Wilbur Turnblad
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Quotes for
Wilbur Turnblad (Character)
from Hairspray (1988)

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Hairspray (2007)
Wilbur Turnblad: [to Tracy] This is America, babe, you gotta think big to be big.
Edna Turnblad: Big ain't the problem in this family, Wilbur.

Edna Turnblad: First the hair, now this?
Wilbur Turnblad: But, all the kids are battin' up their hair now, hon.
Edna Turnblad: [to Wilbur] You're no help.
Tracy Turnblad: It's ratting, daddy.
[to Edna]
Tracy Turnblad: And our first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy does it!
Edna Turnblad: I don't believe that.
Tracy Turnblad: What do you mean you don't believe that? How else would it look that way?
Edna Turnblad: I believe that it is naturally stiff.

Wilbur Turnblad: This heart only beats for size 60.

Velma Von Tussle: Incredible! I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf and you would remain completely obtuse!
Wilbur Turnblad: Obtuse?
Velma Von Tussle: Yes, obtuse!
Wilbur Turnblad: I flunked geometry...
Velma Von Tussle: ...yes, and biology too, no doubt!

Amber von Tussel: I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it!
Velma Von Tussle: [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!
Edna Turnblad: [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!
Wilbur Turnblad: That was a good shot! Don't you think?

Wilbur Turnblad: [to Edna, as she resists the urge to jump onto the stage and dance] Do it now! Or forever wish you had!

Wilbur Turnblad: [to a sobbing Edna, who thinks he's been cheating on her] Honey, took me five years to figure out you were flirting!
[softly]
Wilbur Turnblad: How could I ever?


Hairspray (1988)
Wilbur: Tracy, we all have responsibilities in life. You may think owning the Hardy-Har joke shop is all drudgery; unwrapping dribble glasses, checking doggy doo, but I wuv it.

Amber Von Tussle: That girl's got roaches in her hair!
Edna Turnblad: Roaches? Our little Tracy's a clean teen!
Wilbur: There's no bugs on our baby!
Amber Von Tussle: I'm not kidding, I just saw one!