Gob Bluth
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Quotes for
Gob Bluth (Character)
from "Arrested Development" (2003)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Arrested Development: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
[after being put in charge, Buster passes out at his first board meeting]
Lucille Bluth: We need Michael.
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: [holding a glass] We need ice.
[two paramedics pick up a stretcher with Buster on it]
Byron "Buster" Bluth: Michael. We need Michael.

Michael Bluth: So this is the magic trick, huh?
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...
[sees children watching his magic]
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: ...or cocaine!

[Gob is being interviewed for an office job]
Interviewer: It was really only your brother we were interested in. I mean, you don't even have any references.
[Gob performs a magic trick involving a small explosion and ending with a dove spontaneously appearing]
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Is that enough of a reference for you?
[the dove lands on interviewer's head]
Interviewer: Even a letter of recommendation? Something like that.

Gob: You know, I sorta thought my contribution... could be a magic show!
Michael: Hey, that's great! That's perfect, Gob! Oh, wait, I just remembered, Dad's retiring, not turning six.

father: It's come down to the two of ya, and... I'll be honest. I'm just more comfortable with an Alliance-approved magician.
Gob: [sulks] Well... give 'em a helluva show, champ!
teenage magician: [bleep] off, traitor.

Captain: How are you?
Gob: Incredible. I'm having an incredible year.
[High Fives the Captain]

George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Are those police boats?

George Michael Bluth: Uncle Gob? Uncle Gob?
Gob: Give me a dollar, no! the twenty. This is gonna blow your mind. Some say wealth is an illusion, well let's just see. For one moment it's here and the next... Monopoly. You don't have it do you?
George Michael Bluth: I think I might.
Gob: Thats good cause alot of the pieces are missing. Ah, to play monopoly with my family again. I'd give anything to be eight.
George Michael Bluth: I'm thirteen.
Gob: Nah, I wasn't crazy about thirteen. The acne, the self-consciousness, the erections. You okay?
George Michael Bluth: Yeah, I'm good
Gob: Hey! there's the man I came to see.
George Michael Bluth: Uh, Uncle Gob where's the twenty?
Gob: Hey! a magician never reveals his secrets, that's what I started the whole alliance about.
George Michael Bluth: I don't need the secret I just need the...
Gob: What you need to know...
[dramatic pause]
Gob: Is that it's magic.
George Michael Bluth: Wow... It's so much like stealing.


"Arrested Development: Key Decisions (#1.4)" (2003)
Narrator: Gob was planning his escape from prison.
Gob: [peering into the cell block] Is there a private bathroom nearby?
George Sr.: [addresses the cell latrine] You're looking at it.
Gob: No, no, no. I can't use that. I need privacy. Yeah, I've always been that way. I can't go without privacy.
[sees that his dad is serious]
Gob: No, I can't pass this key without privacy!
George Sr.: Well, I could ask the guys to leave, but, uh, you know they've been locking the doors lately.
[goes back to reading]
Gob: [defeated] I've made a huge mistake.

White Power Bill: [Stabbing Gob] White power!
Gob: I'm white!

[Gob is planning to break out of a prison for publicity]
Warden: You really think you can break out of my prison?
Gob: You won't even know I was here.
Narrator: The warden was intrigued, less about the stunt and more about the prison beatings that this brash magician was sure to receive.

Gob: [while on Spanish-language television] I, too, have an announcement to make. To prove my worthiness into the Alliance, I will incarcerate myself in the same prison that holds my own father, only to escape 24 hours later! No shackles can hold these hands!
[to Marta]
Gob: Say that to them in Spanish.

White Power Bill: White Power!
[as he stabs Gob in the kidney]
Gob: But I'm white!


"Arrested Development: Beef Consomme (#1.13)" (2004)
Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio.
Spanish actor: Como?
Gob: Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.

Gob: Where am I? Am I in two-thirds of a hospital room?

Gob: Well... sounds like "Hermano" is about to get his ass kicked.

Gob: Well... sounds like someone who you thinks name is "Tio" is about to get his ass kicked.

George Michael Bluth: Hey, was Aunt Lindsey ever pregnant?
Gob: Oh yea, dozens of times.


"Arrested Development: The One Where Michael Leaves (#2.1)" (2004)
[Michael discovers Gob is now president of the Bluth Company]
Michael Bluth: How much damage could he possibly cause?
Narrator: In just three hours, Gob had caused $45,000 worth of damage.
[we see Gob playing pool in Michael's office. he pulls back his cue and hits the wall]
George "Gob" Bluth II: Hit there.
[his assistant makes a hole in the wall with a sledgehammer]

Michael: I don't know why you're not taking this "I'm out of here" seriously because I am out of here. Seriously.
Gob: Face it, Michael, you've made this threat before.
Michael: Tell me, when?
Michael: [caption reads: "Dinner mishap"] I'm outta here.
Michael: [caption reads: "Christmas magic show fiasco"] I'm outta here.
Michael: [caption reads: "Monkey Freedom Rally setback"] I'm outta this family, seriously.
Michael: This time we'll be so far away that you wont be able to find us.
George Michael Bluth: Phoenix. We're going to Phoenix.
Michael: Don't tell them!

Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Face it, Michael, Maybe the reason you keep coming back is because you need us.
Michael: Hmmm. Oh, that's rich. Huh. I need you. Alright, I'll tell you what. Mom, you're always asking me to help you look after Buster? You can find somebody else. I hope she doesn't kill you.
Buster: I'll kill her first!
Michael: And good luck trying to find someone to run the business, by the way. G.O.B., instead of always coming to me looking for money, saying, "I've made a huge mistake," you can bail yourself out next time.
Gob: I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?
Michael: Lindsay, instead of sleeping in twin beds, why don't you and your husband take the master bedroom. It's not like you've never come to me with your marital problems saying, "Oh, help me Michael, I think my husband might be a ho..."
[Tobias uses the airhorn]

Gob: What did you come here for, Michael? I hope it's not for a handout. I run a pretty tight ship around here.
Michael: With a pool table.
Gob: It's a gaming ship.


"Arrested Development: Spring Breakout (#2.17)" (2005)
Michael: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab.
Gob: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts whores.
Buster: Mom's still got it!
Gob: I don't date whores!
Lindsay: Stop it, both of you! This objectification of women has got to stop!
Michael: It's just Mom and whores.

Gob: [fixes a drink while waiting for an intervention with Lucille]
Michael: Are you pouring a drink? What are you doing?
Gob: What if she's mad?
Lindsay: Good point.
Tobias Fünke: Perhaps I'll have a little sip of something...
Michael: Guys, what could she do to us?... do we have anything single malt?
Narrator: [thirty minutes later] And although the intervention didn't work...
Michael: We think you have a prollen.
Gob: You're a mesh.
Narrator: ...it turned into one of the Bluth family's better parties.

Michael: Well, maybe an intervention is the wrong approach. What about rehab? She was just a mess at the meeting. Where were you, by the way? I could've used your help with mom.
Gob: I believe I told you I was going to be off for the holidays. It's Spring Break.

Lindsay: This pig Phillip Litt is out there asking girls to take their tops off. It's an outrage.
Gob: Well, of course you feel that way. You're jealous. You're a surfboard.


"Arrested Development: Meat the Veals (#2.16)" (2005)
George Sr.: Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out.
Gob: [as Franklin] I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch!
George Sr.: [starts to choke Franklin] That's my wife, you bastard!
Gob: Dad, that's my wrist!
George Sr.: [chokes Gob]
Gob: [as Franklin] Hey, that's his neck!

Gob: [about Ann] Plus, that one is religious. It gets pregnant, it stays pregnant. I know, I dated a chick like that once in high school. Wait... no, I didn't.

Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael Bluth: G.O.B., weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.

George-Michael Bluth: Gangy's having an anniversary party?
Michael Bluth: Seems that way.
George-Michael Bluth: Is Franklin gonna be there?
Gob: See that, Mike. Kids love Franklin.
George-Michael Bluth: I just don't want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann.


"Arrested Development: Missing Kitty (#1.18)" (2004)
Michael: [to Lucille and GOB] Gee, I don't know what's more offensive - the fact that you didn't tell us about our grandmother's death or the fact that you sunk a $700,000 yacht!
Gob: I had $900,000 worth of insurance put on it.

Gob: And as for Kitty, I think you're crazy to have fired her. Who knows what kind of information she has?
[flashback to after Gob and Kitty have sex]
Gob: He's my brother and he's never even said, "Good job. " I just want him to love me, you know?
Kitty: Wow, you get really girly after, huh?
Gob: [Back in the present] Yeah, she definitely knows way too much.

Gob: I did it! I sunk the yacht!
Michael Bluth: You what?
Gob: I sunk it!
Michael Bluth: You sunk a $700,000 yacht?
Gob: With $900,000 of insurance on it. Besides I disposed of all the evidence.


"Arrested Development: Notapusy (#3.4)" (2005)
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Buster signs Steve Holt up for the Army.
George "Gob" Bluth II: No, you can't, you can't! I'm finally ready to be a father to you. I know that now.
Steve Holt: I don't go in for another two years.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Well, as your father, can I sign something?
[a giant green "X" appears on GOB]
Narrator: And George Sr. finds out that a fake Popemobile... cant stop real bullets.

Michael: I'm not going to lie to your son.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Oh, come on! I lie to yours all the time.

Gob: First place chick is hot but has an attitude: doesn't "date" magicians. Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl... or a geologist.


"Arrested Development: The One Where They Build a House (#2.2)" (2004)
Gob: I
[bleeped]
Gob: the business model.
Narrator: Actually, they just made out.
Gob: Yeah, she had all kinds of orgasms.

Gob: We'll rock-paper-scissors for it.
Michael: You're not getting a boat.
Gob: One... two...
Michael: Not gonna do it.
Gob: Paper covers rock.
Michael: Fine, but rock sinks boat.

Michael: Listen, you know I didn't set you up, okay? And I really think the only reason you and I ever fight is that since we were little kids, Dad's always played us off each other.
Gob: Dad always said that was your fault.


"Arrested Development: For British Eyes Only (#3.2)" (2005)
Gob: [after learning that George Sr. has been placed under house arrest] It wont be too long until dad strangles himself with his belt.
Michael: No, it turns out that they're into that.

Tobias Fünke: Gob, I would like to be in your trick and there's someone I'd like to put in a plug for. Or... should I say 4,000 plugs?
Gob: [Tobias removes his cap and his hair plugs are bleeding] Oh god...
Lupe: Mister gay is bleeding! Mister gay!

Gob: Dad asked me to do this on the day he pleads not guilty, as a spectacular protest. A protestacular!


"Arrested Development: Righteous Brothers (#2.18)" (2005)
[after George, Sr. escapes from under the model house]
George "Gob" Bluth II: Good news! Dad wasn't crushed to death.
Michael: There was a risk of that?

Gob: [singing repeated lines]
[as himself]
Gob: "It ain't easy bein' white."
Gob: [as Franklin] "It ain't easy being brown."

Michael: We cannot afford to lose each other.
Gob: I can't. I already lost a brother today.
Michael: Franklin?
Gob: Well, I didn't lose him, but he's all puckered and white.
Michael: On the plus side, you can take him to lunch at the club now.
Gob: [crying] That's the kind of joke he would have loved.


"Arrested Development: Hand to God (#2.12)" (2005)
Lucille: I asked God to take anything from Buster to keep him from going to war.
Michael: Mom, god's not going to answer a call from you.
Gob: I trained the seal to eat cats, and then released him in the ocean.
Michael: OK, you've got a better case than mom does.

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Buster and GOB find themselves closer than ever.
The Literal Doctor: Good news, we've removed the hook and there's been no damage.
Gob: [as Buster gets up and leaves] Oh thank god!
The Literal Doctor: Unfortunately, you've still got a hook in your ass.

Gob: I think I'm responsible for Buster's hand.
Maeby Fünke: Yeah, and I'm responsible for an $80-million movie without an ending.
Gob: I know those problems seem big when you're a kid, Maeby.
Maeby Fünke: Look, this is kind of weird advice for me to be giving but why don't you just tell him the truth? I mean, he'll respect you for it.
Gob: Thanks, Maeby.
[Gob turns and walks away]
Maeby Fünke: Okay, now I'm just lying for no reason.


"Arrested Development: Prison Break-In (#3.7)" (2005)
Michael: We dont want to relive the TBA debacle.
Narrator: Years earlier, the Bluth's held their first fundraiser, but the family had a hard time agreeing on a cause.
George Sr.: [reading the slips] "Neckflap". "Ovarian Cancer". Gee, I wonder who that was? "Shrinkage". Somebody saw Seinfeld last night! Another one for "Neckflap".
Narrator: So they sent out invitations with the disease still to be announced. To their surprise, the Bluth's wound up raising over $25,000 dollars for TBA. Then, and here's the really horrible part, they did it again the following year.
Gob: [footage of George Michael's Star Wars Kid] Keep fighting, little guy! Soon, we'll rid the world of T.B.A.!
Michael: When they found out, we almost had a riot on our hands.

[Gob hosts a video on Graft-Vs-Host disease]
Gob: Graft-Vs-Host. When you hear about it, it sounds like a match up between tennis great Steffi Graf and "Happy Days" star Donny Host.
Narrator: It's MOST.

Michael Bluth: [Michael and GOB are trying to break into the prison] If only we had a map.
Gob: [rips off his shirt revealing a map] Like this? I drew it upside down.
Michael Bluth: This is going to be awkward.
Narrator: It was awkward.
Prison guard: [Michael is awkwardly positioned over GOB] Hey guys, if you want to party, maybe you should take it inside?
Gob: That was a freebie.


"Arrested Development: Sword of Destiny (#2.15)" (2005)
Buster: [while performing the "Sword of Destiny" trick] Will you hand me the trick sword, please?
Gob: It's a real sword!

Narrator: GOB was at Ancient Chinese Secret that very moment.
Gob: I'm looking for something to give my dingle less tingle. Me quick want slow! Wait, that's Indian...
Chinese Shop Owner: Tea for dong!
Gob: What is this?
Chinese Shop Owner: It's the sword of destiny. Very powerful. Comes with back story.
Gob: Yeah, I make up my own patter. Just ring it up with the dong tea.

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Michael gets a new roommate.
Gob: My middle and index fingers are...
Dr. Stein: ...switched for the first time ever!


"Arrested Development: Justice Is Blind (#1.17)" (2004)
Gob: Michael, you have a chance to save this family. Please, do the right thing here - string this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
Barry Zuckerkorn: The solution to all our problems is staring you in the face and it can't even see you!

Lindsay Funke: [about the Ten Commandments] I don't know... give 'em to a school.
Michael Bluth: I don't want anymore of my family members having run-in's with the law. The Ten Commandments stay.
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: So now you loooove the Ten Commandments.

Gob: Oh, now you love the ten commandments, yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him, unless it be-eth me, thy sweet Lord."
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.


"Arrested Development: Afternoon Delight (#2.6)" (2004)
Gob: [laughing at a joke an employee told about George Sr] Into the Kitty.
George Sr.: [to Michael] Fire Tom and get your jackass brother out of here.

Michael Bluth: Well, you do it your way, GOB, I'm just here to have fun.
Gob: Well, not too much fun. I gave my big sexual harassment speech earlier today.
Gob: [earlier that day] Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any inter-office *bleep* or *bleep* -ing, or finger *bleep* or *bleep* -sting or *bleep* -esting or *bleep* eing or *bleep* or even *bleep* . Oh and if anyone tries anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll show you my *bleep* . And I'll personally *really long bleep* .

Michael Bluth: You may want to start acting like the president, GOB. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees.
Gob: Yeah, like the president has to worry about alienating the employees.
Narrator: In fact, GOB had started to alienate some of the employees.
Gob: [in the break room] Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit! COME ON!
Gob: [at the elevator] Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. COME ON!
Gob: [in the bathroom] Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit! COME ON!


"Arrested Development: Fakin' It (#3.10)" (2006)
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Mock Trial With J. Reinhold spawns imitators.
Gob: All rise, Bud Cort is now in session!
Bud Cort: Please be seated.
Gob: [as Franklin] Hard to be seated when you got someone's hand up your ass!
Bud Cort: Can we lose the puppet?
Narrator: And Michael discovers that he wasn't N. Bluth after all.
Michael: [looking at old family photos] I have an older sister?
Narrator: So much for not abandoning family.

Michael Bluth: I am not going to turn this mock trial into some kind of...
Gob: You were going to say "mockery", weren't you?
Michael Bluth: I was in trouble like three words into that.

Franklin Bluth: My name is Judge.
Gob: Whose name is Judge?
Franklin Bluth: My name is...
Gob: That's a silly name!
Franklin Bluth: -Judge. My name...
Gob: Yes I am judging your name. It am silly!
Franklin Bluth: - is...
Gob: Oh, now you're correcting my grammar?


"Arrested Development: S.O.B.s (#3.9)" (2006)
Michael: Well, um, I was going to say that you don't know who my father really is and that what has happened to us is a great injustice, that we were never really given a fair chance. But that's not the truth. We've been given plenty of chances. And maybe the Bluths just aren't worth saving, maybe we're not that likable, you know. We're very self-centered. And my father may be the worst of us. Me, too. You know, I seem to... I threaten people who I don't feel support me. He poisons them. Anyway, here's my advice to you. Go ahead and take yourself a goody bag and get out of here while you can.
[Lucille applauds]
Narrator: The speech was disturbing. The food inedible. And the gift bags, well, pretty frightening. And when GOB found out he wasn't going to get tipped...
Gob: Wait! No, no, where's everyone going!
Narrator: The service got worse.
Gob: Where's my money? I'll follow you to your cars!
Byron "Buster" Bluth: My thumb!
Narrator: Oh and that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. All in all, it was one of the Bluth's better parties.

Narrator: GOB had never made eye contact with his customer, that is, until this happened.
Lucille Bluth: I'll have the lobster tail.
George "Gob" Bluth II: And then maybe you could save a little tail for me.
[GOB realizes it's Lucille]
George "Gob" Bluth II: Oh COME ON!
Lucille Bluth: Ahhhhhhh!


"Arrested Development: Bringing Up Buster (#1.3)" (2003)
Gob: Hey, the Cornballer. Thought these things were only legal in Mexico.
Narrator: In fact, the Cornballer wasn't legal anywhere, but George Sr. continued to market it in Mexico, anyways.

Buster: [about Lucille] It's like she gets off on being withholding.
Michael Bluth: Whoa, Buster!
Gob: Look who's ragging on the old lady!
Buster: Because I'm an uptight
[long bleep]
Buster: Buster
[long bleep]
Buster: you old horny slut!
Michael Bluth: [stunned] Nobody's going to top that.


"Arrested Development: Colony Collapse (#4.7)" (2013)
Ann Veal: So, how did you like your egg?
Gob Bluth: I said you were fine.

Gob Bluth: My bees are dropping like flies, and I need them to fly like bees.


"Arrested Development: Sad Sack (#2.5)" (2004)
Buster: Hey, I just came to tell you that I can't do that wall.
Drill Instructor: There's no time for that! We're shipping out without you! Haven't you heard?
[hands Buster military files]
Buster: Weapons of Mass Destruction?
Gob: Those bastards!
Drill Instructor: I did not say that!
Gob: Are you going to allow that, Buster? Are you going to allow your children, and your children's children, and any children that I might have out there to live in fear for the rest of their lives?
[advances to the wall]
Gob: Climb that wall, homo!
Drill Instructor: Go get 'em!
Narrator: [as Buster climbs the wall] Buster got the encouragement he needed, and just when it seemed there wouldn't be any surprises...
[Gob punches Buster as he jumps to the other side]
Narrator: ... it did.
Gob: Now, when you do this without getting punched, you'll have more fun.

Gob: I'm the pathetic one, Buster, not you. I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl, in a little dress, little saddle shoes, little pigtails.
Buster: Wow, that does sound like a little girl.


"Arrested Development: Top Banana (#1.2)" (2003)
[Gob is buying a dove at the pet store]
Clerk: Don't you want a cage for that?
George "Gob" Bluth II: [sticking the dove in his jacket] Please! I'm a professional.
[the dove can be heard cooing as Gob walks to the door. He walks into the door and the dove stops cooing]
George "Gob" Bluth II: [looking into his jacket] What's your return policy, by the way?

Michael Bluth: You certainly haven't been shopping! The only thing I found in the refrigerator was a dead dove in a bag.
Gob: You didn't eat that dove, did you? Because I only have a couple of days left to return it.


"Arrested Development: In God We Trust (#1.7)" (2003)
Maebe: [attempting to get her parents to notice her] Here are the fake airline tickets. If they don't see this, I really might go to South America.
George Michael: [notices a flaw] That says, "Portugal".
Maebe: [oblivious] That's right.
Narrator: Maeby's parents didn't see the tickets, but her Uncle Gob did.
Gob: [examines the tickets, thinking they're Michael's] Portugal? Well, gonna live it up in ol' South America, aren't we, Michael?

Gob: [chasing after Michael] Michael, I'm on to you! The Spanish lessons! If you're headed for Portugal, it's due south!
Michael: What? No it isn't!


"Arrested Development: Storming the Castle (#1.9)" (2004)
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development: The Alliance decides to let Gob back in.
Rollo: [at the Magicians' Alliance office] Tell me, how did you get two Alliance-approved assistants with such short notice?
Gob: Oh, that was just my girlfriend and my nephew.
Rollo: [quickly conferring with other Alliance members] Well, you're out.

Marta Estrella: Actually, we had a big fight. He thought I was belittling his career, but I never would do that.
Michael Bluth: Neither would I. What career?
Marta Estrella: The magic?
Michael Bluth: Oh, the tricks! The little tricks. Those are great.
Marta Estrella: Well, he didn't like my reaction to his new one.
Gob: [In flashback: Gob pushes a metal spike through an apple in front of Marta and her sons] Real needle, real apple... real neck!
[Gob pushes the spike into his neck; blood appears to gush from it]
Marta's son: [screaming] ¡Él es zombi!
Marta Estrella: They're children! How could you do that?
Gob: Oh sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done.


"Arrested Development: Not Without My Daughter (#1.21)" (2004)
George Michael: Say what you want about America - thirteen bucks can still get you a hell of a lot of mice!
Gob: Who said anything bad about America?

George Michael: I guess there are just some things you can't talk to your dad about, like... were you ever confused about women?
Gob: ...You mean, if there were three of us, and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty good...


"Arrested Development: Visiting Ours (#1.6)" (2003)
Gob: I fucked Kitty!
Michael: Oh, no! I only wanted you to get the information!
Gob: Michael, I got the information!
Michael: You did? About the international accounts?
Gob: [beat] Oh, I see where you're getting at. No, I didn't get the information.
Michael: Well, you just lost the touchlamp.
Gob: Michael, no!
Michael: I'll use the touchlamp to help set the mood in the trailer where Dad's nailing Mom!
Gob: You are filthy!

Gob: I got great news.
Michael: Good, I could use some. I just had to convince Mom to have sex with Dad.
Gob: [repulsed] Oh, God! Michael, what is wrong with you? You're disgusting!
Michael: What's wrong with you?
Gob: Oh, just the thought of Mom and Dad... together... I have a sense of propriety.


"Arrested Development: Pier Pressure (#1.10)" (2004)
Michael: [after confronting his son about marijuana] He's lying to me! I don't believe it! Where the hell is this family's morality?
Gob: [lets out a puff of marijuana smoke] I don't know. Oh, it's... cold out.

Michael: [referring to George Michael smoking pot] All I know is that this has been going on forever. His eyes are red, his grades are slipping.
Gob: I heard about the A minus.


"Arrested Development: The Cabin Show (#3.1)" (2005)
Gob: I've made a huge tiny mistake.

Gob: I didn't even know we had a cabin in the woods.
Michael: Oh shit. I've never been to the cabin, GOB.
Narrator: Though he had often been promised.
George Sr.: [flashback - "1977"] Oh sorry buddy, something came up. This nice lady here lost her puppy and I'm going to help her find it.
George Sr.: [flashback - "1980"] Oh sorry buddy, this girl's dad got sick and I'm taking her to the hospital.
George Sr.: [flashback - "1983"] Come on, you're old enough to understand this by now - I'm nailing this broad!


"Arrested Development: Let 'Em Eat Cake (#1.22)" (2004)
Gob: Nothing works in this house.
Michael: Tell me about it.
Lindsay Funke: Is that a shot at me?
Gob: Probably.
Lindsay Funke: Because for your information, I got a job.
Michael: Really? What kind of job?
Lindsay Funke: Beads.
Gob: Bees?
Lindsay Funke: Beads.
Gob: Beads?
Michael: Gob's not on board.

Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. I'm sick of playing second fiddle. I'm always third in line for everything. I'm tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.
Michael: You want to be in charge?
Gob: Yeah.
Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with? A sister who takes your money and throws it away. A mother who you can't trust. A company whose founder may be on trial for treason. Is that what you want?
Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?


"Arrested Development: The Immaculate Election (#2.14)" (2005)
Gob: What's this? A stuffy office meeting? Perhaps it's time for some Office Magic.
Ron Michaelson: But what's Office Magic?
Gob: Sometimes it's as simple as turning 10:30 in the morning into... lunch time!
Ron Michaelson: Why does lunch have to be so dull?
Gob: Perhaps you'd like some chicken!
[he rips open a bag and a dead dove flies out]
Gob: Cut!

Gob: [watching footage of George Michael's "Star Wars Kid"] This has got to be the lamest thing ever put on tape.
Narrator: Not true. Buster had once filmed himself re-creating scenes from his then favorite film Chicago. He also liked Star Wars.


"Arrested Development: Best Man for the Gob (#1.19)" (2004)
Gob: Gilligan killed the Skipper - I mean, the stripper!

[discussing Gob's bachelor party]
Gob: Dad, you are gonna love this woman.
George Sr.: Well, I'm paying her enough, but she's a hell of a stripper.
Gob: No, I meant my wife.
George Sr.: Oh. No, I doubt that very much.


"Arrested Development: Queen for a Day (#2.8)" (2005)
Gob Bluth: So get this. I took his dress eyebrows.
Narrator: Sitwell suffered from a disease that rendered him completely hairless.
Michael: He's not gonna be happy about that.
Gob Bluth: No, especially when he goes to the opera with two mustaches on his forehead.

Gob Bluth: So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's like "Die already!"
Starla: I love my mother.
Gob Bluth: Huh?
Starla: She's one of the two most important people in my life. You know, she and Quincy.


"Arrested Development: Good Grief! (#2.4)" (2004)
Michael: His name is Gary and we don't need any more lawsuits.
Gob: Wait... Gary's gay? He's going to think I was coming onto him.
Gob: [flashback] You've got a nice mouth.
Gob: [flashback] I'd kill for that ass.
Gob: [flashback] Now lately, the chair doesn't seem to give out but as soon as I lean back...

Gob: [stuck under a coffin] Something's gone wrong.
[he gets buried alive to applause]


"Arrested Development: Whistler's Mother (#1.20)" (2004)
Wife of Gob: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You're in love with your own brother, the one in the army.
Wife of Gob: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael!
Wife of Gob: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me. Me.
Wife of Gob: I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
Wife of Gob: I know it can never be. So I'm leaving and enlisting in the army.
Gob: To be with your brother.
Wife of Gob: No.


"Arrested Development: My Mother the Car (#1.8)" (2003)
Gob: I was halfway to South America, but I couldn't let you get away with it, because we're brothers, Mom, and we kind of like each other.
Michael Bluth: You were going to South America?
Gob: I don't think so.


"Arrested Development: Charity Drive (#1.5)" (2003)
Gob: [whistling] I have some conditionsss...
Michael: Do you?
Gob: ...termsss... One condition and one term!


"Arrested Development: Altar Egos (#1.16)" (2004)
[after a one-night stand]
Gob: You should have stuck around to see me get some major action. From a major blonde. Who just "majored" in marine biology, if you know what I mean.
Michael: No, I don't know what you mean. I can't imagine what that means.


"Arrested Development: Development Arrested (#3.13)" (2006)
Michael: Yeah, well, where is George Michael, by the way?
Gob Bluth: He came by the yacht, gave me this shiner.
Michael: He hit you? What for?
Gob Bluth: You know teenagers. Probably lashing out at you because of who I'm dating.
Michael: Who are you dating?
Gob Bluth: Ann.
Michael: Her?
Gob Bluth: Don't worry. I didn't fight back or anything. I was like, "Oh, no, take the yacht. Please don't hurt me." You know, just build up the little guy's self-esteem.


"Arrested Development: Motherboy XXX (#2.13)" (2005)
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Lindsay finds herself strangely compelled to be with Tobias...
Lindsay Funke: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I walked into the wrong trailer!
Dave Attell: Wow, the service sent you over quick.
Narrator: ...But not the one she's married to.
Lindsay Funke: [he quickly disrobes] You don't cry when you take those off?
Narrator: Having finally had sex, GOB can admit that he never consummated his marriage.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Your Honor, we never consummated this marriage.
Wife of Gob: Judge, maybe you should take a look at this, which was taken in your office just moments ago.
[She hands the judge a picture, and GOB is seen shirtless with the shirt over his head]
Narrator: Then GOB catches a lucky break.
Judge Lionel Ping: There's no way to tell who this man is.
Narrator: But it doesn't last long.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Oh that's me, your honor, I fucked my wife.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, we've really lost this case.
Narrator: And Maeby impresses some kids at the Promise Land with her one scary campfire story.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!
[Buster enters the clearing while holding up his hook]
Buster: Hey, campers.
[the kids all scream and run away]
Buster: I'm a monster!
Michael: This may have been a step backward.


"Arrested Development: The Ocean Walker (#3.6)" (2005)
Michael: [after watching Rita walk across the pool] Is that your trick, GOB?
George "Gob" Bluth II: No, Michael, that's not my trick.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development...
George "Gob" Bluth II: It's my illusion!
Narrator: Michael relives a wedding nightmare.


"Arrested Development: Ready, Aim, Marry Me (#2.10)" (2005)
Lucille Austero: I am going to my spin class.
Gob: I thought you had vertigo.


"Arrested Development: Mr. F (#3.5)" (2005)
Gob: What do you think, dad... a whole... tiny town?
Larry: Another brilliant idea, Einstein!
Gob: Really? You'll build it with me?
George Sr.: Larry never really knows how to sell the sarcasm.


"Arrested Development: Burning Love (#2.9)" (2005)
Sally Sitwell: Still doing your little tricks?
George "Gob" Bluth II: Do you consider this to be a little trick?
[Gob tries to create a fireball, but sprays Sally with lighter fluid instead]
Sally Sitwell: Did you just... squirt me with something?
George "Gob" Bluth II: It's lighter fluid. Didn't put in a new flint.
[trying to cover]
George "Gob" Bluth II: But still: where did the lighter fluid come from?


"Arrested Development: Making a Stand (#3.8)" (2005)
Gob: Attention Everyone. Why go to a banana stand when we can make your banana stand? I give you Barbara and Dee.
[Two cheap looking, barely dressed women walk out]
Gob: Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas.


"Arrested Development: Amigos (#2.3)" (2004)
Michael: We cant take GOB with us.
Narrator: Michael and GOB had been to Mexico before.
Gob: [after a kid offers him some "chicle"] I'm the chicle? You're the chicle!
[proceeds to do his chicken dance]
Narrator: Unfortunately in Mexico, this was considered a much more inflammatory gesture.


"Arrested Development: Switch Hitter (#2.7)" (2005)
Gob: Well, I'm not waiting on my brother. I pass.
[Gob notices Sitwell's face]
Gob: You look surprised.
Stan Sitwell: [adjusting a fake eyebrow] I'm sorry, I must've put it on too high.