fraud (#3.6)" (2005)
Lacey Burrows: Do you ever imagine yourself traveling somewhere you're not?
Hank Yarbo: No. I can't pull it off. I've tried. I've, uh, pictured myself on an island, and then I imagine some pretty girl rubbing oil on my back, and then I imagine her boyfriend pounding my face in, and then I imagine I'm suddenly made out of steel and a laser gun grows out of my shoulder and I start shooting at the guy.
Lacey Burrows: That's what you imagine every time?
Hank Yarbo: Oh, no. Sometimes a bazooka comes out of my chest.

Wanda Dollard: [confronting Brent on his "staycation"; Lacey tries to stop her] Dear Brent: I know you're on vacation, but if you get a chance, maybe in between your pedicure and your mud bath, you can fix the debit machine like you said you would. All the best. Wanda.
Brent LeRoy: Dear Wanda: You can do it. Sincerely, Brent.
Wanda Dollard: Dear Brent: I don't have the pass codes to fix the machines, do I? P.S.: Your shirt's ugly.
Hank Yarbo: [joining them] Dear Brent: If you were any kind of pal, you'd bring me over there with you instead of leaving me here.
Brent LeRoy: Dear Hank: If I wanted you here, I would have stayed there.
Hank Yarbo: Dear Brent: You suck out loud!
[he leaves]
Wanda Dollard: P.S.: You've got pasty white chicken legs.
[she leaves]
Brent LeRoy: Dear Lacey: I can't help but get the feeling you've ruined a good thing. Wish you were here so I could thank you in person.

"Corner Gas: Safety First (#3.10)" (2005)
[Hank realizes he was born under a different astrological sign than he thought]
Hank Yarbo: My whole life I've had the wrong personality.
Lacey Burrows: Huh. We knew it was something.

[Hank has a new job working for the town]
Brent LeRoy: You okay, Hank?
Hank Yarbo: Lots of pressure. Pop Rocks, please, grape, and pop. Can, can of pop.
Karen Pelly: Pop Rocks and pop? Won't that make your stomach explode?
Hank Yarbo: Live free or die.

"Corner Gas: Hair Comes the Judge (#4.1)" (2006)
[Wanda mediates a dispute between Lacey and Hank, whom Lacey paid to stain the deck of the Ruby Cafe but he hasn't done it yet]
Wanda Dollard: Do you have a receipt?
Lacey Burrows: What?
Wanda Dollard: R-E-ceipt. Did you obtain a written receipt for the money you allege to have paid Hank?
Lacey Burrows: You think I'm lying? Lookit, I will turn him upside down and shake the cash out of him.
Hank Yarbo: You see what I'm dealing with? This is threats, it's harassment...
Wanda Dollard: [hushing him] BUB-UB-UB-UB-UB! You will get your turn, sir.
Hank Yarbo: Unconstitutional...
Wanda Dollard: BUB-UB-UB-UB-UB-UB-UB!
Lacey Burrows: How often do you watch that judge lady?
Wanda Dollard: Zip it.

Hank Yarbo: Do you understand English?
Lacey Burrows: I don't know, try speaking some!

"Corner Gas: Doc Small (#2.14)" (2005)
Karen Pelly: Hey, Lacey's talking to our new doctor.
Hank Yarbo: Oh yeah? What's he like?
Karen Pelly: He's a she.
Hank Yarbo: Our new doctor's a transvestite?
Karen Pelly: No, Hank, she's a woman.
Hank Yarbo: A woman transvestite?

Karen Pelly: [telling Hank a riddle] There's a plane crash on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan...
Hank Yarbo: Is the pilot the mother?
Karen Pelly: No.
Hank Yarbo: Okay.
Karen Pelly: The planes crashes on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do you bury the survivors?
Hank Yarbo: Right on the border, huh?
[Karen nods]
Hank Yarbo: Okay. Well, I guess you gotta figure out which province has more of the plane...
Karen Pelly: The plane is equally divided between the two provinces.
Hank Yarbo: Okay, alright, I see that. I guess you flip a coin.
Karen Pelly: Where do you bury the SURVIVORS?
Hank Yarbo: Oh, SURVIVORS!
Hank Yarbo: One on each side.

"Corner Gas: Dog River Dave (#4.2)" (2006)
Hank Yarbo: [after delivering Emma's soup] How about a tip?
Emma Leroy: Don't marry the first person who asks.

Hank Yarbo: Do you think I'm the town's biggest laughing stock?
Karen Pelly: No! Oscar is, then you.

"Corner Gas: Spin Cycle (#5.2)" (2007)
Wanda Dollard: [to Hank who is wearing workout gear] Hey, Olivia, the new comics are in.
Hank Yarbo: Oh thanks.
Hank Yarbo: Olivia?
Wanda Dollard: Newton-John? 'Let's Get Physical'?
Hank Yarbo: Oh. No, not right now, I'm about to work out.

Davis Quinton: [at spin class] I thought this was suppose to start at noon. Where's the teacher?
Hank Yarbo: You're looking at him.
Davis Quinton: [gesturing to the guy he was looking at] That guy?
Hank Yarbo: No, I thought you'd be looking at me when I said that.
Karen Pelly: Oh, so you're the teacher?
Karen Pelly: Oh my god, you're the teacher?

"Corner Gas: The Taxman (#1.2)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: Hey, Davis just gave me a parking ticket.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, he gave me on too, and I'm parked in the parking lot.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, well I wasn't even parked. I was stopped at a stop sign, he came running out from behind a bush.

Hank Yarbo: [about the tax man] And then, when he's all juiced up...
Wanda Dollard: You seduce him.
Hank Yarbo: No.
Hank Yarbo: Ew.

"Corner Gas: Knit Wit of the Month (#5.10)" (2008)
Fitzy's Grandma: Would you like to join our club? We're the Knit-Wits.
Hank Yarbo: Oh yeah? What'd ya do?
Fitzy's Grandma: We knit.

Hank Yarbo: And this time I thought you didn't like me.
Fitzy's Grandma: Well, we're not crazy about you, but you're better than Emma.

"Corner Gas: Classical Gas (#5.8)" (2008)
Lacey Burrows: [about Jonathan] He found his way over from Kenya, hopefully he can make it to the Ruby.
Brent Leroy: Yeah, wouldn't want him to get lost in the metropolis of Dog River.
Hank Yarbo: [laughs uproariously, everyone just stares at him] Oh man, that's funny! You're funny!
Lacey Burrows: What about what I said?
Hank Yarbo: Not so much, no.

"Corner Gas: Will and Brent (#3.4)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: [to Brent, about Oscar and Emma] You told me they were dying.
Emma Leroy: Told him what?
Hank Yarbo: Brent was convinced you were dying and was hoping to get your couch.
Emma Leroy: Is that true?
Brent Leroy: Everything except what Hank said.

"Corner Gas: Grad '68 (#1.5)" (2004)
Karen Pelly: Everybody was in on this crime, it's sort of like "The Orient Express".
Brent LeRoy: I think I ate there once.
Karen Pelly: No, the Agatha Christie book. All the suspects teamed up to do the crime.
Hank Yarbo: Well, I guess I don't have to finish reading that one!

"Corner Gas: All That and a Bag of Chips (#6.5)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: [to Hank and Wanda, who are trying to crack the password on Hank's laptop] Mind if I try?
Wanda Dollard: You?
Wanda Dollard: Look, if I can't figure it...
Brent Leroy: And I'm in.
Wanda Dollard: What? What is it?
Brent Leroy: Your pet's name.
Hank Yarbo: Wiggles? We tried that.
Brent Leroy: No, literally the words 'your pets name'.
Wanda Dollard: I have to admit, I was not prepared for that level of stupidity. How did you crack it?
Brent Leroy: I just had to think like a Hank who was trying to outsmart a Wanda.
[Wanda and Hank look at him before nodding slowly]
Brent Leroy: Plus, I was standing beside Hank when he typed it in.

"Corner Gas: Cousin Carl (#1.8)" (2004)
[Hank is unprepared for his talent-show magic act]
Hank Yarbo: [empty-handed] Now these rings are steel... or chrome... or, uh, y' know, any kind of shiny metal. Sir, can you verify that these rings are unbreakable... if they were here?

"Corner Gas: Two Degrees or Separation (#4.3)" (2006)
Brent LeRoy: [after another ploy to learn Wanda's height has backfired thanks to Hank] I don't know why I involve you in my schemes.
Hank Yarbo: Well, maybe you're afraid of success on some level.

"Corner Gas: Shirt Disturber (#6.10)" (2009)
Brent LeRoy: [to comic book artist, holding comic book] It's kind of funny, but I forgot to get you to sign this.
Peter Moore: Who should I make it out to?
Brent LeRoy: [nervously] Me.
Peter Moore: Your name?
Brent LeRoy: Yes.
Peter Moore: What's your name?
[Brent freezes up]
Hank Yarbo: [whispering] Brent!
Brent LeRoy: [to Hank] Not now!

"Corner Gas: Picture Perfect (#3.9)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: [playing on a bar trivia team with Lacey] Hey, Wanda's here. We should get her on our team. She knows everything.
Lacey Burrows: Nobody knows everything.
Brent LeRoy: [looking at his new digital camera] What exactly is a megapixel?
Wanda Dollard: It determines the resolution of the image.
Karen Pelly: Wanda, what are the house odds in roulette?
Wanda Dollard: Straight up pays out 35 to 1, but house odds increase with double zero bets.
Hank Yarbo: What's the capital of Canada?
Wanda Dollard: Ask a nine year old.
Hank Yarbo: [to Lacey] See?

"Corner Gas: Bend It Like Brent (#6.2)" (2008)
Karen Pelly: [in the police car with Hank, who starts clinging to the car door] What?
Hank Yarbo: Ah, nothing. I just think you're going a little fast, that's all.
Karen Pelly: I'm a cop. I get to go fast. Besides, this isn't even fast.
Hank Yarbo: It's not?
Karen Pelly: No. I'll show you fast.
[puts her foot down]
Hank Yarbo: [cut to the police car smoking in a ditch] How fast are we going now?
Karen Pelly: Shut up.

"Corner Gas: Key to the Future (#3.2)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: I had a dream about your mom.
Brent LeRoy: You have five seonds to make my skin stop crawling.

"Corner Gas: Gopher It (#4.19)" (2007)
[first lines]
Lacey Burrows: What's this mayor challenge?
Brent LeRoy: Fitzy's looking for ways to put Dog River on the map.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah. Whenever election time rolls around, he starts to pretend he cares.
Hank Yarbo: How can you guys be so cyclical?
Wanda Dollard: That's cynical.
Lacey Burrows: Maybe he meant we talk in circles. We do that sometimes.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, Wanda. If you weren't so cyclical, you'd know that.

"Corner Gas: Pandora's Wine (#2.13)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: Hey guys. I'm giving presents to my friends.
Karen Pelly: We haven't seen them.

"Corner Gas: Face Off (#1.12)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: [during pre-game team meeting] Huge crowd out there, boys.
Brent LeRoy: What do you figure?
Hank Yarbo: Got to be close to 50.
Davis Quinton: Let's not disappoint them, boys. I hate losing to this team. Actually, I hate losing in general, but especially to this team.
Brent LeRoy: And you guys stay on that Rocket Ronnie. Geez, I hate getting deked out by that guy. I hate getting deked! It's like being tricked! Guy says, "I'm going to go left," but then he doesn't go left. He goes right and then he scores and he's some kind of hero and I'm a gullible jackass.
[the team stares at him]
Brent LeRoy: So stay on him, is all.

"Corner Gas: Cat River Daze (#6.11)" (2009)
Lacey Burrows: [to Davis and Hank] We have to raise money so that we can save Dog River Days.
Hank Yarbo: I got it. I propose a dunk tank.
Lacey Burrows: I don't think that...
Davis Quinton: Second.
Hank Yarbo: All in favour?
[Hank and Davis raise their hands]
Hank Yarbo: Motion carried.
Davis Quinton: Move to adjourn.
Hank Yarbo: Second.
[Hank and Davis raise their hands]
Davis Quinton: Motion carried.
Lacey Burrows: [as they leave] I...

"Corner Gas: Meat Wave (#6.4)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: You borrowed a snowsuit off Fitzy for a lame gag?
Hank Yarbo: And his long underwear.
[Brent just stares at him]
Hank Yarbo: What? I commit to a joke.

"Corner Gas: Lost and Found (#2.5)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: The hunter has become the hunted! The fox has become... the fox... that has caught... itself?

"Corner Gas: Cable Excess (#5.1)" (2007)
Hank Yarbo: You think free laundry, chili cheese dogs, and taking time off is really going to help?
Brent LeRoy: Au contraire. And I don't say that lightly. Or with a decent accent.

"Corner Gas: Dark Circles (#5.4)" (2007)
Hank Yarbo: I'm gonna fake some UFO crop circles tonight, freak people out. You want in?
Brent Leroy: Intriguing. How do we do it?
Hank Yarbo: Well, we...
Brent Leroy: You lost me.

"Corner Gas: Trees a Crowd (#3.8)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: That was no fair. They had a gun!
Hank Yarbo: We could have lost an eye! Then no more fun and games. Except for pirates. Lot of pirates hace just one eye. They have lots of fun and games.

"Corner Gas: Block Party (#3.15)" (2006)
Brent LeRoy: Well, if all the good stuff's been done, that kinda leaves your niche wide open.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah. Thanks Brent! Always there to pick me up!

"Corner Gas: Get the F Off My Lawn (#6.18)" (2009)
[while on strike, Hank and Wanda picket Corner Gas]
Hank Yarbo: Gimme an X!
Wanda Dollard: X!
Hank Yarbo: Gimme a T!
Wanda Dollard: T!
Hank Yarbo: Gimme a V!
Wanda Dollard: What are we spelling?
Hank Yarbo: We're supposed to spell something?

"Corner Gas: Pilates Twist (#1.3)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: [Brent and Hank are wearing the same shirt] Look at us, we're identical!
Brent LeRoy: We're not identical, I have different pants than you.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, I don't even wanna get into your pants.
Brent LeRoy: You're not gonna with that kinda whining.

"Corner Gas: Poor Brent (#2.6)" (2004)
Fitzy: And then he said he's not proud. He's lost his pride.
Hank Yarbo: Oh, poor Brent.
Davis Quinton: He's not poor!

"Corner Gas: An American in Saskatchewan (#2.12)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: You can't leave me out here stranded! It's like 10 miles to town!
Davis: It's your house. You'll live.
Hank Yarbo: But all I've got to eat here is pickles and pop rocks.
Davis: You'll probably live.

"Corner Gas: Wedding Card (#2.2)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: Is knuckles legally binding?
Karen Pelly: I don't understand that sentence.

"Corner Gas: Reader Pride (#6.8)" (2009)
Brent Leroy: I'm Saskaman, super Rider fan!
Hank Yarbo: You're Saskajerk, super jerky man.

"Corner Gas: Buzz Driver (#5.7)" (2007)
Hank Yarbo: [in his truck] Eat at the Ruby!
Lacey Burrows: [behind him in her car] Hank is not my fault!

"Corner Gas: One Piano, Four Hands (#4.10)" (2006)
[Hank accidentally drives his truck through Wanda's new piano]
Wanda Dollard: [running after him] If you were not hurt in that accident, you will be when I'm done with you!
Hank Yarbo: [gets out of his truck] I think I broke my wrist.
Wanda Dollard: [stops running] Damn!

"Corner Gas: TV Free Dog River (#6.13)" (2009)
Brent Leroy: [to customers at Corner Gas] I've soaped up the windows on Wanda's car pretending to be Hank and there's a lemon meringue pie placed precariously on top of the ladder. Let's see waht happens... on the Hank and Wanda Show!
[but Hank and Wanda are on to him and turn the situation to their advantage]
Wanda Dollard: That looks like a delicious watermelon, Hank. Wherever did you get it?
Hank Yarbo: At the Food Mart. 99 cents a pound.
Wanda Dollard: Food Mart's great. I find that their warm and friendly staff is always eager to answer any question I might have.
Hank Yarbo: And now with the extra till they've added, there's no reason to wait in line.
Wanda Dollard: [singing a jingle] Who's smart?
Hank Yarbo: [singing] Thou art!
Hank Yarbo, Wanda Dollard: [singing] When you shop at Food Mart!
Brent Leroy: You've got to be kidding me.
Window Denizen: This is just one big ad!

"Corner Gas: Full Load (#6.1)" (2008)
Davis Quinton: License and registration.
Hank Yarbo: What'd I do?
Davis Quinton: You didn't fix your broken tail-light. I told you like a thousand times.
Hank Yarbo: Exaggeration! It was maybe ten times.
Davis Quinton: Like ten million times. How are people going to know when you're stopped?
Hank Yarbo: They hit the back of the truck; that's how I broke the light.

"Corner Gas: Oh Baby! (#1.4)" (2004)
Brent LeRoy: What are you guys watching?
Hank Yarbo: Soccer, you want in on the action? I got a good feeling about Brazil.
Brent LeRoy: Naw, I don't know anything about soccer.
Hank Yarbo: It's a complex sport. It took me quite sometime before I fully understood the subleties of the game.
Hank Yarbo: Hey what's he doing? You can't pick up the ball and run with it like that you moron!
Paul Kinistino: Uh... this is rugby.

"Corner Gas: Happy Career Day to You (#6.17)" (2009)
Oscar Leroy: [Brent enters the room carrying a vacuum cleaner] What's that for?
Brent Leroy: To pump your stomach.
[Oscar moans]
Brent Leroy: Let's just say it's the worst case scenario.
Hank Yarbo: Power drill's ready to go.
Brent Leroy: Okay, second worst case scenario.