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: How long have you been interested in balloons? Clegg
: Oh, it's just a passing fancy. Pearl
: Well, I hope it passes a bit quicker than some of Howard's. Clegg
: Basically, it's just to keep me occupied until my skateboard comes.
: D'you know, I don't think I've been this deep in country since a Mr Birkenshaw. Pearl
: Mmm, well, expect it all looks very different when you're on your feet. Roz
: He invited me to go birdwatching. Pearl
: You didn't fall for that one, did you? Roz
: I did! And then it turned out he really meant birdwatching.
: Barry's sensitive. He feels it's his right to have a deep, emotional experience. Pearl
: Well, tell him you've scratched his car. Glenda
: I don't think he's ready for *that* deep.
: [to his bicycle which is sounding an alarm
] Sh! Sh! Sh! Pearl
: Not today. No trips out today. Twenty-four hour lockdown. Upstairs. Second bedroom. Get the paper scraped off the walls. Howard
: But it's really stuck on. Pearl
: Then get really stuck in.
: [about Auntie Wainwright
] She thinks on her feet; you got to give her that. Roz
: I always found that things got trickiest when you were off your feet. Glenda
: Oh, did you spend much time being ill, Auntie Roz? Nora
: It's right about now your mother would say, "Drink your coffee."
: Another book-lover. How may we help you? Pearl
: Have you got 'How to Poison Your Husband'? Davenport
: I'm sorry, it's out. Anyway, there's a waiting list.
: She's decided they need a day out, they need a change. Roz
: *She's* decided. They're probably quite happy. Pearl
: Quite likely. Oh, it'll be Nora's idea. And when Nora Batty wants to do you a kindness, you'll get a kindness done whether you like it or not. Roz
: She's merciless.
: Where are we supposed to be going to on this errand of mercy? Pearl
: Some old couple out on the moors somewhere. I find it easier to go along than it is to argue. Roz
: Oh, me too, and you've no idea of the trouble it got me into.
: Where do you think you're going? Howard
: A bicycle needs a certain amount of exercise. It's a well-known fact. Pearl
: Yours gets enough exercise; that's another well-known fact. Howard
: I didn't know where you'd gone. I was worried about you. Pearl
: You better be. And I've every intention of keeping you worried about me. So, now you've found me, we'll go home, shall we? Howard
: I was just going to suggest that.
: Hello, precious. Pearl
: Don't you precious me! What are you doing in there? Howard
: I'm just having my bicycle mended. Pearl
: That's the worst damned excuse you've ever made. Get on home!
: I'm looking for Mr Clegg. Norman Clegg. Pearl
: Next door. But he's not in. Howard
: No, he gets out. All the time, every day, free as a bird. For me, it's Stalag Luft III. Aubrey
: Your husband seems stressed. Pearl
: We do our best.
: [about Nora Batty learning to line dance
] Are you enjoying it? Nora
: I am not enjoying it. And I'll challenge anybody who says I am enjoying it. I'm not having people thinking I'm some silly, daft, fluffy-headed bimbo. Pearl
: I don't think you're in much danger of that. Roz
: However, if you end up going down that route, I'm always available for advice. Ivy
: Oh, don't get her going. She'll blame me. Nora
: Well, you opened your mouth. Ivy
: It's a bit of line dancing! You're not lap dancing. Roz
: Not yet, but once you get your feet on the slippery slope...
: [about a rumoured tiger
] Well, I don't think there's anything round here that is a man-eater. Pearl
: Well, I know one for a start. Glenda
: What kind of man-eater? Nora Batty
: Drink your coffee!
: This is Mitzi. Pearl
: Where'd you get it? Howard
: I promised Vernon I'd look after her. Pearl
: Vernon's died and left you his dog! Howard
: He hasn't died; he's gone to Manchester. Clegg
[Pearl is hoovering while Howard reads a book
: 'Scuse me, is there anybody home? This is your captain speaking. We're approaching some turbulence.
[turns off the hoover
: The house is on fire. Howard
: Ah, that's nice. Pearl
: I'm leaving you, Howard; I've had a better offer. It's not a very good offer, but it's better than the one I've got.
[grabs the novel from Howard
: What is it with you and this book? Howard
: It's terrific. He's so heroic. Pearl
: Right up your street. Howard
: The Adventures of El Lobo - the Wolf; the Smiling Bandit and his struggles against the oppressors of his people. Pearl
: But can he clean a good window? Howard
: He could have been me if I'd been born in South America. You can't do that kind of stuff round here. I bet they'd laugh if you wore a sombrero.
[Pearl looks Howard over and laughs
[Howard is singing nonsense syllables
: Howard! Howard
: Yes, honeybunny? Pearl
: You're very chirpy this morning. You're up to summat! Howard
: Oh! Some days you just feel glad to be alive. Pearl
: I must be slipping! Howard
: Don't ever change. I like *you* just the way you are.
[He starts singing again
[Howard passes by with a sooty face
: Where has he been? Pearl
: Who knows? He's like dust; he gets everywhere.
[Marina passes, also with a sooty face
: [about Howard
] How long has he been like this? Pearl
: Seems longer. Roz
: They say they're a comfort in your old age. Pearl
: I thought that was pets. Roz
: Oh. That does sound more plausible.
: I'll never get used to baked beans. Pearl
: Well, there's worse. With Howard, it's black pudding. I keep telling him, "They're lumps of blood, Howard." I'm living with a midget from Transylvania.