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Quotes for
Letitia Cropley (Character)
from "The Vicar of Dibley" (1994)

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"The Vicar of Dibley: Election (#1.5)" (1994)
[David Horton has reneged on his campaign promises]
Owen Newitt: I vote we kill him.
Jim Trott: No no no no no no no, so do I.
Letitia Cropley: I could poison him if you like. No-one'ld ever know.

Letitia Cropley: We're going to see those lovely dancers in London.
David Horton: The Royal Ballet?
Letitia Cropley: No, the Chippendales.

Frank Pickle: [looking at Letitia's cake] Oh, lovely. Chocolate?
Letitia Cropley: No. Marmite.


"The Vicar of Dibley: Songs of Praise (#1.2)" (1994)
Letitia Cropley: I rather enjoyed Lady Chatterley. Some very useful tips.
David Horton: I beg your pardon.
Letitia Cropley: Oh, gardening tips; Mellors was a gamekeeper, very good at hedge control.
David Horton: I see.
Letitia Cropley: I thought the sex was jolly good fun, as well.

Ruth: [about the flowers] They're very beautiful.
Letitia Cropley: So are you, my dear. In my youth, I was what you call a corker. May I give you a bit of advice?
Ruth: Of course.
Letitia Cropley: Play the field; snog everybody; sleep with most. I didn't, and I've been regretting it ever since. I do like young Frank, but a bit of a slow mover. Twenty-six years and not even upstairs outsidees.


"The Vicar of Dibley: Animals (#1.6)" (1994)
Owen Newitt: [looking at the giant vegetable Jim has grown] Well, bugger me.
Letitia Cropley: You know, it's time the vicar did something about your bad language.
[looks at the vegetable]
Letitia Cropley: Ooh, it is a big bugger, though, isn't it?

Letitia Cropley: The question is whether I bring the snails I've got for my new recipe.
Frank Pickle: What recipe is that?
Letitia Cropley: Bread and Butter Pudding Surprise.


"The Vicar of Dibley: Community Spirit (#1.3)" (1994)
David Horton: Item two: Mindless Vandalism. As you probably know, we have an outbreak of graffiti in the village.
Letitia Cropley: Oh, yes, I saw that. I don't think you're a prat, Mr Horton.
David Horton: No-one said I was.
Owen Newitt: Yes, some bugger's scrawled: "Mr Horton's a total prat" on the Scout Hut wall.
David Horton: We also seem to have acquired a village *Puss* Office. You keeping up, Frank?
Frank Pickle: Yeah. Horton's a total prat.
David Horton: Well, let's just keep an eye out for them, shall we? Especially the little *bastard* who's tampered with the sign for the *Tuck* Shop.


"The Vicar of Dibley: The Window & the Weather (#1.4)" (1994)
[first lines]
Owen Newitt: Filthy weather.
Jim Trott: No no no no no no no no I've known worse.
Owen Newitt: Oh yes? When was that, then?
Jim Trott: The Great Storm, when the windmill got blown over.
Owen Newitt: That wasn't the Great Storm; that was a moderately windy night. No, the really great storm was the Great Storm.
Jim Trott: When was that, then?
Owen Newitt: When Dave Batt got decapitated.
Jim Trott: That wasn't the Great Storm.
Owen Newitt: Well, it was pretty damn great.
Jim Trott: No, the greatest storm was the one when Old Harold got blown into the quarry.
Owen Newitt: Ooh, that! The Great Winds.
Jim Trott: The what?
Owen Newitt: The Great Storm there's got to be rain, and in the Great Winds there was just wind.
Letitia Cropley: Nasty night. It reminds me of the Great Storm.
Owen Newitt, Jim Trott: Shut up!


"The Vicar of Dibley: The Arrival (#1.1)" (1994)
[last lines]
Frank Pickle: It's the most people we've had in the church since that Lady Godiva thing three years ago.
Geraldine: Oh, what was that?
Hugo Horton: We were celebrating the summer solstice, and we thought it would be fun to re-enact Lady Godiva.
Geraldine: [to Alice, who is unbuttoning her] No, no, no, no, no, that is my dress.
Owen Newitt: A lot of people turned up, but unfortunately it was rather disappointing.
Geraldine: Lady Godiva wearing a body stocking.
Frank Pickle: No! She was absolutely stark naked.
Geraldine: Wow.
Letitia Cropley: Well, I hadn't had time to go to the hair-dresser, so I wasn't looking my best.
Geraldine: I bet you were, you sauce-pot.