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Quotes for
DS Ted Roach (Character)
from "The Bill" (1984)

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"The Bill: The Chief Super's Party (#2.12)" (1986)
Det. Sgt. Roach: Listen, why don't I go out on obbo tonight, and see if they move the load?
Det. Insp. Galloway: I know what you're thinking, Ted, but you're going to that retirement party, whether you like it or not.
Det. Sgt. Roach: Henry Talbot is a 24-karat prat!
Det. Insp. Galloway: Look, what's that got to do with it?
Det. Sgt. Roach: The man is a prat, I don't even like him!
Det. Insp. Galloway: Well, he's not exactly my blood brother either, but the Chief Super has said everybody's got to be there and you will be there, Ted!

Det. Sgt. Roach: Brownlow was ready to have me hung, drawn and quartered, all because of that bloody retirement party!

[last lines]
Det. Sgt. Roach: If the Chief Super says you've gotta go some place, well, pfft... you've gotta go, haven't you?


"The Bill: The Sweet Smell of Failure (#1.11)" (1985)
Det. Sgt. Roach: [Dashwood is typing up a report for Roach] That's not how you spell 'accommodation', is it?
[Roach tries to write it himself]
Det. Sgt. Roach: That doesn't look right does it? Come on, you went to bloody grammer school. Let's see you spell it without a dictionary.
Det. Con. Dashwood: [Writes the word 'lodgings' on a notepad]
Det. Sgt. Roach: [Roach picks up the notepad and looks at it] Lodgings. I suppose you think that's funny.

Det. Sgt. Roach: [Cryer walks furiously out of Galloway's office after an argument and drops pieces of paper on the floor without picking them up] Hey! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?
[Once more Cryer ignores Roach]
Det. Sgt. Roach: Well say bloody sorry or something, ya berk!
Det. Sgt. Roach: [Roach picks up the pieces of the paper off the floor just as Galloway comes out of his office] What the hell was all that about, guv?
Det. Insp. Galloway: [Galloway licks his finger and pretends to draw a number 1] Superstars: 1, Woodentops: Nil.
[Galloway, Roach and Dashwood chuckle in amusement]


"The Bill: The Drugs Raid (#1.6)" (1984)
Det. Sgt. Roach: [after being informed by Galloway about the equipment needed for the drugs raid] What are we going to hit, guv'nor? Fort Knox?


"The Bill: Old Enemies (#16.60)" (2000)
Sgt Matt Boyden: [Jim and Cass bring Ted into Custody where a prisoner is heard singing in the background] What have you got, something to shut the paparazzi up I hope.
PC Jim Carver: Drink driver Sarge.
Sgt Matt Boyden: This time off day.
[Notices the prisoner is Ted Roach]
Sgt Matt Boyden: Tell me I'm dreaming.
Ted Roach: Your worst nightmare.


"The Bill: Punch Drunk (#9.57)" (1993)
Insp. Monroe: ...so do me a favour sergeant and act like a grown-up for once.
D.S. Roach: Grown-up? Oh you'd know all about that, huh? Only I always thought it was little boys who needed uniforms with shiny buttons to make them feel big, Inspector.