Quotes for
Mae "Maeby" Fünke (Character)
from "Arrested Development" (2003)

"Arrested Development: Motherboy XXX (#2.13)" (2005)

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Lindsay finds herself strangely compelled to be with Tobias...
Lindsay Funke: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I walked into the wrong trailer!
Dave Attell: Wow, the service sent you over quick.
Narrator: ...But not the one she's married to.
Lindsay Funke: [he quickly disrobes] You don't cry when you take those off?
Narrator: Having finally had sex, GOB can admit that he never consummated his marriage.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Your Honor, we never consummated this marriage.
Wife of Gob: Judge, maybe you should take a look at this, which was taken in your office just moments ago.
[She hands the judge a picture, and GOB is seen shirtless with the shirt over his head]
Narrator: Then GOB catches a lucky break.
Judge Lionel Ping: There's no way to tell who this man is.
Narrator: But it doesn't last long.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Oh that's me, your honor, I fucked my wife.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, we've really lost this case.
Narrator: And Maeby impresses some kids at the Promise Land with her one scary campfire story.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!
[Buster enters the clearing while holding up his hook]
Buster: Hey, campers.
[the kids all scream and run away]
Buster: I'm a monster!
Michael: This may have been a step backward.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: So what is this camping trip?
George Michael Bluth: It's called "the Promised Land", you're supposed to make promises about your relationships in accordance with the generations that proceeded you.
George Michael Bluth: [picking up a cup] Hey, there's booze in this.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: That's the promised land that Ann's taking you to? You're going to need this more than Polly here.

---

"Arrested Development: S.O.B.s (#3.9)" (2006)

Tobias Fünke: So fill each one of these bags with some glitter, my photo resume, some candy, and a note.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: [reading one of the notes] "I know where you live, ha ha!" Casting directors hate this!
Narrator: They really do.
Casting Director: [cut to casting director's office] The glitter queen struck again. Never hire Tobias Funke.

---

"Arrested Development: Missing Kitty (#1.18)" (2004)

George Michael Bluth: [discussing GOB's plans to make the yacht disappear] Yeah, but if the trick worked, wouldn't everyone see me just standing there?
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement is.

---

"Arrested Development: Notapusy (#3.4)" (2005)

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Church And State Fair, Maeby was signing up for the inner beauty pagaent.
George-Michael Bluth: So why are you doing this, Maeby?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: It's Shirley. I'm just here to show that all these pagaents care about is looks.
George-Michael Bluth: What's with your nose?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Isn't it cool? It's the same one Nicole Kidman wore in "The Hours".
Narrator: It had been purchased for her by Jamie Kennedy who was hoping to land a part in Maeby's film.
Jamie Kennedy: Ten thousand dollars!
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: You're such a dear, but I'm not putting you in my remake.
[a giant green "X" appears on Jamie Kennedy]

---

"Arrested Development: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)

[George Michael meets Maebe for the first time]
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Excuse me. I bought one of your frozen bananas and when I bit into it, I found this!
[she shows him the foot she cut off of Lucille's fox wrap]
George Michael Bluth: That looks like a foot.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: It tasted like a foot! Which I really didn't mind except I believe I asked for no nuts.

---

"Arrested Development: Whistler's Mother (#1.20)" (2004)

Mae "Maeby" Fünke: You know that secret you have? The one about the hair that nobody is suppose to see?
George-Michael Bluth: [uncomfortable] uh...
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I saw it.
George-Michael Bluth: [more uncomfortable] oh...
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I saw pop-pop.
George-Michael Bluth: [relieved] Oh right! Pop-pop with hair.

---

"Arrested Development: My Mother the Car (#1.8)" (2003)

Michael Bluth: Fine, we'll have a party
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: For Gangey?
Michael Bluth: Yeah, how'd you know?
George Michael Bluth: She called and invited us.
Lindsay Funke: [to Michael] Okay, maybe it was her idea.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: We don't have to come, do we?
Michael Bluth: Come on, this is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children.

---

"Arrested Development: Charity Drive (#1.5)" (2003)

[while George-Michael and Maeby are going through files at the patent office, Maeby sticks her gum to the cabinet]
George-Michael Bluth: What are you doing? They're going to know we were here!
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: They already know that. Our fingerprints are all over the room.
George-Michael Bluth: You said they wouldn't check for fingerprints!
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I said don't wear your mittens. They look ridiculous on the security camera.
George-Michael Bluth: THERE'S A SECURITY CAMERA?

---

"Arrested Development: Storming the Castle (#1.9)" (2004)

Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Leather chair? So you're against stealing, but skinning cows is cool with you.
Michael Bluth: I'm fine, by the way. Frankly, your concern is getting embarrassing. Since when are you against leather?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Yeah, you're not even a vegetarian.
Lindsay Bluth Fünke: I'm not against the insides. People need meat to survive.
Michael Bluth: You are aware that they don't remove it from the cow surgically, right?

---

"Arrested Development: Not Without My Daughter (#1.21)" (2004)

Narrator: As a psychotherapist, Tobias was on the forefront of the self-esteem movement.
Patient: I keep getting this longing. This urge... does that make me a...
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: [interrupting] Homosexual...
Tobias Fünke: Maebe, please. Although she's probably right though, you probably are a homosexual.

---

"Arrested Development: The Ocean Walker (#3.6)" (2005)

Mae "Maeby" Fünke: He's in L.A., she's in Japan, how do I get these two characters together?
Rita: You could always walk. Along the ocean. If it's not too deep.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: No! Deep is good! People are going to say "what the hell just happened?" and I'd better say I like it because nobody wants to seem stupid!
Rita: The Ocean Walker.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Holy crap, that's gonna look good on a hat!

---

"Arrested Development: Meat the Veals (#2.16)" (2005)

Mario: Boy, you get a lot of mail from that movie studio.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I write a lot of letters to movie stars.
Mario: You seem a little old for that.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: Babysit me!

---

"Arrested Development: Visiting Ours (#1.6)" (2003)

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: [Maebe and George Michael are planning to follow Maebe's parents] Go! Drive!
George Michael Bluth: Well, it says "Bluth Company" on the side, they'll notice that. Plus it's a staircase, that's going to catch the eye.
Narrator: The airport stairway vehicle is the last vestige of the Bluth's former wealth. Also, that House Of Pies went out of business.

---

"Arrested Development: Amigos (#2.3)" (2004)

Michael: You know, this open marriage is ridiculous. Somebody's gonna get hurt.
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: The important thing is that you guys don't lose focus on yourself.
[Maeby walks away]
Tobias Fünke: You know, first of all, we are doing this for her, because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert - oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead!
[Michael and Lindsay stare in silence]
Tobias Fünke: I'm sorry, that was 100% inappropriate and I do apologize profusely. I do apologize profusely, I'm - oh...
[Tobias walks away in embarrassment]

---

"Arrested Development: Prison Break-In (#3.7)" (2005)

George Michael Bluth: Because anything can happen when two people share a cell, 'cos.
George Michael Bluth: [Maebe stares at him] It's a line from the Warden's screenplay.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: What? Oh, OH! I don't know what I was worried about.
Narrator: And that would be the happiest moment George-Michael would ever experience in his entire life.

---

"Arrested Development: Switch Hitter (#2.7)" (2005)

[Mort takes Maeby's book report thinking it's a movie treatment]
Mort Meyers: What's this? So, you're this Funke everyone's been talking about. You can't be more than what? Fifteen?
Mae "Maeby" Fünke: [laughing] Marry me!

---