No Photo Available
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Oliver Deuce (Character)
from A Zed & Two Noughts (1985)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
A Zed & Two Noughts (1985)
Oswald Deuce: How fast does a woman decompose?
Oliver Deuce: Six months, maybe a year? Depends on the conditions.
Oswald Deuce: Does being pregnant make any difference?
Oliver Deuce: No.
Oswald Deuce: And the baby?
Oliver Deuce: How far gone was she?
Oswald Deuce: Perhaps ten weeks.
Oliver Deuce: Then you'd never know.
Oswald Deuce: [long pause] I cannot stand the idea of her rotting away.
[short pause]
Oswald Deuce: What is the first thing that happens?
Oliver Deuce: The first thing that happens is bacteria set to work in the intestine.
Oswald Deuce: What sort of bacteria?
Oliver Deuce: [matter-of-factly] Bicosis populi. There are supposed to be 130,000 bicoses in each lick of a human tongue; 250,000 in a french kiss. First exchanged at the very beginning of creation when Adam kissed Eve.
Oswald Deuce: Suppose Eve kissed Adam.
Oliver Deuce: Unlikely. She used her first 100,000 on the apple.

Oliver Deuce: Pregnant women are notoriously unreliable. Especially when they're trying to procure an abortion.

Alba Bewick: I am about to become a mother, and you are about to become a father... or fathers.
Oswald Deuce: You what?
Oliver Deuce: You are?
Alba Bewick: I am.
Oswald Deuce: Good lord.
Oliver Deuce: You can?
Alba Bewick: Of course! Is leglessness a form of contraception?
Oswald Deuce: I'm not sure.
Alba Bewick: You're not sure!
Oswald Deuce: I'm delighted!
Alba Bewick: You are delighted!
[suspiciously]
Alba Bewick: A pregnant cripple and you are delighted? Think of what it will do to my sense of balance!
Oswald Deuce: It might help! Give you more stability.
Alba Bewick: Then you recommend it? Recommendation's one thing. A womb on crutches is another.
Oliver Deuce: So... who's the father?
Alba Bewick: Well, well, well. Why don't you discuss it between yourselves?
Oliver Deuce: Why, don't you know?
Alba Bewick: Grand dieu! Does an animal behaviorist need to ask such questions? As far as I'm concerned, you both are.
Oswald Deuce: But you...
Alba Bewick: NO BUTS!
[smiling]
Alba Bewick: You're brothers, aren't you? What's a few spermatozoa among brothers!