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: There's something about you that I think not a lot of people know, and that is that you wanted to be a cartoonist. Hugh M. Hefner
: That's true, yes. Ricky
: You went the right way though, man. You did.
Hugh M. Hefner
: Because you grew up with this...
[gestures with Commander book
] Hugh M. Hefner
: ...you have problems with this.
[gestures with Codename book
] Donald Swan
: Well, if it were a separate thing, I don't care. But that it's based on this bothers me because I don't think these guys... this doesn't bother me. Hugh M. Hefner
: It doesn't? Schoolteacher and his nephew. That doesn't bother you at all?
: I don't deserve to be a pilot. I've let everybody down. Hugh M. Hefner
: Did you do the best you could? Quagmire
: Well, I was gonna, but I ended up getting laid instead. Hugh M. Hefner
: You know, that reminds me of what one young man once said: John Holmes, the greatest porn star who ever lived. He said, 'You know, I've got a 13-inch penis, and Glenn Quagmire is the best damn pilot I have ever seen.' Quagmire
: John Holmes said that? Hugh M. Hefner
: You bet he did, right before he died a very painful AIDS-related death from having unprotected sex with so many people.
Voice at Playboy Mansion
: [Through an intercom
] Listen, this is the Playboy Mansion, not a hotel. E.B.
: [Looking into a map
] I know, but it says 'Since 1971 the Playboy Mansion has been home to many sexy bunnies.' Voice at Playboy Mansion
: I can't even see you. Step closer. E.B.
: [Stepping closer, face still in map
] I'm just saying, I am a bunny and am incredibly sexy. Voice at Playboy Mansion
: I don't have time for this.
[Clicks intercom off
: Hello? Hello? Ugh, this must the rags part of my rags-to-riches story.