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Quotes for
Trevor Chaplin (Character)
from "The Beiderbecke Affair" (1985)

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"The Beiderbecke Connection: What Do We Have on Hockey Sticks? (#1.4)" (1988)
Trevor Chaplin: Yes Inspector, there are only two kinds of people in this world: Those who hear the music and those who don't.
Jill Swinburne: The cool and the uncool.


"The Beiderbecke Affair: We Are on the Brink of a New Era, If Only... (#1.6)" (1985)
Jill Swinburne: Oh, hang spring-cleaning!
Jill Swinburne: I've never done any spring-cleaning. Being a male chauvinist, I've always had women to do those sort of things for me.
Trevor Chaplin: I don't mean that.
Trevor Chaplin: It's all part of my craggy northern working-class background.
Jill Swinburne: I'm talking about The Wind in the Willows.
Trevor Chaplin: Don't tell me - it's a book.
Jill Swinburne: Ratty and Mole are supposed to be spring-cleaning, but instead they say "Hang spring-cleaning" and they go off and mess about with boats in the river.
Trevor Chaplin: Is that what you fancy?
Jill Swinburne: Sort of, yes.
Trevor Chaplin: Well we could take to the hills. We'll go tomorrow.
Jill Swinburne: We're at school tomorrow.
Trevor Chaplin: No! We'll have sickness and diarrhoea. We'll telephone Mr Carter with some excuse to pass onto the Head that's so bizarre he's bound to believe it.
Jill Swinburne: A plague of locusts down the street.
Trevor Chaplin: A summons to The Palace.
Jill Swinburne: The house has been struck by a thunderbolt - which happens to be true.
Trevor Chaplin: We'll think of someting and say "Hang spring-cleaning".
[Jill walks over to Trevor and looks tenderly into his eyes]
Jill Swinburne: Thank you.
Trevor Chaplin: Thank *you*.
Jill Swinburne: For what?
Trevor Chaplin: True love means never having to explain what you're saying "thank you" for.
[Trevor looks away, embarrassed]
Trevor Chaplin: Have you ever noticed how spiders get trapped in your double-glazing?
Jill Swinburne: Have you ever noticed your amazing capacity to spoil everything?
Trevor Chaplin: Yes. It's famous over six counties.
Jill Swinburne: Cue romantic music.