Bailey Quarters
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Quotes for
Bailey Quarters (Character)
from "WKRP in Cincinnati" (1978)

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"WKRP in Cincinnati: Rumors (#4.4)" (1981)
Les Nessman: Well I'm shocked.
Bailey Quarters: I'm amazed.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: I'm stunned.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Well, I guess everything's normal here.

Bailey Quarters: [to Herb] Continuity is so important, thank you for always being a jerk.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: An Explosive Affair: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1981)
Bailey Quarters: [Andy and Bailey are standing in the WKRP studio as Andy prepares to break in to warn Johnny and Venus of the bomb at the transmitter] Andy, I need to tell you...
Andy Travis: Look Bailey, I know it's unprofessional... but they're not answering at the transmitter.
Bailey Quarters: Andy...
Andy Travis: [into microphone] We interrupt this broadcast for a special emergency announcement... this is Andy Travis calling Venus
[throws mike and its boom up in frustration]
Andy Travis: ... I'm not on the air!
Bailey Quarters: [rushed] I tried to tell you, studio-transmitter link's only one way!
Andy Travis: [confused] What?
Bailey Quarters: [slower] I said... the studio-transmitter link is only one way... until they throw the switch, the studio is dead!
Andy Travis: Well, that's dumb! Who set that up?
Bailey Quarters: You did... it was cheaper that way
[Andy rolls eyes at his own poor judgement]
Bailey Quarters: .

Bailey Quarters: [on the phone] Now how can we announce that we are off the air when we are off the air?

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Turkeys Away (#1.7)" (1978)
Bailey Quarters: Should we give away Boston t-shirts or Foreigner t-shirts?
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Boston. Foreign stuff shrinks.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Young Master Carlson (#1.20)" (1979)
Arthur Carlson Jr.: [less pays Arthur Carlson Jr. to learn what Mrs. Carlson says about him] She says that you're obtuse.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: [reading dictionary] Adultry... Admire...
Les Nessman: Let me see that.
[takes dictionary away from Herb]
Les Nessman: Obtuse...
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: [snatching dictionary back from Less] Addle-minded!
Les Nessman: [snatching back the dictionary] Obtuse!
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: [Herb attempts to snatch dictionary, but Less slams Herb's hand in the book] Addle-ow!
Bailey Quarters: [entering] Hi, guys.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Oh, hi, Baily. Met Carlson's son?
Bailey Quarters: Yes. I've had the pleasure.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Well, he's guite a kid. Let me tell you.
[under breath to Arthur Carlson Jr]
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Tell your dad I said that.
Les Nessman: [excited] Obtuse! According to Websters, exceeding ninety degrees but less than one-hundred eighty degrees; lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility; rounded at the free end; dull.
[looking offended]
Les Nessman: That's an insult!
Bailey Quarters: Less, take it easy.
Les Nessman: Take it easy!
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Yeah. Just calm down, okay?
Les Nessman: Don't tell me to calm down. I just paid five dollars to find out I'm rounded at the free end!
Bailey Quarters: Cool off, Less.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: He's just mad because he's not addle-minded.
Les Nessman: I am too.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: No. You're not.
Les Nessman: [Herb and Less start hitting each other] Yes. I am.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: No. You're not.
Les Nessman: Yes. I am!
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: You're not!
Bailey Quarters: You guys! You are both addle-minded!
Les Nessman: Thank you, Baily.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: For Love or Money: Part 2 (#2.2)" (1979)
Venus Flytrap: [Bailey is worried because Johnny hasn't shown up] Easy!
Bailey Quarters: I am easy!
Venus Flytrap: [caught off guard] Really?

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Love Returns (#1.8)" (1978)
Bailey Quarters: [to Johnny, about the 'win a date with a DJ' contest] Look at all this mail, you can't back out now! Venus, you talk to him.
Venus Flytrap: Sure. Hey, Johnny man, it's no big deal. See, all you have to do is pick out a lady, and the station picks up the tab for the whole night!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Forget it!
Venus Flytrap: C'mon man, I've done it before and I've always come out with a fox!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Yeah, I've done it before too. I always wind up with a warthog!
Venus Flytrap: You just got to know how to pick 'em, brother! Lemme see some of those cards, Bailey. Now, listen to this. "I'd like a date with a DJ because my mother always said I was clever and a good conversationalist." Not good.
Bailey Quarters: No wait a minute...
Venus Flytrap: [tossing the card] Trust me.
[reads another]
Venus Flytrap: "I've always wanted to find out what's behind that sexy voice I hear every night." Heh heh. This is what we'll call the "A" pile. Now. "I don't know if it's against the law in Ohio, but what I'd really like to do is..."
Venus Flytrap: No, that's the "B" pile. *This* is the "A" pile.
[tucks the card into his jacket]