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Quotes for
Pearl (Character)
from "Last of the Summer Wine" (1973)

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"Last of the Summer Wine: Sadly, Madly, Bradley (#23.9)" (2002)
Pearl: How long have you been interested in balloons?
Clegg: Oh, it's just a passing fancy.
Pearl: Well, I hope it passes a bit quicker than some of Howard's.
Clegg: Basically, it's just to keep me occupied until my skateboard comes.

Roz: D'you know, I don't think I've been this deep in country since a Mr Birkenshaw.
Pearl: Mmm, well, expect it all looks very different when you're on your feet.
Roz: He invited me to go birdwatching.
Pearl: You didn't fall for that one, did you?
Roz: I did! And then it turned out he really meant birdwatching.

"Last of the Summer Wine: Has Anyone Seen Barry's Midlife Crisis? (#27.3)" (2006)
Glenda: Barry's sensitive. He feels it's his right to have a deep, emotional experience.
Pearl: Well, tell him you've scratched his car.
Glenda: I don't think he's ready for *that* deep.

[first lines]
Howard: [to his bicycle which is sounding an alarm] Sh! Sh! Sh!
Pearl: Not today. No trips out today. Twenty-four hour lockdown. Upstairs. Second bedroom. Get the paper scraped off the walls.
Howard: But it's really stuck on.
Pearl: Then get really stuck in.

"Last of the Summer Wine: Watching the Clock (#26.2)" (2005)
Pearl: [about Auntie Wainwright] She thinks on her feet; you got to give her that.
Roz: I always found that things got trickiest when you were off your feet.
Glenda: Oh, did you spend much time being ill, Auntie Roz?
Nora: It's right about now your mother would say, "Drink your coffee."

Davenport: Another book-lover. How may we help you?
Pearl: Have you got 'How to Poison Your Husband'?
Davenport: I'm sorry, it's out. Anyway, there's a waiting list.

"Last of the Summer Wine: An Apple a Day (#25.6)" (2004)
Pearl: She's decided they need a day out, they need a change.
Roz: *She's* decided. They're probably quite happy.
Pearl: Quite likely. Oh, it'll be Nora's idea. And when Nora Batty wants to do you a kindness, you'll get a kindness done whether you like it or not.
Roz: She's merciless.

Roz: Where are we supposed to be going to on this errand of mercy?
Pearl: Some old couple out on the moors somewhere. I find it easier to go along than it is to argue.
Roz: Oh, me too, and you've no idea of the trouble it got me into.

"Last of the Summer Wine: The Mystical Squeak of Howard's Bicycle (#23.2)" (2002)
[first lines]
Pearl: Where do you think you're going?
Howard: A bicycle needs a certain amount of exercise. It's a well-known fact.
Pearl: Yours gets enough exercise; that's another well-known fact.
Howard: I didn't know where you'd gone. I was worried about you.
Pearl: You better be. And I've every intention of keeping you worried about me. So, now you've found me, we'll go home, shall we?
Howard: I was just going to suggest that.

[last lines]
Howard: Hello, precious.
Pearl: Don't you precious me! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm just having my bicycle mended.
Pearl: That's the worst damned excuse you've ever made. Get on home!

"Last of the Summer Wine: Oh Look! Mitzi's Found Her Mummy (#27.8)" (2006)
Howard: This is Mitzi.
Pearl: Where'd you get it?
Howard: I promised Vernon I'd look after her.
Pearl: Vernon's died and left you his dog!
Howard: He hasn't died; he's gone to Manchester.
Clegg: Close.

"Last of the Summer Wine: Ancient Eastern Wisdom - An Introduction (#24.3)" (2003)
[first lines]
[Pearl is hoovering while Howard reads a book]
Pearl: 'Scuse me, is there anybody home? This is your captain speaking. We're approaching some turbulence.
[turns off the hoover]
Pearl: The house is on fire.
Howard: Ah, that's nice.
Pearl: I'm leaving you, Howard; I've had a better offer. It's not a very good offer, but it's better than the one I've got.
[grabs the novel from Howard]
Pearl: What is it with you and this book?
Howard: It's terrific. He's so heroic.
Pearl: Right up your street.
Howard: The Adventures of El Lobo - the Wolf; the Smiling Bandit and his struggles against the oppressors of his people.
Pearl: But can he clean a good window?
Howard: He could have been me if I'd been born in South America. You can't do that kind of stuff round here. I bet they'd laugh if you wore a sombrero.
[Pearl looks Howard over and laughs]

"Last of the Summer Wine: Follow That Bottle (#27.1)" (2006)
Aubrey: I'm looking for Mr Clegg. Norman Clegg.
Pearl: Next door. But he's not in.
Howard: No, he gets out. All the time, every day, free as a bird. For me, it's Stalag Luft III.
Aubrey: Your husband seems stressed.
Pearl: We do our best.

"Last of the Summer Wine: The Missing Bus of Mrs Avery (#22.3)" (2001)
[first lines]
[Howard is singing nonsense syllables]
Pearl: Howard!
Howard: Yes, honeybunny?
Pearl: You're very chirpy this morning. You're up to summat!
Howard: Oh! Some days you just feel glad to be alive.
Pearl: I must be slipping!
Howard: Don't ever change. I like *you* just the way you are.
[He starts singing again]

"Last of the Summer Wine: The Genuine Outdoors Robin Hood Barbi (#27.4)" (2006)
[last lines]
[Howard passes by with a sooty face]
Nelly: Where has he been?
Pearl: Who knows? He's like dust; he gets everywhere.
[Marina passes, also with a sooty face]
Nelly: Everywhere.

"Last of the Summer Wine: The Swan Man of Ilkley (#26.1)" (2005)
Glenda: [about Nora Batty learning to line dance] Are you enjoying it?
Nora: I am not enjoying it. And I'll challenge anybody who says I am enjoying it. I'm not having people thinking I'm some silly, daft, fluffy-headed bimbo.
Pearl: I don't think you're in much danger of that.
Roz: However, if you end up going down that route, I'm always available for advice.
Ivy: Oh, don't get her going. She'll blame me.
Nora: Well, you opened your mouth.
Ivy: It's a bit of line dancing! You're not lap dancing.
Roz: Not yet, but once you get your feet on the slippery slope...

"Last of the Summer Wine: Has Anyone Seen a Peruvian Wart? (#26.3)" (2005)
Roz: [about Howard] How long has he been like this?
Pearl: Seems longer.
Roz: They say they're a comfort in your old age.
Pearl: I thought that was pets.
Roz: Oh. That does sound more plausible.

"Last of the Summer Wine: The Coming of the Beast (#22.10)" (2001)
Nora Batty: [about a rumoured tiger] Well, I don't think there's anything round here that is a man-eater.
Pearl: Well, I know one for a start.
Glenda: What kind of man-eater?
Nora Batty, Ros, Ivy, Edie: Drink your coffee!

"Last of the Summer Wine: Little Orphan Howard (#26.10)" (2005)
Roz: I'll never get used to baked beans.
Pearl: Well, there's worse. With Howard, it's black pudding. I keep telling him, "They're lumps of blood, Howard." I'm living with a midget from Transylvania.