Sgt. Andy Sipowicz
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Quotes for
Sgt. Andy Sipowicz (Character)
from "NYPD Blue" (1993)

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"NYPD Blue: Curt Russell (#3.6)" (1995)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Neera Muh - Muka - Yanno, you'd think when these people migrate, they'd take pronounceable names.
Det. Bobby Simone: Like "Sipowicz"?

Det. Andy Sipowicz: We'll talk to the kids some more, see if the mother was away a lot, but I don't think there was a boyfriend.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: What are you basing that on?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: On the fact that in India, these women throw themselves on their husband's funeral piles.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Still?

Evelyn Sekzer: [groans]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Anybody hear a dog howl?
Evelyn Sekzer: I don't find that especially funny.

Det. Bobby Simone: You know, I just shoulda kept my mouth shut about this backup deal.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I try to teach you tact, I just can't get through.

Det. Bobby Simone: At least we now know it was an Indian guy.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Now alls we got to figure out is what blood cult he belongs to.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: You know what this is about? Huh? You wanna know what this is gonna be about?
Det. Bobby Simone: What?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: These people worship *cows*. They, they let 'em live in the house, they'd starve to death before they'd eat him, ok?
Det. Bobby Simone: Andy, what does that have to do with this DOA?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Because 200 years ago some bride wasn't a virgin and that cursed a whole family line, and now the moon is in Jupiter's asshole, and some great- great- great- great- grandson had to wreak vengeance, and that's what this is gonna be about.
Det. Bobby Simone: So we now we got a theory to go on...

Det. Bobby Simone: Uh, what's your last name?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [aside] Why don't you quit while you're ahead?
Jatin Bhat: Bhat.
Det. Bobby Simone: B-a-t?
Jatin Bhat: B-*h*-a-t.
[waits a beat]
Jatin Bhat: The cat got out, they're going to be angry with me!
Det. Bobby Simone: B-h-a-t, Bhat
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Cat - c-*h*-a-t


"NYPD Blue: Tempest in a C-Cup (#1.8)" (1993)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hi, I'm Detective Sipowicz.
Donna Abandando: Hi, I'm the new detectives administrative aide, Donna Abandando.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: This is Detective Medavoy.
Donna Abandando: [to Medavoy] Hi. Donna Abandando.
[Medavoy just stares blankly at Donna, unable to speak]
Donna Abandando: [to Sipowicz] Is he all right?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Uh... Detective Medavoy has taken a vow of silence until they sort out this mess in Bosnia.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: What about the topless bar undercover, Lieutenant?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: I thought I'd reassign it.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Well, uh, you think that's necessary? Kelly's gonna work interrogation with Conklin and Roberts. He's gonna be schoolin' Martinez. I'd just be like a fifth wheel.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: So you'd prefer to stay on the topless assignment?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Well, I think that's the most bang for our law enforcement buck, manpower-wise.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Take Medavoy.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [disappointed] Yes sir.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: We go in, we patronize, we see if the girls are offering anything that isn't on the menu, huh? Kinda like a busman's holiday for me. Objective's to squeeze the owner, who's laundering money for Tony Rago.
Det. Greg Medavoy: Yeah, listen... uh, Andy...
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yes, Medavoy. You will be seein' naked broads. You gonna have a problem with that?

Det. Andy Sipowicz: An A-plus in the tit department, Monique.

Donna Abandando: Hi, I'm the new detective's administrative aid, Donna Abandando.
Andy: *Phew* like to say that three times fast?
Donna Abandando: Yeah, I know. Those two together... they're quite a mouthful.
Andy: [Looking at cleavage] Amen to that!

Det. Andy Sipowicz: All right, by the numbers, otherwise your nuts would be saying, "good bye Johnson, hello eyeballs."


"NYPD Blue: Pilot (#1.1)" (1993)
ADA Sylvia Costas: I'd say res ipsa loquitur if I thought you knew what it meant.
Andy: [grabbing his crotch] Hey, ipsa this, you pissy little bitch!

Alfonse Giardella: Lois has got people down in Orlando. She thinks she's moving down there.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah? Did you tell her she could work Disney World?
Alfonse Giardella: Say something smarter then that, Sipowicz. You're gonna be dead a long time.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I'd rather be dead than walk around with that mop on my head!

Det. John Kelly: When was the last time you tried going on the wagon?
Andy: When was the last time you tried growing tits?

Andy: [flapping Alphonse's toupee on his head while holding a gun to his throat] Mr. Wig says, "Alphonse has to go outside now."

Andy: You get to a point, the hand's been dealt and played.


"NYPD Blue: True Confessions (#1.4)" (1993)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, Bensonhurst, John, this is a likely locale, huh? The guy lives here, wants to rob a liquor store in downtown Manhattan, all he's got to do is make like what, nine, ten subway transfers?
Det. John Kelly: Well, maybe he had business downtown, and came back and did the store then.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, right. Maybe his doctor's down on James Street, huh? The one that gives him his hormone injections that pump him up to 6'3" when he's about to pull a job, and then shrink him down to his normal 5'9" right afterward.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey, Walker, we don't have to hold hands, but would you mind not talking to me like I'm Timmy the Laundry Boy?

Det. Andy Sipowicz: I've got to exhibit a continuous positive approach. Even with this dimbulb over here.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: [comes over to Kelly and Det Walker who are discussing him] This is something the whole class can appreciate?

Det. Walker: I wanna pick him up, Sipowicz thinks he may be too short.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, let's pick him up, maybe he was wearing lifts.


"NYPD Blue: In the Butt, Bob (#2.10)" (1995)
Arnold Rudman: My offer stands: a million dollars. I want the man dead.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [to Simone, in an undertone] Would that be in unmarked bills?

Det. Andy Sipowicz: The operation's a piece of cake; I had it on both cheeks.

Dr. Harold Pincus: How's *your* rear?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Not setting off any metal detectors.

Inspector Aiello: You and Sipowitcz cover the back alley.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Sure you don't want us to cover Port Authority in case he tries to escape by bus?

A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: Ask me again.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Will you marry me, Sylvia?
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: Yes, I will!


"NYPD Blue: Oscar, Meyer, Weiner (#1.10)" (1993)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey, did you know that New York City tap water tastes better than bottled water? That's not me saying that. That's independent testing.

Simon Rickman: The man who robbed me was just under six feet tall, 160 pounds, peaches and cream complexion and tousled, strawberry-blonde hair. No scars or distinguishing makrs on his face or arms, but he does have a pierced scrotum. He, uh, wears a little gold ball there.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You got a good look?
Simon Rickman: Oh, yes. From all angles.

[on the value of a stolen Oscar]
Sammy Meyers: I've heard rumblings. Very preliminary. A colleague didn't have the item yet, but he'd been approached. He wanted to know a ballpark worth.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, what would that be?
Sammy Meyers: Twenty-five.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Thousand?
Sammy Meyers: You think that's inflated? When a matchbook John Lennon wrote "screw you" on brings in fifteen?

Simon Rickman: Well, I get my oscar back and lecture on free will
Det. Andy Sipowicz: That's why this is a great police department.


"NYPD Blue: 4B or Not 4B (#1.2)" (1993)
[Andy is struggling to walk down the stairs]
Det. James Martinez: Hey, detective, how you making out?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I don't know, kid. I can't sit down. I'm trying to figure out if a soda's worth having my next two birthdays on these stairs.
Det. James Martinez: What kind of soda you want? I'm on my way back down.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Cherry.
Det. James Martinez: Diet or regular?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: What, are you a smartass?
Det. James Martinez: No!
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Regular.

Det. John Kelly: How's the drying out going?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: It helps when the first week's unconscious. Now, I go two, three minutes where booze never crosses my mind.
Det. John Kelly: You want some magazines or something when I come back tomorrow?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah... something dirty.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: I do have my doubts about you coming back, and I'm going to give myself time to make up my mind. And while I do, you're on restricted duty in the station house.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Great, I can make those paper clip chains.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: Andy, I don't know if you should be a cop, but you've got a lot of guts.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, well, for awhile there, I was wearing them outside my clothes.


"NYPD Blue: Ice Follies (#1.9)" (1993)
Donna Abandando: Yes, I got it all. An evil energy threatening the galaxy. Right. Also threatening you personally with a laser death squad. I got it. Nevermi... I'm not impatient. It's just, we're really busy here with crimes on planet Earth. Okay. Thanks for your phone call.
[to Andy]
Donna Abandando: A nut case.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, I gathered.
Donna Abandando: All part of my job.

Donna Abandando: Yes, I remember you. I'm glad you called back. My superiors authorized me to release some classified information to you. This is on a top-secret basis. They want me to let you know the gravity shelf is in remission. The laser death team got recalled. Well, if the death team disobeys orders from shelf headquarters...
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [whispering] Aluminum foil.
Donna Abandando: In the small event that occurs, just crumple two pieces of aluminum foil and stuff them in your undershorts. It defeats their sensor rays. Definitely. This could collapse the empire of the gravity shelf. Yes, these are great days. Okay. Goodbye.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [applauding] You saved the galaxy.

Det. Mike Roberts: How did you handle the big four-oh, Andy?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Well, as far as I can remember, I dedicated that year to Seagram's 7.


"NYPD Blue: Yes, We Have No Cannolis (#4.3)" (1996)
Det. George Harper: Now I'm ashamed I was ever on this job.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I guess that makes it unanimous.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: That's how Patterson felt after the first Johansson fight.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Had to go back a while, Andy - a white heavyweight who could punch?

Det. Andy Sipowicz: If you feel the need to put your bulletproof vest back on, Daryl, that's probably a tipoff you're hanging out with the wrong guys.


"NYPD Blue: Simone Says (#2.5)" (1994)
Det. Bobby Simone: [opening lines]
[Sipowicz arrives for work and looks at his new reading eyeglasses when Bobby Simone enters the locker room]
Det. Bobby Simone: Morning. How's it going?
[Sipowicz warily walks up to Simone]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Andy Sipowicz.
Det. Bobby Simone: Oh, Andy. Bobby Simone. Good to meet you.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Uh... yeah.
[Sipowicz walks out of the locker room and into the squad room where he sees Lt. Fancy arriving for work]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey, Lieutenant. It's no good. It's not gonna work out. I just met this new guy.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Simone?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. It's not gonna work out.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: What happened?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Don't get me started. His attitude is all wrong. "How you doing?" That type of thing.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: He asked you how you are doing?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. I can't... it's not going to work out.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey, how's it going?
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: I was just seeing Abruzzo. Is that the new detective?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [nods] Simone, what kind of name is that?
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: First or last?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: If it was his first, he'd be a girl.
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: Last name... Simone, sounds French to me.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, maybe.
Det. Bobby Simone: [into a phone] Hey, I went through a lot of trouble getting that red cock. I don't want to argue with you! You tell Billy that he can't come around my place anymore with his blue-barred cock! Okay... thanks.
[Simone hangs up and sees everyone in the station looking at him]
Det. Bobby Simone: I breed birds. Racing pigeons.
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: [to Sipowicz] Tell him you keep fish.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Assistant D.A. Costas, this is Detective Simone.
Det. Bobby Simone: How do you do?
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: How do you do.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [to Simone] They gave you that address?
Det. Bobby Simone: Yeah, she's working Seventh Avenue.
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: [to Simone] Must be interesting raising pigeons.
Det. Bobby Simone: It's a lot of fun, gets you outdoors.
A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: You guys and your hobbies.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: Takes me 22 years to make second grade, this guy gets there shoving away squeegie-bums.


"NYPD Blue: What a Dump! (#4.16)" (1997)
Russian Woman: How could this happen? What's wrong with this country?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: What's wrong with this country? What's wrong with it is too many people from other countries screw it up.
Det. Bobby Simone: Detective Sipowicz here is one of the few Native American Poles.

Gomelsky: She was a person, had a family, send money to her family in Chernobyl.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Their letters back have kind of a green glow to 'em?

[a Nigerian drug mule has just died after the bag of drugs has broken inside his body]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Welcome to America.


"NYPD Blue: Black Men Can Jump (#1.17)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: So let's not snag our pants on your sharp ethics, here, all right?

Corday: Uh, I am having it analyzed in a laboratory. Once I've ascertained its legitimacy, I will involve the proper authorities.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, well while you're ascertaining on that, why don't you tell me where I can find this psychic woman so I can ascertain on her.


"NYPD Blue: A.D.A. Sipowicz (#2.22)" (1995)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [on the phone] Yeah, I heard the expression, "mutual respect." You ever heard the expression, "kiss my ass?"

Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, well, Arnold, why don't you leave me your card, and I'll be in touch the second your comfort becomes important to me, hmm?


"NYPD Blue: Where's 'Swaldo (#4.4)" (1996)
[Bobby cuffs Fat Cat]
Fat Cat: That mean we goin' in?
Det. Bobby Simone: That's right, Fat Cat. We are going in.
Fat Cat: See, you call me that, now I know who you're talking about.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, you keep talking like we're chums, blimpy. We'll give you the secret handshake back at the station house.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: Your buddy just give you up, Trent, or am I taking that wrong? Is there anything you want to do about that, or, uh, you want to start thinking about being a husband to some guy named Joe?


"NYPD Blue: Steroid Roy (#1.15)" (1994)
[Officer Roy Larson emerges from the locker room wearing nothing but a towel]
Off. Roy Larson: Hey, Kelly! You wanna sit on a butt like cottage cheese, be my guest. Meanwhile, I'll be sittin' on this.
[Larson smacks his rear and walks off toward the locker room, while a surprised Lt. Fancy walks in]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You gotta admit, Lieutentant... the guy's got a hell of a muscular ass.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: [referring to Off. Roy Larson back in the locker room] What'll it take before somebody drops a gorilla net over this guy?


"NYPD Blue: Bombs Away (#2.15)" (1995)
Vartan Illiescu: You cannot know what is in my mind.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [Slams his head against the table] I'm gonna spread your brains about this room and look through 'em.

Vartan Illiescu: You think you are big hero now, yes? Because beating me you have saved some rich people. You only do that, you could only beat me because I am poor, powerless immigrant in the richest country in the world.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You're wrong there. This is America. I'd'a beat you, rich or poor.


"NYPD Blue: The Bookie and the Kooky Cookie (#2.20)" (1995)
[last lines]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I worked a case once. A couple's kid was missing. A 14-month old kid. He wondered away in a park, and we're looking everywhere, and there's flyers we got out, they're interviewed on the radio. The guy's a dog trainer in from the Midwest who came here so he could take this special course with a German Shepherd that he's got. And the wife's half an oilier. You can tell that she likes to drink. I'm just getting this bad feeling about the both of them. So, I go at her a little bit. We're up there in their transient apartment they rented, and finally she says... whatever happened, it wasn't her. So now I'm looking at the husband. He's this... he's this horse-balled tough guy. A fake marine. And he's talking to me about how pets have to be disciplined, and the breakdown of discipline... and I'm getting worried what might have happened with this asshole. And now she starts screaming that it wasn't her. She was asleep. The baby peed while the father was changing it one night and... uh... it urinated in the guy's face. He threw the baby down on the floor, and fractured its skull, and the baby lay there and died. And what happened with the baby, I wanted to know. And she's still screaming that it wasn't her and I'm looking at this dog, and this asshole husband is trying to get the dog away from me. This German Shepherd dog with a drooping round belly. Now, I got to cut open this dog to find out what's going on. I take the dog over to the vet's. We cut its large belly open... we got to murder this poor dog and... there's the pieces of the dead child... hacked apart... inside the dog. The sick couple tried to hide their dead baby by hacking him apart and surgically hiding its pieces inside their dog.
[after a long pause]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Father Kankarides wanted to know if I lost my faith. I got faith in you.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: Hey, Andy, you come up with that address?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You mean where "Donna Reed" was calling "Little Earl"?


"NYPD Blue: Dead and Gone (#2.4)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: "He embarrassed the job"
[sniffs]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: And piss runs uphill, right, Captain? An you're a stand-up guy.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: It's IAB - they can't find their own heads up their asses!


"NYPD Blue: From Hare to Eternity (#1.11)" (1993)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey Medavoy, how come I gotta be Santa Claus?
Det. Greg Medavoy: Well, uh, Stillwell psychoed out and Walker's got jaundice. No offense, but you're the fattest guy in the squad.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: That hypocrite bastard Haverill knows Fancy's doin' the job. He just wants to move his own man in there. Probably that ass-kisser Murphy.
Det. John Kelly: How come he's got such a big smile for you?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Who knows? Screw him anyway.
Det. John Kelly: You think he likes your sunny disposition?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You got a problem with my disposition?


"NYPD Blue: Where'd the Van Gogh? (#4.5)" (1996)
[Sipowicz and Simone are walking up to an art gallery]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You know, statistics show 85 percent of these art guys are homos.
Det. Bobby Simone: Yeah, huh?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. 85 percent, minimum.

Geri Turner: Do you have just a minute for me?
[Geri gets very close to Andy]
Geri Turner: Do you see what's under my blouse?
[She starts undoing buttons]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: What, are you crazy?
Geri Turner: Oh, I'm not talking about my breasts.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Button your blouse.
Geri Turner: My undergarment is rubber. It's holding all my fluids in.
[Andy quickly walks toward the coffee room]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Bobby. That girl is a menace.
Det. Bobby Simone: Geri?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Just made a pass at me. Said she's wearing a diving suit under her clothes.
Det. Bobby Simone: How is that a pass?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I'm telling you what her intentions were.


"NYPD Blue: These Old Bones (#3.12)" (1996)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Well Lisa, you gotta dead body growin' in your garden. We wanna dig it up. We're just kinda wacky that way.

Det. Andy Sipowicz: [Detectives Andy Sipowicz & Greg Medavoy rush into a garage where Rickie Esposito is attempting to hang his wife] Rickie Esposito, you're under arrest.
Rickie: What for?


"NYPD Blue: Brown Appetit (#1.3)" (1993)
Lt. Arthur Fancy: I just got a call from the Federal Marshals' office. What the hell were you doing at Giardella's hotel?
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I was in the neighborhood.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: I don't get you, Sipowicz. You know you're on probation, and you still go over there and put on a Bozo act!

[Andy is on the phone to a mentally unstable caller]
Det. Andy Sipowicz: So you got your coat hangers hangin' from your windows, right? Did you string four hangers per pane? Radio and ultraviolet waves, yeah, yeah. Any attempt whatsoever to control your mind from beyond your windows, those hangers are going to neutralize. Right. What about the aluminum foil; did you cover your ceiling? Well, then, you're in business. You've got yourself an alien-thought-proof room there, right. Look, one other thing effective with these control rays is, uh, refuse to think about 'em, yeah. Take a walk, read a book. We call that the "delusion technique." You fend them off with what you're thinking, and it gradually weakens their hold. Alright, yeah. Wonderful, yeah... sure thing, keep in touch.


"NYPD Blue: For Whom the Skell Rolls (#2.2)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: If I got dick-fist, Brigham, my fist looks like your face.


"NYPD Blue: Alice Doesn't Fit Here Anymore (#4.11)" (1997)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [sighs] Gimme a heads-up when it's gonna come to shots, I'll make for the fishtank.


"NYPD Blue: We Was Robbed (#3.18)" (1996)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Just keep both hands your po-po and try to make wee-wee.


"NYPD Blue: Serge the Concierge (#1.19)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [enters] What's that smell? Somebody puke in here?
Det. Greg Medavoy: [sarcastic] Yeah, that smell is called Eau de Garbage Dump! You like it? My overalls are drenched in it!


"NYPD Blue: Meat Me in the Park (#10.4)" (2002)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: What's this for?
[he hold up a role of duct tape]
Kenneth Hampton: Repairs.
Kenneth Hampton: [Andy takes Kennith and slams him against the truck] C'mon!
Det. Andy Sipowicz: A little grl was taken from Washington Square Park this morning, we know you're involved.
Kenneth Hampton: I don't know what you're talking about!
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [Andy slams him again] And you are gonna tell me what happened to that little girl!
Kenneth Hampton: I want a lawyer, you can't do this!
Det. Andy Sipowicz: No, this is just us, Ken! They're ain't gonna be no lawyer, no court, no wrongful conviction! Cause you're gonna take care of this right here!
Kenneth Hampton: Some guy took her!
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Who?
Kenneth Hampton: I gave her a ride! She was looking for her dad. This, man I know. He threatened me and took her.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Who's this guy?
Kenneth Hampton: Randy somebody. I know where he lives. I can take you there.
[Andy shoves Kennith out into the open]
Kenneth Hampton: This guy, he's a lair. And he'll probably tell you some story, that I gave the girl to her!


"NYPD Blue: A Murder with Teeth in It (#2.14)" (1995)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yanno, I always to figure I'd wind up dead in one of these joints, and you'd be the prick who'd find me.
Larry Sinks: No offense, you look like the type.


"NYPD Blue: Burnin' Love (#3.11)" (1996)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [reacting to an incredibly stupid comment by another D] He chose this job over a career in neurosurgery.


"NYPD Blue: Abandando Abandoned (#1.13)" (1994)
Curtis Perriman: Hey, I'm askin' for a lawyer now.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You want me to go out on the street and hail one down for you?


"NYPD Blue: Cop Suey (#2.3)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Beep. Beep.


"NYPD Blue: Judas Priest (#6.19)" (1999)
Katie Sipowicz: He could use God's help now.
Andy: Short term he oughtta settle for getting his head out of his ass.
Katie Sipowicz: Language!


"NYPD Blue: A Sudden Fish (#1.16)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You wanna try Alaska, chickie? You wanna try banging eskimos for whale sandwiches? Because I will put you on ice!


"NYPD Blue: Personal Foul (#1.6)" (1993)
Det. John Kelly: Look at this... I'm ankle-deep in water over here!
Det. Andy Sipowicz: It's full of hair... I keep telling you, somebody's hair keeps clogging up the drain.
Det. John Kelly: You know, well, I guess that rules you out as a suspect.


"NYPD Blue: Trials and Tribulations (#2.1)" (1994)
Dan Breen: Remember: G.R.I.P. Growth. Resolution. Intention. Purpose.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: [mutters] Yeah. Grip this.


"NYPD Blue: I Love Lucy (#4.18)" (1997)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: You think if he'd'a known about Angela's johnson down there that'd been an unhappy surprise?
Det. Bobby Simone: That would have been the anchovy on the pizza.


"NYPD Blue: The Final Adjustment (#2.6)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah? Maybe I can take my mind off the pain thinking about you up in Ossining gettin' acupuncture up your dirt chute.


"NYPD Blue: Oedipus Wrecked (#9.20)" (2002)
Andy: [While being held hostage] Get Lt. Rodriguez! I need a couple of joints!


"NYPD Blue: You Bet Your Life (#2.8)" (1994)
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Regret for the past is a waste of spirit.


"NYPD Blue: Zeppo Marks Brothers (#1.18)" (1994)
Bartender: All right, but I didn't know anything about any whacks. Zeppo said he owed him some money.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, right, and I'm an Indian Princess.