Master Shake
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Quotes for
Master Shake (Character)
from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" (2000)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Broodwich (#2.16)" (2003)
Master Shake: Who are you?... What is this?
The Voice: It is the Broodwich, forged in darkness from wheat harvested in Hell's half-acre, baked by Beelzebub, slathered with mayonnaise beaten from the evil eggs of dark chicken forced into sauce by the hands of a one-eyed madman, cheese boiled from the rancid teat of a fanged cow, layered with six-hundred and sixty-six separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood!
Frylock: [long pause] See... told ya.
Master Shake: I tasted mustard.
The Voice: Yeah... DIJON mustard!

Master Shake: [to Frylock] Why does everything have to be a federal case with you?

Master Shake: I haven't paid taxes in six years, and I'm not getting busted by a damn sandwich.

Master Shake: Well, how come no bacon?
The Voice: Bacon is extra.
Master Shake: You call this a sandwich, you don't have bacon on it?
The Voice: There are no swine evil enough to sacrifice upon a bed of EVIL!
[pause]
The Voice: And lettuce.
[longer pause]
The Voice: BED OF EVIL AND LETTUCE!

Master Shake: Don't you touch those! They're in mint condition, and they're gonna stay that way!
Meatwad: I'll touch 'em all the way to the trash can is what I'll do...
Master Shake: You touch those and your G.I. Joes are gonna be M.I.A. my friend! and then who's gonna call Little Momma Joe, to tell her that her boy ain't coming home? Cause SOMEBODY was asleep on guard duty!

Frylock: [after Shake has dug up half the yard] I told you, fourteen inches!
Master Shake: You tell me a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I have to listen.

Master Shake: I must say... bacon aside, this is the best damn sandwich I've ever had in my life.

Master Shake: Are you the guy that keeps telling me to beware? 'Cause I'll tell you where to be... out of my sight!

Frylock: That's... the Broodwich!
Meatwad: The boob witch?
Frylock: No no, Meatwad, the Broodwich, the Broodwich!
Meatwad: Wait... wait, say what?
Frylock: Broodwich!
Meatwad: The Blair Witch is here?
Frylock: No no, the Broodwich!
Master Shake: I'll tell you what it is, friends... it's shut up and let me eat it.

The Voice: [confetti falls as ecstatic music plays] CONGRATULATIONS! You've passed the test! You've landed on the last temptation of the Broodwich!
Master Shake: Really? What do I win?
Master Shake: [the prize is a skeleton wife] Hell no, I'm not marrying this bag of bones!
The Voice: Seriously?
Master Shake: Yes. Seriously.
The Voice: [pause, then music and confetti] Allllright, congratulations! I know I that said the last one was it, but THAT was the last temptation of the Broodwich! You passed again! You're something else!
Master Shake: Yes, I am! What do I win now?
The Voice: FREE BRAIN SURGERY!
Master Shake: NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BABY! Hey, wait a minute...
The Voice: [Shake is lobotomized and drooling] Now eat 'em!

Frylock: Shake, get rid of the damn sandwich. If you keep it here, you're gonna eat it, then you're gonna die.
Master Shake: No I won't. I don't need a stupid sandwich. I don't need a sandwich... I need this ladder. Excuse me please.
[climbs up ladder to sandwich]
Master Shake: I'm not gonna eat the whole thing.
[teleports to some guy with an axe]
Master Shake: See?
[the guy starts to swing his axe]
Master Shake: Oh God!
[teleports back home]
Master Shake: Okay, look. This is irritating.

Frylock: I read a very disturbing article about this sandwich. In...
[falters]
Frylock: ... the Bible.
The Voice: No. You probably saw a piece in Vogue.
Frylock: I doubt it. I don't... I don't read that.
The Voice: Heidi Klum was on the cover. You know, the "Broodwich" issue!
Frylock: [sighs] ... Okay, yes. It was Vogue.
Master Shake: [chuckling] You read all this in VOGUE?
The Voice: Our PR department is awesome!
Master Shake: That's a GIRL magazine! I hope you were at the dentist, Frylock!
Frylock: It just comes to the house! I don't...
Master Shake: [laughing] Of course it comes!
[screaming]
Master Shake: WHEN YOU ORDER IT, YOU BIG FAT LADY!

Master Shake: Are you the guys tellin' me to beware, because I'll tell you where to be.

Frylock: Oh my god, that's no ordinary sandwich Shake!
Master Shake: Oh my god, oh my... do you ever have anything good to say, it's a free sandwich!
Frylock: it's not a sandwich at all Shake... it's the Broodwich.

Master Shake: [Meatwad flashes back from the Broodwich realm] Hey! How'd you like Mr. Sticks? He was a real treat wasn't he?
Meatwad: Yeah Jerry says you guys had a little run in, but he's a decent guy once you get to know him.
Master Shake: *Bullcrap!* I know that guy was all over you with his axe!
Meatwad: Nah, that don't sound like Jerry. Now the Jerry I know took me to Merry Christmas.
Meatwad: [pause] Which is a strip club! Merry Triple-X-mas... you see what I'm sayin'? You see what I'm sayin'?
Master Shake: Gimme that sandwich!
[gobbles the Broodwich and disappears]
Frylock: Wow, so you're saying it was fun?
Meatwad: Hell no! That sumbitch had an axe!


Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007)
Master Shake: [flexing] Hooah, lookit these guns!
[fart]
Master Shake: Oops. I just pooped a little bit.

Master Shake: We're here to throw down!

Master Shake: Now this square is the... man.
Meatwad: Ok.
Master Shake: This circle here, that's a uterus.
Meatwad: That's what it looks like?
Master Shake: Up close yes this is lifelike drawing of the uterus. See the guy takes the car after his job to pick up the uterus at her house...
Meatwad: Mmhmm.
Master Shake: because she doesn't work unless she's sweeping up something.
Meatwad: Wel... and where do they go?
Master Shake: All the way... to a hotel... which definitely has cable... and that's where this trapezoid becomes hmm shall we say... hahaha entangled with the exposed and aerated crotches.
Meatwad: And that there is the exposed crotches?
Master Shake: I told you that's the chair and the spatula.
Meatwad: I knew it.
Master Shake: Congratulate yourself my friend... you have just been laid.
Meatwad: Ooh... that feels good.
Master Shake: Yeah, I never tire of it.

Frylock: Oh what, you've never seen a bra before?
Master Shake: Not with the BOOB MEAT inside of it!

[to a creaturezoid in a tank of water]
Master Shake: What's a matter? Too faggy to come and get me?
[creaturezoid gets angry and starts pounding against the tank]

Master Shake: That's what gets me off.

Master Shake: And so Frylock is with us... in a manner of speaking... but he would never recover his smartness. That's why I have to cut up his food for him.

[Frylock has died]
Time Lincoln: You know, I don't advertise this, but I can bring him back to life.
Master Shake: Ha ha! Yeah right! I bet you can't!
Time Lincoln: Oh yeah? How much you wanna bet, bro?

Master Shake: [after beating on the Insanoflex egg with a crowbar which has hatched a baby Insanoflex] See, I get shit done!

Frylock: Shake, not all women are into muscles.
Master Shake: Well, the beautiful ones are. The ones in Miami.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Bowl (#2.3)" (2003)
Master Shake: [Meatwad just won tickets to the Super Bowl in a bag of chips] Give me those! Those are mine, I won them!
Meatwad: I bought the bag! I get the bag and everything inside the bag!
Master Shake: And you have the bag.
[Puts Meatwad into bag]
Master Shake: Look, you're a deep sea diver. Go drink some salt water.
Frylock: Shake, Meatwad bought the chips. The tickets are his.
Master Shake: [hits wall] Well, is that right?
Frylock: Yeah, that's right.
Master Shake: Well, no one escapes the... from... the... Alcatraz!

[Shake buys Meatwad a moped to get him to take him to the Superbowl]
Master Shake: Hey, look who just got a mini-bike!
Meatwad: Look who just insulted me with this ten-horsepower piece of crap. You think I'm a child?
Master Shake: Don't look at the streamers, look at the frame. This is a man's bike.
Meatwad: Keep her cranked. Let me go get my dolly.

Meatwad: [Meatwad has just described his trip to the Super Bowl, which sounds really similiar to that of taking a trip to a farm] Yep, Super Bowl's are fun. We got bragging rights this year! Number one...
Master Shake: Who?
Meatwad: Number one!
Master Shake: Who? Who's 'Number one'?
Meatwad: I dunno...
Master Shake: YOU DON'T KNOW? Because you went to a fucking FARM you fucking imbecile! Get back here, you cost me my one chance! I got fucking DIABETES and CANCER because of you!

Master Shake: Who, who's number one?
Meatwad: I don't know.
Master Shake: You don't know, because you wouldn't blew a f***ing fine you f***ing imbusule, come back here you cost me my one chance! I got f***ing diabetes and cancer because of you.

Master Shake: [to Meatwad] I got fucking diabetes and cancer because of you!

Master Shake: You lookin' for somethin'?
Meatwad: Just everlasting peace.

Master Shake: Hey, stay away from my buddy! He's *my* good friend! But if you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it up and down.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Total Re-Carl (#2.12)" (2003)
[Meatwad has placed numerous eyes in his head]
Meatwad: Look at me, I'm Shaun Cassidy!
Master Shake: Ha! Good one. What the hell are you talking about?
Meatwad: Well, you know, he was a Hardy boy, and they was private eyes... plus, he had like ten eyes in his head.

[Carl's body is made entirely of eyeballs]
Carl: Let me see a mirror.
Master Shake: Here you go, "Shaun Cassidy".
Carl: [seeing his reflection] Ohhh! Gross!
Master Shake: What are you, an idiot? You never heard of Shaun Cassidy?

Meatwad: I just can't go, you know, with people watching.
Master Shake: We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years, and it will continue to work.

Master Shake: Mail call! Frylock, letter for you! Meatwad... get a life!

Master Shake: Well, look. I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Cause if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.

Frylock: [after placing Carl's head on the machine] I give you the ultimate in military hardware! Complete with laser cannon, indestructible titanium exoskeleton, and motion activated plasma pulse rifles.
Master Shake: And you're gonna plug him in?
Frylock: You're right. Damn, what the hell was I thinking?
Meatwad: Fudge.
Frylock: That's not an F-bomb.
Meatwad: Fudge you.

Master Shake: Will he be able to chase us? 'Cause if I woke up looking like that I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Dickesode (#4.4)" (2006)
Master Shake: Ding dong, the dick is dead, Carl!

Meatwad: Hey y'all, look at this! Just rip it and win!
[rips the bottom off his cup, spilling soda everywhere]
Frylock: Oh what'd you win Meatwad?
Meatwad: [holding the bottom of his cup excitedly] 20 cents off my next Wasabi fries, all right! You see, they fill the fries with wasabi sauce through hot tubs of meat...
Frylock: [impatiently] I know Meatwad, I know! I saw the ad too.
Meatwad: Yeah, and they're good too!
Frylock: Yeah, I'm sure they're not.
Meatwad: [to Mastershake] Do yours, rip it and win!
Master Shake: [knocks over his 85-gallon cup of soda, which sends Meatwad flying out of the shot. He then rips off the bottom of his cup] 20 cents off the next order of wasabi fries!
Meatwad: You see, they fill the french fry up with wasabi sauce, and...
Master Shake: Yeah, we know ok? We know!
Meatwad: See what you win Carl!
Carl: [rips off the bottom of his cup and reads slowly] Uh... tonight you will get your dick ripped off.
[pauses]
Carl: That doesn't sound right does it?

Commercial Voiceover: [a Wong Burger commercial is being shown on Master Shake's television] Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win!
[rips off the bottom of the cup and soda pours out]
Commercial Voiceover: Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
[spoken quickly as a crawl runs quickly on the screen]
Commercial Voiceover: Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Carl: Right there! Right there, did you hear that?
Meatwad: Oh yeah, about them teriyaki fries?
Carl: No no no no no, the last part, the low fast part! Rewind, go back!
Meatwad: We ain't got no Tivo, see.
Master Shake: That was live, Carl.
Meatwad: But we can still go back, through the power of imagination!
Master Shake: I like the way you're thinking. Go get your puppets!
Meatwad: Okay.
[leaves the room]
Master Shake: This is gold!
[Meatwad takes a few minutes to get his puppets, and Carl, Master Shake, and Frylock exchange glances while music from the TV plays until Meatwad returns with a pair of crude puppets made from a sock and an oven mitt]
Master Shake: Alright, let's go. Roll it.
Meatwad: [with the puppets] Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win! Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
[pauses, than says quickly]
Meatwad: Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Carl: Friggin knew he said that! I KNEW he said that!
Meatwad: What, about the teriyaki fries?

Frylock: Hang on hang on hang on. I have a better plan. Meatwad, you've got a big dick right?
Meatwad: Oh yeah, huge. But I need it...
[smiles devilishly]
Meatwad: ... for tonight!
Frylock: But it's detachable, and that helps us!
Master Shake: [angrily] No! No way I am having a dick made of hamburger!
Frylock: I'm not giving it to you!
Master Shake: Good! Cuz I don't need it! Cuz I'm HUGE... between the legs!
Meatwad: Who wants to see my dick?
[sounds of meat being pressed together are heard, while Frylock, Master Shake, and Carl bug their eyes out]
Meatwad: See, Dick Nixon!
[Meatwad has transformed into a statue of Abraham Lincoln holding a sword]
Meatwad: Ol' Tricky Dick!

Frylock: [wearing a surgical mask] You can get up now Carl, I think we're done.
Carl: [moaning] Oh man...
Frylock: Feel alright?
Carl: Where'd you get these painkillers from? They're awesome!
Frylock: Yeah maybe you should... just like... use pills forever.
Carl: [the camera zooms up Carl's body, revealing him to be looking in a mirror while dressed in women's clothing, wearing nails and a wig, and with a scar near his forehead while sexy music plays] Yeah you're right. This was a very bad idea.
Master Shake: Hey Carlina, wow!
Carl: Oh yeah, I get it. Yeah, you put me under, dressed me as a woman, took pictures of me. Laugh's on me, huh?
Frylock: Well no Carl, see heh, you're not just dressed like a woman.
Carl: Oh do go on, please!
Frylock: Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it!
Carl: So the blood stain
[on his crotch]
Carl: is just... what is that me having my period I guess? Heh heh heh...
Frylock: Well it could be, or it could just be the spot where I snipped your dick off...
Meatwad: You're taking pretty good Carl. Kudos.
Carl: Seem like this whole thing kinda defeats the purpose, ya know?
Frylock: Yep, and what I just did was a very bad idea.
Carl: Ya think maybe I could have my dick back? Oh wait, you know what? Maybe you should keep my dick, so you could uh... hump yourself!
[storms off]
Master Shake: Technically that would not be doing yourself, just for the record.

Master Shake: [Frylock, Meatwad, and Carl are all carrying a giant soda drink cup out of Wongburger's. After they place it down on the pavement, Mastershake comes out of the restaurant pushing a handcart] Whew! Was that thing heavy?
Frylock: Damn it Shake, did you have to order the Superize Trough?
Master Shake: Hydration is essential...
[begins drinking through the straw on the cup]
Master Shake: ... oh, that's so good...
[sips again]
Master Shake: ... and I need 85...
[takes a sip that lasts ten seconds]
Master Shake: ... gallons of soda per day, and plus!
[sips again]
Master Shake: it comes with the edible handcart!
[holds up handcart he pushed out and takes a bite out of the wheel]
Master Shake: The tires are chocolate!

Master Shake: Aw, dick!
Frylock: Shake.
Master Shake: Everywhere I turn, it's dicks!
Mr. Wongburger: INTRUDERS! Stop them!
Rice Henchmen: Close the dick gate!
Mr. Wongburger: What are you doing, touching my dicks?
Frylock: You can't just run around, ripping out people's dicks to make a giant Dick Ship!
Mr. Wongburger: I have an advanced dick-ree in dick-nology!
Frylock: You're a madman, Wongburger! The ship will never fly!
Mr. Wongburger: Well, how else am I supposed to get home?
Frylock: Call someone to pick you up.
Mr. Wongburger: I will.
Master Shake: Hey. I got to know which one of these is Carl's.
Frylock: It don't matter. Just get one.
Master Shake: YOU grab one! I'm not touching those dicks.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Cloning (#2.23)" (2003)
Frylock: Where do you think our TVs come from?
Master Shake: Jesus?
Meatwad: No. It's Santa Claus.
Master Shake: It's the same thing.
Meatwad: No, it ain't. And I should know. I'm Jewish.
[pause]
Meatwad: From this day forward.

Shake: What the...? This closet used to be full of TVs!
Meatwad: Cause you keep breaking them.
Shake: Cause you keep pissing me off!

Meatwad: Hey, you're on the TV!
Master Shake: Yeah, I know. This is my sitcom...
Evil TV Shake: I'm in your house!
Master Shake: ...With the science fiction, horror twist.

Master Shake: There is something wrong with that TV.
Frylock: There is nothing wrong with that TV.
[TV starts gushing blood]
Frylock: Okay, there is something wrong with that TV.

Master Shake: I'm not in the business of seeing whatever pleases you!
Meatwad: Well I'm in business.
[under his breath]
Meatwad: Business of kicking your ass, and let me tell ya, business is booming. I'm open for business, business of giving you the business... up your butt.
Meatwad: [Meatwad looks up and sees Master Shake with a baseball bat] Did you hear me say that?
Master Shake: You looking to expand your business?
Meatwad: [runs away] Business is closed!

George Washington: [the Aqua Teens are on the verge of murdering each other after cloning millions of dollar bills] I come bearing a message. Great Britain sought taxes from the colonies, and they paid for their greed with blood. Now do you understand the price of avarice?
Master Shake: Blow him away, Frylock.
George Washington: Wait!
Frylock: [destroys George Washington with his shotgun] Man, we should have cloned twenties. Jackson wouldn't have given a shit.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Rabbot (#1.1)" (2000)
Master Shake: Good morning Carl. How's it goin'?
Carl: Oh yeah, good morning to you, Mr. Food Monster. This is how it's goin'. Look at my FRICKIN' CAR. It is crushed to bejeezus and back.
Master Shake: [stares at wrecked car] Have you gotten any estimates?

Master Shake: A car cannot be killed. It was murdered.

Master Shake: [has just stomped on Meatwad's jambox] Dancing is forbidden!

Master Shake: Dancing is forbidden!

Master Shake: I was not put on this earth to listen to meat!

Master Shake: Good morning, Carl! How's it going?
Carl: Oh hey there, Mr. Food Monster, this is how it's going! My car has been crushed, the Bejesus and back!
Master Shake: Carl, it's okay! It's cool, man! I'm a detective. Clear the crime scene and let me think!
[a pause; Shake inhales]
Master Shake: Meteors did it! That'll be twenty dollars.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Ol' Drippy (#1.7)" (2002)
[Master Shake has made a mess of the kitchen. Frylock has sent him to the store to buy cleaning supplies]
Frylock: [pulls out an aerosol can] What? Wait a second - is this cheese?
Master Shake: Yeah.
Frylock: How are you gonna clean the kitchen with cheese, Shake?
Master Shake: We don't... look, that room is dead to me now. How about we make the living room the new kitchen? Huh? Now, I know what some of you may be thinking: Shake, where's the stove?
[Pours gasoline on the armchair and sets it on fire]
Master Shake: Here it is!

[Ol' Drippy has bought lattes for everyone except Shake]
Master Shake: Hey, where's mine?
Ol' Drippy: Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't know you were here.
Master Shake: Go get me one. No wait, just give me yours.
Frylock: Shake, that's rude!
Master Shake: He's being rude to me! He bought the lattes! And that's rude... introducing them to this environment!

Ol' Drippy: Here, lick my head.
Master Shake: Here, kiss my ass!

Master Shake: [eating Ol' Drippy's head] Keep your eyes open, Meatwad. I wanna horrify you into a coma.

[Master Shake is trying to get out of cleaning up the kitchen]
Master Shake: That room is dead to me. Let's burn down the kitchen and use the living room as a kitchen from now on. Look, here's our stove.
[sets the couch on fire]


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Bus of the Undead (#1.3)" (2001)
Carl: Look, all I know is that this cord was plugged into my house and your house was glowing like the freakin' sun. So, I put two and two together there and decided that you're pissing me off.
Master Shake: Oh, we are so sorry, Carl. And it will probably never happen again. Can we have our cord back?
Carl: No, no. I'll just keep it there since it's uh, mine anyways.

[repeated line]
Master Shake: Well... Dracula called, and he's coming tonight for you, and I said okay.

Master Shake: [answering phone] Hellooo.
Mothmonsterman: Yeah, why did you throw molding at me?
Master Shake: What do you want from me?
Mothmonsterman: I want the light turned on.
Master Shake: [shouts] I don't have the blood you crave!
[Shake starts sobbing]
Mothmonsterman: Blood... ah... chch... No, I don't want the blood. I really want to see the light turned on, alright? Now, if I don't have it on by nightfall...
[honks bus horn]
Mothmonsterman: I'm gonna lay on this horn... bigtime, alright? Then I will probably call you back.
Master Shake: To suck my blood?
Mothmonsterman: Yyyeah... Sure.

Meatwad: I hear the sounds of wings on the roof. It's the Tooth Fairy.
Master Shake: What, is she coming for your one tooth? She won't, since I'm gonna kick it outta your head while you're asleep.
[Meatwad starts crying]

Mothmonsterman: [the Teens come home to find Mothmonsterman on thier couch watching TV] Oh hey. Where you guys been?
Master Shake: [angrily] Memphis.
Mothmonsterman: Really?
Master Shake: Yes!
Mothmonsterman: That's awesome! How was it?
Master Shake: [suddenly friendly] Oh it was great! They light up the bridge, and we had fried catfish.
Meatwad: When did you have fried catfish?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Birthday Snake (#2.1)" (2003)
Master Shake: Oh shut up, you drunk!
Meatwad: Oh, so you just decide that I'm drunk? You can't decide. I make that decision.

Shake: That's a deep kiss too, like the Europeans. You know, the French, they have to unhinge their jaw to show love.

Meatwad: [Frylock's Nightmare] You killed us! I told you not to do it but you did it!... Anyways!
Frylock: No! No, I didn't!
Master Shake: Yes, you did.
Frylock: No, I didn't!
Carl: YOU DID!
Meatwad: YES YOU DID!
Frylock: No... I didn't.
Master Shake: Wait a minute, did you just to say that you did, because that's what you did.
Frylock: No, I didn't!
Meatwad: BUT YOU DID!

Master Shake: [dragging a ridiculously long box into the house] Hey, Meatwad! Your birthday rabbit came!
Meatwad: Well, where is it? Lemme see! Wow... must be a really big bunny!
Master Shake: Sure is!
[grunts and struggles to get the box inside]
Meatwad: Hurry up! I ain't got all day!
Master Shake: [stops andstarts pushing the box back outside] No. No, I don't think so...
Meatwad: Hey, now! Wait a minute!
Master Shake: ...because you seem to think I'm some kind of slave now, is that it?
Meatwad: I'm sorry, you can bring the bunny rabbit in here. Now, I need it!
Master Shake: And you can have it! It's *your* snake!
Meatwad: [pause] My snake? But...
Master Shake: Snake...
Meatwad: But you said you got me a rabbit.
Master Shake: ...rabbit. Yes, well... why don't you look inside the box first instead of flying off the handle like this?
Meatwad: [opens box and a snake slithers out] That ain't no damn bunny rabbit!
Master Shake: Well, whaddya know? It's a snake!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Clowning (#2.20)" (2003)
Carl: How did you frickin' get in here?
Master Shake: Powers. I have 'em!

Frylock: Shake, were you even listening to me?
Master Shake: I have to! Because I get yelled at if I don't!

Master Shake: You're being rude to me. Don't chain me down with your manners.

Carl: I couldn't help but notice when we made eye contact... I really like your shoes, try laughter, laughter is a good thing. Screw this, this is lame. Hey! I saw you checking out my goods! You want a sample? A little try-before-you-buy, eh? Come here, bitch, stand and deliver!
Master Shake: Get over here bitch, please.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Revenge of the Trees (#2.13)" (2003)
Master Shake: We're flash frying this mutha!

Master Shake: Carl! Take it up!
Carl Brutananadilewski: With pleasure.
Master Shake: Whoah! Whoah! Whoah! Whoah! You take it up too high how am I gonna inject the cheese?
Frylock: The cheese?
Carl Brutananadilewski: Oh yes! What is that, cheddar or pepper jack?
Master Shake: Both.
Carl Brutananadilewski: You are the man!
Master Shake: There's pork in there too. See, I rolled it in ranch dressing then force fed it to her. How do you think she died, natural causes?
Carl Brutananadilewski: This is gonna be so good!
Frylock: Yeck! Well y'all go on ahead and have your little heart attack. Meatwad and I are gonna have us a healthy labor day. Ain't that right Meatwad?
Meatwad: Yeah, I'll do that when I'm dead. Inject me with some cheese!
Master Shake: Submerge! It's gonna take a minute Carl. We've just gotta hope that the bowels don't release after hitting the hot oil.

Master Shake: Frylock, I'm telling you, that's not me in that video... 'Cuz that's nothing! There's nothing up there! What the hell is, this is bark!

Frylock: So uhh what are you going to with all that oil?
Master Shake: Well, I guess gee, what will we do with a vat of hot oil? I'm gonna tip it over.
[Begins to tip the vat of oil]
Frylock: Whooa whoaa whoa whoa! We're not doing that.
Master Shake: Look, relax. I am respectful of my Earth Mother. Now let's tip.
[Starts to tip it again]
Frylock: You're not doing that, Shake! Look, that oil needs to be disposed of properly.
Master Shake: You know the river is over 2 miles from here?
Frylock: The river is not where it goes! They have special places that will take this, and one of them is right down the street.
Master Shake: Thank you, Stephanie.
[walking away]
Master Shake: Why don't you go do your nails? The men are eating.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: MC Pee Pants (#1.9)" (2002)
Master Shake: I should not walk, so that a child may live.
Frylock: [merely stares]
Master Shake: That's what it does!
Frylock: GET UP!

Meatwad: [concerning the fate of M.C. Peepants] Well, wherever he is...
Master Shake: He's in Hell!
Meatwad: Well, wherever THAT is...
Master Shake: It's a fiery pit of unpleasantness in the center of the Earth...
Meatwad: OK! Well wherever THAT is, and do not say anything...

Carl: By the way, you wouldn't happen to know who's been playin "I Want Candy" for a frickin' *week*?
Frylock: It was your other neighbors.
Master Shake: Meatwad.
Carl: Ohh, it doesn't matter now, because now it won't go away, unless I blow it out ?
[shouts]
Carl: with a bullet!

Shake: [singing, playing guitar while Meatwad plays MC Pee Pants in the background] You make me feel... emotional... Meatwad, turn that down!
[Meatwad's music stops]
Shake: Kissin' you...
[Meatwad's music resumes]
Shake: Dammit! That's it! I'm coming back there...
Frylock: Shake, put that down.
Shake: Look, I am out there trying to write new material...
Frylock: Shake, you don't even have old material.
Shake: [breaks guitar] Now who has the material? Nobody! Because HE just made me do this!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The (#2.22)" (2003)
Master Shake: Okay, but when we go in, watch your step.
Frylock: Why?
Meatwad: [explosion] Damn!

Master Shake: Chickens are a vital link in nature's chain, and that's why we use them to play chicken-ball in the house.

Frylock: Meatwad, how are you doing?
Meatwad: Oh, Frylock, hey! I'm very...
[whispers]
Meatwad: Can I tell you the truth?
Master Shake: Meatwad!
Meatwad: I'm very good!
Master Shake: If you're that good, maybe you should be putting some more foam on that fire. I'm not an Eskimo over here, you know.
Frylock: Well your face looks all... puffy.
Meatwad: No, no, I'm just tired. I fell down some stairs.
Frylock: We don't have any stairs, Meatwad.
Master Shake: He said he fell down some stairs, he fell down some stairs. People get clumsy sometimes. Is there a problem here?
Frylock: He's sick, Shake. And so are you.
Master Shake: Well he's supposed to be next door harvesting the crops. Picking our dinner. See, we're farming now, we're farmers. It's an honest life.
Meatwad: We ain't got no holly leaves over there, we ate that whole bush yesterday. That's why the bathroom hurt so bad!
Master Shake: Well what else did you plant over there?
Meatwad: I ain't planted nothing.
Master Shake: That's why you fall down the stairs all the time!

Frylock: [sniffs] Ooh, GOD! The house smells AWFUL!
Master Shake: [makes a big show of talking through a gas mask, then finally pulls it off and exhales deeply] Ohhhh, God Almighty! I said, "I know, the house smells awful!"
Frylock: Well, WHY? Why does it smell that way?
Master Shake: Did we have to go to that tone, already? You start off so nice.
Frylock: Look, all right, I'm sorry, okay? Just explain. PLEASE. WHY?
Master Shake: Well, this is what I did, see.
[pause]
Master Shake: You know how the flies have been a problem?
Frylock: ...No, I don't.
Master Shake: And you know how I left all that meat out because I saw Mr. David Lynch on TV doing it, and he got on TV from doing it, and I did it and I didn't get on TV from doing it?
Frylock: [angrily] No, I don't remember that.
Master Shake: WELL, I DID. And of course, because of this, you get rats!
Frylock: [groans] SO WHY DOES THE HOUSE SMELL?
Master Shake: I'm not DONE! Now look, when we go in there...
[pause]
Master Shake: ...you gotta watch where you step.
Frylock: [even angrier] And why is that?
Meatwad: [an explosion is heard from in the house] DAMN!
Master Shake: ...That is part of the reason.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Shaving (#2.15)" (2003)
Master Shake: You are the *gayest* monster since GAY came to *Gaytown*!
Willie Nelson: Woooooooah... Easy! Whe-Where's this comin' from?
Master Shake: No! Let's get down to it! What I *say* is very *baffling*!
Frylock: Hey, hey! Woah, woah, woah, woah, *woah*, you two! We don't want any trouble here, now, okay?
Willie Nelson: Naw, I'm with you! I don't think violence solves anything.
Master Shake: [shouts] God, you're gay! You don't think violence *solves* anything? What kinda monster are you?
Willie Nelson: Look, I'm... I'm pretty... hardcore. I mean... I've been know to..."Do a number" on plenty of "cats."
Master Shake: Do a number? Yeah, I bet you "do a number"... In your *tights*... on *Broadway*. Which is where you *moved* to, after you left Texas Chainsaw Mascara... where you're *from*!

Master Shake: [to Frylock] Look who just ruined Halloween... You know, you're like an A-Bomb. Everyone's laughin', havin' a good time, and then you show up. BOOM! Everything's dead.

Master Shake: No! Let's get right down to it. What I say is very baffling.

Master Shake: [to Willie] You are the gayest monster since gay came to Gay-town!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Dumber Dolls (#1.10)" (2002)
Master Shake: [referring to Happy Time Harry] Frylock, you stay away from that doll with the red shoes, if you know what's good for you.

[Shake is going to jump off a cliff so he can become a Highlander]
Frylock: Shake wait. The Highlander was just a movie.
Master Shake: No, Frylock, The Highlander was a documentary, and events happened in real time.

Master Shake: Excuse me, I need to pray.

Master Shake: [lifts a sword] There can be only one!
Meatwad: [a bolt of lightning strikes the sword. Shake falls over and catches on fire] Be grillin' tonight.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Universal Remonster (#2.11)" (2003)
[Frylock puts the TV in the crawlspace]
Frylock: You know, I think I've finally found a good use for the TV.
Master Shake: You put that right back upstairs!
Frylock: No.
Master Shake: Well, then, you help me move down my chair down here so I can watch it. HERE!
Frylock: No, I won't.
Master Shake: Uh... well... I will pee all over my pants, and THEN who's gonna end up looking bad? Huh?
Frylock: You just stay down here with your TV and f*cking shove it.
Master Shake: [calls after Frylock] ... Well, maybe I WILL!

Frylock: Shake, how many TVs have you broken this year?
Master Shake: A *lot* more than *you* have!

Frylock: Shake, did you hear those chains rattling?
Master Shake: Oh, did that frighten YOU? Hey, check this out!
[the Universal Remonster throws a chain into Meatwad's room]
Meatwad: AHHHHHHHH! no, the chains! FROM MY DREAMS!

Meatwad: [after being terrorized by Shake using the Remonster to thrash all his stuff around] Hey, did y'all see a ghost pass through here? 'Cause I been hoping like hell that he's gone...
Master Shake: He probably went to the store to get some more food for his demons.
Meatwad: Ohh, are you serious?
Master Shake: You DO know where the demon food store is, right?
Meatwad: What are you talking about?
Master Shake: It's right BEHIND YOU!
Meatwad: [horrified] OHHHHH NOOO!
Master Shake: You're IN IT!
Meatwad: I'M IN THE STORE?
Master Shake: You're in the demon produce aisle!
[Meatwad runs screaming from the house]


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Gee Whiz (#3.4)" (2004)
Master Shake: [Typing on the computer] Search for "tooth and plaque conspiracy..."
[pause]
Master Shake: and "Metallica."
Meatwad: And Backstreet Boys.

Frylock: [to Meatwad] YOU'RE. NOT. PREGNANT.
Master Shake: Of course he is! Now I can wail on you for two!

Master Shake: All right, you see the homeless guy up there in the gridwork? Not him. It's above him.
Frylock: Nuh-uhhh... I don't see anything but wood. I mean, it's just woodgrain...
Master Shake: It's right in the butt of the gun. Lookit the butt of the gun.
Frylock: I'm lookin' at the butt of the gun. I don't see nothin' but the gun.
Master Shake: What the hell's the mat - hey! Yo! Choch! Show my dumb friend over here where Gee Whiz is, willya?
Homeless Man: [mumbling] Mehmhmhmhhmmmm... Gee Whiz... you Gee Whiz?
Master Shake: That's gr... yes, thank you! Okay! SHOW HIM. ON. THE. BILL. BOARD!
Homeless Man: [long pause] ME! ME GEE WHIZ!
Master Shake: Ohhhhhhoohohohhhhh... great. 'Nuther whackjob. Hey, Gee Whiz: can you FLY?
Homeless Man: [hysterical screaming] GIMMAHYAMUNNNAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!
[THUD]
Master Shake: [nonchalantly, as Frylock stares in horror] 'Kay, now that he's gone. Right where his head was, you gotta squint like...
Frylock: [deadpan] I'm outta here. This is bull.

Frylock: [after Meatwad has a hormonal mood swing] Damn!
Meatwad: Oh... boy. I apologize. My hormones are goin' nuts. Now, please. If you would... get the
[elephant trumpets]
Meatwad: outta my way. I mean, how many times I gotta
[alarm bell]
Meatwad: write "ice cream" on this
[squeaks]
Meatwad: list before someone gets his
[horse neighs]
Meatwad: in gear and brings home the
[owl hoots]
Meatwad: ice cream? Maybe I should get a steak knife and etch it in your mutha-
[plunger sound]
Meatwad: forehead! How hard can it
[squeak-squeak]
Meatwad: be? Ice mutha-
[drum roll]
Meatwad: cream! I guess that's the price I pay for livin' with two
[dial tone]
Meatwad: morons!
Master Shake: What happened to courtesy?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Global Grilling (#4.7)" (2006)
Meatwad: Hey, y'all might wanna turn that grill down, 'cause Mucus Man is meltin' here.
Master Shake: He's not melting. He's "chillaxin'". If you can't speak the language, go back to Mexico. Where you were born, and are from.

Master Shake: Carl, what the hell are you doing on our property?
Carl: I just came to see why my doorknob was covered in snot. And then I saw you. And I connected the two.

Master Shake: [crashes through the window, bright flaming red all over] DAMMIT, who took my sunblock? SPF 60, for FAIR SKIN?
Frylock: There ain't enough SPF in the world to protect you from that...
Meatwad: Well, we got all that cream cheese we won from the fair. Can you tan through that?
Master Shake: [thinks] It's worth a shot...
Meatwad: [solemnly] And it may be the only shot we have.
Master Shake, Meatwad: [Shake and Meatwad, rubbing themselves all over with huge globs of cream cheese]
Frylock: [long pause as he watches] Or... WE COULD SHUT THE F**KING GRILL OFF!

Master Shake: That's my Alton Brown sauce pot. I use it to make my balsamic reduction! Dammit!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Diet (#3.9)" (2004)
Frylock: Yeah, and that's why you're a candidate for heart disease.
Master Shake: Well, I have three hearts 'cause I'm from Tatooine and my mother...
Frylock: No, you're not.
Master Shake: Really? Interesting. 'Cause you know I get my physical every year on Alderaan!
Frylock: That didn't happen.
Master Shake: Well, I... I am from the Dagobah system!

Meatwad: I'm tired of this diet. Can't eat what I want. What's the point of livin'?
Master Shake: There isn't any... hold my gun for me, will ya?

Meatwad: But I want lips like the tomb raider. I got nothing. Flat lips. They ain't sultry.
Master Shake: [appearing with a funnel cake stand] Funnel cakes! Get your hot funnel cakes here!
Meatwad: Funnel cakes!
Master Shake: Funnel cakes from the tomb raider!
Master Shake: Do you have to fry those here, Shake?
Master Shake: Yeah, I do.
[pauses]
Master Shake: Who's ready? Someone must be ready for a funnel cake! I wish I could find someone!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Squatter (#2.8)" (2003)
[a lawnmower is propped up with a brick; running. Meatwad is slowly extending a wiener towards the blades]
Frylock: Meatwad, no!
[Shake is watching from Carl's living room window]
Master Shake: Meatwad, yes! Are you seeing this?

Master Shake: [Carl has been shot in the foot] You need the doctor?
Carl: Yes please.
Master Shake: It's ringing.
Carl: Oh God...
Master Shake: Hello. Doctor Cheesesteak? We require one sandwich...
Carl: I'm gonna blow you away.

Master Shake: [trying to calm Frylock down about the bills] Look, we got electricity... and we got each other.
[electricity is cut off]
Master Shake: Look, we got each other. What, are you gonna bill us for that now?
Frylock: You are about to learn a lesson in responsibility Shake!
Master Shake: I'm responsible... for getting us into that club that one time. I smooth-talked that dude. You saw me lay it down.
Frylock: Frankly, Shake, I can live like this. You can't. And if you don't pay these bills, we'll just see how long it takes before you go out of your freaking mind.
Master Shake: I'm not backing down on this, *ever*!
[falls off chair]
Master Shake: Turn on the lights, I want you to see the look on my face! Do you hear me? Or did they send a guy out to shut off your ears because I didn't pay the ear bill?
[Shake crashes through a window, landing in the front yard]
Master Shake: [shouts] Where the hell is the switch?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Dusty Gozongas (#3.10)" (2004)
Master Shake: What seems to be the trouble here little lay-dee?
Dusty Gozongas: It smells funny here...
Meatwad: Shake says I got a paper mill comin' out my butt, and that I smell like Louisiana.
Master Shake: Come on, now why would you say that to this lady with the big boobs? You don't have an income like I do and you've never even ridden in my amazing rocket car.
Dusty Gozongas: You have a rocket car?
Master Shake: Yeah, if I get bored, maybe I'll, uh, bench press it for ya.
Carl: You're, uh, you're fricken, uh, Dusty Gozongas! I've seen your billboard on the interstate. You dance out at the, uh, Wild Wild Chest!
Meatwad: Naw, you're thinking of that girl down at Fun Bag Junction, that's Busty Bazookas.
Master Shake: I think you're talking about Nipple Hut.
Carl: You're thinking CrotchTown.
Master Shake: CrotchTown?
Meatwad: CrotchTown?
Carl: Yeah, it's near Boobberg... but Boobberg, eh, kinda weak.

[Shake is trying to impress Dusty Gazongas]
Master Shake: [to Meatwad] Look, what are you doing talking to this lady with the big boobs? You don't have an income like I do, and you've never even ridden in my amazing rocket car.
Dusty Gozongas: [impressed] You have a rocket car?
Master Shake: Yep. Come over some time and I'll... bench press it for you.

Master Shake: [on the phone with the city] Send Dusty Gozongas over here immediately! W-w-w-wait... tell her I love her. But that I'm her man and I've gotta be free, so she's gotta to be responsible for birth control.
[throws down the phone, which explodes]
Master Shake: Daddy's getting some poon tang tonight!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Mayhem of the Mooninites (#1.4)" (2001)
Frylock: Shake, have you seen my towel?
Master Shake: Just use a paper towel.
Frylock: I'm taking a bath.
Master Shake: They're right in the kitchen, just go get 'em.

Master Shake: [emerges from Carl's pool and gasps for breath] Twenty seconds! It's a new world record!
Ignignokt: [emerges from Carl's pool] Twenty-three seconds.
Err: That is the new moon record!
Ignignokt: Then it shall be so.
Err: Now and forever.

Ignignokt: Where shall I drape this primitive Earth towel?
Master Shake: Drape it on Frylock's computer, that thing heats up pretty good.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Cubing (#2.18)" (2003)
Master Shake: Hey! What's up?
The Wisdom Cube: Chicken Butt... ha ha ha ever hear that one?
Master Shake: Yeah all the time... when I was in the second grade.
The Wisdom Cube: It's a good'in.
Master Shake: Could you define good'in?
The Wisdom Cube: Get me the business pages I want to give someone the bussiness.
Master Shake: Yeah I'm gonna be inside... away from you.

Master Shake: A little bit of that guy goes a long way.

Master Shake: Yeah, all-being? He's doing the 10 pound ball joke all wrong!
The Wisdom Cube: Is this the golf course? It is? Do you have 10 pound balls? No? Then how do you walk? Hahahahah! How do you walk with tha... Regular? PPPFFBBBBBBFTTTTT! Hahahahaha!
Master Shake: I mean that doesn't make sense any way you hear it.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary (#2.14)" (2003)
Frylock: [after Zack Wilder was blown up] What are we gonna tell his wife and kids?
Master Shake: You saw him! The man was drunk and out of control!

Frylock: What's that jet doing in our yard?
Master Shake: Oh hell! What does it look like?
Frylock: Well... It's in the shape of a bass guitar and it's painted with a giant owl.
Master Shake: Swooping down from the moon. I know! It's Geddy's jet. FLOOR IT! We gotta get the hell hell outta here!
Meatwad: Hey, Geddy! THE RIVER!

Master Shake: [trying to sell the house] Hey, how ya doin, hey! So you saw the sign! I guess you wanna take a look at the house, I mean, we have a couple other people coming later today, it's really a lucky thing you stopped by!
Insane Homeless Man: [gesturing and mumbling insanely the whole time Shake was talking] OK, see you in the trees. Uh, I'll take care of them. I'm a tree. I'm a tree wizard.
Master Shake: Hey, that is grreat! Come on in, I got a tray of muffins ...
Master Shake: [the guy holds up box] ONE, TAKE ONE!
Insane Homeless Man: Tree wizard needs $6.48.
Master Shake: And as you can see, it's fully furnished. 2/0, no bathroom, and that is by design. We don't want people to mess things up with their waste, you know what I'm saying?
[guy points meaninglessly]
Master Shake: Right, of course you do, you know what I'm saying. And as you can see, the phone is highly cordless.
Insane Homeless Man: Alablama. Alabama. Alabama. Alabummla.
Master Shake: Yes, absolutely, we are conveniently located adjacent to Alabama. What else?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: EDork (#3.5)" (2004)
Master Shake: [Shake and Carl are immobilized in their tech outfits]
[Meatwad walks up to shake and starts painting him]
Master Shake: What are you doin'?
Meatwad: Paintin' you with honey.
Master Shake: That could be cool. Hey, is that my package?
Meatwad: No, it's my package.
Master Shake: No it's not, it's mine.
Meatwad: I'm allowed to order a package.
Master Shake: OK, OK, fine, it's your package. So what did you get in YOUR package that's not mine?
Meatwad: Oh, I dunno, let's see. BEES BOY, BEES! YOU GOT BEES!
Master Shake: No! Whoo! OH! CARL, NO, HELP ME! WE GOT BEES HERE!
Carl: Bees? Did you get the link I sent you, about the woman havin' sex with a bee?

Master Shake: Look at this! A monkey, drinking it's own urine! Heh heh! LOL, IMHO, colon, parentheses! Ya hear that?
Frylock: [listening to mp3 player] Not any more.
Master Shake: Well, what's that thing?
Frylock: [loudly] Oh, it's just an mp3 player. Holds 40,000 songs!
Master Shake: Fuck you! Hand truck me up!

Master Shake: [outside at night with E-anos on backs] Y' know, this is cool n' all, but I'm startin' to get a bad headache.
Carl: Yeh, I know whatcha mean.
Master Shake: I dunno if it's this song, or the heavy magnets that were inserted into my neck.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Interfection (#1.15)" (2002)
Master Shake: Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've heard the arguments on both sides, and there is nothing to convince me of the need to brush your teeth.

Master Shake: I got rid of my teeth at a young age because... I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get them.

Master Shake: [Meatwad and Shake are surfing the net on the plaque conspiracy] Hush! Be quiet or you'll damage the search engine.
Meatwad: Oh, gee, I forgot! I'm sorry...
Master Shake: Well, I'M sorry but if you don't cooperate somebody's gonna have their mouth stabbed shut with skewers!
[insanely]
Master Shake: And then we shall see how well the ax slices through the meat!
Meatwad: [stares] Oh...
[cries loudly]


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Space Conflict from Beyond Pluto (#1.6)" (2002)
Frylock: Shake, how did you get in this beam?
Master Shake: Look, that beam came from space. You don't own space, so stop acting like you do.

Carl: Hey, buddy, how you doin'? Pizzaland, huh? Yeah, that's lots of fun. I just called to tell you that YOU BURNED MY FRICKIN' HOUSE DOWN!
Master Shake: But the grass is gone? Look, Carl, that is the price of doing business.

[Shake has just caused Carl's lawn to be burned up]
Carl: [holding a tire iron] Heyyyy, buddy!
Master Shake: Hey, Carl. Wow, your lawn looks good.
Carl: Liking it?
Master Shake: Why's your house all curled up?
Carl: I don't know, I was hoping maybe we could have a little dialogue about that.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Trivia (#2.10)" (2003)
Master Shake: [noticing a basketball net embedded in him] Looks like an Ethiopian toilet seat.

Shake: Something's been jabbing me in the ass all week.
Frylock: What the hell? There is something here.
Shake: What is it? Looks like an Ethiopian toilet seat.
Frylock: It's a basketball hoop.
Shake: What is this bas-ket-ball you speak of?
Frylock: Aw Hell! I forgot to put sports on the damn DVD!
Shake: And what is this
[laugh]
Shake: S-SPORTS you speak of?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: PDA (#1.16)" (2002)
Master Shake: Hey, you fly. Why don't you go check the gutter?
Frylock: But... why would it be up in the gutter, Shake?
Master Shake: That's where your DVD burner ended up, when it *decided* to stop working.

[Romulox is wearing gloves that are similar to Shake's]
Master Shake: I was just saying about the gloves, that the yellow...
Romulox: Oh these, yeah, they're the original yellows. Oh, I didn't see your knock-offs there. Nice. You going for that ironic look, or the "look, I don't have any money" look?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Love Mummy (#1.13)" (2002)
Meatwad: [after noticing Carl is a rattlesnake from the hips down] So, should we tell him?
Frylock: No, just leave it to Shake, he'll know exactly what to say.
Shake: [while snickering] Carl... What the hell happened to you?
Carl: Wha-?
[notices he is part rattlesnake]
Carl: Oh, God!

Shake: Do you know what time it is, huh? It's 2:30 in the afternoon, and people are trying to sleep -
[pauses, looks to Frylock, then The Mummy, then back to Frylock]
Shake: ... Whose mummy?
Frylock: I found it in the crawlspace.
Shake: [angrily] So YOU were the one doing all the moaning when I was trying to sleep, huh?
The Mummy: Hee hee hee hee haaaaa.
Frylock: Shake, you don't want to piss him off. He has the power to curse you.
Meatwad: [slyly] Do it, Shake. Piss him off.
Shake: I'LL DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, AND HOW I WANT. And no Mummy - you hear me, Band-Aid? ...
Meatwad: [as swirls form around the Mummy] Oh damn, here it comes.
Shake: - NO MUMMY - is going to tell ME what TO DO!
The Mummy: [rises off of the chair] Curse... CURSE... CURRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSE!
[falls back down]
Meatwad: ...Ohhh, damn.
Shake: [unfazed] You done? We all done here?
The Mummy: [rises up again] CURRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSE!
Shake: [impatiently] Oh, are you DONE?
The Mummy: [growling, falls back down] Yessssssssss.
Shake: Good! Because I am "done" listening to you! I've got a curse for you, it's called "tomorrow morning, your ass is outta here". I'm going back to bed.
The Mummy: [hissing] currrrsssse...
Shake: [offscreen] I HEARD IT ALREADY! I KNOW! IT'S A FRICKIN' CURSE!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Video Ouija (#3.1)" (2004)
Master Shake: [narrating his suicide note, after killing himself in Carl's pool] Friends... relations... Whatever the hell Meatwad is... I've lived a full life. It's actually been pretty bitchin'. But now, regrettably, my life has been taken. Please bury me with all my stuff, because you know it's mine... Dearest Meatwad: Turn on that dumb game 'cause I'm gonna wail on you from the grave, baby! Suck it up, mutha! Missing you already, M.S.

[Meatwad is playing a seance video game]
Frylock: Shake, he needs complete silence so he can contact the dead.
Master Shake: What he needs is a lack of oxygen, so he can *become* the dead!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future (#1.18)" (2002)
Robot: Well, this is going to take a long time, so you may want to get some snacks.
Frylock: No, no, that's all right. I think I can wait for it.
Shake: Well, I'M going to get food.
Robot: THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.
Frylock: Well, that still doesn't tell me why you...
Robot: I'm not finished. YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train, " but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.
Meatwad: Boy, this IS a long story. Maybe I WILL get something to eat.
Carl: Yeah, I think I'm gonna get drunk while I listen.

Robot: [referring to new neighbor, Glenn Danzig] I cannot live with that guy. He is so annoying, he is so frightening, and he doesn't wear a shirt.
Master Shake: You make our house bleed, right now!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Ezekial (#4.12)" (2006)
Master Shake: Look, yes, I have banged HUNDREDS of broads. INTERNATIONALLY. But know this - I wrap my rascal, TWO TIMES, cuz I like it to be joyless and without sensation. It's a way of punishing supermodels.

Master Shake: Please do not undercut me in front of the child. I am thirty or forty years old, and I do not need this.
Meatwad: [Frylock and Meatwad stare at Shake] ... Well, which is it? Is you thirty or forty?
Master Shake: I. Don't. Know. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
[whacks his tennis racket on the ground, as Frylock and Meatwad stare indifferently. Finally, Frylock intervenes and blows up the racket with his laser eyes. Shake shuffles away]
Master Shake: Thaaaaank you. That's nice.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Mail Order Bride (#1.17)" (2002)
[Carl and Shake have ordered a mail-order bride]
Carl: Oh man, I cannot wait. I got the oils, the candles, the works. When does that babe get here?
Master Shake: Carl, don't refer to her as a babe, please. She is a Chechnyan prostitute and you will refer to her as such.

Wedding DJ: Introducing: the new Misters and Missus Bortowski!
Carl: [shouting] IT'S BRUTANANADILEWSKI! AND YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Master Shake: No way! You are staying!
[notices the others glaring at him]
Master Shake: ... We got him 'til two!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Dressing (#2.21)" (2003)
[the Aqua Teens have been visited by a robotic turkey from the future]
Frylock: I think he's crazy.
Master Shake: No, I really think he's from the year 9595!
Meatwad: Yeah, me too.
Master Shake: Did you listen to his story?
Meatwad: I did. And it checks out.

Frylock: [praying at the Thanksgiving dinner] Lord, we thank you for the fellowship that we...
Meatwad: Wait... what's a fellowship?
Master Shake: [frustrated] It's a gay bar down on 9th! Are you thanking the Lord for our nautically-themed gay bar?
Frylock: [annoyed] For the fellowship that we share with our neighbor Carl!
Carl: [outside by the window] Oh, no! Do *not* include me in this! The Lord does *not* need to know that I am here!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Meat Zone (#2.9)" (2003)
Master Shake: [Telling Meatwad how to cross the street] Look, there's only one way to get across this street: You close your eyes and just bolt out there with complete disregard for machine.
Meatwad: What if... what if I just kept one open, and maybe tried it that way?
Master Shake: Yeah, if you think you're going to get somewhere in life by cheating.
Meatwad: Yeah.
Master Shake: I mean you may as well paint yourself yellow, run around like a maniac, and call yourself Banana Man, cause that's what you're doing
Meatwad: What's that mean?
Master Shake: Shut up! I'm trying to teach you! Now get out there Banana Man!

Meatwad: Pedestrian always has the right of way.
Master Shake: Yes. Except?
Meatwad: When you... in the way?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Bad Replicant (#1.11)" (2002)
Oglethorpe: Imprison him within the rings!
[Spinning laser rings drop from the ceiling and encircle Master Shake]
Oglethorpe: You'll never move from that spot again, unless you like being cut in half!
[Master Shake reaches through the rings and answers the phone]
Master Shake: [into phone] Y'ello.
Oglethorpe: The laser rings!
Master Shake: Look brother, these ain't nothing but disco lights.
Emory: No, the installer said that they were prison laser rings and I... I believed him.
Oglethorpe: Don't listen to him, for he is a witch!
Master Shake: Look, there's somebody on the phone, alright? I gotta go.
Oglethorpe: Oh, well give it to us, before you possess us with one of your spells.

Master Shake: [the Aqua Teens are singing hymns] Why are we doing this?
Frylock: Because I want to join the church up the street, and Meatwad needs to learn some morals and values!
Master Shake: Look at him and tell me there's a God.
Meatwad: He made me in his own image.
Master Shake: Oh yeah, that's right. God's a big meatball! I forgot!
Meatwad: He is.
Master Shake: Does he stink like you do?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Model (#2.5)" (2003)
[Shake has just received a disfiguring face-lift]
Master Shake: Frylock! You're into that science crap. You can fix this for me!
Frylock: [sarcastic] Oh, I thought I was inferior. I don't know. Is the unwashed allowed to touch the golden?
Master Shake: Well, maybe this one time I can let it pass. I won't tell anyone.

Master Shake: Maybe I'll get a Benetton ad where they look for freaks...
Frylock: Shake, you're not a freak, ok?
Carl: [faintly, from Shake's window] Hey, come look at this freak here!
Frylock: I mean, yes, you do have a pair of large nostrils going down your back, and... they're running.
Carl: Oh my god, look at that -
[Frylock lowers the blinds]
Carl: AWWW FRYMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' TO ME HERE? This is fun!
Master Shake: Was he talking about me?
Frylock: No, of course not.
Carl: [faintly] Awww you missed it, it's a huuge milkshake, yeah he's like a freakin...
Frylock: I gotta go.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Spore (#2.6)" (2003)
[to communicate with an alien, Frylock has invented a device made from an inverted colander]
Frylock: The point is, I made this.
Shake: What is that? For vegetables?
Frylock: Well, it translates brain synapses and neural skull vibrations into audible speech frequencies.
Shake: Yeah, I got one o' them too; it's called a mouth.

Frylock: Here's 5 dollars. Go see a movie.
Master Shake: Mmm. Motion pictures are 10 dollars.
Frylock: Fine! Here's 10.
Master Shake: What about popped corn?
Frylock: Whatever! Damn! Just go!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Kidney Car (#2.17)" (2003)
[Shake destroys Carl's rental car]
Carl: I frickin' rented that thing this morning!
Master Shake: Yeah, we know how you did it, congratulations. The bank gave you a credit card. It doesn't make you better than me! But you see, nobody gives me credit, because I'm a bad risk, and I don't pay my bills on time. So I have to work for what I have.

Shake: Now why don't you go back in your house and shut up!
[Carl's head explodes]
Meatwad: Now why'd he do that?
Shake: Why wouldn't he?


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Boost Mobile (#4.2)" (2005)
Master Shake: [to Frylock] You're black, right?
[long pause]
Master Shake: You sound black!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Dirtfoot (#4.1)" (2005)
Master Shake: Frylock, I know the difference between the real world and the flesh world. Like in 'Videodrome', right? Seen it? It's got Blondie in it... lemme tell you about a place where she AIN'T A BLONDE ...
Frylock: [offscreen] Go to BED!
[slam]
Master Shake: I will!
[sotto voce]
Master Shake: With women.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Party All the Time (#4.6)" (2006)
Master Shake: Gentlemen, we have a time machine. And *this* is the key to Frylock's health. We can break it apart, light it on fire, and smoke the cancer out!
Meatwad: But don't smoking, like, cause cancer?
Master Shake: That has never been proven.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Remooned (#3.3)" (2004)
[Meatwad is rotating inside the microwave. Microwave dings]
Master Shake: Did you see how long you were in there?
Meatwad: I'm ready for poultry.
Master Shake: No, you're not! But with practice...


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Revenge of the Mooninites (#1.8)" (2002)
Err: Ya all have any eggs?
Shake: I don't know guys. Lemme check.
Err: 'Cause I'm totally gonna mess someone's house up!
Ignignokt: Yes, eggs or pot... either one.
Meatwad: Hey, ah, Frylock, do we have any pot?
Frylock: No, we don't! Marijuana is illegal.
Err: What about nitrous, man?
Ignignokt: Shut up, Err.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Computer (#2.4)" (2003)
Frylock: [Shake and Meatwad are strapped to chairs] Gentlemen, the OoGhiJ MiQtxxXA!
Master Shake: Frylock, come on, are you really gonna call it that?
Frylock: Well, yeah. I mean that's the Klingon word for superior galactic intelligence, and that's what this is.
Master Shake: Superior galactic grandma after eating a block of cheese, smoking three packs of cigarettes, and drinkin' a quart of milk. Disgusting, that's the word.
Frylock: Well, I invented it and I can call it what I want!
Master Shake: Fine. Hey, good luck with the casual sex. I mean it. No. Because you won't get it. Not with that name. Anyway, go on, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Frylock: [sighs] Meatwad, what do you think?
Meatwad: ...My butt itches.
Frylock: All right, all right, fine! What should I call it then?
Master Shake: Bad-Ass Motha'!
Meatwad: No, Snoopy! Or Schroeder. One of them two.
Master Shake: No! The Bad-Ass Motha' 4000!
Meatwad: The Red Baron!
Master Shake: Goes twice as fast as your ass!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Handbanana (#4.5)" (2006)
[Frylock and Meatwad are creating a dog in Carl's pool]
Meatwad: Oh, is this your pool?
Carl: Yeah, it is!
Meatwad: Can I go swimming?
Carl: No, you may not.
Master Shake: How about me?
Carl: No!
Frylock: Well, do you mind if we make a dog in it?
Carl: Yeah, I do mind. Very much, if that's cool.
Frylock: C'mon Carl. You haven't been using it.
Carl: That's not the point.
Master Shake: He will very soon!
Carl: Just because I ain't been usin' it, that doesn't mean like, "Here, turn it into a dog laboratory."


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We ... Mean It) (#11.8)" (2015)
Master Shake: [gets eaten by clams, his last words] AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Unremarkable Voyage (#3.2)" (2004)
Frylock: That's not a toy!
Master Shake: You say that about everything you own. You should own toys. They're fun.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Deleted Scenes (#4.3)" (2005)
Master Shake: [soft music plays] Baby, I want us to grow old together. Have babies - BABY. One. One baby. I hate kids. But I know you love 'em. But alright, I'll let you out of your box to feed 'em. Or maybe we could just cut some holes in the box. You read me baby? Hey, come over here...
[she obliges]
Master Shake: ... All right. Now fellate me, as I eat this expensive ham.
[woman slaps him]


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Sirloin (#2.7)" (2003)
Master Shake: I swear, it's gonna be hell week all rolled up into one night up in here.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Moon Master (#3.8)" (2004)
Master Shake: He has a friend that made over $2 million doing this out of the house!
Ignignokt: That is very extremely true.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: T-Shirt of the Living Dead (#3.11)" (2004)
Shake: What are we doing here Frylock? I mean, Egypt doesn't even exist! I mean, you don't hear DMX rap about it.
Meatwad: I find this, highly effiligent, in, edumacationists, for my brain. Because, I am smart boy.


"Robot Chicken: Suck It (#2.1)" (2006)
Peter Griffin: Hi, y'all. I'm Adult Swim president Mike Lazzo. The decision of the council is now fixin' to be heard.
Peter Griffin: Guilty!
Space Ghost: Guilty!
Master Shake: Ho ho! You're so friggin' guilty!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Brain Fairy (#11.2)" (2015)
Brain Fairy: Please come to a complete stop... You failed stop
Master Shake: Stop telling me what to do! Remember, I'm smart here!


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Little Brittle (#3.6)" (2004)
Master Shake: Yeah. Well. Dracula called and he's coming tonight.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Balloonenstein (#1.5)" (2001)
[Carl's pool is decorated with neon lights and flame-paint]
Carl: Oh, sweet nectar. This pool is freakin' sweet. It's like I'm tearin' ass around the back yard but I'm standin' totally still! Yeah, still waters run deep.
Master Shake: Whoa, Carl! That is tricked-out, my friend! Turbo!
Carl: You stay away from it. Because you are weird.


"Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Super Hero (#2.2)" (2003)
Meatwad: I'm callin' Japan.
Master Shake: Who the hell do you know in Japan?
[shouts]
Master Shake: Nobody!
Meatwad: Hello, Japan?
Master Shake: No!
Meatwad: Yes, connect me to Godzilla please.