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Patrick Dennis - Older
: Marriage is a great institution... Patrick Dennis - Older
, Pegeen Ryan
: But who wants to live in a institution?
: Well, now, uh, read me all the words you don't understand. Patrick Dennis
: Libido, inferiority complex, stinko, blotto, free love, bathtub gin, monkey glands, Karl Marx... is he one of the Marx Brothers?
[Patrick reads a list of words he doesn't understand
] Patrick Dennis
: ...Neurotic, heterosexual... Mame Dennis
: Oh, my my my my, what an eager little mind.
[takes the list
] Mame Dennis
: You won't need some of these words for months and months.
: Run along to Ito and tell him to bring me a light breakfast - black coffee and a side car. Oh, oh. And a cold towel for your Auntie Vera. Patrick Dennis
: Is she in the guest room again? Mame Dennis
: Since Sunday, dear. Now run along to Ito and hurry my tray, darling. Your Auntie needs fuel.
: Is the English lady sick, Auntie Mame? Mame Dennis
: She's not English, darling... she's from Pittsburgh. Patrick Dennis
: She sounded English. Mame Dennis
: Well, when you're from Pittsburgh, you have to do something.
: I dropped by the Bixby School. And what do I find? I find he isn't even registered there, he never has been. So I've been hunting through every low, crockpot school in this town, and I finally found him in the lowest of them all. Mame Dennis
: Mr. Page is a progressive educator... Dwight Babcock
: There they were, a schoolroom full of them: boys, girls, teachers, romping around stark naked, bare as the day they were born. Mame Dennis
: I assure you that the children under Mr. Page's care were engaged in normal, healthful, broadening pursuits. Dwight Babcock
: Broadening? You show them what you were doing when I broke into that place. Go ahead, show them. Patrick Dennis
: We just playing Fish Families. Dwight Babcock
: Fish Families! Patrick Dennis
: It's part of "constructive play". Dwight Babcock
: Now, listen to this. Mame Dennis
: Show me now darling, show me. Patrick Dennis
: Well, we do it right after yogurt time. Mrs. Page and all the girls crouch down on the floor under the sun lamps. And they pretend to be lady fishes, depositing their eggs in the sand. Then Mr. Page and all the boys do what gentlemen fish do. Mame Dennis
] What could be more wholesome or natural?
: [Meeting her nephew's snobbish dumb-blond fiancee for the first time
] You're er, you're at school dear? Gloria Upson
: I am an Upper Richman Girls School girl. Mame Dennis
: Now, how did you get that lovely tan, so early in the spring? Gloria Upson
: Oh, I played hooky for a couple of weeks. Mums and Dadums and I went down to our place in Fort Lauderdale. We have a place in Fort Lauderdale. Patrick Dennis
: I was out of my mind until she got back. I am insanely jealous of this kid. Sheer torture and I love it. Gloria Upson
] Silly... Mame Dennis
: Tell me dear, have you er, have you chosen your major yet? Gloria Upson
: [With a blank stare
] Chosen my major? Mame Dennis
: What courses are you taking at college? Gloria Upson
: Ah, well, just a general sort of liberal arts things, you know, English lit and like that. Upper Richman's a top drawer. *Really* top drawer.
: [walking with Mame after Mame's remarkable sidesaddle horseback ride during a fox hunt
] Can I ask you just one question? How did you stay on that horse? Mame Dennis
: It was just like New Haven with the bracelets. I got stuck, but at the other end.
: Can I slide down the banister? Mame
: Well, why not. Young Patrick
: My father would never let me. Mame
: That's too bad. You must come from a dreadful family. Young Patrick
: I only have one relative in the whole world. Mame
: Oh, really, dear? And who is that? Young Patrick
: You. Agnes
: That's right. Mame
: Who are you? Agnes
: Agnes Gooch. Mame
: That's impossible. You aren't coming until tomorrow. Your telegram clearly said December 1, and this is November 31. And everyone knows that thirty days hath September, April, June, and Nov - . Oh my GOD. I'm your Auntie Mame.