Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles
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Quotes for
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles (Character)
from "Pushing Daisies" (2007)

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"Pushing Daisies: Pie-lette (#1.1)" (2007)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I've been ruminating, and by "ruminating" I mean "pondering," not "chewing cud."

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You can't just touch somebody's life and be done with it!
Ned: Yes, I can. That's how I roll.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me.

Ned: This is pushing your luck.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Yeah, well, luck pushed me first.

[Ned touches the recently strangled-to-death Deedee Duffield and she comes back to life]
Deedee: Hey, Charlotte!
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hey, Deedee.
Deedee: Now, how'd I know you'd be the first person I'd see when I got to...? Is this...? Which one is this?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: This is neither. Well, maybe it's both, but, listen, this is the deal: you get to talk for, like, a minute, we're gonna catch up, and then you're not talking anymore.
Deedee: Does everyone get to do this? 'Cause, girl, we gotta break it down.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Did you know I was gonna get killed?
Deedee: I thought there might be the possibility, yes. I'm real sorry about that. I probably should've said something. But to be honest, and really, why not, at this point, if it were safe, I would've done it myself. God, this is fantastic! Being honest is fun!
Emerson Cod: Ask her who killed her and you and what's with the monkeys.
Deedee: Who are those people?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: That's Emerson, I don't really know him, and this is Ned. He was my first kiss.
Deedee: [to Ned] Now, you're adorable. Look at your li -
[touches Ned's cheek and becomes dead again]
Emerson Cod: You couldn't have... scooted back a little?
Ned: I didn't know she was gonna touch my cheek. Who does that?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Actually, she does that a lot.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You said you wanted to know who killed me so that justice could be served. See, I don't think that "Justice" was on the menu. Maybe as a side dish, but not as an entrée.
Ned: It was most definitely an entrée. It was a Special of the Day. Could we drop the metaphor?

[Olive sees Chuck in disguise come out of Ned's apartment and stares at her]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I'm a friend of Ned's.
Olive: Does he touch you?

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I'm not a fan of the hug.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Then you haven't been hugged properly. It's like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.
Ned: That's fine for someone else to do if I'm choking on something other than emotion, but you can't touch me.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: So a kiss is out of the question?
Ned: I've lost my train of thought.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I suppose dying's as good an excuse as any to start living.

Ned: You died for a pair of plaster monkeys?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Deedee said they weren't worth much, their only value was sentimental.
Emerson Cod: Those must have been some emotional monkeys.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Do you believe in reincarnation?
Emerson Cod: Hell no. The planet's falling apart. Right now, it's the children's problem. We reincarnate, it's our problem.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I'll be so mad if you're lying. You'll have me scratching the drapes!
Ned: I'm not lying. Please don't attack the window treatments.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: When were you going to tell me?
Ned: In the morning or when it came up. Whichever didn't come first.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [to Ned] I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me.

"Pushing Daisies: Girth (#1.5)" (2007)
Olive Snook: John Joseph, you look gruh-ate!
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: And you beat death! You're alive!
Olive Snook, Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Yay!

Olive Snook: [about Mamma Jacobs' house] Hansel and Gretel would've lived a lot longer if they had to find this dump.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hansel and Gretel lived, by the way, once they tricked the witch into the oven, they stole her jewels, went home with their father, only to discover that their stepmother, who had sent them into the woods had died of evilness.
Emerson Cod: You can't die of evilness.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Happens all the time you do something mean or hurtful to someone like tell a secret... Bang! You're dead.
Olive Snook: Or Bang! You're not really dead you're just pretending to be dead while other people who think you're dead are heartbroken.
Emerson Cod: Or Bang! You talk too much and you both go wait in the car.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: So I guess you delivered some pies to my aunts.
Olive Snook: Yeah, they're sweet. Probably would be a lot sweeter if they didn't think you were... murdered.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Did you tell them I was alive?
Olive Snook: Kinda think that would make their little heads explode. What was that rhyme?
[in a singsong tone]
Olive Snook: "I scream, you scream, we all scream 'cause you faked your death!"

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Where've you been?
Ned: Not important.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: It's important to me. I missed you.

[Ned says ghosts don't exist]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: How do you know there's not a ghost somewhere right now telling his ghost friend, "You don't really think there's a guy who can touch dead people back to life, do you?"

Mamma Jacobs: What did you say your name was? Brandon? Butch?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Chuck.
Mamma Jacobs: Chuck! I knew it was something unladylike.

[Mamma Jacobs is after them and Chuck just fell]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Run! Save yourself!
Olive Snook: No, no! She's after me, not you. Tell Ned I love... his pies!
[Olive runs away to lure Mamma Jacobs her way to save Chuck]

Emerson Cod: There's a legless skeleton of a horse in John Jacobs' tomb, and Olive knows you're dead.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: First of all, huh? And secondly, Olive thinks that I faked my death which is completely different to knowing that I'm dead.
Emerson Cod: Yeah, different like purple and mauve.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What if he changes when his blood sugar drops?
Olive Snook: Like a hypoglycemic werewolf!

Emerson Cod: You can't die of evilness.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Happens all the time you do something mean or hurtful to someone like tell a secret... Bang! You're dead.
Olive Snook: Or Bang! You're not really dead you're just pretending to be dead while other people who think you're dead are heartbroken.
Emerson Cod: Or Bang! You talk too much and you both go wait in the car

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: So, does Ned know what you think you know?
Olive Snook: Not yet.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Who does?
Olive Snook: Who knows?

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You go and do whatever private, secret, alone thing you need to go and do by yourself. Alone.

"Pushing Daisies: Dummy (#1.2)" (2007)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hi, Emerson! Isn't this exciting?
[she gets out and he locks her out of the car]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hey!
Emerson Cod: What's she doing here?
Ned: Said she didn't climb out of her coffin for me to keep her in a box.
Emerson Cod: She the boss of you?
Ned: I'm the boss of me!
Emerson Cod: Dead girl's gotta go.
Ned: Dead girl's not going anywhere.
Emerson Cod: You don't know nothin about her except she had soft lips when she was ten!
Ned: That should be enough.
Emerson Cod: Well, I don't like it.
[he gets out and Chuck gets in, locking him out]
Emerson Cod: Hey!
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What did you guys talk about?
Ned: I'd really like to get out of this car soon.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?
Ned: He barely knows you're here
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Do I really have to sit in back from now on?
Ned: It's for your own safety.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You sound like my dad.
Ned: If my hand brushes yours you'd be dead.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: He didn't say that.
Ned: [locking the doors] So it's probably better if you stay in the car for these morgue visits. Someone might recognize you. You really can't come in
[All three of them standing in the morgue office]
Ned: Did I say "can" because I swallow my consonants sometimes "n't", "n't", "caN'T come in"
Emerson Cod: [to Coroner] Got that hit and run?
Ned: We're from the Government Safety Place?
Coroner: Is that a question?
Ned: Government Safety Place
Coroner: Mmmm-hmmmmmm

Ned: I hate secrets, too.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What? You love secrets. You want to marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies.

Narrator: The Pie Maker considered what the sentence would be for breaking and entering with no prior convictions.
Ned: [Emerson pulls out an ID card] Where'd you get that?
Emerson Cod: Contacted the company that makes these doors under false pretenses. they gave me a sample ID badge, which I digitally altered using the magnetic code that matches the serial number of this machine. Is that cheating?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I dunno. Cause this?
[pulls out an identical ID card]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I gave the security guard a hug goodbye, my upper body distracted him, while these things I call "hands" took this off his belt.
Narrator: At that moment, the Pie Maker felt a mixture of happiness and trepidation.
Ned: Why is it always a mixture?

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: We haven't seen each other in like 20 years, don't you want to know about me? I want to know everything about you.
Ned: Look, we've all done things we're not proud of, we all have secrets.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What secrets?
Emerson Cod: Skeletons in the closet.
Ned: Exactly. How long have you been listening?
Emerson Cod: There are *skeletons* in the *closet*.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Emerson thinks I'm useless. Am I useless?
Ned: No, you're not useless. "Useless" is an empty soap dispenser in the restroom standing around reminding people what you could be doing, but doing nothing at all.

[while escaping from Mark Chase in the Dandy Lion SX]
Emerson Cod: Can't this thing go any faster?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Some car of the future this is!
Ned: I thought cars of the future were supposed to fly! What the hell happened to flying cars?

Emerson Cod: [Ned has just re-animated Bernard] Ask the question.
Ned: Mr. Slaybeck, do you...
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [Interrupts] Do you have any last requests? Some unfinished business with this life we can help you with?
Emerson Cod: [to Ned] Don't let her do this.
Bernard Slaybeck: Is this heaven?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Could be.
Emerson Cod: No, it's not.
Bernard Slaybeck: [Looks at Emerson] Is that God?
Emerson Cod: No, it's not.
Bernard Slaybeck: I'm confused because I'm a Buddhist.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Buddhism's fascinating, isn't it? Did it help you in your final moments?
Emerson Cod: She wasting my minute.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What's with this minute and when did it become your minute?
Emerson Cod: It sure the hell ain't yours.
Ned: Hey, it's everyone's minute, or uh, twenty-two seconds.
Bernard Slaybeck: [Interrupts their discussion] Can you get a message to Earth? Can you tell Jeanine in Promotions that I loved her?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Of course.
Ned: Mr. Slaybeck, if you could remember anything about whoever was driving the hit-and-run vehicle that killed you, I think we could get you some justice.
Bernard Slaybeck: What hit-and-run? I was killed by a crash test dummy.
[Ned touches him and he falls back dead again]

Emerson Cod: I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry god.
Ned: Oh, we gave it our best shot. So a crash test dummy killed Bernard.
Emerson Cod: Bernard was delusional.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Still a clue.
Emerson Cod: It's a dead end. And not the kind of dead end you can undead and then re-dead again.
[pointedly to Chuck]
Emerson Cod: Like you're supposed to.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: It's my fault?
Emerson Cod: When you get all Jabberwocky in my minute, it's hard to follow up on "The dummy did it". Gotta get some real leads now.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Isn't that what a P.I.'s supposed to do? Investigate? Isn't that the fun part?
Emerson Cod: The fun part's counting my money in the bubble bath

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [Regarding Emerson] Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?
Ned: He barely knows you're here.
Narrator: In fact, Emerson Cod had finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.

"Pushing Daisies: Window Dressed to Kill (#2.11)" (2009)
Emerson Cod: Little Pee Wee bother to mention she told Papa #1 and Papa #2 that your man ain't your man, he's hers?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: No, she didn't.
Emerson Cod: Loanin' pie-boyfriend to your besty, who's in love with him, to pull the wool over fake-papas' peepers is the kinda idea that gives a bad idea the will to live.

Ned: I'm Superman, I've got a finger faster than a speeding bullet. C'mon, who can I touch?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Ned, you're touching dead things again?
Ned: Ah, no more pretending to be normal. The best way I can help anyone is by being a pie-making dead-waker. Pretending to be someone I'm not is a recipe for disaster. So I say yes to super and no to normal.

Emerson Cod: Ambulance sirens blaring and I've got my chasing shoes on.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Are you sure you don't want to untie those apron strings and lace up those chasing laces?
Ned: My apron is staying on, with its strings securely tied in a double figure-eight follow-through knot.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What about me?
Emerson Cod: No conversation I ever wanna have begins with those three words.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I may not be Superman, but I'm smart and I'm helpful. I mean, maybe I could be your sidekick. I'd be the Alive-Again Avenger who came back from the dead to solve her own murder, and stayed back from the dead to bring justice to murder victims everywhere, with the help of a crusty unflappable streetwise gumshoe.
Emerson Cod: That would make me the sidekick.

"Pushing Daisies: The Fun in Funeral (#1.3)" (2007)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You stole that off my dead body?
[shuts the casket]
Ned: Uh, it's stuck.
Emerson Cod: Oh, you BETTER be playing!
Ned: Twenty-nine seconds.
Emerson Cod: Oh, HELL NO!
[runs out]

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Pooh! Kick, Pooh, kick!
[Emerson kicks]

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You won't even know I'm here.
Emerson Cod: 'Cause you're leaving?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: No.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Which birthday do I celebrate? I've got two of them now: The first day I was alive or the first day I was alive again.
Ned: The one that requires less explanation.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [Emerson is stuck, trying to get in through a small window] Are you stuck?
Emerson Cod: No.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Yes, you are. You're like Winnie the Pooh. Give me your paws, Pooh.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Remember, mind over matter makes Pooh unfatter.
Emerson Cod: I might be stuck, but I can still reach my gun.

"Pushing Daisies: Robbing Hood (#2.7)" (2008)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: It's amazing how a familiar smell can wrap you in it's arms and coddle away any ugly memories between now and the last time you smelt it.

Emerson Cod: Mind if we have a gander at your phone list?
Tam Phong: What phone list?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: The one you just slid into that folder.
Tam Phong: What folder?
Emerson Cod: There's a comfort in knowing that telemarketers are just as horrible in real life...
Tam Phong: Shift change!

Daniel Hill: I'm gonna find that malfeas-ass and slam him down!
Emerson Cod: Inside voice.
Daniel Hill: I'm not talking about the gavel of justice.
Ned: Outside voice.
Daniel Hill: I'm talking about southern-style back-alley score-settling doled out by me and a couple of homeless!...
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Conversational patio voice?

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: To be fair, I should tell you that I have a gun in my pocket.
Rob Wright: To be fair, I don't really believe you.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: To be even more fair, all I have to do is scream, and a whole cadre of big strong men and sweet middle-aged ladies with shotguns will come running.

"Pushing Daisies: Bzzzzzzzzz! (#2.1)" (2008)
Woolsey Nicholls: Oh, no no. See, Betty- Betty's the old face, huh? Old being the operative word.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: She's 37!
Woolsey Nicholls: She's 38, which rounds up to 40, which rounds up to 50, which rounds up to oooold.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: They're not gonna kill me during business hours.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Why, are you stalking me?
Ned: That depends. Now that we are living our new Parisian lifestyle, does that mean I can't be close when danger's afoot?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I feel safer now that you're here.
Ned: Then this isn't stalking.
[speaking louder directly into Chuck's bee-mic, addressing Emerson]
Ned: It's just good old-fashioned chivalry!

"Pushing Daisies: Bitches (#1.6)" (2007)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You're taking money from blind children?
Emerson Cod: I suppose I could pay my bills with blind kids' smiles, but their money is a lot easier.

[last lines]
Ned: You're the only one for me.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I know you feel that way now, but there are things you want... there are things we both want.
Ned: Oh, everyone wants stuff. We wake up, everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn't mean we need them to be happy.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [Digby and Ned chase after Hillary Hundin] Sic her, boys!

"Pushing Daisies: Comfort Food (#2.8)" (2008)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I need your help.
Emerson Cod: Friend help or pay help?
[Chuck sighs and hangs her head]
Emerson Cod: See that? That's the kind of body language you never hear with pay help.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: But the big problem - maybe the biggest problem, in an objective sense - is the dishonesty with Ned. That and the making-someone-else-less-alive part.
Emerson Cod: "Less alive". Nice euphemism, killer.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: We were at the cemetery in the dead of night. Maybe there was no one else there, maybe no one else died!
Emerson Cod: Oh, you think this is a "sometimes" rule? Ned lets somebody live longer than a minute and somebody else has to die "sometimes"? No! It's an "every time" rule! There's some sucker out there dead in the leaves.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Dwight might not have been the nicest man, but everybody deserves a burial with dignity.
Emerson Cod: Fine, I got buttloads of dignity to sprinkle on the ground. Come on, get holy.

"Pushing Daisies: Pigeon (#1.4)" (2007)
Olive Snook: I recently made the acquaintance with a pair of bird lovers, I'll consult them.
Narrator: Olive was referring to Aunts Lily and Vivian.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Really? I used to know a pair of bird lovers!
Narrator: Chuck also referred to Aunts Lily and Vivian.
Olive Snook: Used to? Did they die?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Death was involved.

Olive Snook: Hey, gang.
Ned: Olive, what are you doing here?
Olive Snook: Pie delivery. Tart apple, I believe.
Narrator: And with those two words, Chuck could already see, her aunts were here.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Olive?
Olive Snook: If you know what's good for you, and I think you do, you'll give me two minutes.
Emerson Cod: Why?
Ned: What for?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Okay.
Olive Snook: Goody, then.

Jackson Lucas: [after being revived] I can't see anything! Am I blind?
Ned: Good news is you're not blind. Bad news is you're dead.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Makes blind seem like a walk in the park, doesn't it?

"Pushing Daisies: Bitter Sweets (#1.8)" (2007)
Olive Snook, Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Don't mess with the Pie Hos!

Olive Snook: There's no alarm system. Got a credit card?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Why? You know how to pick locks?
Olive Snook: No. You're gonna need to pay for the damages.

"Pushing Daisies: Oh Oh Oh... It's Magic (#2.6)" (2008)
Gunther Pinker: I eat glass, nails and regurgitate fish, frogs and mice. I'm working my way up to a kitten.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Regurgitating a kitten? That's a unique talent.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What do you got against a magic show?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: There's sequins, and drama, and the promise of bloodshed!

"Pushing Daisies: Smell of Success (#1.7)" (2007)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You've got to loosen up!
Ned: I don't do loose. I prefer tightly wound. Not shapeless with extra room for surprises.

Anchorwoman: Here with us now is an eyewitness to Oscar Vibenius' attempt on your life earlier today. Sir, tell us what you saw.
Emerson Cod: Good evening, Carol. Let me preface my statement by saying that my name is Emerson Cod, I'm a private investigator: if you need to reach me, my telephone number is Klondike 5-0-1-5-5. I've been investigating the Anita Gray murder. She was taken much too soon...
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [watching the interview on TV] Get a load of Muggy McHambone.
Olive Snook: Hocking his wares... He just gave out his phone number on national television.

"Pushing Daisies: Dim Sum Lose Some (#2.5)" (2008)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You have the same eyebrows as him!
Olive Snook: They do! They do! I said that twice, once for each of you.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I mean, everyone needs family.
Ned: You're my family.
[to Olive]
Ned: And you, to a slightly lesser degree.
Olive Snook: Thanks, to a slightly lesser degree.

"Pushing Daisies: Frescorts (#2.4)" (2008)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [after NED refuses to let CHUCK move back in] But, you promised me comforting. You're my "king-sized duvet of goose down goodness"!
Ned: [regretfully] I know. Selfishly, I want to duvet you right this second.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: We let loose with everything we were feeling and thinking, and flogged our friendship to death with a great big truth club.

"Pushing Daisies: Water & Power (#2.12)" (2009)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: How can you not tell me that you had a daughter? We have buried bodies together!

"Pushing Daisies: Kerplunk (#2.13)" (2009)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Lily, Vivian... I'm alive!

"Pushing Daisies: Bad Habits (#2.3)" (2008)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: By-proxy high five.

"Pushing Daisies: Corpsicle (#1.9)" (2007)
Ned: How much does Olive know?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Don't worry about what Olive knows. Even if I told her the truth, that - I died and you brought me back to life, she wouldn't believe me.
Ned: You don't know that.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Yes I do, 'cause I told her, and she wouldn't believe me.