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: [on Buster's bike accident
] You were flying today, buddy. Buster
: Yes, I was flying. But a little too close to the sun. Lucille
: You let him go in the sun?
: [Michael and Buster are putting on biking gear
] Michael decides to fill the void left by his son with his brother. Michael
: You know, I'm in pretty good shape. You could be eating my dust out there! Narrator
: And Buster was giving as good as he received. Buster
: Yeah, and you could be
: that's gonna
: ! Michael
] Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.
: [about Lucille
] It's like she gets off on being withholding. Michael Bluth
: Whoa, Buster! Gob
: Look who's ragging on the old lady! Buster
: Because I'm an uptight
: you old horny slut! Michael Bluth
] Nobody's going to top that.
: [in a meeting, Buster is making lots of noise building a bike
] We're here, and we're focused, and...
: BUSTER! You cant do that in the snack room, pal? Buster
: Mom told me to stay away from microwaves.
: Candy bar? Buster
: [reaches for the offered candy
: [takes it back
] No, I'm withholding it.
: Look at me, getting off.
: You know I always get this way around Motherboy. Michael
: Oh, God, it's Motherboy time already? Lucille
: Normally, I'd go with Buster but he doesnt want to go. But with you, I think I've got a shot. Michael
: Buster for the first time ever, doesnt want to do this? Narrator
: [voice over
] Motherboy was the name of an annual dance promoting mother-son bonding. Lucille has gone with Buster over 30 times, and on many occasions, won cutest couple. But as one entered sexual maturity and the other one left it, it became increasingly difficult. Lucille
: [Buster and Lucille are getting their picture taken
] I'm so hot. Buster
: If you were hot, mother, we would win!
: On the next Arrested Development, Lindsay finds herself strangely compelled to be with Tobias... Lindsay Funke
: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I walked into the wrong trailer! Dave Attell
: Wow, the service sent you over quick. Narrator
: ...But not the one she's married to. Lindsay Funke
: [he quickly disrobes
] You don't cry when you take those off? Narrator
: Having finally had sex, GOB can admit that he never consummated his marriage. George "Gob" Bluth II
: Your Honor, we never consummated this marriage. Wife of Gob
: Judge, maybe you should take a look at this, which was taken in your office just moments ago.
[She hands the judge a picture, and GOB is seen shirtless with the shirt over his head
: Then GOB catches a lucky break. Judge Lionel Ping
: There's no way to tell who this man is. Narrator
: But it doesn't last long. George "Gob" Bluth II
: Oh that's me, your honor, I fucked my wife. Barry Zuckerkorn
: Oh, we've really lost this case. Narrator
: And Maeby impresses some kids at the Promise Land with her one scary campfire story. Mae 'Maebe' Funke
: Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!
[Buster enters the clearing while holding up his hook
: Hey, campers.
[the kids all scream and run away
: I'm a monster! Michael
: This may have been a step backward.
: Buster, you cant zip-line over there! Buster
: Either I zip down or he zips up! And that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit! You have to get on your knees to start it! Michael
: This is much less scary. Godspeed, Buster!
: [holding up a trophy
] And I finally feel good about myself. "Saddest". Michael
: And I saw those people, that was a very competitive category.
: My army training is telling me that this is a hot mission. Michael
: Hot mission! We're on a hot mission! Buster
: Maybe we should call it "Operation: Hot Mother." Michael
: No, no, let's try to top that. Narrator
: They never did, and later, Operation: Hot Mother was under way.
: Mom wanted me to tell you she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead, she would like to see you at the courthouse tomorrow in a blue sweater. Buster
: Dammit! I hate the blue sweater! Michael Bluth
: She said it would look nice with the gray pants. Buster
: Dammit! She's right!
: [to a fighting Michael and Gob
] What is wrong with you? I thought you were good people. I thought you were noble. I thought you care about family, but you clearly don't. It's over. Both of you. It's over. Buster
: Wait, wait. What about... what about me? Marta
: I'm sorry, I'm not totally sure who you are. Buster
: Wow. Wow. That's what it feels like to get punched in the face.
: No, mother, I can blow myself and you have interfered for the last time!
: Oh my god, they just shot off Buster's good arm. Byron "Buster" Bluth
: And that's why you dont use a one-armed person to scare someone!
George Bluth Sr.
: I certainly didn't teach Buster how to compete, and look at how he turned out! Byron "Buster" Bluth
: I think Mother is raising me just fine. George Bluth Sr.
: I used my contacts to get you a job and you quit! Narrator
: The job was at an Iraqi-owned toy store who wanted to use Buster to deter shoplifters.
: [Lucille has just had a face lift
] The doctor said, "No kissing her on the face for one week." I was like, "Make it two weeks, see if I care!"
[in Lupe's house, Buster finds a chair that looks like a hand
] Byron "Buster" Bluth
: Hey, it's my old hand chair. I never thought I'd miss a hand so much.
: I'm going to have to start putting people in the trunk. Narrator
: At that very moment, Buster was climbing into the trunk. Buster
: [videotaping himself
] Mother, when you see this tape, you will know that I've left. Not out of cowardice, but out of... man, it's tired in here!@ Narrator
: Six minutes later, Michael stopped to drop off his mother's housekeeper. Buster
: [Buster climbs out of the trunk
] Mexico. Narrator
: In fact, Buster was in Santa Ana, a town six minutes inland from his own, but the combination of losing his glasses and breathing carbon monoxide had impaired Buster's judgement. Buster
: [seeking shelter
] This will keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun. Lupe
: Excuse me, what are you doing? Buster
: I'm trying to find a place to live!
: On the next Arrested Development, Buster reclaims his favorite hand chair.
[Buster sees Lucille and Oscar having sex in it
: But the victory is short lived. Buster
: Make love in your OWN hand, MOTHER!
: [after dropping some food
] Where's my maid? ROBOT! Narrator
: But the robot had other plans. Byron "Buster" Bluth
: [Lucille walks into Buster's room to find him sleeping with the robot vacuum cleaner
] What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'M A MONSTER!
: [catching Lucille and Buster in bed together
] And yet you're too good to polish the candlesticks? You're fired! Buster
: You cant fire me! I'm your son! I'm firing you! Lucille
: I was firing Lupe! Buster
: Oh, that makes more sense.
[Lucille replaces Lupe with a robot vacuum cleaner, then catches Buster in bed with it
: Well, what do you expect, mother?
[holds up his hook
: I'm half machine. I'm a monster.
[after being put in charge, Buster passes out at his first board meeting
] Lucille Bluth
: We need Michael. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth
: [holding a glass
] We need ice.
[two paramedics pick up a stretcher with Buster on it
] Byron "Buster" Bluth
: Michael. We need Michael.
: It's the Securities and Exchange Commission. Byron "Buster" Bluth
: They have boats?
Lindsay Bluth Fünke
: Face it, Michael, Maybe the reason you keep coming back is because you need us. Michael
: Hmmm. Oh, that's rich. Huh. I need you. Alright, I'll tell you what. Mom, you're always asking me to help you look after Buster? You can find somebody else. I hope she doesn't kill you. Buster
: I'll kill her first! Michael
: And good luck trying to find someone to run the business, by the way. G.O.B., instead of always coming to me looking for money, saying, "I've made a huge mistake," you can bail yourself out next time. Gob
: I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about? Michael
: Lindsay, instead of sleeping in twin beds, why don't you and your husband take the master bedroom. It's not like you've never come to me with your marital problems saying, "Oh, help me Michael, I think my husband might be a ho..."
[Tobias uses the airhorn
: Buster! Stop playing with Mother's rape horn Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace. Buster
: Yeah, like anyone would want to "R" her.
: Sir, we will not be starting with "Less Cousins Dangeroozies" until you leave. Lucille Austero
: I'm sorry, I was under the impression my AARP card was good for one and a date. Byron "Buster" Bluth
: I knew society wouldn't accept this. And they never will.
[Buster bolts for the curtains, not realizing there's a cinder block wall behind it. He collides and collapses
] Lucille Austero
: Buster... Buster... Usher
: We just need the three extra bucks.
: Buster, what happened to your head? Buster
: Nothing. Gob was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer
: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab. Gob
: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom. Buster
: She's better than the whores you date. Gob
: Don't call my escorts whores. Buster
: Mom's still got it! Gob
: I don't date whores! Lindsay
: Stop it, both of you! This objectification of women has got to stop! Michael
: It's just Mom and whores.
: No, how would you like it? Actually, that's not a bad idea. I should turn the tables on men and see how they like being objectified. Men with low self-esteem. Get their clothes off. Tobias Fünke
: That is a great social statement. I shall get the video camera. This is ripe for parody. This is ripe! Buster
: He just wants to see boys' Linuses.
: Hey, I just came to tell you that I can't do that wall. Drill Instructor
: There's no time for that! We're shipping out without you! Haven't you heard?
[hands Buster military files
: Weapons of Mass Destruction? Gob
: Those bastards! Drill Instructor
: I did not say that! Gob
: Are you going to allow that, Buster? Are you going to allow your children, and your children's children, and any children that I might have out there to live in fear for the rest of their lives?
[advances to the wall
: Climb that wall, homo! Drill Instructor
: Go get 'em! Narrator
: [as Buster climbs the wall
] Buster got the encouragement he needed, and just when it seemed there wouldn't be any surprises...
[Gob punches Buster as he jumps to the other side
: ... it did. Gob
: Now, when you do this without getting punched, you'll have more fun.
: I'm the pathetic one, Buster, not you. I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl, in a little dress, little saddle shoes, little pigtails. Buster
: Wow, that does sound like a little girl.
: Annyong? Annyong
: Annyong. Buster
: Annyong? Annyong
: Annyong. But my real name is Hello. Buster
: Hello? Annyong
: Buster faced his second biggest fear. Buster
: I cant swim! I cant swim! Narrator
: And then his first. Buster
: [the seal that ate Buster's hand appears
] Oh come on!
Byron "Buster" Bluth
: Oh, for God's sake. Can't you keep my hand to yourself?
: Maybe it's time you went out there and got yourself a girl... PET! Buster
: How about a turtle? I love those leathery little snappy faces. Michael
: You certainly have a type.
: [about Buster dating Lucille Austero
] I mean, she's been a family friend for years. It's just... creepy! Michael Bluth
: Hey, buddy. Byron "Buster" Bluth
: Hey. Michael Bluth
: Mom, I think you might be overreacting. Lucille
: She changed him as a baby. Michael Bluth
: OK, that's, that's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Byron "Buster" Bluth
: _That's_ why she didn't look surprised.
: [to Michael
] Oh, don't give me that look. I happen to be a more caring mother than most. Byron "Buster" Bluth
] Where's my bed? Lucille
: I put it in storage. I guess you'll just have to decide which Lucille you want to spend your nights with.
Byron "Buster" Bluth
: If mother sees this, she will blow a cow!
: Oh, I've had the time of my life. Lucille
: He's being sarcastic, GOB. Buster
: No, I'm not, mother. I mean, lover. Larry
: I like making love to mother. Buster
: I mean lover!
: Well, it's not like you made a commitment to her or anything. Buster
: No, not a commitment... but I did refer to it as "our nausea, " but that was when we were going at it pretty hot and heavy. Michael
: Well, now it's my nausea.
: [to George Michael
] I want you to take the rest of the day off. Here's 20 bucks, buy something you don't need, be a kid, make mistakes, get in trouble. Buster
: Yes, make a mistake. Take 225 from me.
: Buster had brought home a turtle in an incredibly misguided attempt to distance himself from his mother. Buster
: You can stay in this box of grass that Uncle Father Oscar left behind. Narrator
: Actually, that was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. Primo bud. Real sticky weed.
: Can't a guy call his mother pretty without making it seem strange? Buster
: Yeah, and how about that little tail on her? Cute! Michael
: I've opened a door here that I regret.
: Well, um, I was going to say that you don't know who my father really is and that what has happened to us is a great injustice, that we were never really given a fair chance. But that's not the truth. We've been given plenty of chances. And maybe the Bluths just aren't worth saving, maybe we're not that likable, you know. We're very self-centered. And my father may be the worst of us. Me, too. You know, I seem to... I threaten people who I don't feel support me. He poisons them. Anyway, here's my advice to you. Go ahead and take yourself a goody bag and get out of here while you can.
: The speech was disturbing. The food inedible. And the gift bags, well, pretty frightening. And when GOB found out he wasn't going to get tipped... Gob
: Wait! No, no, where's everyone going! Narrator
: The service got worse. Gob
: Where's my money? I'll follow you to your cars! Byron "Buster" Bluth
: My thumb! Narrator
: Oh and that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. All in all, it was one of the Bluth's better parties.
: Hey, possible nephew.
: [describing Lucille 2 as he saw her without his glasses
] I know she's a brownish area... with points.
: [on the phone after Lucille threatens to cut his cord
] They're trying to kill Baby Buster! Oh that's right, from the videos!
George Michael Bluth
: You know, I have a job. Tobias Fünke
] Kiss ass... well we were all thinking it. Buster
: Uh, I'm unclear about what it is exactly you do... Jessie Bowers
: Excellent question, what a publicist does is... Buster
: No, no, no I was talking to George Michael. When did you get a job? George Michael Bluth
: At the banana stand. Buster
: Oh! Duh! I thought you meant like a plumber or something and I was like 'when did that happen?'
: They're not gonna let you in at the country club with that. Buster
: [as Franklin, the puppet
] I don't want no part of yo' tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch!
: Hey, fake Uncle Jack.
[Buster gets a hook to replace the hand he lost
: Hey, Uncle.
[Buster gives Oscar a shoulder rub and repeatedly jabs him with the hook
: Ow! Ah! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You've got my tendon caught on your claw! Buster
: My claw?
[Buster stares at his hook in sheer terror as Psycho-type music plays
: I'm a MONSTER!
: [Tobias hands Buster his business card
] Ahhhh! Tobias Fünke
: Oh, it's pronounced "Analrapist". Buster
: It wasn't the pronunciation that bothered me.
: I decided to sleep in the car so my snoring wouldn't bother you, and I left a tape recording of my snoring so you wouldn't know I was gone.
: [while performing the "Sword of Destiny" trick
] Will you hand me the trick sword, please? Gob
: It's a real sword!
: [while Lindsay and Tobias are having a heated argument
] WELL JUST FAKE IT!
[he falls back asleep
: COMA... Narrator
: Believe it or not, that actually got through to them. Buster
: Now please turn on the cartoon network and get the hell out of here!