Xandir P. Wifflebottom
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Quotes for
Xandir P. Wifflebottom (Character)
from "Drawn Together" (2004)

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"Drawn Together: Gay Bash (#1.3)" (2004)
[about Xandir being gay]
Xandir: There's no reason Mrs. Pac-Man should know about this.
Pac-Man: [puts on a bow] Oh, I think she already knows.

Xandir: Dare I say it? I, Xandir, am on a never ending quest to save my boyfriend!

Xandir: Good bye cruel world!
[dies and comes back]
Xandir: Good bye cruel world!
[dies and comes back]
Xandir: Good bye cruel world... this could take a while

Xandir: Good-bye cruel world!
Toot Braunstein: Damn it, Xander, that noise! You're keeping us all awake. Can't you kill yourself more quietly, like Bizzaro Captain Hero did?
[camera pans to Bizzaro Captain Hero, who is hanging dead from the ceiling]
Captain Hero: Uh, yeah, right. Killed himself, tragic!

Xandir: [referring to "Mrs. Pacman"] That big-mouthed tranny is gonna tell my girlfriend I'm out!
Foxxy Love: You and Pacman huh? Well, you won't be the first fruit he's eaten! Go Foxxy! It's your birthday, not for real real, just for play play!


"Drawn Together: Lost in Parking Space: Part Two (#3.8)" (2008)
Xandir P Whifflebottom: I'm leading us out of this van, like Moses led the Jews out of the desert, to the world's everlasting regret.

Xandir P Whifflebottom: So, like the time Fernando and I went to a diner and ordered a bowl of soup to split, but we didn't feel like crackers, we got a roll!

Xandir P Whifflebottom: There is hope. As long as we're together. Drawn-
Spanky Ham: If you say "Drawn Together", I swear to Christ I'm going to cave your skull in with a tyre iron and eat what drips out!
Xandir P Whifflebottom: All right. Fair enough.


"Drawn Together: Lost in Parking Space: Part One (#3.7)" (2006)
Xandir P Whifflebottom: Well Xandir, like the Grateful Dead, you've gotten us into yet another stupid jam.

Xandir P Whifflebottom: Today's the day you promised we'd all go to the mall together.
Captain Hero: I thought today was the day you were going to shut the fuck up!


"Drawn Together: A Very Special Drawn Together After School Special (#2.13)" (2006)
Wooldoor Sockbat: [the housemates are role-playing, Wooldoor speaks to Xandir] "Now, you be the gay's dad".
Xandir: "Oh, O.K".
[deeper voice]
Xandir: "I love football!"
[slaps Toot, who is Xandir's mother]
Xandir: .
Wooldoor Sockbat: [points to Captain Hero] "And you be the gay".
Captain Hero: [as Xandir's father] "I ain't gonna be no homo!".
Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Xandir's mum".
Captain Hero: [as Xandir's mother in a higher voice] "Alright, I'm asking for this!"
[slaps himself]
Captain Hero: .
Toot Braunstein: [Angrily] "Then who the hell am I?".
Wooldoor Sockbat: "You're the homo".
Toot Braunstein: [wistfully] "Can I be the dad?".
Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Stan".
Xandir: [confused] "Then who the hell am I?".
Toot Braunstein: [angrily, as Xandir's father] "The queer!"
[punches Captain Hero, who is Xandir's mother]
Toot Braunstein: .
Wooldoor Sockbat: [disappointed] "I wanted to be the queer!".


"Drawn Together: Captain Girl (#2.9)" (2006)
Toot Braunstein: [her baby is missing] I looked for my baby everywhere. I looked by the pool...
[camera shows her lounging at the pool]
Toot Braunstein: ... by the refrigerator
[camera shows her pulling a six pack from the fridge]
Toot Braunstein: ... by the pool again.
[back at the pool, she's drinking the six pack]
Toot Braunstein: It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth.
Xandir: We can't find your baby anywhere.
Toot Braunstein: YOU'RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH! Oh, did you check the fridge?


"Drawn Together: Alzheimer's That Ends Well (#2.14)" (2006)
Xandir P Whifflebottom: Oh hey, Hero, I was thinking, maybe we should throw Toot a surprise birthday party.
Captain Hero: If we're all gonna shout out what we're thinking, I've been thinking about paying a prostitute to shove bowling pins up my ass!