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Quotes for
Eric Matthews (Character)
from "Boy Meets World" (1993)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Boy Meets World: And Then There Was Shawn (#5.17)" (1998)
Eric Matthews: What's your name?
Jennifer Love Fefferman: Jennifer Love Fefferman.
Eric Matthews: May I call you Feffie?
Jennifer Love Fefferman: Everyone does.

Eric Matthews: Oh my Gosh! They killed Kenny!

Eric Matthews: Killer, killer... and I know you're gonna tell me you're not the killer... 'cause you're beautiful and...
Jennifer Love Fefferman: I'm not the killer.
Eric Matthews: I believe you.
[starts kissing her]

Angela Moore: But that would mean...
Eric Matthews: Dun, Dun, Dun.
Cory Matthews: The killer is one of us.
Shawn Hunter: Like in 'The Killer is One of Us.'
Eric Matthews: Dun, Dun, Dun.
Topanga Lawrence-Matthews: Enough already!
Shawn Hunter: Why? Do we upset you?
Topanga Lawrence-Matthews: Yes.
Cory Matthews: Upset you enough... to kill?
Eric Matthews: Dun, dun, dun. I'm done.

Angela Moore: Well, is anyone of us safe?
Shawn Hunter: Yeah, Virgins! Virgins never die!
Cory Matthews: [Turns to Topanga] All right! Thanks for saving me.
Eric Matthews: [proud of himself] I'm dead.
Jack Hunter: I'm dead.
Shawn Hunter: I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.
Angela Moore: Feeny, he's dead.
Shawn Hunter, Eric Matthews: [sing-songy] Go, Feeny! Go, Feeny! Go, Feeny!

Shawn Hunter: Something horrible is about to walk through that door right... NOW!
[Door opens to reveal Jack and Eric]
Eric Matthews: Hidey-Ho!

Eric Matthews: Oh my God, they killed Feeny!

Eric Matthews: [talking on the phone] Oh hey,
[to everybody]
Eric Matthews: It's the killer. Uh huh, uh huh, okay, bye.
[hangs up]
Cory Matthews: What did he say? Was he mad?
Eric Matthews: He said what all killers say. He's going to come and kill us, he wants us to wait right here.
[everybody runs off]

[after Feeny dies]
Eric Matthews: Wait a minute, the killer's dead! We're off the hook! Up top!

Scream-Like Killer Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
Jack Hunter: Oooh! Well, I like the one with the hottie-hot-hot from Party of Five.
Jennifer Love Fefferman: Neve Campbell?
Eric Matthews: Duh.

Shawn Hunter: [Every horror cliche he has predicted has come true] Why won't you believe me? It's all so predictable.
Jack Hunter: Oh, yeah? Then what's going to happen next?
Shawn Hunter: First, there'll be some strange, shrouded figure that none of us will see.
[They all turn around and don't see anybody; the killer creeps across them in front]
Shawn Hunter: Then the lights will flicker and Feeny will pop up and reveal his master plan to us.
P.A. Announcer: [the lights flicker] Here's a knife. Here's a gun. There'll be fun for everyone. Death is on the menu tonight!
[Feeny appears in the hallway; the others laugh]
Cory Matthews: Mr. Feeny, I have got to hand it to you. You have really outdone yourself this time. I mean, killing Kenny, obvious choice. But the pencil! George! I mean, that was genius!
Shawn Hunter: I knew it was you all along. What's the big lesson? What were you trying to teach us?
[He pats Feeny on the back; Feeny falls to his knees, then on his face, a pair of scissors sticking out of his back. Topanga falls to her knees]
Eric Matthews: Oh my gosh! They killed Feeny!
[Everybody runs away]
Shawn Hunter: I was wrong!

Shawn Hunter: [Every horror cliche he has predicted has come true] Why won't you believe me? It's all so predictable.
Jack Hunter: Oh, yeah? Then what's going to happen next?
Shawn Hunter: First, there'll be some strange, shrouded figure creeping behind us that none of us will see.
[They all turn around and don't see anybody; the killer creeps across them in front]
Shawn Hunter: Then the lights will flicker and Feeny will pop up and reveal his master plan to us.
P.A. Announcer: [the lights flicker] Here's a knife. Here's a gun. There'll be fun for everyone. Death is on the menu tonight!
[Feeny appears in the hallway; the others laugh]
Cory Matthews: Mr. Feeny, I have got to hand it to you. You have really outdone yourself this time. I mean, killing Kenny, obvious choice. But the pencil! George! I mean, that was genius!
Shawn Hunter: I knew it was you all along. What's the big lesson? What were you trying to teach us?
[He pats Feeny on the back; Feeny falls to his knees, then on his face, a pair of scissors sticking out of his back. Topanga falls to her knees]
Eric Matthews: Oh my gosh! They killed Feeny!
[Everybody runs away]
Shawn Hunter: I was wrong!


"Boy Meets World: It's a Wonderful Night (#1.18)" (1994)
Eric Matthews: [looking at the cover of the video] "Barney Does The ABC's." I don't wanna give the ending away, Cor, but... "Z."

Eric Matthews: Why do you think Mom and Dad are letting me go get my driver's license with Jason and his brother instead of with them?
Cory Matthews: Because they hope you'll get lost and never come back?

Jason Marsden: [to Eric] I am so proud to be the best friend of the first guy in history to fail his driver's test before it started!
Eric Matthews: The D.M.V. guy waved me forward. I pulled up, like, two inches.
Jason Marsden: That was not the D.M.V. guy. That was the father of the kid ahead of you.
Eric Matthews: How am I supposed to know that? I'm at the D.M.V., I assume the guy waving me forward is the D.M.V. guy.
Jason Marsden: Eric, D.M.V. guys are cops, ok? They don't usually wave you forward with a can of beer.

Eric Matthews: [to Jason] Why are you sucking up to my mom?
Jason Marsden: Hey, have you seen my mom?

George Feeny: Hello, Eric.
Eric Matthews: I was wondering if you could help me out with a problem I've got.
George Feeny: Always happy to assist a former student.
Eric Matthews: See, our babysitter canceled, so...
George Feeny: Judy Horn?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, some kind of a skin crisis.
George Feeny: I don't even want to think about what a crisis for her would be. Her whole head would have to pop.

Cory Matthews: I never should've tried to scam them. Crime doesn't pay. Violence is bad. They're gonna kill me.
Eric Matthews: Cor, just be happy it was a baby scam. Mine, on the other hand, was a mega scam, a hyper scam, the mother of all scams. I am truly a dead man. These could be our last few precious moments together. Is there anything you want to say to me?
Cory Matthews: Yeah. Here's a lovely parting gift.
[hits Eric with a pillow, causing him to fall down]

Cory Matthews: [to Eric] Little league!
Morgan Matthews: [to Eric] Frozen yogurt!
Eric Matthews: I'll drive off a bridge, I swear I will.
Alan Matthews: Take your mother's car.

George Feeny: [to Eric] And as for you, young man, I want you to go to your room and wait till your parents return.
Eric Matthews: Just because you were once my sixth grade teacher does not give you the right to tell me what to do.
George Feeny: Go to your room!
Eric Matthews: Apparently it does.
[goes to his room]


"Boy Meets World: Pairing Off (#2.2)" (1994)
Cory: Tell me how you do it.
Eric Matthews: What I was doing with Rebecca?
Cory: No, no, what you were doing with Rebecca, I don't have the lung capacity for that.

Eric Matthews: Hi, Mom. This is Rebecca. It's kind of a new relationship, so don't say anything too embarrassing, OK?
Amy Matthews: Oh, hi, Rebecca. He wet his bed till he was 12. Oops.

[Cory walks in Eric and Rebecca making out on Amy and Alan's bed]
Eric Matthews: Cory, we're studying.
Cory Matthews: So am I.

Alan Matthews: Eric, Eric, you are in so deep.
Eric Matthews: Dad, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm really, really s...
Alan Matthews: [He covers Eric's mouth with his hand, shutting him up] You know, for thousands of years, fathers have said to their sons, "Don't rush into sex," and the sons have always said, "Yeah, sure. OK." I didn't understand my father till this very moment, and you won't understand me till you're a father, which won't be for a very long time!
Cory Matthews: Dad?
Alan Matthews: Learn her name!
Cory Matthews: Yes, sir.
Alan Matthews: As for you...
Eric Matthews: Rebecca. Her name was Rebecca.

Eric Matthews: I'm gonna kill you.
Cory Matthews: I have you.
Eric Matthews: I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna bring you back to life, and I'm gonna kill you again.
Cory Matthews: I have you.
Eric Matthews: What? What do you have? You have what I have... nothing!
Cory Matthews: You, my boy, were in Mom and Dad's bed. Oh, ho-ho-ho. What was that, the sound of power suddenly shifting?
Eric Matthews: Nothing happened.
Cory Matthews: Yeah, and it didn't happen in Mom and Dad's bed. I have you. I have you by your ovaries.

Eric Matthews: Hey Weasel, you wanna move your stuff off the table? We gotta cram for the math test tomorrow.
Morgan Matthews: My name's not Weasel, it's Morgan.
Eric Matthews: I thought you liked it when I called you Weasel.
Morgan Matthews: I've never liked it. You like it so much, it's your name now... Weasel.

Eric Matthews: Hello.
Alan Matthews: You want to tell us anything?
Eric Matthews: Uh... not yet.
[Amy holds up the earring]
Eric Matthews: Now I got something to tell you.
Amy Matthews: We found this in our bed. What was it you wanted to tell us?
Eric Matthews: I just wanted to say, "Happy Birthday, Mom." The other one's on layaway. Nothing happened between me and Rebecca, if that's what you're thinking.
Amy Matthews: Why should we believe that nothing happened?
Eric Matthews: Look at my face. Do I look happy?
Alan Matthews: [looks at Eric closely] Nothing happened.

Cory: All right, first you pick a girl, any girl.
Amy Matthews: Just any-ol-body.
Cory: Yeah. Then you pretend you're interested in her. Now you don't really have to be interested in her. I thought you did, but Eric said it wasn't necessary.
Eric Matthews: Ring!
Amy Matthews: That's what you told him?
Eric Matthews: What? Does it matter what I told him? I'm dead.
Amy Matthews: You had the big sex talk with him two years ago. What did you tell him?
Alan Matthews: Not that! How can you think I'd tell him that?
Amy Matthews: Alan, I'm not accusing you.
Alan Matthews: Yes, you are. You're accusing me of this, and yet you refuse to accuse me of having an affair. That hurts.
Amy Matthews: Cory, I know you look up to your brother, but I want you to go to your father for advice on this subject. Eric has some explaining to do about his own behavior with girls lately.
Cory: I know.
Amy Matthews: What do you know?
Cory: Pretty much everything. I kind of walked in on them.
Eric Matthews: [singing] Amazing grace...


"Boy Meets World: Brothers (#5.1)" (1997)
Topanga Lawrence: How come you're not kissing me?
Cory Matthews: Because the second our lips touch, he's coming in here. Watch.
Topanga Lawrence: Look, Cory, this is your room now and Eric knows it. He's not just going to walk in here and take over. Kiss.
[They kiss and, true to Cory's prediction, Eric enters]
Eric Matthews: Hello!

Eric Matthews: So, first day of college and I got no place to stay. Show up at the dorm I say, "excuse me ding, ding, ding. Front please. Eric Matthews. I go here. Where's my towel? Where's my room?" They tell me I'm not on the list. Like there's a list!
Amy Matthews: Eric, I gave you the forms for the housing list three months ago.
Alan Matthews: Amy, go easy on him. Our son had a little mix-up in housing. He's home for a visit. Cake?
Eric Matthews: Ooh. Cut it for me?
Amy Matthews: It's not a visit. He's back.
Eric Matthews: Why isn't Mommy happy to see me?
Amy Matthews: I am. It's just sometimes you scare me. I mean, how are you supposed to do well in college if you can't even fill out a housing application.
Eric Matthews: Oh! It's worse than that. Checked the wrong box on another form and now they think I'm an eskimo.

Jack Hunter: Favorit color on three.
Eric Matthews: Go.
Eric Matthews, Jack Hunter: One, two, three. Blue!
Jack Hunter: See ya later, man!
Eric Matthews: Yeah, good to meet you.
[aside to Cory]
Eric Matthews: I don't like him.

Eric Matthews: Favorite movie.
Jack Hunter: On three.
Eric Matthews, Jack Hunter: One, two, three. Godfather! Part II!
Eric Matthews: [to Alan after Jack leaves] I don't get him.

Jack Hunter: You smoke?
Eric Matthews: No. Do you smoke?
Jack Hunter: No.
Eric Matthews: You like pets?
Jack Hunter: No. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. You?
Eric Matthews: No, I'm not a pet guy. I got four kids though.
[Cory laughs as the other two stare at him, deadly serious]
Cory Matthews: I thought it was funny.

Eric Matthews: She didn't leave cause of me, did she?
Cory Matthews: No. She left because "Big Daddy rocks"!

Cory Matthews: You and Jack are so perfect for each other, you should be married.
Eric Matthews: I'm not ready.


"Boy Meets World: She's Having My Baby Back Ribs (#7.17)" (2000)
Topanga: Eric, do you think I'm fat?
Eric: Yeah.
Eric: [points to pizza] You gonna finish that slice?
Topanga: You know, you've packed on a few pounds too, Eric.
Eric: That's alright, you know its college. You've heard of the freshman 15.
Topanga: You're a senior.
Eric: Wait a minute. 4 years times 15 pounds, that's like
[thinks]
Eric: ... That's 500 EXTRA POUNDS?
Topanga: You're not that overweight, Eric.
Eric: Oh come on, I see the way the girls flock to Jack and his 6% body fat and ignore me and my 70% flab. What am I gonna do? I mean I feel so alone.
Topanga: You're not alone.
Eric: Oh that's right, YOU'RE FAT TOO!
[hugs Topanga]
Topanga: Well Eric, maybe we can help eachother.
Eric: Well how? We're pigs.
Topanga: I'll set up the healthy eating plan and we'll give each other moral support. Like, if I want a candy bar I'll come to you.
Eric: And then, we can share it.
Topanga: Nooo, you'll tell me not to eat it.
Eric: And then, I get the whole thing!
Topanga: No, you'll grab it away from me and you'll throw it in the trashcan. Eric, are you with me or not?
Eric: Alright, alright but you can't tell anybody that we're dieting, alright? It's embarrassing.
Topanga: Absolutely I promise, not a word.
Eric: Not a word.
Topanga: [gets up to leave]
Eric: See ya, fatty.

Topanga: Eric, okay Eric, we've only been on this diet for twelve hours, toughen up!
Eric: [straining his eyes] Is that you Topanga?
Topanga: Come on, it's not that hard - I smell Danish!
Eric: Topanga, I can't do this, okay? Women reject me based on who I am, not what I look like.
Topanga: This isn't only about you! I want to be as slim and slender as the day Cory met me.
Eric: You were two years old!
Topanga: I'm telling you, there's Danish in this room!

Eric: [to Amy] You never breast fed me!
Alan Matthews: Eric...
Eric: [to Alan] You didn't either! Breast fed kids are skinny, formula fed kids are fat. You know, at first I blamed it on myself. I thought maybe glands, and then I thought maybe metabolism, but then I thought to myself I'm no racist, so it all goes back to you guys.
Alan Matthews: Listen, Porky, we're in the middle of a serious family discussion here.

George Feeny: Unfortunately we live in a society where they tell us we have to look a certain way, so we're all under pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations.
Jack Hunter: Alright, I can't take it anymore. You know, I'm not really perfect. You know why I go to the gym? It's because in high school, they... well they used to have this little nickname for me. It was Jumbo Jack.
Eric: [laughs] Jumbo Jack! You were fat!
Jack Hunter: I was, alright? I just wanted people to like me.
Eric: Oh, that's alright. I like you, Jumbo Jack.

Eric: Hey Core. You smell like chicken.
Cory Matthews: Don't change the subject.

Topanga: Eric, do you think I'm fat?
Eric: Yeah.


"Boy Meets World: Seven the Hard Way (#7.16)" (2000)
Jack: Eric?
Eric: [dressed like Noah] No, not Eric, not anymore
Jack: OK that's fine... ok, what is your name *now*?
Eric: Plays With Squirrels

[In the future, Eric goes by the name Plays With Squirrels]
Mr. George Feeny: Mr. Matthews?
Eric: Mr. Squirrels.
Cory: Eric?
Eric: Plays With.

Eric: Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.

Eric: I married a moose. We don't need counseling.


"Boy Meets World: Santa's Little Helpers (#6.11)" (1998)
Eric Matthews: I wanna make the happiness of the entire world my responsibility. What an idiot. What am I supposed to do? I made all those little kids smile. Took care of everybody that came to see me. No disrespect but why would you send me that little boy? Why doesn't that nice little boy have parents? Why doesn't that nice little boy have parents? Why did you send me that little kid? And why do I only come to you when I need something. I mean you shouldn't have to take care of everything, right? I will take care of this. I can be responsible for the happiness of one little boy.

Jack Hunter: I'm not gonna be an elf. I was depressed enough about not going to the Bajamas, this little green, pointy hat is gonna really push me over the edge.
Rachel McGuire: Oh, come on, Jack. Look, we're stuck here in town alone. Look, we'll be working together. It'll be fun.
[She puts the green hat on his head and immediately begins laughing]
Rachel McGuire: Oh, look how cute you are!
Eric Matthews: Yeah, plus you're gonna be making like five bucks an hour.
Jack Hunter: Wait a second, you get twelve bucks an hour?
Eric Matthews: Hi, I'm Santa. You're just an elf. Read your bible.

Manager: Santa? Mrs C? Elf-boy? Yeah, I just got word that, uh, a busload of children from St. Mary's just arrived. Now, these are children without parents and no money at all so you know that that means.
Rachel McGuire: [sad] Yeah.
Manager: That they're not gonna buy anything so get rid of 'em as fast as you can. Ugh. Here comes the little darlings now.
[puts on a smile and excitedly walks towards the kids]
Manager: Hello you little darlings!
Eric Matthews: Wow.
Rachel McGuire: No parents.
Jack Hunter: That's really tough.
Eric Matthews: You know what? We should give them a little attention.

Eric Matthews: Tommy and I met when I was Santa. He thought I was really Santa.
Tommy: Now I know he's Eric.
Eric Matthews: Yeah. He said we could still hang out though.
Tommy: Eric said we could hang out on weekends.
Eric Matthews: Yeah, it'll be like he's got a big brother.
Cory Matthews: Well, he's a good one, Tommy.
Eric Matthews: I figured it was something I could do.


"Boy Meets World: A Long Walk to Pittsburgh: Part 2 (#4.17)" (1997)
Aunt Prudence Curtis: Hello, I am Topanga's aunt.
Eric Matthews: Now how is that possible, because my aunt looks like an elephant.

Amy Matthews: Okay Cory, you educate me. You tell me what love means to you.
Cory Matthews: Mom listen, I haven't been with Topanga for 22 years but we have been together for 16. Ok, that's a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together around the block. When we were 2 we were best friends. I mean I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color, I knew her favorite food. Then we got to be 6 and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend that's a girl, or even know a girl.
Eric Matthews: Yeah, and you listened to me. Idiot.
Cory Matthews: So for the next 7 years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those years the lost years.
Topanga Lawrence: You were the one who made him throw dirt me?
Eric Matthews: You were a girl, noogie head.
Cory Matthews: Then when I was 13 Mom, she put me up against my locker, she kissed me. I mean she, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance, she always was talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said, all I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about. And when I'm with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's, that's what I think is love Mom. When I'm better because she's here. And now she won't be. So I'm finished.
Topanga Lawrence: I think it's a good thing that Cory is the only boy I've ever loved. And I was looking forward to doing all of the things that people do who are in love. With Cory. And not just with some guy in Pittsburgh because I'm there.

Amy Matthews: Topanga, your parents don't know you're here, do they?
Eric Matthews: No. No, they don't.
Alan Matthews: Topanga, your parents are gonna be very worried about you.
Topanga Lawrence: Why would they be worried about me now? They weren't worried about me when they decided to move. I told them how much Cory meant to me and how I couldn't be away from him. I guess I was too young to say things like that, that I didn't know.
Alan Matthews: So you ran away from them?
Topanga Lawrence: I ran away to Cory.
Alan Matthews: Okay... It just got serious now.
Amy Matthews: Topanga, I'm gonna have to call them.
Cory Matthews: No, Mom! Didn't you hear what she just said? Her parents don't understand her. Just like you two don't understand me. We want to be together, okay? That's what we want!
Amy Matthews: Topanga, I know you miss Cory. But to come here, without your parent's permission, that's just wrong!
Cory Matthews: How could it be wrong, Mom, if she loves me enough to do that? I mean, I'm sorry I didn't do it myself.

Alan Matthews: I called your folks, Topanga, and let them know that you were here, and that you're all right.
Amy Matthews: And later on...
Cory Matthews: Later on what, Mom? She's going back to her house? Fine, I'm going with her. We can do this again there.
Alan Matthews: Cory, you live here, Topanga lives in Pittsburgh. I didn't do it. Stop jumping on me!
Cory Matthews: No, no, Mom, I'm not jumping on you because of where we live, all right? I'm jumping on you because you seem happy about this. I mean, why don't you want us to be together?
Eric Matthews: [comes into the room] I hear yellin'.


"Girl Meets World: Girl Meets Mr. Squirrels (#2.5)" (2015)
Auggie Matthews: Uncle Eric, how come you look like this?
Cory Matthews: Because they elected him mayor.
Riley Matthews: Who would do that?
Topanga Matthews: The good people of Stupidtown.
Eric Matthews: It's not pronounced Stupidtown!
Topanga Matthews: How is it pronounced?
Eric Matthews: St. Upidtown!
Topanga Matthews: Oh. How St. Upid of me.

Eric Matthews: I have been summoned. Why have I been brought here?
Topanga Matthews: Because Cory thinks when it comes to helping people, you somehow turn into a genius.
Riley Matthews: I'm in a fight with my best friend.
Eric Matthews: There will be no losing friends. Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself.

Eric Matthews: Now, which one of you is Riley's friend Malisha?
Maya Hart: It's Maya.
Eric Matthews: Oh, okay. So, what are you fighting about?
Maya Hart: She didn't take my side.
Riley Matthews: I couldn't take her side based on what was said, which is the problem with this whole thing, 'cause Maya is making too big of a deal of what was said.
Eric Matthews: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Now, which one was she?

Cory Matthews: You got this?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, the people elected me mayor because they trust me with their issues.
Riley Matthews: You mean political issues?
Eric Matthews: No, don't know anything about those. No, they trust me with their people issues. Which it turns out everybody has, and they all seem to show up right about now. The enemy is not each other, guys. You're all going through the same thing.
Cory Matthews: It's part of growing up.
Riley Matthews: I'm a klutz.
Maya Hart: I'm a pancake.
Farkle Minkus: Squeak.
Lucas Friar: Freak.
Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux: [about him being called 'Flatbutt'] That's why it hurts to sit!


"Boy Meets World: Her Answer: Part 2 (#6.2)" (1998)
Alan Matthews: It's a quarter after three, only creeps and weirdos are up now.
Eric Matthews: [comes in] How you doin'?

Eric Matthews: Wait a second, what are you guys doing up? The only people up now are creeps and weirdos.
Shawn Hunter: [comes in] How you doin'?

Amy Matthews: Well, it's the mother's turn, and I do wanna say something. I have watched these two grow up,
[turns to Alan]
Amy Matthews: boy have I, and here they are now. Adults. Just fresh out of high school. Don't know anything about the world at all... I'm sorry, I can't do this. This is a mistake. And I do not support it.
[to Topanga]
Amy Matthews: Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale?
Eric Matthews: [raises glass happily] Here here!

Eric Matthews: Well, I guess it's time for Feeny's favorite student to make a speech, huh? For forty years I have watched you educate young men and women.
[turns to Amy]
Eric Matthews: Boy, have I.
[chuckles]
Eric Matthews: I'm sorry, I can't do this. This is a mistake and I DO NOT SUPPORT IT!
[points at Topanga]
Eric Matthews: Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale?


"Boy Meets World: Torn between Two Lovers (Feeling Like a Fool) (#5.16)" (1998)
Eric Matthews: I never understood why anybody would want to be a teacher until now.
George Feeny: That's because you are seeing your students succeed and grow right in front of your eyes.
Eric Matthews: It makes you feel so proud to know you made a difference in someone's life, doesn't it Mr. Feeny?
George Feeny: Yes, it does my boy. Indeed it does.

Eric Matthews: Everybody hold your tests up like this.
[Everyone does as he says]
Eric Matthews: Now, do this.
[He rips it in half. Everyone uncomfortably follows suit]
Eric Matthews: There will be no test today! Throw away the textbooks, throw away the tests, throw awwwaaaaaayy the textbooks. You're my class now and for the first time in my life I'm the smartest guy in the room. Can we all just take a second and let that sink in?
Raju: In my country, I was a nuclear physicist.
Eric Matthews: Yeah, but see everybody here starts with a clean slate and as your proctologist, I'm gonna show you something.
Raju: [terrified] Please don't pick me.

George Feeny: Oh, Eric. I just had a phone call. I need to ask you a favor.
Eric Matthews: Oh, no problem. Just give me your keys, I'll mow your lawn and water those ugly little plants.
George Feeny: You don't think I'd actually let you inside my house? No, no. No, what I'm talking about is a lot more important than watering plants.
Eric Matthews: Look, Mr. Feeny, don't get my hopes up that you're actually gonna trust me with something, okay? I'll wash your car. No biggie.
George Feeny: My citizenship class is starting a series of practice tests this week. Unfortunately, I have a scheduling conflict. I need you to proctor
Eric Matthews: Me? Proctor? Proctor Matthews.
George Feeny: You know what "proctor" is?
Eric Matthews: Yeah. It's a tushy doctor. Oh, bleh! I'm not gonna do that!
George Feeny: Maybe you better just wash the car.

Raju: I'm lucky enough to have picked an ace!
Eric Matthews: Oooh! An ace, okay. Category is pop culture.
Raju: Uh, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Launched the movie career of funnyman Jim Carrey.
Eric Matthews: Very nice!
George Feeny: [Comes in] Do nothing! I said all I wanted you to do, was nothing! Just watch them take the test!
Eric Matthews: Oh, no tests. We tore 'em up.
George Feeny: You what?
Eric Matthews: I understand what you were doing. You were testing me to see if I had initiative. You think I should be a teacher.
George Feeny: No, I don't! I just wanted you to pass out the test! And what does Ace Ventura got to do with United States citizenship? Eric, for the love of God.
Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny, if you don't mind I'm in the middle of teaching a class. Minh! Your turn. Come on.
[She takes a card]
Minh: I have a king.
George Feeny: Let me guess. King Kong. Don King. Donkey Kong King.
Eric Matthews: Okay, those were all good answers, weren't they? Except for the Donkey Kong King whatever. Look, Mr. Feeny, you can't play. You're already a citizen okay? Alright, Minh! You're holding a king. Category is, uh, civil rights.
Minh: I have a dream. That my four little children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Dr. Martin Luther King!


"Boy Meets World: Uncle Daddy (#4.18)" (1997)
Eric Matthews: I frankly think I'm ready for an adult relationship.
Cory Matthews: Well, that's great! So what do Mom and Dad think?
Eric Matthews: I'm too scared to tell 'em.

Cory Matthews: So listen, Eric, me and Shawn are going to a movie. You guys wanna come?
Eric Matthews: Oh, definitely! Wanna come?
Kelly: I better get Ryan to bed. But you guys go ahead.
Cory Matthews: Eric, listen, you do not wanna miss this one, okay? It's Jim Carrey and Steven Seagal, starring in "What Are You Doing in My Movie?"

Cory Matthews: You know, he could at least have let me explain!
Eric Matthews: What would you have?
Cory Matthews: Nothin'. I had nothin'.


"Boy Meets World: Grandma Was a Rolling Stone (#1.7)" (1993)
George Feeny: Mr. Matthews, just the man I wanted to see.
Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny?
George Feeny: Let me ask you - if one were entertaining a young woman, a young girl your age, um, how would he go about it?
Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny, you dating a teenage girl?
George Feeny: Not since the Eisenhower administration. No, my niece is visiting for a few days. She's your age. She'll need to be entertained and I thought that maybe you could help me out.
Eric Matthews: Look, I'd love to meet your niece, Mr. Feeny. But, see, I got this really bad case of strep throat.
[begins to speak hoarsely as he backs out away]
Eric Matthews: It's spreading down my lungs and into my pancreas, so as you can see, I'm - I'm completely strep.
George Feeny: Relax. I'm merely curious as to how a contemporary teenage girl entertains herself.
Eric Matthews: [drops the act] Oh, OK. Well, it's my experience that if they can't find a senior with a car they'll settle for some gullible sophomore who's willing to empty his pockets on a dinner he can't really afford, a movie he doesn't want to see, and a door slammed in his face.
George Feeny: Somewhere in that brimming cup of bile I heard dinner and a movie?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, see, dinner and a movie is the premier form of dating entertainment. Dinner, movie. Movie, dinner. Dinner, dinner, movie, movie.
George Feeny: A wonderfully rich tapestry of human experience.
Eric Matthews: Don't mock what I am, Mr. Feeny.

Jessica: Who's Graziella Terziana?
Eric Matthews: What?
Jessica: Her name, it's written on your arm.
Eric Matthews: Uh, that - I can't stop every girl who wants to sign my body.
Jessica: Oh, Mr. Charming.
Eric Matthews: I could loan you a pen.
Jessica: And smart too. Using his little sister as date bait like that.
Jessica: That obvious, huh?
Jessica: Oh, yeah.
Eric Matthews: Big mistake?
Jessica: Did I say that?
Eric Matthews: So I didn't have to work so hard.
Jessica: Who said you had to work at all?
[They kiss. Cory, who has been up in his tree house, is shocked. Alan and Shawn come strolling into the backyard and Jessica and Eric break off their kiss]
Alan Matthews: Nice night, huh?
Eric Matthews: Yeah.
Alan Matthews: Well, we're just, uh, passing through.
Eric Matthews: Good. Pass.
[Alan walks away and Shawn nudges Eric]
Shawn Hunter: Eric, the lipmaster!
[He walks away]
Eric Matthews: Yeah. Sure. Look, anybody else, or are we all done here?
Cory Matthews: [still in his tree house] Everyone have a great day without me?
Eric Matthews: How long have you been up there?
Cory Matthews: Long enough to watch you swap spit with a Feeny!

Eric Matthews: Look, making out is not a spectator's sport!


"Boy Meets World: The Father/Son Game (#1.11)" (1993)
Cory Matthews: [Rubbing his chest] I don't feel so good. I have appendicitis.
Eric Matthews: That's not your appendix, that's your heart.
Cory Matthews: I have ahearticitis.

Leonard Spinelli: You may be wondering how I sprained my elbow.
Cory Matthews: Lenny, we know you got hurt at the softball game.
Leonard Spinelli: What game? You're not supposed to know about the game. I hurt myself getting out of a turtleneck that shrunk.
Eric Matthews: We know about the game, Lenny.
Cory Matthews: Just don't let Dad know we know about the game.
Eric Matthews: Yeah.
Leonard Spinelli: Oh, boy. Ok, let's recap. Your father says there was no game but knows there was one. You know there was a game but you don't want your father to know you know. Well let me ask you this - don't you think he knows you know he knows you know you know he knows, you know?
[They stare at him]
Leonard Spinelli: You got to excuse me, I'm on painkllers.

Eric Matthews: Ah, good morning! Let me give you a weekend weather update. Whether or not I have a date with Cindy this weekend depends on how partly cool I am in school today. There is a definite Vicky front moving in this Saturday and temperatures are expected to rise.
Amy Matthews: Cooling off by ten o'clock, when you're expected to be home.
Eric Matthews: Oh, mom, we both know how unpredictable the weather can be.
Amy Matthews: Don't mess with Mother Nature.
Eric Matthews: [scared] I'll be home by ten.


"Boy Meets World: Rave On (#3.8)" (1995)
Cory Matthews: You know what, Eric? We just might get away with this.
Eric Matthews: Mhm. Soon we'll be John Adams legends, and you know the best part?
Cory Matthews: What's that?
Alan Matthews: Your parents don't have a clue.
Eric Matthews: Yeah...
Cory Matthews: Exactly.
[they realize that they are busted, and slowly turn to see Alan facing them]

Eric Matthews: Ooh, who's that sexy babe in the tank top?
Cory Matthews: That would be Mom.
Eric Matthews: Ahh! Ahh!

Eric Matthews: You see, I knew this would all work out. It worked out for you, and it worked out for me. Guys, I want you to meet the woman I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.
Amy Matthews: We've met. Meet your cousin, Wanda.
Eric Matthews: Ohh! Ugh!


"Boy Meets World: You Can Go Home Again (#4.1)" (1996)
Eric Matthews: [about Cory's frequent mentions of Topanga] You Topanga'd me to death, man!

Eric Matthews: How is it that everything you see in this country reminds you of Topanga?
Cory Matthews: You exaggerate Eric. I mean, I did not mention her once during our tour of the White House.
Eric Matthews: Topanga's got a desk just like Chelsea's.
Cory Matthews: Well I didn't say anything at the Kennedy Space Center.
Eric Matthews: Topanga's favorite movie is Apollo 13.
Cory Matthews: Mount Rushmore?
Eric Matthews: Would you look at the lips on Teddy Roosevelt?

Cory Matthews: Eric, listen to me. We have to go home and here's why. I'm completely out of clean underwear.
Eric Matthews: Yeah big deal. I ran out a week ago. I'm sitting free.
Cory Matthews: Yes but you see I don't know if you noticed but I've also out of pants.
Eric Matthews: [looks down] Ahhh!
Cory Matthews: I wanna go home!
Eric Matthews: I want you in pants!


"Boy Meets World: Hair Today, Goon Tomorrow (#4.2)" (1996)
Eric: Eric Matthews, good-looking detective.
Eric: Oh, when a crime breaks out, all the cute girls shout, get the good-looking guy. When there's a crime out there, he's gonna comb his hair, 'cause he's the good-looking guy.
Eric: Book 'em, good-looking.

Eric: What job could I possibly get in a bathrobe?
[opens the front door]
Eric: At night.
[walks out the door]

Amy Matthews: Honey, I'm scared for you. You have got to get out of this house.
Eric: To do what? I mean Mom let's say I do find one of these so called "jobs". I mean, with nothing better than a high school diploma the best I can ask for is minimum wage and what they take out for taxes? I honestly think I could do better solving crimes. When a crime breaks out...
Amy Matthews: Stop it. Sweetheart, you cannot just mope around the house. Why don't you go out on a date? You used to date all the time.
Eric: I know but all the girls I used to date have gone off to college.
Amy Matthews: Oh, I'm sure there is plenty of nice girls right here in town.
Eric: Townies? You want me to date a townie? Oh, that is great Mom I can see them right now. Sitting on their couch in their ratty bathrobe, watching daytime TV and eating Bonbons!
[Amy stares at Eric]
Eric: These are Cocoa Puffs and I'm a detective!


"Boy Meets World: The Grass Is Always Greener (#3.12)" (1996)
Jonathan Turner: Yo Matthews, wait up! Your paper on "Of Mice and Men", I've got some serious questions about it. Like, where is it?
Eric Matthews: Well, um... I can't find it anywhere, I've been to every pet store in the city! I did find this pamphlet on land turtles.

Eric Matthews: Mom, hold my calls. Tonight I'm gonna be studyin'.
Amy Matthews: [sarcastic] Great. Let me get my camera.
Eric Matthews: Hey, I'm serious! I mean, I got pencils, I got notebook, I got refreshment. I got everything i need to be a studyin' fool!
Amy Matthews: Where are your books?
Eric Matthews: [sits quiet]
Amy Matthews: Did you leave them in your locker?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, either there or on the bus...
Amy Matthews: Eric, you don't take the bus.
Eric Matthews: Well, then they're safely in my locker!

Eric Matthews: Listen to me. You and Topanga spent the last three Friday nights at home, tearing up at chick flicks.
Cory Matthews: Excuse me, last Friday night, if you recall, Topanga and I spent a lovely evening at home, watching no TV whatsoever.
Eric Matthews: You made jam!
Cory Matthews: It was preserves, Eric. It was preserves. It was a nifty little recipe in this Couples magazine, see? I told them I was married to get a subscription discount.
Eric Matthews: Are you blind in the eyes, man? Huh? You and Topanga are turning into an old, boring couple.
Cory Matthews: Eric, Topanga and I have been going out for five months, all right? And in our circle we are considered young and hip
Topanga Lawrence: [calling from the living room] Hon, how are the muffins doing?
Cory Matthews: I'll stick a fork in 'em, hon.
Eric Matthews: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! If you go near that oven, I'll stick a fork in you!
Cory Matthews: You wouldn't.
Eric Matthews: Ohm I'd be doing you a favor.
Cory Matthews: Oh, stop being such a weisenheimer. Who said that?
Eric Matthews: You did, Pops!


"Boy Meets World: A Kiss Is More Than a Kiss (#3.14)" (1996)
George Feeny: [after telling Eric that the college accepting him does not exist] But seriously... Boris College?
Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny, you think that's bad? You see that girl over there? She thinks she's going to some school called Duke!
[giggles]
Eric Matthews: Are you gonna tell her or should I?

Eric Matthews: Hey Mr. Feeny, I took your advice. I'm not going to let this Boris fiasco faze me. For every rejection they sent me I'm gonna send out five more applications. I mean, somebody's gotta cave. Or make a clerical error!

Eric Matthews: It's all about letters, isn't it, Mr. Feeny? I got the wrong letters on my report card, and I'm getting the wrong letters now.
George Feeny: I must say, I'm very pleased that you take the idea of college so seriously. It's that determination that just might get you there.


"Boy Meets World: An Affair to Forget (#4.11)" (1996)
Eric Matthews: It's about time you kids got home. It's almost eleven o'clock I was worried sick! I had Feeny looking for you. I called the police.
Amy Matthews: Really?
Eric Matthews: Nah. I didn't even know you left.

Cory Matthews: So you're writing a play?
Eric Matthews: Yep.
Cory Matthews: About you?
Eric Matthews: Yeah. You know let me bounce the opening off you.
Cory Matthews: Let me bounce this off you. Nobody cares.
Eric Matthews: Oh they'll care. They'll care because I have a human life and when you look at my human life there is all these amazing moments that just pop out. Landmark moments that, when you put them down on paper, they just explode right off the page. Wake up damn you.

George Feeny: Eric, in the play of your life all your great scenes lie ahead of you.
Eric Matthews: So you're saying in thirty or forty years I could write a play that you would wanna come and see?
George Feeny: No, tonight pretty much killed any interest I had in the theater.
Eric Matthews: Mr. Feeny you know everything. Where does my life go from here?
George Feeny: Well, now, you have passion. You have drive. You certainly have guts. I frankly can't wait to see what happens to you.
Eric Matthews: So you're not gonna tell me to give up my life as an actor and go get a college education?
George Feeny: Eric I told you to get a college education ten-thousand times. I don't have to tell you anymore.
Eric Matthews: What about my life as an actor?
George Feeny: Get a college education.


"Boy Meets World: Eric Hollywood (#5.19)" (1998)
Cory Matthews: What are you looking for?
Eric Matthews: Well, I'm supposed to shoot hoops and I can't find them anywhere.
Cory Matthews: Can't find what?
Eric Matthews: My tube socks! My lucky tube socks! Have you seen them anywhere?
Cory Matthews: Oh, uh, you're gonna find this kind of hard to believe Eric but, uh, last night for no logical reason that you could possibly think of, I did the wash instead of Mom and well... This is so funny.
Eric Matthews: Where are my lucky tube socks?
Cory Matthews: [Producing a tiny pair of tube socks] Well, I don't think they're so lucky anymore.
Will Friedle: ["Eric" breaks character now revealing that he is, in fact, Will Friedle] That's not the line!
Ben Savage: What?
Will Friedle: The line was, "Honey, I shrunk the tube socks".
Ben Savage: Oh, uh, I know. I'm sorry, Will. I was trying something new.
Will Friedle: Ohhhh! You were just trying something new? Here why don't you try this?
[he begins throwing laundry at Ben Savage]
Will Friedle: Is this new?
[He continues throwing things, breaking dishes and screaming]
Will Friedle: Is this new to you? New! YAAAAH! I quit! I'm outta here!
[He storms off the set. Shawn enters]
Shawn Hunter: Cory, Eric. Guess what? I blew up another mailbox.
[He looks around at the trashed set and breaks character]
Rider Strong: What? Did Will flip out again?
Ben Savage: Yeah, yeah he did. What are we gonna do? I mean, he's gonna be hard to replace.
Rider Strong: Yeah, you're right.
[They look around]
Rider Strong: Hey banana boy! Wanna be a star?
Ben Savage: Huh?

Schneider: Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous.
Wounded Bird Actress: Hi!
Schneider: Oh, no. It's her.
Wounded Bird Actress: Oh! Are you the new guy?
Eric Matthews: Yeah.
Wounded Bird Actress: Have you met Schneider? Schneider is very shy.
[she hugs Schneider]
Schneider: Too close! Too close! Too close!
Wounded Bird Actress: Deep down I'm shy too. I'm a wounded bird. Schneider and me are wounded birds!
Schneider: [whispering to Eric] Help me!

Eric Matthews: Thanks for coming with me, Mr. Feeny. It would've been so uncool if my parents came.
George Feeny: Well, I'm just here to see that you get settled. Now, remember. Keep both your feet on the ground. This town is swimming with sharks.
Eric Matthews: Hey! Stop attacking my town. The people here are real down to earth. Real kindly folk.
[Aggressive Actress slams her golf cart into theirs]
Aggressive Actress: Hey! Get out of my space!
Eric Matthews: Hey, there's one of them now. Hi, nice person!
Aggressive Actress: What do I have to do? Call my attorney? Get out of my space!
[with one final shove Eric and Feeny's golf cart moves and Aggressive Actress pulls into the space]
Aggressive Actress: Thank you!
George Feeny: You're welcome. And who might you be, little girl?
Aggressive Actress: I'm not a little girl. I'm forty-two! I just play little girls on TV!
[She walks by and pinches Eric on the rear]
Aggressive Actress: Hello!


"Boy Meets World: Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard to Do (#2.15)" (1995)
Dominique: I don't understand.
Eric Matthews: It's over. I can't see you anymore.
Dominique: But you're in the book. No, no, no, no, no. Come sit. We'll talk while I shampoo.
[Eric sits for a moment but then stands up]
Eric Matthews: No! No, Dominique! Look. What we had was wrong and I have to walk out of here with a dry head.
Dominique: But one quick. No one has to know.
Eric Matthews: I'd know! Dominique, don't you see? One of us has to be strong and it has to be me. So don't make me do something we're both gonna regret.
Eric Matthews: Eric, you're making me angry. I will be very rough with you.
Eric Matthews: Okay!
[He sits back down]
Dominique: Good boy.

Eric Matthews: Hey, I can get a haircut! As many as I want!

Eric Matthews: Jason, I'm going nuts, The more I try to study, the more I think about girls. Look at this. History, perfect example. Look at this.
[He shows Jason his textbook]
Eric Matthews: Queen Victoria, Catherine the Great, Madame Curie. Are they yummy or what?
Jason Marsden: Yummy!
Eric Matthews: Oh, and who is this raven-haired beauty?
Jason Marsden: That's Leonardo da Vinci. Stop that, you're scaring me.


"Boy Meets World: A Long Walk to Pittsburgh: Part 1 (#4.16)" (1997)
Cory Matthews: No, I just think I want to stay here.
Eric Matthews: Listen, Cor, I know I'm your older brother and everything, but, uh... I don't know how to protect you from this one.
Cory Matthews: Could you just stay here with me?
Eric Matthews: Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going anywhere, man.

Cory Matthews: I didn't even say goodbye, Eric.
Eric Matthews: That's alright. You'll say goodbye the next time you say hello.


"Boy Meets World: Angela's Men (#7.3)" (1999)
Sergeant Moore: Matthews!
Eric Matthews: Sir, yes sir!
Sergeant Moore: You are a disgrace to this university, to this country and humanity in general!
Eric Matthews: Hahaha wow!

[In order to exact his revenge on Topanga, Eric is hiding in a print of "American Gothic" and is dressed as The Farmer. Jack stares at him and then at the floor and back at Eric]
Jack Hunter: I beg you. I beg you to seek help.
Eric Matthews: Oh, this is gonna be *so* sweet. Bye-bye Topanga.
Jack Hunter: Alright, you know what? Topanga is too smart for you. Anyone is!
Eric Matthews: Stay out of this, Jack. This is a one man mission. Will you help me?
Jack Hunter: [as he walks away] No.
Eric Matthews: Fine. I'll this myself.
[He turns toward The Wife in the painting]
Eric Matthews: You have a very large head. I don't know why I married you.
[He reacts to being pinched on his behind]
Eric Matthews: Hey!


"Boy Meets World: It's About Time (#7.7)" (1999)
Shawn Hunter: You know what? I shouldn't have even come. Have a wonderful life, jerk.
Cory: You too, trailer trash!
Eric Matthews: Oh! Shawn's poor! Ha ha ha!

Angela Moore: You forgot the rings didn't you?
Eric Matthews: Yes but I remembered my underwear.
[Suddenly scared he grabs Angela by the arm]
Eric Matthews: No I didn't!


"Boy Meets World: Pilot (#1.1)" (1993)
Cory Matthews: Call her.
Eric Matthews: Who?
Cory Matthews: Who? Heather, my nemesis!

Eric Matthews: [on the phone] You will? Ok great. Yeah, me too. Alrighty. Okay, bye.
[Eric hangs up the phone and then excitedly]
Eric Matthews: Yes!
Cory Matthews: [Entering the room] Yes! The Phillies won 8-3!
Eric Matthews: I'm going out with Heather Ralston!
Cory Matthews: Do you know what that means?
Eric Matthews: It means every guy in the tenth grade wants to be me.
Cory Matthews: It means if they win Friday night they're in the playoffs!
Eric Matthews: Oh, look Cory we gotta talk about something.
Cory Matthews: That makes the game we're going to the most important game of the year!
Eric Matthews: Cory, my date with Heather's Friday.
Cory Matthews: Now, look, I got a slight case of detention from Feeny but I'll just meet you at the bus. What?
Eric Matthews: It's the only night she was available.
Cory Matthews: You're not going to the game? That's terrible!
Eric Matthews: Actually Cory it uh, it gets worse.
Cory Matthews: She's going to the game with us?
Eric Matthews: You're really close.
Cory Matthews: She and I are going to the game?
Eric Matthews: Ugh. Come on Cory it's my first date with her. It's really important to me.
Cory Matthews: But Eric, going to The Phillies game is like our special thing.
Eric Matthews: Cory. I'm trying to get a special thing goin' with Heather. Now look, you can be happy for me and accept this like a mature guy or you can...
Cory Matthews: [yells running out the door] Dad!
Eric Matthews: Overreact.


"Boy Meets World: Me and Mr. Joad (#2.4)" (1994)
Desiree: May I ask why you are wearing a dish towel in your trousers?
Eric Matthews: Uh see, lightning hit my zipper and my mom had to throw water on me to put out the fire. Do you believe me?
Desiree: No.
Eric Matthews: [lifts the towel, revealing the wet spot on his pants] Now do you believe me?

Desiree: [after telling Jason to do something] Say "yes, puddin'."
Jason Marsden: [smiles] Yes.
[Desiree stares expectantly]
Eric Matthews: I believe the woman wants "puddin'."
Jason Marsden: Puddin'.


"Boy Meets World: It's Not You... It's Me (#5.3)" (1997)
Jack Hunter: Come on, Eric, you've had three weeks to write this paper.
Eric Matthews: You don't make fun of my learning disability!
Jack Hunter: You have a learning disability?
Eric Matthews: I would think so!

Jack Hunter: Let's just go home and write our papers man.
Eric Matthews: No, no, no. We're not gonna have to. You see, the beauty of defending the dean is that he's gonna give us an extension on the paper. We're never gonna have to do it or any paper thereafter. We're actually never gonna have to do any real work until we graduate, get jobs, befriend our bosses, get married, befriend our wives.
Jack Hunter: I just want to go to college. I just want to do the work.
Eric Matthews: Hey! I like you too much to let you do that.


"Boy Meets World: Danger Boy (#2.16)" (1995)
[after riding the roller coaster]
Cory Matthews: Piece of cake.
Eric Matthews: What?
Cory Matthews: I just threw up a piece of cake.

Eric: [Cory and Mr. Feeny are about to ride the roller coaster] Cory, get out of that car, it's too dangerous, you'll kill yourself! Mr. Feeny, enjoy the ride!
Mr. George Feeny: [salutes]


"Boy Meets World: Train of Fools (#3.10)" (1995)
Eric Matthews: Dad, thanks for giving birth to me!
Amy Matthews: Uh, I was there too.
Eric Matthews: Oh, right. Kudos, Mom.

Eric Matthews: Cory, if stupidity was in the Olympics, you'd win a Nobel Prize!


"Boy Meets World: Career Day (#2.22)" (1995)
Jason Marsden: Well, that vocabulary review was exhilarating and revitalizing. And to think I thought the SATs would be my "bette noir".
Eric Matthews: Shut up!

Eric Matthews: You didn't go to college. Why do I have to go?
Alan Matthews: Because someday your son is going to have a career day. And if you don't go to college, your son's teacher is going to stand up there in front of all the cool parents and say, "Here's the grocer!" Go to college!
Eric Matthews: I don't think I can. Oh, why try? What's the point? We're all just gonna die anyway.
Jason Marsden: Well, aren't we nihilistic. Or should I say vacuitous.
Eric Matthews: Hey, if you're so smart, how come you don't understand shut up?


"Boy Meets World: Everybody Loves Stuart (#6.7)" (1998)
Eric: If there's one thing I know, it's people. I've lived among them. It's like a fifth sense.
Jack: You mean sixth sense?
Eric: No, man, that's smell. You gotta be lucky to get that one.

Eric Matthews: [staring at Rachel's backside] Look at that! How'd you like to come home to that every day?
Jack Hunter: We do come home to that. That's Rachel! You unbelievable, incredible buffoon.


"Boy Meets World: Shallow Boy (#4.5)" (1996)
Eric: Okay, Corrina, I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to choose my words very carefully. I think you're a psycho. I want to get as far away from you as I possibly can.
Corinna: What?
Eric: I'm just not the guy for you. You need a guy who's happy, and perky all the time. Maybe a guy whose had part of his brain removed and he thinks he's a bunny, and you can go off and be bunnies together.

Corinna: I don't know what Uncle David could've possibly meant by life experience. I'm 18 years old. I've been to sleep-away camps... I even got on the wrong bus once. I had a goldfish who died.
Eric: Suicide, was it?


"Boy Meets World: Fear Strikes Out (#2.9)" (1994)
Eric Matthews: I'm too cute to stay home!

Eric Matthews: [he's trying to help Cory fix his reputation by talking him into going to a party that night] Take someone with you.
Cory Matthews: [skeptically] Who am I gonna take? The only people in the school who are talking to me are Shawn and Topanga.
Cory Matthews: Then take Shawn.
Cory Matthews: [looks at him, appalled] I'm taking *Topanga*!
Eric Matthews: [smirking] You animal!


"Boy Meets World: Honesty Night (#5.21)" (1998)
Shawn Hunter: To Jack, Eric, Cory and Topanga: Okay, I've gathered you all here today to ask one question. By a show of hands how many of us are sick over the Cory and Topanga issue? Eric you're the only one not raising your hand.
Eric: That's right.
Shawn Hunter: Why is that Eric?
Eric: Because I'm the extension.
Jack: You mean exception? Was today's word exception?
Eric: No today's word was pertinent but I didn't think that was... having anything to do with this situation.
Jack: Alright, by a show of hands how many people are tired of Eric?
Eric: Cool. It's ubiquitous.

Mr. George Feeny: Morning, boys.
Eric: Salutations, my didactic friend.
Mr. George Feeny: [shocked] ... Excuse me?
Jack: Hi. He said hi.
Mr. George Feeny: I know what he said. Does he know what he said?
Eric: [laughs] Oh, Mr. Feeny, I appreciate your sardonic jocularity.
Jack: It's his word-a-day calendar. It took him some time, but he's finally got it down.
Mr. George Feeny: Oh, well, Eric, I salute you. A good vocabulary is an important asset in life.
Eric: Well, thank you, Mr. Feeny.I'm certain my erudite loquaciousness will be most advantageous, particularly as regards to my intellectual discourse.
Mr. George Feeny: I can see where this is going to get old quick.
Jack: Can you? Snap him out of it.
Mr. George Feeny: So, Eric, have you perused the tastefully lascivious Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?
Eric: Tushies for sale! Cool!
Jack: You're a good teacher, Mr. Feeny.
Mr. George Feeny: Yeah, well, when you live next door to a house full of psychos.


"Boy Meets World: On the Fence (#1.2)" (1993)
Cory Matthews: Hi, Mom. Wow, dinner smells terrific, and that thing you're wearing is really lovely. What is that, a dress?
Amy Matthews: Oh, Cory, what a lovely and sincere compliment, and I know that you wouldn't spoil it by asking me for something.
Eric Matthews: Eerie how she always knows, huh?
Cory Matthews: What, do all women have antennas hidden somewhere on their bodies?
Eric Matthews: I don't know. None of them will let me look.

[Eric is standing in front of the counter, wearing an apron; Morgan is sitting on the counter, tying his apron]
Morgan Matthews: One bunny ear... goes around the other bunny ear.
Eric Matthews: Will you just tie the bow? I'm late for the market. Dad's going to kill me!
Morgan Matthews: I don't know how to tie a bow.
Eric Matthews: [turns around, annoyed] So, why did you tell me you did?
Morgan Matthews: [happily] 'Cause I'm self-confident.


"Boy Meets World: Things Change (#5.23)" (1998)
Eric Matthews: There's going to be a lot of changes in your life, Cory. It's not the changes that matter, it's how you react to the changes. I mean, that's what makes you who you are.
Cory Matthews: Then I even accept that Feeny's retiring.
Eric Matthews: WHAAAAT?
Cory Matthews: He's moving to Jackson Hole.
Eric Matthews: Here in Philadelphia?
Jack Hunter: No, in Hawaii, you incredible, unbelievable moron.
Eric Matthews: Feeny can't do that! How can Feeny do that? I mean, I need him! He's my mentor, I go to him for everything! Why are you not more upset about this?
Cory Matthews: Hey, things change.

Eric Matthews: Mr.Feeny? If I'm really, really quiet, will you stay?


"Boy Meets World: Notorious (#2.3)" (1994)
Amy Matthews: Maybe when you get a little older, you'll realize that stunts and gimmicks are not what make you special.
[Eric comes in]
Eric Matthews: I'm dating a senior! I'm special! I am fabulous. I have a tremendous new found sense of self worth. Nothing bad can happen right?
Amy Matthews, Alan Matthews, Cory Matthews: No. No.

Desiree: [after asking Eric to do something] Say "Yes, puddin'."
Eric Matthews: [smiles] Yes.
[Desiree stares expectantly]
Jason Marsden: I believe the woman wants "puddin'."
Eric Matthews: Puddin'.


"Boy Meets World: What a Drag! (#7.11)" (1999)
Eric Matthews: [dressed as a girl] So, babe what do you think?
Shawn Hunter: Umm, yes to the dress no to the face.
Eric Matthews: What? Too much makeup?
Shawn Hunter: Too much ugly


"Boy Meets World: Cory's Alternative Friends (#1.4)" (1993)
Amy Matthews: Cory, what did you do to your beautiful hair?
Cory Matthews: It wasn't beautiful. It looked like Velcro.
Eric Matthews: Nothing's going to stick to that now, man.


"Boy Meets World: I'm Gonna Be Like You, Dad (#7.14)" (2000)
Amy Matthews: Alan, remember how we were worried about Eric's F-U-T-U-R-E?
Eric Matthews: Oh ma, you don't have to worry about my furniture!


"Boy Meets World: My Best Friend's Girl (#3.1)" (1995)
Eric Matthews: On behalf of the film society and their friends thank you all for responding to the underground invitations stuffed in your lockers. And now, here to introduce Leon's Revenge, the man you've all been waiting for. He played Leon The Gutsucker in parts one, three and four. Here he is direct from the pits of hell. Your worst nightmare! Come on here he is!
[the curtain opens to reveal Feeny]
George Feeny: Boo.


"Boy Meets World: Boys II Mensa (#1.6)" (1993)
Amy Matthews: [Morgan's dressed as a zombie] There were no Cinderella costumes?
Eric Matthews: Hundreds of them.
Amy Matthews: And you had to choose axe in the head here?
Alan Matthews: It's the last one.
Alan Matthews: Ooh! Nice hanging eyeball!
Amy Matthews: I wanted Morgan to choose her own costume.
Eric Matthews: She did choose it, Mom, she wanted to be a zombie.
Alan Matthews: Eric, 24 hours ago she didn't even know what a zombie was.
Morgan Matthews: The undead are cool!


"Boy Meets World: Home (#2.23)" (1995)
[Eric is anxious preparing for the SAT test]
Jason: Your brain needs a rest.
Eric: No, no. Brain needs oxygen. There's just not enough oxygen in here. But I bet there's some outside, though!
[runs out]
Eric: Ahh... oxygen! Good old H2O. I feel smarter already. Do I look smarter?
Jason: Has your house been tested for radon?
Eric: Not another test!


"Boy Meets World: They're Killing Us (#7.6)" (1999)
Eric Matthews: [singing, twirling Cory around] For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow.
Cory Matthews: [the candles are knocked over, which light the curtains on fire] Oh my God! Oh my God! Look! It's happening. Eric, look! Look what you did. ERIC!
Eric Matthews: [singing] The curtain's on fire, the curtain's on fire!
[Firefighters start chopping down the door]
Eric Matthews: [continues to sing] They're chopping down the dorm room, they're chopping down the dorm room.
Cory Matthews: My brother is a moron!
Eric Matthews: Which nobody can deny!


"Boy Meets World: Sister Theresa (#2.10)" (1994)
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews. Thank you, oh so very much for having me for dinner in your lovely home.
Alan Matthews: Oh, well thank *you* for the lobsters.
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: You're welcome, I'm sure.
[to Cory]
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: How's the new me coming across, fuzzy?
Cory Matthews: You're doing great.
Eric Matthews: [Picks up a lobster] Uh-oh, this guy's missing a claw.
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: [Stands up, very angry] That is it! I told them these are important people. This is a very big dinner for me! What do they do? They send me damaged goods!
[she throws the one-clawed lobster across the room and sits back down. She notices everyone staring at her]
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews. Thank you, oh so very much for having me for dinner in your lovely home.


"Boy Meets World: She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (#1.13)" (1994)
Eric Matthews: [addressing Cory's class] You've all known each other since kindergarten, but next year there's gonna be maybe 9 or 10 other 6th grade classes from different schools making up your 7th grade class and you're not gonna know all those kids. A lot of them are going to think differently than you.
Stuart Minkus: What do you mean?
Eric Matthews: Well, do you smoke cigarettes?
Stuart Minkus: No.
Eric Matthews: Lot of kids in your new school will, lot of them will try and pressure you into it, telling you how cool it is to smoke. You want to be cool, don't you?
Stuart Minkus: More than you can ever know.
Eric Matthews: Maybe you'll smoke.
Stuart Minkus: I don't think so.
Eric Matthews: Why not?
Stuart Minkus: Because according to the New England journal of medicine, smoking reduces lung capacity, leads to emphysema and causes heart attack and lung cancer.
Eric Matthews: What if...
[points at Topanga]
Eric Matthews: she thought it was cool, then would you smoke then?
Stuart Minkus: In a heartbeat.
Eric Matthews: WELCOME to the world of peer pressure.
[to Topanga]
Eric Matthews: So, he smokes, you think that's cool?
Topanga Lawrence: I think anyone who smokes is a disgusting pig!
Stuart Minkus: I'm trying to quit!
Eric Matthews: It's not that easy, Minkus, there's all kinds of pressures. What about alcohol?
Stuart Minkus: Could you use someone else as an example, please?
Eric Matthews: [to Cory] What about alcohol?
Cory Matthews: What about it?
Eric Matthews: [to Shawn] What about drugs?
Cory Matthews: Hey, calm down, Eric, we're not into that stuff, what we like is baseball and comic books.
Eric Matthews: Yeah, that's what you like NOW, but that's going to change, just like you're changing schools, just like you're gonna start feeling a lot of new stuff inside of you you're not really gonna understand.
Cory Matthews: How do you know?
Eric Matthews: Because you're growing up.
[to Topanga]
Eric Matthews: Some of you have already started.


"Boy Meets World: Wrong Side of the Tracks (#2.19)" (1995)
Jason Marsden: You hold in your hands a subliminal learn to skate in your sleep tape.
Eric Matthews: But I don't want to skate in my sleep.
Jason Marsden: Oh, you're lucky you got that smile!


"Boy Meets World: Father Knows Less (#1.3)" (1993)
Alan Matthews: Hey, Cory. Cory. Phillies are playing on the west coast and Schilling's going into the seventh inning with a no-hitter against the Dodgers. You too tired to come down and watch the rest of the game with me?
Cory Matthews: What, are you new here?
Alan Matthews: [to Eric] The Phillies got a no-hitter going. Want to come down and watch the game with me and Cory?
Eric Matthews: [half asleep] I can't. I'm... I'm naked and I'm taking a math test.


"Boy Meets World: Boy Meets Real World (#5.2)" (1997)
Jack Hunter: You know, the whole reason I wanted Shawn to move in here was so I'd get to know him. But he won't let me. I'm shallow, he resents me. I try to be honest with him, he runs out... Maybe this brother thing isn't gonna work, man.
Eric Matthews: Maybe you're right. Why don't you just walk away? Then you won't be brothers anymore. Right?
Jack Hunter: Yeah, I mean we don't even know each other. What makes us brothers in the first place?
Eric Matthews: Okay. When I was 12, Cory and I went to a Phillys game. My father gave me just enough money for two hot dogs, so I bought two hot dogs. 'Course, I realized by the time I got back to Cory, I ate them both. He cried!
[laughs]
Jack Hunter: This is very sad.
Eric Matthews: That was the happy part. You want sad? I went up and down the aisle, trying to collect money from people. A dime here, a quarter there. And I went and I bought Cory a hot dog. Man, he was so happy. He smiled, and then I smiled, because I felt good. You know, I mean I did the right thing, I was a good older brother. He started giggling... he reached his little hand out for that hot dog, and... took a foul ball right smack dab in the head, POW, knocked him unconcious. Cory doesn't giggle anymore.
Jack Hunter: Next to Wendy's unicorn monologue, that is the worst story I've ever heard.
Eric Matthews: Yeah, you know, you're right. That is a really bad story. So... why don't you tell me one about your brother?
[Jack says nothing]


"Boy Meets World: Better Than Average Cory (#6.5)" (1998)
Eric Matthews: [Jack has saved Rachel's life and she has offered him anything in return] What are you gonna ask her for?
Jack Hunter: Leave me alone.
Eric Matthews: What are you gonna ask her for?
Jack Hunter: Will you stop?
Eric Matthews: What are you gonna ask her for?
Jack Hunter: All right, you want the truth?
Eric Matthews: I can't handle the truth!


"Boy Meets World: Once in Love with Amy (#1.12)" (1994)
Eric Matthews: You know the big difference between guys and girls? Girls want committment, guys want girls.
Cory Matthews: What's the matter with committment?
Eric Matthews: You are so eleven.


"Boy Meets World: City Slackers (#3.11)" (1996)
Eric Matthews: So how does it feel to be dating a winner?
Bianca: I'll let you know as soon as I find one.


"Boy Meets World: Pickett Fences (#7.10)" (1999)
Jack Hunter: I'm out of a job.
Eric Matthews: [sucking Bridget's toe] And I'm in a new healthy relationship!


"Boy Meets World: The Pink Flamingo Kid (#3.17)" (1996)
Eric Matthews: So I said to myself, Kyle...
Alan Matthews: Kyle?
Eric Matthews: That's what I call myself.


"Boy Meets World: Killer Bees (#1.5)" (1993)
Eric Matthews: [explaining to Cory how Mom and Dad embarrassed him at the Aerosmith concert earlier that evening] Mom and Dad are dancing in the aisles.
Heather: Come on, Eric. I think your parents are really cool.
Eric Matthews: Oh, good, I'm the lucky boy with the cool parents.
Heather: [to Cory] Your Mom was sitting on your Dad's shoulders. It was adorable.
Eric Matthews: I don't want adorable parents. Cory, you want adorable parents?
Cory Matthews: Nope. I just want them to make me lunch and pick me up from camp.


"Boy Meets World: And in Case I Don't See Ya (#6.10)" (1998)
Eric Matthews: Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good evening, good afternoon, and good night!


"Boy Meets World: On the Air (#2.17)" (1995)
Jonathan Turner: Hello, you're on the air.
George Feeny: Yes, I'm a first time caller. Love the show.
Jonathan Turner: You have a question?
George Feeny: More of a comment, really. I thought you did a commendable job handling a rather difficult situation.
Jonathan Turner: Thank you, caller.
George Feeny: And I do have a question. I'm curious as to what you think the appropriate punishment would be for your two guests.
Jonathan Turner: I'm thinking a week's detention.
George Feeny: Couldn't quite hear that. There seems to be some static on the line.
Jonathan Turner: A month's detention.
George Feeny: Loud and clear.
Cory Matthews: Well, you know, that's one man's opinion. Let's hear from some other listeners.
[He pushes a button]
Eric Matthews: I say lock 'em up and throw away the key!
Cory Matthews: Get off the phone, Eric!


"Boy Meets World: This Little Piggy (#3.6)" (1995)
Eric Matthews: Have you heard of a college called "Yah-ley"?
George Feeny: You mean Yale?


"Boy Meets World: Dangerous Secret (#4.8)" (1996)
Eric: Cory, sex is like a bike without training wheels, if you try it too soon you'll fall off and break your head.


"Boy Meets World: Brother Brother (#3.22)" (1996)
Eric: I'm going to travel. Spend two months in my car and see all fifty states.
Mr. George Feeny: How do you intend to drive to Hawaii?
Eric: I'm gonna drive 'til they start speaking Chinese, then hang a U-ie.


"Boy Meets World: You Light Up My Union (#7.5)" (1999)
Jack: Hey, how'd it go at the bank?
Eric Matthews: So good.
Jack: Great. Give me the deposit slip.
Eric Matthews: Don't actually have one.
Jack: Why?
Eric Matthews: Because I didn't deposit the money.
Jack: Why?
Eric Matthews: Because I did something better with it.
Jack: Why?
Eric Matthews: Because I gave it to a monkey.
Jack: You gave it to a monkey?
Eric Matthews: I didn't actually give it to a monkey. I gave it to the organ grinder so he can send for the monkey's girlfriend. Hi! Little apology maybe?


"Boy Meets World: What I Meant to Say (#3.3)" (1995)
Eric Matthews: Christy's gonna expect me to tell her that I love her. Aw man, I gotta do something now.
[to self]
Eric Matthews: Think, you gotta think, Eric. Ow.
Shawn Hunter: Thinking cramp?
Eric Matthews: Yeah.
Shawn Hunter: I get those too.


"Boy Meets World: The Uninvited (#2.5)" (1994)
Eric Matthews: [Cory swallows mouth wash] What, are you crazy? You swallowed that?
Cory Matthews: I'm taking no chances tonight. I want this stuff in my stomach on reserve.
Eric Matthews: Why?
Cory Matthews: Because I'm going to a make-out party. If I burp... minty fresh.
Eric Matthews: Okay, I guess if you think about it makes sense. Hey, where's my deodorant?
Cory Matthews: In my pants.
Eric Matthews: You're sick.
Cory Matthews: I'm cool.
Eric Matthews: Since when?
Cory Matthews: Since Melissa Harrington invited me to her party.
Eric Matthews: Who's Melissa Harrington?
Cory Matthews: Only the coolest girl in the 7th grade.
Eric Matthews: And you got invited?
Cory Matthews: I did.
Eric Matthews: So that makes you cool too now, right?
Cory Matthews: I believe it does.
Eric Matthews: Well, how about that? I mean, you live with somebody and you think they're gonna stay a curly-haired little runt the rest of their lives. Then you turn around and one day they're cool. Wait, come here, let me look at you. Whoa. I mean, you didn't say you were this cool, Cor.
Cory Matthews: All right, knock it off Eric.
Eric Matthews: You are so cool I'm gonna have Mom cut all the feet off your pajamas, 'cause you just may be ready, Mr... Coolio Iglesias. Huh?


"Boy Meets World: Who's Afraid of Cory Wolf? (#2.6)" (1994)
Cory Matthews: Eric, what you're about to see may shock you.
Eric Matthews: Then put a towel on.
Cory Matthews: Okay, look!
[comes out with his arms thrown in the air, completely normal]
Eric Matthews: Oh, my God! I don't see anything at all!


"Boy Meets World: Santa's Little Helper (#1.10)" (1993)
Eric Matthews: What's up with the weasel? She locked herself in the bathroom and she's in there singing, "On the first day of Christmas I murdered Santa Claus"


"Boy Meets World: Cult Fiction (#4.21)" (1997)
[Eric wants to join a cult to meet girls]
Cory: Eric. Eric.
Eric: No, no, no, no. My new nut name is Sunflower Fortunato.