Don Draper
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Quotes for
Don Draper (Character)
from "Mad Men" (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Mad Men: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (#1.1)" (2007)
Roger: Have we hired any Jews?
Don Draper: Not on my watch!

Don Draper: We should get married.
Midge: You think I'd make a good ex-wife?

Don Draper: People were buying cigarettes before Freud was born.

Pete Campbell: A man like you I'd follow into combat blindfolded, and I wouldn't be the first. Am I right, buddy?
Don Draper: Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wake up pregnant.

Don Draper: The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one.

Don Draper: I'm not going to let a woman talk to me like that!

Don Draper: This is the greatest advertisting opportunity since the invention of cereal. We have six identical companies making six identical products. We can say anything we want. How do you make your cigarettes?
Lee Garner, Jr.: I don't know.
Lee Garner, Sr.: Shame on you. We breed insect repellant tobacco seeds, plant them in the North Carolina sunshine, grow it, cut it, cure it, toast it...
Don Draper: There you go. There you go.
[Writes on chalkboard and underlines: "IT'S TOASTED."]
Lee Garner, Jr.: But everybody's else's tobacco is toasted.
Don Draper: No. Everybody else's tobacco is poisonous. Lucky Strikes'... is toasted.
Roger: Well, gentlemen, I don't think I have to tell you what you just witnessed here.
Lee Garner, Jr.: I think you do.
Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And do you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of a road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing is OK. You are OK.
Lee Garner, Sr.: It's toasted.
[Smiles]
Lee Garner, Sr.: I get it.

Don Draper: All I have is a crush-proof box, and four out of five dead people smoked your brand.

Don Draper: If Greta's research was any good I would have used it.
Pete Campbell: What are you talking about?
Don Draper: I'm saying I had a report just like that. And it's not like there's some magic machine that makes identical copies of things.


"Mad Men: The Suitcase (#4.7)" (2010)
Don Draper: Peggy, I'm glad that this is an environment where you feel free to fail.

Peggy Olson: I thought we were doing this at 9. It's 11:15.
Don Draper: I'm late, but you're not. Good work so far.

Don Draper: I wouldn't be good company anyway.
Roger Sterling: That's never bothered me before.

Peggy Olson: [Presenting an idea to Don] We thought that Samsonite is this very rare element, this mythical substance, the hardest on earth, and we see an adventurer leaping through a cave.
Don Draper: Is this a substance much like bullshit?

Don Draper: I gave you more responsibility and you didn't do anything.
Peggy Olson: That you like. We did work, a lot.
Don Draper: I don't care if you work ten seconds if you bring me something I like. We're gonna do this right now.
[Peggy sighs]
Don Draper: Oh, I know you have plans. You were gonna call me from a bar with an idea? You think elves do this?

Peggy Olson: [Looking at a painting in the diner] Why is there a dog in the Parthenon?
Don Draper: That is a roach. Let's go someplace darker.

Don Draper: That's how this works. I pay you for ideas.
Peggy Olson: You never say 'thank you'.
Don Draper: That's what the money is for!


"Mad Men: Blowing Smoke (#4.12)" (2010)
Don Draper: We're going to sit at our desks and keep typing while the walls fall down around us because we're creative - the least important, most important thing there is.

Bertram Cooper: Keep joking. You're cynical and craven. Tobacco put a roof over your head, and it fed your children.
Don Draper: And then it killed my business.

Don Draper: You haven't said anything about the letter.
Peggy Olson: I thought you didn't go in for those kinds of shenanigans.

Don Draper: Recently my advertising agency ended a long relationship with Lucky Strike cigarettes, and I'm relieved. For over 25 years we devoted ourselves to peddling a product for which good work is irrelevant, because people can't stop themselves from buying it. A product that never improves, that causes illness, and makes people unhappy. But there was money in it. A lot of money. In fact, our entire business depended on it. We knew it wasn't good for us, but we couldn't stop. And then, when Lucky Strike moved their business elsewhere, I realized, here was my chance to be someone who could sleep at night, because I know what I'm selling doesn't kill my customers. So as of today, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce will no longer take tobacco accounts. We know it's going to be hard. If you're interested in cigarette work, here's a list of agencies that do it well: BBDO, Leo Burnett, McCann Erickson, Cutler Gleason & Chaough, and Benton & Bowles. As for us, we welcome all other business because we're certain that our best work is still ahead of us.

Geoffrey Atherton: You are a certain kind of girl, and tobacco is your ideal boyfriend.
Don Draper: Can you get us a date?
Geoffrey Atherton: Philip Morris is introducing a new brand for young women, hoping to have it on the market in eighteen months, and they'd like a new agency on it from the ground floor.
Roger Sterling: How much is it?
Geoffrey Atherton: Close to five million dollars. It's a start.
Bertram Cooper: Wonderful.
Pete Campbell: And what stage of the process has your influence bought us?
Geoffrey Atherton: A meeting. No-one else has one.
Bertram Cooper: We will listen more than we will speak.
Geoffrey Atherton: Like a good girlfriend.

Ted Chaough: [speaking in affected Boston accent] Is this here, ah, Don Draper?
Don Draper: Yes...
Ted Chaough: This is Bobby Kennedy. How are you this lovely morning?
Don Draper: I'm well. Thank you, Senator.
Ted Chaough: Bobby, please. Listen, I just want to say that I admire your, ah, fortitude and vigor and standing up to what I consider to be one of the, er, ah, great menaces to this civilization as we know it.
Don Draper: That's very flattering.
Ted Chaough: I have one question. Does your company represent Secor Laxatives?
Don Draper: Yes. Yes, we do.
Ted Chaough: Well, are you gonna be writing anything against them? Because I want to make it clear that I am, er, ah, firmly anti-laxative.
Don Draper: [overhears laughter on the other end] Who the hell is this?
Ted Chaough: [laughs] Teddy Chaough! Thanks for sticking my name in there with the big boys. A full-page ad in The Times. What did that run you?
Don Draper: [hangs up] A little mix-up there. That was Eunice Kennedy.


"Mad Men: New Amsterdam (#1.4)" (2007)
Don Draper: Listen, Pete, I need you to go get a cardboard box. Put your things in it. Okay?

Don Draper: Remember when I told you about Pete Campbell's last day? It's today.
Roger: What'd he do?
Don Draper: While we were busting our asses on the Bethelem Steel account he was at the Regis Hotel pitching copy. His copy!
Roger: That little snot!

Don Draper: [talking about Pete Campbell] He's essential to the process. We're probably luckier to have him than you are.
Trudy Campbell: Oh I doubt that.
Don Draper: Well, maybe you're right.

Don Draper: [after he and his colleagues have been discussing an unusual ad from a rival agency] Well there must be something about it. We've been discussing it for fifteen minutes, and this
[holds up the magazine]
Don Draper: is Playboy.

[Don Draper pours a drink]
Roger Sterling: I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you could dream of
Don Draper: That's why I got in
Roger Sterling: So enjoy it
Don Draper: [drinks] I'm doing my best here
Roger Sterling: [scoffs] No, you're not. You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation we drink because it's good. Because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar. Because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.

Bertram Cooper: How much do you know about Pete's family?
Don Draper: Nothing, except that they put out a mediocre product.


"Mad Men: Waldorf Stories (#4.6)" (2010)
Peggy Olson: [Regarding Danny Siegel] What's his connection to Roger?
Don Draper: Besides being delusional? He's Jane Siegel's cousin.
Peggy Olson: It's a relief to see someone worse than me and really know it.

Don Draper: [In a flashback from the second time they met] I'm sorry, it's just... I've left some messages for you.
Roger Sterling: And I've ignored them, that's my message for you.

Don Draper: You got anything on Vicks?
Peggy Olson: Actually, it's Vick Chemical.
Don Draper: Answer the question.
Peggy Olson: We're very behind. Your new art director has been waiting for synchronicity, which involves me coming up with a bunch of ideas, chasing him down and having him draw all over them, and lose them.
Don Draper: He's your new art director too, and you have a deadline. And don't think you can spend Monday hiding behind corners and trying not to make eye contact. I will find you.

Don Draper: Peggy! Take Danny over to Joan, he's starting next Monday.
Peggy Olson: Are you kidding?
Danny Siegel: You will not be sorry.
Don Draper: Go away.

Don Draper: Call the Pen and Pencil, see if someone found my award.
Miss Blankenship: What's the category?
Don Draper: Best actress.


"Mad Men: The Summer Man (#4.8)" (2010)
Don Draper: People tell you who they are, but we ignore it - because we want them to be who we want them to be.

Don Draper: You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.

Don Draper: When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen, he'll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going, and that he woke up. If you listen, he'll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel or dreamt of being perfect. And then he'll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn't perfect. We're flawed, because we want so much more. We're ruined, because we get these things, and wish for what we had.

Don Draper: [Yelling through the door at Miss Blankenship] Get Joan in here!
Peggy Olson: She startles when you do that.

Bethany Van Nuys: My goodness, what was that?
Don Draper: Well, that was actually my ex wife, and her husband, and some slob who's about to have the worst dinner of his life.


"Mad Men: For Those Who Think Young (#2.1)" (2008)
Don Draper: You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do and they hate us for it.

Peggy Olson: Sex sells.
Don Draper: Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. They take all this monkey crap and just stick it in a briefcase completely unaware that their success depends on something more than their shoeshine. YOU are the product. You- FEELING something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do, and they hate us for it.

Don Draper: Young campaigns don't necessarily come from young people.
Roger Sterling: The clients like it. The clients like the thrill of young talent.
Don Draper: So what am I supposed to do - dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?

Don Draper: [reading from 'Meditations in an Emergency' by Frank O'Hara] "Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting and modern. The country is gray and brown and white and trees. Snows and skies of laughter are always diminishing. Less funny, not just darker. Not just gray. It may be the coldest day of the year. What does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again."

Don Draper: You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do. And they hate us for it.


"Mad Men: Flight 1 (#2.2)" (2008)
Don Draper: I'm enjoying the story so far, but I have a feeling it's not going to end well.

Herman 'Duck' Phillips: Anyway, he was quite clear about the fact that they're gonna want to make changes if they want the dust to settle fast.
Don Draper: What does that mean?
Bertram Cooper: It means they'll be looking for a new image and thus a new agency.
Don Draper: What's it been - four, three hours since the plane went down? You'll have to forgive me for not looking at a bunch of bodies in Jamaica Bay and seeing the opportunity.
Herman 'Duck' Phillips: Adding a few hours, or a day, a week doesn't make this any more of an opportunity.
Don Draper: We already have an airline.
Roger Sterling: We don't have American.
Don Draper: Well, that's right. We have the one whose planes didn't just fall out of the sky.

Don Draper: We *have* an airline. What kind of company are we going to be?
Roger Sterling: The kind where everyone has a summer house?


"Mad Men: Chinese Wall (#4.11)" (2010)
Don Draper: Every day I tried not to think about what would happen if this happened.

Faye Miller: God, I'd think this place would be packed still.
Don Draper: It's eight o'clock. There's only so much we can pretend like we're doing.

Don Draper: You wanna stay?
[Faye nods]
Don Draper: I'll probably fall asleep on you.


"Mad Men: Ladies Room (#1.2)" (2007)
Don Draper: I can't decide... if you have everything... or nothing.
Midge Daniels: I live in the moment. Nothing *is* everything.

Midge Daniels: [finding Don outside her apartment door] 11 a.m. Did you get fired?
Don Draper: Brought Betty into the city to see the doctor, but honestly, I think I'm not feeling so great. I called in sick.
Midge Daniels: Don't bring that here. I'm serious, Don, don't talk to me about her. That makes me feel cruel.

Betty Draper: Did you look at Sally's face? I think she has a bruise.
Don Draper: I didn't see it.
Betty Draper: On her cheekbone, under her eye.
Don Draper: I thought that was ketchup?
Betty Draper: What if she had gotten a scar? Something permanent?
Don Draper: I don't wanna play "what if".
Betty Draper: I'm just saying, if it had happened to Bobby it'd be ok because a boy with a scar is nothing, but a girl, it's so much worse.
Don Draper: Nothing happened.
Betty Draper: I keep thinking... not that I could have killed the kids, but... worse, Sally could have survived, and gone on living with this horrible scar on her face, and some long, lonely, miserable life...


"Mad Men: The Chrysanthemum and the Sword (#4.5)" (2010)
Miss Blankenship: You said not to buzz you all the time, but I don't know how else to do this - you have a phone call.
Don Draper: You can buzz me for a phone call. Things like coffee after I've said no, you don't have to ask again.
Miss Blankenship: You're always asleep in here.

Don Draper: [Reading aloud from a piece of paper] "The man is shamed by being openly ridiculed and rejected; it requires an audience."
Pete Campbell: What is that, fortune cookie?
Don Draper: It's from that book you were all supposed to read.
Pete Campbell: Oh.

Don Draper: Chaough said he's in my rear-view mirror. Well, guess what? I'm gonna make a left turn - right off a cliff.


"Mad Men: Marriage of Figaro (#1.3)" (2007)
Don Draper: [to Rachel Menkin] What is this? You can't convince me for a second that you were ever unloved.
[he pulls her closer and they kiss]

Helen Bishop: Quite a crowd in there.
Don Draper: [watching children play house] It's the same crowd out here.


"Mad Men: The Wheel (#1.13)" (2007)
Don Draper: Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It let's us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

Don Draper: Well, technology is a glittering lure. But there's the rare occasion when the public can be engaged on a level beyond flash, if they have a sentimental bond with the product. My first job, I was in-house at a fur company, with this old pro copywriter. Greek, named Teddy. And Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is "new". Creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of... calamine lotion. But he also talked about a deeper bond with the product: nostalgia. It's delicate... but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means, "the pain from an old wound". It's a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship. It's a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the Wheel. It's called a Carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels. Around and around, and back home again... to a place where we know we are loved.


"Mad Men: The Beautiful Girls (#4.9)" (2010)
Don Draper: I'd have my secretary do it, but she's dead.

Sally Draper: I made french toast.
Don Draper: You know I don't like you using the stove.
Sally Draper: Oh daddy, I do it all the time. And there's no shells in it.
Don Draper: Where did you learn to do this?
Sally Draper: Carla taught me.
Don Draper: [takes a bite] What's on this?
Sally Draper: Mrs. Butterworth's.
Don Draper: Go get it.
[Sally brings the bottle]
Don Draper: That's rum. Read labels.
Sally Draper: Is it bad?
Don Draper: [considers] Not really.


"Mad Men: Tomorrowland (#4.13)" (2010)
Megan Calvet: Hi Sally. This is my friend Camille. Camille, this is Don, Gene and Bobby and Sally.
Camille: Hello everybody.
Megan Calvet: I just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything else.
Don Draper: No, I think we're okay.
Sally Draper: Where are you going?
Camille: The Whisky A Go-Go.
Megan Calvet: Well good night everybody.
Don Draper: Good night, have fun.

Don Draper: I met somebody and... we're engaged.
Faye Miller: Are you kidding me?
Don Draper: I know, I know. It's a surprise. It was for me, too.
Faye Miller: Jesus. Who is she?
Don Draper: What's the difference? I fell in love. I didn't mean for this to happen. You've been very important to me.
Faye Miller: So you're not going to put an ad in the "New York Times" saying you never liked me?
Don Draper: Faye.
Faye Miller: Well, I hope you're very happy. And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things.


"Mad Men: Hands and Knees (#4.10)" (2010)
Pete Campbell: [Pete and Don are in the elevator discussing the fact that two FBI men have initiated a background check on Don] If you're asking me if he knows how to keep a secret - he works for the Department of Defense.
Don Draper: But he talks to you.
Pete Campbell: It's going to be OK. I was thinking about this. And I know it'll be uncomfortable, but if we have to, we can ride it out.
Don Draper: Are you crazy?
Pete Campbell: This many years later? It must be past the statute of limitations.
Don Draper: It's desertion. There's no statute of limitations.
Pete Campbell: I thought nobody cared about these things.
Don Draper: What am I supposed to do?
Pete Campbell: I don't know. You've been doing it for years. I don't have to live with your shit over my head.
[Don starts to leave the elevator and Pete grabs his arm]
Pete Campbell: You know, I signed this account after you disappeared in California. It's three years, but I've grown it from cocktails to $4 million.
Don Draper: Get rid of it.

Pete Campbell: Why did you fill out the form?
Don Draper: Megan did. And I signed it without looking because that's what I do.


"Mad Men: The Gypsy and the Hobo (#3.11)" (2009)
Researcher: [Annabelle Mathis and the Sterling Cooper creatives are watching a focus group of three dog owners and a researcher through the two-way mirror] How would you describe your dog's temperament?
Griffon Woman: [through mirror] She's picky and, ah, she's nervous sometimes, but she's very smart.
Researcher: [through mirror] And yours?
Mutt Man: [through mirror] He's independent, you know? He knows what he likes. He's pretty hard to fool.
Smitty: My God, they're describing themselves.
Don Draper: This your first group?
Researcher: [through mirror] What if I told you your dogs were enjoying Caldecott Farms?
Griffon Woman: [through mirror] What's it called?
Bulldog Man: [through mirror] I wouldn't like it. Bingo, stop!
Mutt Man: [through mirror] I've never heard of it.
Bulldog Man: [through mirror] Well, you should. They make it out of ponies.
Griffon Woman: [through mirror] Goodness gracious, that's this one?
Mutt Man: [through mirror] This is the first I'm hearing of this. I wish you would've told me. When people are protesting, I'm onboard.
Researcher: [through mirror] Well, what brand does your dog prefer?
Bulldog Man: [through mirror] Why would you do this to us?
Griffon Woman: [through mirror] It's inhumane!
Bulldog Man: [through mirror] Bingo looks sick.
Annabelle Mathis: [quietly] Turn it off.
Researcher: [through mirror] Would you prefer beef, or...
Don Draper: Somebody get that?
Peggy Olson: I can't turn it off, it's actually happening!
Don Draper: [irritably] Turn off the *sound*.

Betty Draper: What would you do if you were me? Would you love you?
Don Draper: I was surprised that you ever loved me.


"Mad Men: Public Relations (#4.1)" (2010)
Bethany Van Nuys: Don, I wanna lift a shadow off this evening. I know this is your first date.
Don Draper: First that Roger was involved in.
Bethany Van Nuys: Oh, of course, I'm sure. It's just... I'm breaking a lot of my rules, seeing a divorced man. But Jane has made you her personal cause.
Don Draper: And there are so many real problems in the world.

Peggy Olson: [Peggy enters Don's office with a ham] They sent one for each of us.
Don Draper: Could have just as easily fired us.
Peggy Olson: But they didn't because they sold more hams, and now you get to tell them why, if you want. I think they'll be impressed.
Don Draper: Well, I'm not. I try and stay away from these kinds of shenanigans, but I guess you knew that or you would have told me.
Peggy Olson: It was going great, until it wasn't.


"Mad Men: The Hobo Code (#1.8)" (2007)
Don Draper: I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie, there is no system, the universe is indifferent.

Don Draper: Listen, I'm not here to tell you about Jesus. You already know about Jesus. He either lives in your heart or he doesn't. Every woman wants choices, but in the end, none wants to be one of a hundred in a box. She's unique. She makes the choices and she's chosen him. She wants to tell the world he's MINE. He belongs to ME, not you. She marks her man with her lips. He's her possession. You've given the gift of total ownership.


"Mad Men: The Benefactor (#2.3)" (2008)
Don Draper: You don't cover for me, you manage expectations.

Bobbie Barrett: Okay, if that's what you want.
Don Draper: What do you want?
Bobbie Barrett: So. It's that kind of phone call, is it? Where are you?
Don Draper: In my home. With my children.
Bobbie Barrett: Really? I like being bad and then going home and being good. I'll see you Monday. Have a wonderful weekend.


"Mad Men: Christmas Comes But Once a Year (#4.2)" (2010)
Don Draper: [after the Christmas party is ruined by an obnoxious client] Did you... enjoy the Fuehrer's birthday?
Roger Sterling: May he live for a thousand years.


"Mad Men: Far Away Places (#5.6)" (2012)
Bertram Cooper: A client left here unhappy yesterday because you have a little girl running everything.
Don Draper: My department is fine. We just need more bodies, but Lane won't let us.
Bertram Cooper: You've been on love leave. It's amazing things are going as well as they are with as little as you are doing.
Don Draper: It's none of your business.
Bertram Cooper: This *is* my business.


"Mad Men: The Better Half (#6.9)" (2013)
Don Draper: Why is sex a definition of being close to someone?


"Mad Men: Out of Town (#3.1)" (2009)
Lane Pryce: London Fog. How ludicrous.
Don Draper: Really. I have one.
Bertram Cooper: So do I.
Lane Pryce: No, of course. It's just the name. There is no fog in London. There is no London fog.
Bertram Cooper: Are you sure about that?
Lane Pryce: Quite. Never was. It was the coal dust from the industrial era. Charles Dickens and whatnot.


"Mad Men: Seven Twenty Three (#3.7)" (2009)
Connie: I don't know what I'm more disturbed by: The fact that you don't have a Bible, or that there's not a single family photo.
Don Draper: I'm easily distracted.
Connie: You should have those things. They'll make you feel better about what you do. Start showing up on time.
Don Draper: Maybe I'm late because I was spending time with my family reading the Bible.


"Mad Men: Babylon (#1.6)" (2007)
Don Draper: Utopia.
Rachel Menken: Maybe. They taught us at Barnard about that word, 'utopia'. The Greeks had two meaning for it: 'eu-topos', meaning the good place, and 'u-topos' meaning the place that cannot be.


"Mad Men: Six Month Leave (#2.9)" (2008)
Don Draper: It's your life. You don't know how long it's gonna last, but you know it doesn't end well. You've gotta move forward... as soon as you can figure out what that means.


"Mad Men: The New Girl (#2.5)" (2008)
Don Draper: This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.


"Mad Men: Lady Lazarus (#5.8)" (2012)
Peggy Olson: [On the phone] Hello.
Don Draper: It's me. Is Megan there?
Peggy Olson: Isn't she with you?
Don Draper: Yes, we're playing a hilarious joke on you.
Peggy Olson: She left a while ago to meet you at the restaurant.
Don Draper: When?
Peggy Olson: I don't know, after you called.
Don Draper: I didn't call.
Peggy Olson: Oh. Well, she must be at home.
Don Draper: I'm at home.
Peggy Olson: Maybe she went to the restaurant and missed you and now she's on her way home - I don't know where she is. Do you know where Abe is?
Don Draper: Goodbye Peggy.


"Mad Men: The Arrangements (#3.4)" (2009)
Ken Cosgrove: Don, George Caan dropped out of Patio to direct a picture in L.A.
Don Draper: I look forward to his average work. Replace him.


"Mad Men: A Little Kiss, Part 1 (#5.1)" (2012)
Stan Rizzo: Big weekend plans?
Don Draper: It's Tuesday. I don't know.
Stan Rizzo: I was talking about me. My cousin's coming in.
Don Draper: Stan, assume that you're working.


"Mad Men: The Rejected (#4.4)" (2010)
Don Draper: [Holding up an empty bottle] Why is this empty?
Allison: Because you drink it all.


"Mad Men: Shut the Door. Have a Seat (#3.13)" (2009)
Don Draper: Do we vote or something?
[Roger, Bert, and Don successively raise their hands]
Lane Pryce: Well, gentlemen, I suppose you're fired.
Roger Sterling: Well, it's official. Friday, December 13th, 1963. Four guys shot their own legs off.


"Mad Men: Indian Summer (#1.11)" (2007)
Dr. Arnold Wayne: If you'd like to expedite things, we can put her in psychoanalysis.
Don Draper: What are you doing now?
Dr. Arnold Wayne: Psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Psychoanalysis would mean a minimum of three sessions a week and optimally five.


"Mad Men: Souvenir (#3.8)" (2009)
Don Draper: What else?
Smitty Smith: There are sixteen graphically perfect reduced photographs of Hilton hotels all on a grid, simple headline.
Kurt Smith: Go, we'll meet you anywhere.
Don Draper: Now that I can finally understand you, I am less impressed with what you have to say.
Smitty Smith: [laughs]
Don Draper: That's your work too. Who's "we"?
Kurt Smith: "We" are Hilton.
Don Draper: And how do I know that? Take out a magnifying glass and look at one of those tiny hotels?
Kurt Smith: I write Hilton very big under this Greek.
Don Draper: There is no deadline. I want to see work as you think of it. Give me more ideas to reject.


"Mad Men: Three Sundays (#2.4)" (2008)
Betty Draper: You take no responsibility for anything that goes on in this house.
Don Draper: I pay the bills, put clothes on your back, your damn stables.
Betty Draper: Don't you dare. I'm here all day. Alone with them, outnumbered.
Don Draper: What about Carla? Doesn't she count?
Betty Draper: It's not her job to raise our children! I'm here, and then you come home and get to be the hero.
Don Draper: You want me to bring home what I got at the office today? I'll put you through that window.


"Mad Men: My Old Kentucky Home (#3.3)" (2009)
Roger Sterling: Hank, tell them where you were this afternoon.
Henry Francis: Roger...
Roger Sterling: Oh, they're gonna read about it in the paper. He just came from Pocantico. Rockefeller married Happy.
Betty Draper: [shocked] She just got divorced a month ago. She has four children.
Bertram Cooper: You see? That's the first reaction. Divorce is political hari-kari.
Roger Sterling: Now we'll be stuck with Goldwater.
Don Draper: The primaries are still a long way off...
Jane Sterling: [drunk] Why did Rocky marry her?
Henry Francis: They're in love.
Jane Sterling: [happily] Awww!


"Mad Men: Dark Shadows (#5.9)" (2012)
Michael Ginsberg: I feel bad for you.
Don Draper: I don't think about you at all.


"Mad Men: The Gold Violin (#2.7)" (2008)
Anna: [flashback] Are you Donald Draper?
Don Draper: Yes, I am. If it's about my circular, many of the models are gone. But, uh, I'm sure we could find you something.
Anna: Oh, I'm not here to buy a car. You're a hard man to find.
Don Draper: Excuse me?
Anna: You're not Don Draper.


"Mad Men: Tea Leaves (#5.3)" (2012)
Don Draper: Your plate is full and frankly Mohawk is going to insist on a regular copy writer.
Roger Sterling: Someone with a penis.
Peggy Olson: I'll work on that...


"Mad Men: Love Among the Ruins (#3.2)" (2009)
Don Draper: In the interest of time, you want to demolish Penn Station and New York hates it.
Edgar Raffit: Not all of New York - A vocal minority.
Don Draper: Can they stop it?
Edgar Raffit: Well, I think all the hubbub is making it unpleasant for...
Don Draper: [interrupts] But they can't stop it, can they?
Edgar Raffit: Why do you people insist on making us sound like villains?
Don Draper: Your concern over public opinion shows a guilty conscience. What good is that serving you if what is to be done is already under way?
Edgar Raffit: So let's say I don't have a guilty conscience.
Don Draper: Good. And let's also say that change is neither good nor bad, it simply is. It can be greeted with terror or joy, a tantrum that says "I want it the way it was," or a dance that says, Look, something new!"
Edgar Raffit: Would you draw the line at 50 percent?
Don Draper: I'm not drawing a line at all. P.R. people understand this, but they can never execute it. If you don't like what is being said, then change the conversation.
Edgar Raffit: What is that conversation?
Don Draper: I was in California. Everything is new, and it's clean. The people are filled with hope. New York City is in decay. But Madison Square Garden is the beginning of a new city on a hill.