Maeby Fnke
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Quotes for
Maeby Fnke (Character)
from "Arrested Development" (2003)

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"Arrested Development: Meat the Veals (#2.16)" (2005)
Mario: Boy, you get a lot of mail from that movie studio.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I write a lot of letters to movie stars.
Mario: You seem a little old for that.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Babysit me!

Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Who's the hottie?
Michael Bluth: This is Ann's mother.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Her? Does she look old enough to play Topher Grace's mom?

"Arrested Development: Hand to God (#2.12)" (2005)
Gob: I think I'm responsible for Buster's hand.
Maeby Fünke: Yeah, and I'm responsible for an $80-million movie without an ending.
Gob: I know those problems seem big when you're a kid, Maeby.
Maeby Fünke: Look, this is kind of weird advice for me to be giving but why don't you just tell him the truth? I mean, he'll respect you for it.
Gob: Thanks, Maeby.
[Gob turns and walks away]
Maeby Fünke: Okay, now I'm just lying for no reason.

Maeby Fünke: What on earth is taking so long? Am I the only one who wants to get home and see their kids?

"Arrested Development: Notapusy (#3.4)" (2005)
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Church And State Fair, Maeby was signing up for the inner beauty pagaent.
George-Michael Bluth: So why are you doing this, Maeby?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: It's Shirley. I'm just here to show that all these pagaents care about is looks.
George-Michael Bluth: What's with your nose?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Isn't it cool? It's the same one Nicole Kidman wore in "The Hours".
Narrator: It had been purchased for her by Jamie Kennedy who was hoping to land a part in Maeby's film.
Jamie Kennedy: Ten thousand dollars!
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: You're such a dear, but I'm not putting you in my remake.
[a giant green "X" appears on Jamie Kennedy]

"Arrested Development: Whistler's Mother (#1.20)" (2004)
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: You know that secret you have? The one about the hair that nobody is suppose to see?
George-Michael Bluth: [uncomfortable] uh...
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I saw it.
George-Michael Bluth: [more uncomfortable] oh...
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I saw pop-pop.
George-Michael Bluth: [relieved] Oh right! Pop-pop with hair.

"Arrested Development: Señoritis (#4.12)" (2013)
Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Hug?
Maeby Fünke: Please don't squeeze the Shaman.

"Arrested Development: Charity Drive (#1.5)" (2003)
[while George-Michael and Maeby are going through files at the patent office, Maeby sticks her gum to the cabinet]
George-Michael Bluth: What are you doing? They're going to know we were here!
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: They already know that. Our fingerprints are all over the room.
George-Michael Bluth: You said they wouldn't check for fingerprints!
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I said don't wear your mittens. They look ridiculous on the security camera.
George-Michael Bluth: THERE'S A SECURITY CAMERA?

"Arrested Development: Out on a Limb (#2.11)" (2005)
Lucille: I don't care if I ever eat again.
Ann Veal: You know, when times are tough, you can always turn to the power of prayer.
Maeby Fünke: Here we go.
Lucille: Show me.

"Arrested Development: Storming the Castle (#1.9)" (2004)
Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Leather chair? So you're against stealing, but skinning cows is cool with you.
Michael Bluth: I'm fine, by the way. Frankly, your concern is getting embarrassing. Since when are you against leather?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Yeah, you're not even a vegetarian.
Lindsay Bluth Fünke: I'm not against the insides. People need meat to survive.
Michael Bluth: You are aware that they don't remove it from the cow surgically, right?

"Arrested Development: The Ocean Walker (#3.6)" (2005)
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: He's in L.A., she's in Japan, how do I get these two characters together?
Rita: You could always walk. Along the ocean. If it's not too deep.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: No! Deep is good! People are going to say "what the hell just happened?" and I'd better say I like it because nobody wants to seem stupid!
Rita: The Ocean Walker.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Holy crap, that's gonna look good on a hat!

"Arrested Development: Amigos (#2.3)" (2004)
Michael: You know, this open marriage is ridiculous. Somebody's gonna get hurt.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: The important thing is that you guys don't lose focus on yourself.
[Maeby walks away]
Tobias Fünke: You know, first of all, we are doing this for her, because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert - oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead!
[Michael and Lindsay stare in silence]
Tobias Fünke: I'm sorry, that was 100% inappropriate and I do apologize profusely. I do apologize profusely, I'm - oh...
[Tobias walks away in embarrassment]

"Arrested Development: Switch Hitter (#2.7)" (2005)
[Mort takes Maeby's book report thinking it's a movie treatment]
Mort Meyers: What's this? So, you're this Funke everyone's been talking about. You can't be more than what? Fifteen?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: [laughing] Marry me!