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Quotes for
Lonnie (Character)
from "Scrubs" (2001)

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"Scrubs: My New Game (#4.3)" (2004)
J.D.: Well, as you may have heard from the loudspeaker, some residents, the janitor, my mother, your mother, and a coma patient, um, I'm being referred to as the "co-" chief resident. I think we should either both go with "co-chief" or "chief." Don't you... co-agree?
Lonnie: Excuse me. We're working up this patient for a hypercoagulable state with a prolonged PTT? What's our next step?
J.D.: Well, that's easy, Lonnie, what you want to do...
Lonnie: 'd like my answer from the *chief* resident.

"Scrubs: My Quarantine (#4.16)" (2005)
J.D.: So be honest: Is this the worst first date you've ever been on or what?
Kylie: I don't know. I think it's kind of exciting: being in a hospital, getting to see you in action. I just wish I could be your assistant.
J.D.: Say no more. Lonnie! Shirt!
Lonnie: No!
J.D.: Don't make me say "pants" - I'll do it.
[Lonnie removes his scrub shirt and gives it to Kylie]
J.D.: Still tanning, I see.
Kylie: He's your bitch, isn't he?

"Scrubs: My Own Personal Hell (#5.14)" (2006)
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [narrating] A local magazine named Dr Cox the best doctor in the city. Dr Cox felt this was big news.
[Cox walks in front of doctors, paramedics and patients all arranged in a row]
Dr. Perry Cox: All right! Here's how it's going to work, people. I'm going to ask each and everyone of you just exactly WHO is the very finest physician in this city, to which you will respond: "You are!". If you do not reply in a timely and exuberant fashion , my associate here will take his mop and, these are his words, not mine, "Popsicle you".
[poses a hand over Janitor's shoulder; he makes a rapid and threatening move with his mop]
Dr. Perry Cox: Now, my lovely ex-wife will demonstrate. Darling, just exactly who is the very best physician in our fair city?
Jordan Sullivan: You are! And now, as agreed, you owe me a night on the town and some "me actually getting to finish" sex.
Dr. Perry Cox: Well done. Now, down the line we go!
Person in Line #2: You are!
Person in Line: You are!
Asian Nurse: You are!
Black Nurse: You are!
Lonnie: Y'are!
[the Janitor pokes him with the mop]
Lonnie: God! Why?
The Janitor: You combined "You" and "Are", and you said "Yar". Made no sense.
Dr. Perry Cox: It's true, Lonnie. Everybody heard it. Poke him again.
[the Janitor pokes Lonnie again, he squeaks in pain. Cox notices Kelso in line]
Dr. Perry Cox: Bob Kelso... will you be joining us?
Dr. Bob Kelso: Mh? Uh... there was a line... I assumed it had something to do with cupcakes.
Dr. Perry Cox: Bob, obviously you read the article...
Dr. Bob Kelso: Perry, the last publication I read was the issue of Out my son left by the crapper when he was home this weekend asking for money. You'll never get my validation, hotshot.
[walks away, not poked by the Janitor]
Dr. Perry Cox: And just exactly where was the poke?
The Janitor: I froze. Gimme 20 bucks, I will crack him over the head.
Dr. Perry Cox: [gives Janitor the money] Only kill him if you have to.

"Scrubs: My Half-Acre (#5.9)" (2006)
Lonnie: Dr. Cox, would you help me with a centeral line.
Dr. Cox: Fine, Lonnie. But hand to God, if you so much as look at me for the next month I will mummify your head in surgical tape.
Lonnie: Thank you Dr. Cox!
[looks away]
Lonnie: Is he gone? No? Hello?

"Scrubs: My Drive By (#4.24)" (2005)
Dr. Perry Cox: [whistles] All right, everybody... gather round here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look... I know I'm pretty quick to point out other people's mistakes, but... I have a son, now, and I also realize that it's important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr Blake, down in bed 3, came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block, but someone took the time to find out that recently he'd been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme carditis. Now, I'm sure some of you are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I'd like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up to the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This... this is no time to be modest. Come now.
[turns around and raises his own hand]
Dr. Perry Cox: Oh, my God! It was me! I did it, I'm a genius. I'm a huge brain in a ripped-up body. I am Jesus H. Cox, M.D. Still, I probably couldn't have done it by myself so I'd like to go ahead and recognize some of the other players who were involved. There was the intern who originally misdiagnosed the patient...
Lonnie: [raises his hand] That's me, daddy.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Put your hand down, Lonnie.
Dr. Perry Cox: ...and then there was the resident who confirmed that misdiagnosis...
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: In my defense I was up late watching a "Designing Women" marathon.
Dr. Perry Cox: ...and last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr Blake's chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn't ever need. Now, he's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honors. He is so black, so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes; ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!
Dr. Christopher Turk: Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?
Dr. Perry Cox: Not until people start chanting my name, so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Because, you see, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing, well, it runs on props, so I'm going to need to hear it. Come now.
[everybody starts and chants Cox's name]
Dr. Perry Cox: Me... me... me... oh, so me!

"Scrubs: His Story II (#3.18)" (2004)
Lonnie: Mr Miller passed away and I thought that since I'm kind of new of this, you could notify his family.
Dr. John "J.D." Dorian: What, you steal my research project and now you want me to do your dirty work?
Lonnie: Dr Cox said if you said that to say that's right, Melinda.