Spanky Ham
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Quotes for
Spanky Ham (Character)
from "Drawn Together" (2004)

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"Drawn Together: The Lemon AIDS Walk (#2.12)" (2006)
Spanky Ham: All right, team, let's make these guys eat shuttlecock.

Wooldoor Sockbat: [after Clara replaced his job with Spanky] How could you guys? How could you?
[Wooldoor starts crying and runs away]
Spanky Ham: I feel so guilty.
Princess Clara: Me too. Poor Wooldoor.

"Drawn Together: Lost in Parking Space: Part One (#3.7)" (2006)
Spanky Ham: You pathetic fools! Now we're all gonna die!
Excludie: Even me?!
Spanky Ham: No! Not you, Excludie! Now, here's a blanket and a thermos of delicious hot cocoa.
Excludie: Aww...
[walks off]

"Drawn Together: Captain Girl (#2.9)" (2006)
Wooldoor Sockbat: This doesn't make sense... How do you horribly "penis" someone?
Spanky Ham: Alright, but I'm only gonna show you this one more time...
[he says as he starts unzipping his shorts]

"Drawn Together: Terms of Endearment (#2.8)" (2006)
Spanky Ham: Foxxy's a minstrel, Captain Hero's in a wheelchair,
Spanky Ham: I just crapped myself! It's a Holy freakin' Trinity!

"Drawn Together: Clum Babies (#2.5)" (2005)
Larry the Tomato: This wasn't part of the plan! We agreed nobody would get hurt!
[Bob the Cucumber shoots Larry the Tomato]
Spanky Ham: Holy sh*t! Bob the Cucumber has gone crazy!
Bob the Cucumber: Is this crazy?
Spanky Ham: No, please!
[Bob the Cucumber shoots Spanky]

"Drawn Together: Hot Tub (#1.1)" (2004)
Spanky Ham: [to Xandir] Hey, Dungeons and Doushbags, you're up.

"Drawn Together: Lost in Parking Space: Part Two (#3.8)" (2008)
Xandir P Whifflebottom: There is hope. As long as we're together. Drawn-
Spanky Ham: If you say "Drawn Together", I swear to Christ I'm going to cave your skull in with a tyre iron and eat what drips out!
Xandir P Whifflebottom: All right. Fair enough.

"Drawn Together: Xandir and Tim, Sitting in a Tree... (#2.11)" (2006)
Spanky Ham: All right TV Reviewer, you've gone too far! And who are you to tell us - WHAT THE HELL!
Spanky Ham: No wonder you hate the show. You're everything we make fun of.
Spanky Ham: You're a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Asian Lesbian broad who cuts herself.
Spanky Ham: So, maybe somebody who doesn't happen to be a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Indian lesbian broad who cuts herself, might not be offended by the show.
Spanky Ham: Yes! But people should know you're not our audience, asshole!

"Drawn Together: Alzheimer's That Ends Well (#2.14)" (2006)
Spanky Ham: [in a sarcastic tone] Ooh, look at me. I'm old. I don't know what DVDs are.