Harry Grout
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Quotes for
Harry Grout (Character)
from "Porridge" (1974)

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Doing Time (1979)
Fletcher: 'Ere Grouty, listen to this.
Harry Grout: Listen to what?
Fletcher: You know Robbie Patten who works in the laundry, well 'is wife wanted a divorce so she goes to the solicitor and 'e says "well, you've got to 'ave grounds". "What's grounds" she says. So 'e says "Firstly, there's insanity", well Robbie's a bit of a dipstick, like, but 'e's not certifiable. "Secondly there's desertion", well 'e's in 'ere, 'e can't go nowhere. "Third there's cruelty", well as you know 'e wouldn't hurt a fly "so that leaves adultery", "what's adultery" she says, so 'e tells 'er and she says "ah. I think we've got 'im there. 'E is not the father of my child!".

Harry Grout: Now we need someone reliable as trainer.
Fletcher: Don't look at me. I've grown disenchanted with the game. Twenty years of supporting Orient does that for a man.

Harry Grout: Now then.
Fletcher: Listen Grouty, if it's about the teeth.
Harry Grout: What?
Fletcher: Well, I realise you are entitled to a first refusal.
Harry Grout: Are you referring to Mackay's missing molars?
Fletcher: I'm assuming that's why I was sent for. I mean, nothing gets past you Grouty.
Harry Grout: Oh no. If you've got them it's your tickle.

Harry Grout: I'm Harry Grout.
Oakes: Everyone knows that. Bill Oakes.
Harry Grout: I know your form Oakesy. You've been moved here from Wakefield where you obviously kept your nose clean. Half-way through a twelve stretch for armed robbery, isn't it?
Oakes: That's right.
Harry Grout: Big tickle, that last job of yours. I hope the money's safely stowed away.
Oakes: Someone's been investing it for me.
Harry Grout: Oh, safe as prefabs then.
Oakes: That's why I want out, I wish to unfreeze my assets and take off to the sun.
Harry Grout: I can see why you would.
Oakes: Naturally there will be the appropriate recompense to your good self.
Harry Grout: Yeah, I like the word recompense.
Oakes: I was thinking...
Harry Grout: [interrupts] No. Let me tell you *my* thinking. 5000. Three before, two after. It's only fair the lion's share should come up first. After taking off to the sun, people are often careless about tying up their affairs.
Oakes: Where'd you want it put?
Harry Grout: Hastings and Thanet Building Society. Bexhill branch.
Oakes: And if you don't spring me?
Harry Grout: Then you get your money back. Mind, I keep the interest.

Samson: Oi, Fletcher.
Harry Grout: There'll be something for you in your Christmas stocking, Fletcher.
Fletcher: Oh, thank you sir. I'll look forward to that, sir.