Shirley Feeney
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Quotes for
Shirley Feeney (Character)
from "Laverne & Shirley" (1976)

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"Laverne & Shirley: The Obstacle Course (#3.20)" (1978)
Shirley Feeney: Any woman that could run that obstacle course in 40 seconds would have to be a freak of nature.
Laverne DeFazio: I just did it!

Shirley Feeney: I'm stuck up here and I can't get down, come get me!
Laverne DeFazio: Nobody ever got stuck on a rope!

Shirley Feeney: You were always great at those athletic things like running and jumping and scraping your knees. I was never good at that stuff.
Laverne DeFazio: That's because you hated scabs.
Shirley Feeney: I didn't hate them, my family didn't allow me to have them. I wanted to have scabs!

"Laverne & Shirley: Haunted House (#2.21)" (1977)
Shirley Feeney: [to Laverne about Rosie] You're Shirley Temple, she's the Masonic Temple.

Shirley Feeney: I'm not going here, do you know where this is?
Laverne DeFazio: Where?
Shirley Feeney: This is the Old Ramsdale Manor.
Laverne DeFazio: So?
Shirley Feeney: So it's haunted. My brothers warned me about that place when I was a little girl.
Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, your brothers also warned you about petting and that didn't stop you.
Shirley Feeney: This is different Laverne, my brothers used to whisper in my ear BEWARE THE LEGEND OF THE RAMSDALE HAIRY THING!
Laverne DeFazio: Your brothers whispered awfully loud!

Shirley Feeney: [sees a skull, screams] This person didn't leave here alive.
Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, it's a knick-knack.
Shirley Feeney: It's a skull!
Laverne DeFazio: Does it have hair? Is it a hairy thing?
Shirley Feeney: No.
Laverne DeFazio: Then we're staying.

"Laverne & Shirley: Fakeout at the Stakeout (#1.11)" (1976)
Shirley Feeney: Sure glad I didn't tell Lenny and Squiggy about my poodle skirt.

Laverne DeFazio: Well, you're supposed to take an interest in a guy's work.
Shirley Feeney: Do they ever take an interest in ours?
Laverne DeFazio: I'm not even interested in ours.

Shirley Feeney: If you wanna meet women, why don't you just hang out in bars like the rest of the guys?
Man: Hey, babycakes! I got plenty of dates, with women! I love 'em, they love me, but, uh... guys gotta make a living, huh?

"Laverne & Shirley: The Driving Test (#3.19)" (1978)
Shirley Feeney: [Laverne's brought in a tricycle and scooter for a visual aid to Squiggy's test question] Since Laverne forgot to get *me* a vehicle, I'll be a pedestrian, and I'm taking Booboo Kitty to the vet.

Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: [chopping vegetables while Shirley talks him into hiring Squiggy, tearing up] Alright, I'll do it!
Shirley Feeney: You don't have to cry about it.
Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: I'm not, here's your onions!

Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: [teary eyed, about to offer Squiggy a job] Squiggy...
Shirley Feeney: He's been chopping onions.
Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: No these are real.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Debutante Ball (#3.21)" (1978)
Shirley Feeney: What's that?
Frank DeFazio: It's a 100 year old bottle of wine I'm saving for Laverne's wedding.
Shirley Feeney: I hope we all get to try it soon.
Frank DeFazio: From your mouth to God's ear.

Shirley Feeney: If you had fallen down at the Pizza Bowl, would you run in the bathroom and hide?
Laverne DeFazio: No, I'd do this
[hits herself in the head]
Laverne DeFazio: and everybody would laugh.
Shirley Feeney: So how's this different than falling at the Pizza Bowl?
Laverne DeFazio: Because when those people out there laugh at me, they think I'm riffraff.
Shirley Feeney: Do you think they're more important than the people at the Pizza Bowl?
Laverne DeFazio: No but...
Shirley Feeney: Are they more important than me?
Laverne DeFazio: No but...
Shirley Feeney: Are they more important than your father?
Laverne DeFazio: No but...
Shirley Feeney: Oh but but but.

Shirley Feeney: [Laverne's embarrassed to go back out to the ball room, Shirley's dressed in blue jeans and a sweatshirt jacket] Look at me, Laverne, do *I* look like I belong at the debutante ball? Noooooo, but I'm here, and I'm going to go back out the same way I came in.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Slow Child (#3.15)" (1978)
Laverne DeFazio: [about Miss Babish] I don't think we should give her a hard time right now. Her daughter Amy is visiting this weekend.
Shirley Feeney: Oh Amy.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah the uh...
Shirley Feeney: Retarded girl. Remember that time we met her on the stupe?
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah, she doesn't get to leave that special school that much.
Shirley Feeney: It's rough boy, 18 years old and she can only be in the 8th grade.

Shirley Feeney: [to Carmine] You do a pretty mean Irish jig for an Italian.
Laverne DeFazio: Thank you.

"Laverne & Shirley: Drive! She Said (#2.1)" (1976)
Shirley Feeney: [yelling out the window] Laverne DeFazio is scared to drive!
[walks away]
Laverne DeFazio: [goes to the window] Shirley Feeney's middle name is Willamina!
[walks away]
Shirley Feeney: [goes to the window] Laverne DeFazio went to the prom with her cousin!
[walks away]
Laverne DeFazio: [goes to the window] Shirley Feeney stuffs her bra with socks!

Shirley Feeney: [shouting out the window] Laverne DeFazio's not afraid to drive!
Laverne DeFazio: [shouting out the window] Shirley Feeney doesn't stuff her bra with socks... anymore!

"Laverne & Shirley: The Robot Lawsuit (#3.4)" (1977)
Laverne DeFazio: [in the toy store] This reminds me of when Shirley Temple spent Christmas morning at that rich girl's house in 'Heidi'.
Shirley Feeney: [imitating Shirley Temple] Grandfather! Grandfather! I want to stay with you!

Shirley Feeney: [discussing one of Shirley's relatives who was fine for six months after an accident and then relapsed] She couldn't perform any of her wifely duties.
Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: Oh, cooking and cleaning?
Laverne DeFazio: [getting what Shirley means] Not at all?
Shirley Feeney: Zilcho.
Laverne DeFazio: No wonder they're always so cranky.
Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: Oh! THOSE wifely duties! I get it now, I didn't before.

"Laverne & Shirley: A Nun's Story (#1.4)" (1976)
Shirley Feeney: Lenny's still talking to Anne Marie.
Laverne DeFazio: He's confessing, Shirl!

Shirley Feeney: We laughed at the same things now we laughed at in high school.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah we laughed because they're still funny.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Road to Burbank (#6.8)" (1981)
Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: Mrs. Squiggman.
Shirley Feeney: Don't ever call me that!
Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: Why not?
Shirley Feeney: Let me put it to you this way. If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, the human race would die out.
Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: We could always adopt.

"Happy Days: Fonzie's Funeral: Part 2 (#6.23)" (1979)
Shirley Feeney: His boots look peaceful.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah.
[cries and hugs one of Fonzie's boots]
Shirley Feeney: You can't keep the boot.
Laverne DeFazio: I want it.
Shirley Feeney: You can't keep the boot.
Laverne DeFazio: I want it.
Shirley Feeney: You want him standing barefooted for that big stag line in the sky?
Laverne DeFazio: No, he'd kill me.

"Laverne & Shirley: Good Time Girls (#2.8)" (1976)
Shirley Feeney: Hello? Oh, it's you, you masher, you-...
Laverne DeFazio: Hi there, hot stuff... no, that was my mother... yeah, that sounds like tons of fun... that, too... and that... and that... and that... yeah, yeah, uh, that sounds like a barrel of laughs, there, but, uh, uh, before we, y'know, uh, we gotta find out where you heard about us... hanh?... oh, I see, uh, well, thank you very much for that information, you nerdface, and by the way, creephead, all you said makes me sick, sick, sick, except possibly that third thing there.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Dance Studio (#3.23)" (1978)
Shirley Feeney: Well maybe Nathan the Greek is a nice loan shark.
Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, a nice loan shark? Think about it, are they called loan bunnies? Loan guppies? No, loan sharks, they bite your face off.

"Laverne & Shirley: Fire Show (#4.19)" (1979)
Shirley Feeney: Carmine and I have an understanding. I'm allowed to date other men and he's allowed to date ugly women.