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Quotes for
Jill Barnhart (Character)
from "Women's Murder Club" (2007)

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"Women's Murder Club: Grannies, Guns and Love Mints (#1.4)" (2007)
Jill Bernhardt: I think somebody doesn't want to talk about it because it went a lot better than she wants to let on.
Cindy Thomas: Did it go a lot better?
Lindsay Boxer: Oh, alright, you got me. It might have been the best date I've ever been on. We had an unbelievable dinner, and we talked until they closed the restaurant, and then we went home and had sex all night, and I really and truly believe that this guy is the one.
Cindy Thomas: Oh, defensive sarcasm. It went well.
Jill Bernhardt: Very well.
Lindsay Boxer: It did not go well. It did not go anything. Why do you even care?

[discussing Lindsay's reaction upon not recieving an invitation to Tom's wedding]
Tom Hogan: I mean, she barely got through our wedding.
Jill Bernhardt: It really wasn't her fault, was it?
Tom Hogan: I guess not. My family can be a little... Trying.
Jill Bernhardt: A little? Your brother stuck his bare ass in the wedding cake.
Tom Hogan: But, in his defense, it had been cut.
Jill Bernhardt: Goodbye.

[discussing the death of an old woman]
Claire Washburn: Nice vacation, good last meal, couple drinks on the plane, and you doze off during end-flight movie. Not a bad way to go.
Cindy Thomas: I hope I go in my sleep.
Jill Bernhardt: I want to go on top of Clive Owen. You die your way, I'll die mine.
Lindsay Boxer: I don't want to die, period. Why are we even talking about this?


"Women's Murder Club: Welcome to the Club (#1.1)" (2007)
Jill Bernhardt: Thats why I'm not moving in with Luke. Moving in leads to marriage, and marriage leads to
[pause]
Jill Bernhardt: ick.
Claire Washburn: Trust me honey. If its the right guy, the Ick is worth it.

Jill Bernhardt: Why would Tom take the job? Do you think he's maybe...exploring the idea of getting back together? It's possible. Things change.
Lindsay Boxer: Well, I care about my job the same amount as I did when we were together. That hasn't changed.
Claire Washburn: But Tom didn't leave you because you cared about your job. He left because it was all you cared about.
Lindsay Boxer: [Lindsay pauses as she looks at Claire.] Why are we friends?
Claire Washburn: Because I always tell you the truth. Just like I did when I warned you, that whole thing with the Kiss-Me-Not Killer...
Jill Bernhardt: Obsession...
Claire Washburn: I did not say it, but yes, obsession, was going to cost you your marriage.

Jill Bernhardt: You haven't even had sex with anyone since he left.
Lindsay Boxer: Says who? I could have been secretly whoring around for the past two years...


"Women's Murder Club: Maybe Baby (#1.5)" (2007)
Jill Bernhardt: How can you have such a gross job and still be more emotionally stable than the rest of us?
Lindsay Boxer: Speak for yourself.

Lindsay Boxer: And sometimes she even falls asleep on my pillow.
Jill Bernhardt: Aww. That's number thirty-seven NOT to get a dog.
Lindsay Boxer: What? It's cute.
Jill Bernhardt: I already told Luke no. It's too dangerous.
[Lindsay looks at her]
Jill Bernhardt: They're practice for the 'K' word.
Lindsay Boxer: Cats?
Jill Bernhardt: Kids.


"Women's Murder Club: The Past Comes Back to Haunt You (#1.7)" (2007)
Cindy Thomas: The guy who's on death row, I sort of met his son, Jamie.
Jill Bernhardt: How'd you meet him?
Cindy Thomas: Just... around. You know, I, I meet people.
Lindsay Boxer: [skeptical] So between the last time we saw you and now, you met Paul Galvan's son?
Cindy Thomas: Please don't give me the laser vision; it makes me really nervous.
[Lindsay continues staring]
Cindy Thomas: Alright, alright. I wasn't going to say anything before because this is going to sound really, really bad but it actually isn't so just hear me out. Jamie... got into my car at the crime scene.
Claire Washburn: You went off with a total stranger? Have we taught you nothing?
Cindy Thomas: He said he had a gun...
Claire Washburn: What?
Jill Bernhardt: Are you ok?
Lindsay Boxer: He kidnapped you?
Cindy Thomas: He was very sincere! And not about the gun, he made that part up.
Lindsay Boxer: He kidnapped you!
Cindy Thomas: Not really.
Jill Bernhardt: Pretend gunpoint. Still counts as being restrained against your will.
Claire Washburn: Let's take you to the hospital. Get you checked out.
Cindy Thomas: He didn't touch me! I'm fine.
Lindsay Boxer: Tell me everything. Start with a description.
Cindy Thomas: Umm, ok, he was kinda... cute.
[Jill winces; Lindsay pinches her nose]
Cindy Thomas: And he had a little blood on his shirt.
[Jill winces harder]
Lindsay Boxer: More, please.

Lindsay Boxer: Excuse me, none of this proves that "cute" Jamie Galvan didn't kill Ben Cooper last night.
Cindy Thomas: Jaimie didn't kill anyone.
Jill Bernhardt: I'm with her.
Claire Washburn: I'm undecided, but sympathetic.
Lindsay Boxer: I'm touched that everyone wants to see the best in people. I am a cop. I don't have that luxury.
Cindy Thomas: You go on your gut all the time. You can take one look at a guy...
Lindsay Boxer: And I haven't seen Jamie Galvan, because after he kidnapped you, he fell off the face of the earth.
[Cindy looks away guiltily]
Lindsay Boxer: By which I mean no one has heard from him, am I right?
Cindy Thomas: [unconvincingly] Yeah. Totally.
Jill Bernhardt: Worst. Liar. Ever.
Lindsay Boxer: Don't make me charge you with obstruction.
Cindy Thomas: Every time a girl gets a little flustered you start whipping out the charges!
Claire Washburn: Please spare us all the pain of watching you try to bluff!
Cindy Thomas: I'm not bluffing! I'm... if Jamie were to have sent me a text message, say... this morning, I would have promised to keep that text message a secret!


"Women's Murder Club: Play Through the Pain (#1.6)" (2007)
Cindy Thomas: I had Joe's poster on my wall growing up. Number 11. Big guns. This is so surreal.
Jill Bernhardt: Okay, one, how old are you? And two, a football player? I would've guessed more, you know, *Nsync, Backstreet Boys...
Cindy Thomas: My parents only had one kid, so you're looking at the son my father always wanted.
Jill Bernhardt: It's kind of sweet.

Lindsay Boxer: [about Heather] Is this just going to be a thing of hers? She's just gonna pop up whenever she wants to?
Claire Washburn: [handing Lindsay her drink] I got your juice.
Lindsay Boxer: Thank you.
Jill Bernhardt: Tom is marrying her, she's gonna be around for... ever.
Lindsay Boxer: I just - have you seen the way she looks at him? It's just so googly-eyed?
Claire Washburn: You mean kind of like how you look at him?
Lindsay Boxer: I am not, nor have I ever been, googly-eyed... Over anybody... Distract me! Tell me about the GPS records...


"Women's Murder Club: Blind Dates and Bleeding Hearts (#1.3)" (2007)
Lindsay Boxer: Any more questions, Lois Lane?
Cindy Thomas: Yeah, cocktails, nicknames. Does this mean that I am...in the club?
Lindsay Boxer: Okay, there are a few ground rules.
Cindy Thomas: I already know a few. No ducking the tape at crime scenes, no first names in public, assume that everything is off the record until I'm told otherwise. What else?
Lindsay Boxer: Make me laugh when the chips are down.
Jill Bernhardt: If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. Even when you think I don't want to hear it.
Claire Washburn: Keep my secrets. Trust me with yours. Oh, and buy me shoes on my birthday.
Cindy Thomas: So, I'm...I'm in?
Lindsay Boxer: [hands Cindy the check] You're in.


"Women's Murder Club: Train in Vain (#1.2)" (2007)
Lindsay Boxer: Luke's pretty amazing in action. Sexy, even. Except the part where he kept telling me to get lost.
[smiling]
Lindsay Boxer: Naw, that was kinda sexy, too.
Jill Bernhardt: Yeah, he's great.
Lindsay Boxer: You say, 'he's great', the way people say green tea is great. Like we're supposed to drink it but we really want to drink coffee.
Jill Bernhardt: You heard all that in my voice?
Lindsay Boxer: Is there someone else? Someone a little more coffee?
Jill Bernhardt: No. This is not about green tea or coffee. I haven't told him I sleep with a weight machine.
Lindsay Boxer: You do know cops are like human lie detectors.
Jill Bernhardt: It happened once. It's not an affair.
Lindsay Boxer: [shocked] Who?!
Jill Bernhardt: I'm not going to tell you...
Lindsay Boxer: You're so telling me who!
Jill Bernhardt: Hanson.
Lindsay Boxer: Ewwww!