Woody Woodpecker
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Quotes for
Woody Woodpecker (Character)
from Woody Woodpecker (1941)

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Ski for Two (1944)
Wally Walrus: Aren't you a little impulsive?
Woody Woodpecker: Impulsive? I'm *re*pulsive!

[first lines]
Woody Woodpecker: [reading] "Enjoy winter sports at Swiss Chard..." Lodgey. "Sunstroke Valley, Idaho. Excellent food." Oh, boy! Food! That's my favorite dish.

[last lines]
Woody Woodpecker: [singing] # Oh ah oh, merrily on we go / Oh ah oh, merrily on we go / Ha ha ha ha ha ha, higher / Ha ha ha, higher higher higher higher! #

Wally Walrus: [Puts a pair of glasses on Woody] Can't you read?
[points at the sign]
Wally Walrus: Positively no accomodations without a reservation!
[slams the door shut]
Wally Walrus: [Woody knocks on the door] I said we don't take any guests without a reservation!
[pokes him in the beak until it bends]
Woody Woodpecker: I got reservations, I got lots of reservations, have some
[gives Wally a bunch of papers which reveals that they are reserved seats for baseball and football games]

Pistol Packin' Woodpecker (1960)
Woody: Go west, young man, go west! I bet the guy who said that ain't been west of Ho Bokin!
[Looks around]
Woody: Not a living thing in sight! Nothing but that... Tree!
[Jumps on the branch and dons a napkin]
Woody: At last - a square meal!
[Starts pecking]
Woody: Petrified!

Horse: [On finding Shorty in the horse trough] It's getting so a horse can't get a clean drink around here!
[Leaves just as Woody enters]
Woody: Do you want a gun fight, or are you going to spend all day playing in the water?

Shorty Snorter: [Banging on the door of the state prison] Let me in! Let me in!
Woody: Er... What's the password?
Shorty Snorter: The Ghost!
Woody: That's the password!

Shorty Snorter: Just keep right on walking, woodpecker - I'll tell you when to stop.
[Woody keeps walking, and drops off a cliff]
Shorty Snorter: He's dead! I got my re-venge!
Woody: [Walking in behind Shorty] Hey! When are you going to tell me to stop?
Shorty Snorter: [Backing away] No! No! Don't come any closer - you're a ghost!
Woody: Booo!

The Barber of Seville (1944)
[first lines]
Woody Woodpecker: [reading] See-villy barbershop. Tony Fig-a-roo... Figaro. Prop.

Woody Woodpecker: Maybe I can cut my own hair. I cut my own teeth.

Indian: Me wantum quick shampoo.
Woody Woodpecker: Okay, turkey head.

Ace in the Hole (1942)
Woody Woodpecker: I wanna fly like the birds.

[first lines]
Woody Woodpecker: [reading from book] Uh, when you wanna make the plane go up, you gotta push the stick backwards, and when you wanna...

[last lines]
Woody Woodpecker: Look, Sarge, no rope!

Rock-a-Bye Gator (1962)
[Gabby has caught Woody by the tail feathers with his teeth]
Gabby Gator: Now I gotcha for sure!
Woody Woodpecker: [singing] Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top...
Gabby Gator: [covering his ears] I ain't gonna listen!
[Woody takes out a pair of semaphore flags and begins signing]
Gabby Gator: Hm? What's that?
Woody Woodpecker: "Rock-a-bye baby" in semaphore.
Gabby Gator: I've been tricked!
[falls asleep]

[first lines]
Narrator: Deep in the heart of the steaming Everglades lurks the ferocious alligator. But it is a little known fact that in certain months of the year, the alligator lies in a dormant state. Like bears, he hibernates. During this period of hibernation, while the alligator is sleeping, our little feathered friends can nest in perfect safety. So this otherwise dangerous and deadly terrain is converted into a peaceful bird sanctuary.
Woody Woodpecker: A peaceful bird sanctuary? Just what I'm looking for!

[last lines]
Narrator: The hibernating season is over, and once again, the ferocious alligator awakens, well-rested and half-starved with hunger. But how about our friend Gabby?
[Gabby is lying exhausted on a nearby log]
Gabby Gator: Not me, man. I'm beat.
Woody Woodpecker: Beat? Did I hear someone say "beat"?
[Woody begins loudly banging away on a drum kit]
Gabby Gator: Oh, no... not that.
[Woody continues to bash on the drums, laughing]

Woody Woodpecker (1941)
[first lines]
Woody Woodpecker: Guess who?

Woody Woodpecker: Everybody thinks I'm crazy. / Yesiree, that's me, that's me. / That's what I'm cracked up to be. / I chop a hole in every tree. / Knock on wood. / Well, knock on wood. / So, I'm crazy, so what? / What can I do? / So are you!

[last lines]
Woody Woodpecker: Help! Let me out of here! Help!

Chew-Chew Baby (1945)
[first lines]
Wally Walrus: All you do is eat and eat, but you never pay a dollar. Now get out for good. And by yumpin' yiminy, don't come back any more. You... you moocher!
Woody Woodpecker: Oh, a moocher, am I? Well, mooch-a-bye to you.

Wally Walrus: Young lady, are you refined?
Woody Woodpecker: Am I refined? I'm 110 octane.

[last lines]
Woody Woodpecker: I do the work of three woodpeckers around here. That's why I eat so much.

Gabby's Diner (1961)
Gabby Gator: Oh, you can have your squirrel and possum and bear/But give me that little feller walkin' back thar!
Woody Woodpecker: [to audience] This bellhop's a square for fair!

[last lines]
Gabby Gator: Where'd my pie go? What happened to my pie?
Woody Woodpecker: I want to settle my bill, buster.
[Woody pecks at Gabby's nose]

Woody's Magic Touch (1971)
Woody: Hi, wandering minstrel. Could you tell me where to find the purple dragon?
[the minstrel starts strumming his guitar and singing]
Minstrel: [singing] Now I will tell you, knave/If you go to yonder cave/You will find the dragon there/Living in the dragon's lair/But do not rouse his ire/Or he'll come out breathing fire/He will singe your feathers off/And leave you bare.
Woody: Sheesh! Ask a simple question, and you get a big production.

Woody: Mission accomplished! I got the wand, and I know the magic word. Are you ready?
Dragon: Yeah, yeah.
Woody: Humperdinck!
[Woody touches the dragon with the wand, causing it to transform into the king's son, who turns out to be a hippie with a guitar]
Hippie: [singing] I don't wear shoes, don't need money/I wear long beads, my clothes are funny/Responsibility's a shirk/I'm a hippie, I don't work!

Bunco Busters (1955)
Woody Woodpecker: [discovering Buzz's phony treasure map] A buried treasure? Wow!
Captain Haddock: [voiceover] A person obsessed with greed is easy prey for the confidence man.

[Buzz is hastily leaving Cataloony Island without Woody, who is running after him]
Woody Woodpecker: Stop, you crook!
Captain Haddock: [following behind] If Woody had gone right to the police...
Woody Woodpecker: Ah, shut up!

Woody Dines Out (1945)
Taxidermist: May I help you?
Woody Woodpecker: Yeah. How about a menu?
Taxidermist: I beg your pardon?
Woody Woodpecker: A menu, menu! M-E-N, men. Y-O-U, you. Menu!

[first lines]
Woody Woodpecker: [reading] "We serve all kinds of good stuff." Mm-mm-mm. Am I hungry! Think I'll go in and fill up.

The Screwdriver (1941)
[title credits]
Woody Woodpecker: Guess who?

[first lines]
Woody Woodpecker: [singing] # Everybody thinks I'm screwy. / Screwy as a loon, that's me. / When I go on a driving spree / The coppers all get panicky. / Honk my horn! / Strip my gears! / So I'm screwy, / What, what, what can I do? / I ask you! #

Wacky-Bye Baby (1948)
Woody Woodpecker: I'm an outcast - no home, no friends, no money. Ah, what's the use? If I had a gun I'd shoot myself.
[his hand morphs into a revolver, which fires]

Fair Weather Fiends (1946)
Wolf: Boy, am I hungry.
Woody Woodpecker: You're hungry? Look at me.
[shows off skeleton]
Woody Woodpecker: I'm just skin and bones.

Ship a-Hoy Woody (1969)
[Buzz boards the ship in a Girl Scouts uniform, with a box tucked under his arm]
Buzz Buzzard: [high-pitched feminine voice] Yoo-hoo! Hello there! My name is Whitney, and I'm a Girl Scout. A-and could you please buy some Girl Scout cookies?
Woody Woodpecker: [suspicious] Hmm... let me hear you recite the Girl Scout Promise.
Buzz Buzzard: Promise?
[in regular gruff voice]
Buzz Buzzard: What promise? I don't have to promise nothin'! Are you gonna buy these crummy cookies or not?
Woody Woodpecker: [taking the box of "cookies"] Well, I haven't got any money...
Buzz Buzzard: That's all right. I'll just run below and get a few doubloons.
[while Buzz starts toward the stairs, Woody shakes the box and listens to the sound it makes]
Woody Woodpecker: Wait a minute! These cookies are stale!
Buzz Buzzard: No, they ain't! Lemme see.
[Woody opens the box; a large boxing glove on a spring pops out and socks Buzz in the head, knocking him out]

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
[the Toons gather around Judge Doom's remains]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh, I wonder who he really was?
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf: Or a... sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
Sylvester: Or a pussy.

His Better Elf (1958)
[first lines]
Woody: Bills, bills, bills! I wish I was rich.

Woody the Giant Killer (1947)
Giant: [sniffing] Fee, fi, fo, fum I smell...
Woody Woodpecker: [interrupting him] You said it brother, and how!
[pecks his nose then kicks him]

Convict Concerto (1954)
[first lines]
Bank Robber: [the bank robber holds Woody at gunpoint] Okay, buddy. Start playing!
Woody Woodpecker: [laughs] What's this?
Bank Robber: [sticking his gun into Woody's face] I said, start playing!
Woody Woodpecker: B-but I'm only a piano tuner...
[smugly plays out his laugh on the piano]
Bank Robber: SHUT UP! Make with them keys, Maestro.
Woody Woodpecker: Yes, sir! I'm with you.

Real Gone Woody (1954)
[first lines]
Winnie Woodpecker: [on the phone] Yes, Woody, this is Winnie. Sure, you may take me to the sock hop!
Woody Woodpecker: Crazy!

To Catch a Woodpecker (1957)
[last lines]
Woody Woodpecker: You know, people are nuts...
[Woody leaves the office, being greeted by people along the way]
Secretary: Good morning, Mr. President.
Elevator Operator: Good morning, Mr. President.
Chauffeur: Good morning, Mr. President.
Woody Woodpecker: ...but I'm all right.

Shanghai Woody (1971)
[last lines]
[Woody is water-skiing on a piece of the sunken ship, with the Captain tied to a rope pulling him along and Rat swimming next to him]
Captain: That's the last time I'll ever shanghai a woodpecker!
Rat: That reminds me, Cap'n - how about me £5?
Woody: Okay, mates. Miami Beach, straight ahead!
[Woody laughs as the cartoon fades out]

Three Little Woodpeckers (1965)
Woody Woodpecker, Splinter, Knothead: [in mocking singsong] Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Splinter: But your huffin'...
Woody Woodpecker: And your puffin'...
Knothead: And your puffin'...
Woody Woodpecker, Splinter, Knothead: Your huffin' and puffin', your puffin' and huffin', your huffin' and puffin'...
Wolf: [annoyed] Aw, shut up!
Woody Woodpecker, Splinter, Knothead: ...will never hurt me-e-e-e!