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Quotes for
Claire Washburn (Character)
from 1st to Die (2003) (TV)

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"Women's Murder Club: Grannies, Guns and Love Mints (#1.4)" (2007)
[discussing the death of an old woman]
Claire Washburn: Nice vacation, good last meal, couple drinks on the plane, and you doze off during end-flight movie. Not a bad way to go.
Cindy Thomas: I hope I go in my sleep.
Jill Bernhardt: I want to go on top of Clive Owen. You die your way, I'll die mine.
Lindsay Boxer: I don't want to die, period. Why are we even talking about this?

Claire Washburn: Hello. To what do I owe the pleasure?
Lindsay Boxer: I'm just checkin' in. They are not with me.
[Claire looks at Jill and Cindy]
Claire Washburn: Oh, I guess this means I don't get to hear about your date?

Claire Washburn: Nothing surprises me these days. Scratch that. Now the detective that just asked out Lindsay over a corpse, that surprised me.
[everybody turns to Lindsay, who shrugs]

Claire Washburn: I didn't even know the damn thing was there until I felt it crunch under my shoe.
Lindsay Boxer: Eww. Was it a finger?
[Claire glares]
Lindsay Boxer: Well I don't know.


"Women's Murder Club: The Past Comes Back to Haunt You (#1.7)" (2007)
Cindy Thomas: The guy who's on death row, I sort of met his son, Jamie.
Jill Bernhardt: How'd you meet him?
Cindy Thomas: Just... around. You know, I, I meet people.
Lindsay Boxer: [skeptical] So between the last time we saw you and now, you met Paul Galvan's son?
Cindy Thomas: Please don't give me the laser vision; it makes me really nervous.
[Lindsay continues staring]
Cindy Thomas: Alright, alright. I wasn't going to say anything before because this is going to sound really, really bad but it actually isn't so just hear me out. Jamie... got into my car at the crime scene.
Claire Washburn: You went off with a total stranger? Have we taught you nothing?
Cindy Thomas: He said he had a gun...
Claire Washburn: What?
Jill Bernhardt: Are you ok?
Lindsay Boxer: He kidnapped you?
Cindy Thomas: He was very sincere! And not about the gun, he made that part up.
Lindsay Boxer: He kidnapped you!
Cindy Thomas: Not really.
Jill Bernhardt: Pretend gunpoint. Still counts as being restrained against your will.
Claire Washburn: Let's take you to the hospital. Get you checked out.
Cindy Thomas: He didn't touch me! I'm fine.
Lindsay Boxer: Tell me everything. Start with a description.
Cindy Thomas: Umm, ok, he was kinda... cute.
[Jill winces; Lindsay pinches her nose]
Cindy Thomas: And he had a little blood on his shirt.
[Jill winces harder]
Lindsay Boxer: More, please.

Lindsay Boxer: Excuse me, none of this proves that "cute" Jamie Galvan didn't kill Ben Cooper last night.
Cindy Thomas: Jaimie didn't kill anyone.
Jill Bernhardt: I'm with her.
Claire Washburn: I'm undecided, but sympathetic.
Lindsay Boxer: I'm touched that everyone wants to see the best in people. I am a cop. I don't have that luxury.
Cindy Thomas: You go on your gut all the time. You can take one look at a guy...
Lindsay Boxer: And I haven't seen Jamie Galvan, because after he kidnapped you, he fell off the face of the earth.
[Cindy looks away guiltily]
Lindsay Boxer: By which I mean no one has heard from him, am I right?
Cindy Thomas: [unconvincingly] Yeah. Totally.
Jill Bernhardt: Worst. Liar. Ever.
Lindsay Boxer: Don't make me charge you with obstruction.
Cindy Thomas: Every time a girl gets a little flustered you start whipping out the charges!
Claire Washburn: Please spare us all the pain of watching you try to bluff!
Cindy Thomas: I'm not bluffing! I'm... if Jamie were to have sent me a text message, say... this morning, I would have promised to keep that text message a secret!

Claire Washburn: [chuckling] I mean, at least we know you're not pregnant.
[off Lindsay's guilty look]
Claire Washburn: . I mean we'd be talking about an immaculate conception, right?
Lindsay Boxer: Well, I may have had a one night stand.
Claire Washburn: Girl, a one night stand is a big step forward for you! Okay, in a way, who's the guy?
Lindsay Boxer: [mumbling] Tom.
Claire Washburn: Tom?
Lindsay Boxer: Yes.
Claire Washburn: Tom? Your ex-husband-slash-boss-who's-getting remarried-in-a-matter-of-weeks-Tom? Okay, really more of a backward step. Oh my God! And no one thought to use protection?
Lindsay Boxer: Ye-Yes! We did. We thought that- The condom was kinda old.
Claire Washburn: How old was this antique condom?
Lindsay Boxer: Oh, you know what? Let's not go down that road.
Claire Washburn: Latex is very durable.
Lindsay Boxer: Okay, please don't focus on that point. It was a one time thing.
Claire Washburn: Oh my God.
Lindsay Boxer: It was a mistake!
Claire Washburn: Oh, my God!
Lindsay Boxer: Whatever! Will you stop saying 'Oh my God'?

Claire Washburn: I'm not cutting this man open until you tell me what's wrong.
Lindsay Boxer: OK, look, just between us... it's the third week of the month. At least it's supposed to be, for me. But it's not.
Claire Washburn: [Looks Confused]
Lindsay Boxer: I'm Late!
Claire Washburn: Late. You work too hard, you don't eat right, cycles get off balance sometimes. I mean, at least we know you're not pregnant.
Lindsay Boxer: [Lindsay gives a weak smile and looks uncomfortable]
Claire Washburn: I mean we'd be talking about an immaculate conception, right?
Lindsay Boxer: Well, I... may have had a one night stand.
Claire Washburn: Girl, a one night stand is a big step forward for you! OK, in a way. Who's the guy?
Lindsay Boxer: [Under her breath] Tom.
Claire Washburn: Tom? Your ex-husband-slash-boss-who's-getting-remarried-in-a-matter-of-weeks Tom? OK, really more of a backwards step. Oh my God! And no one thought to use protection?
Lindsay Boxer: Yes!... We thought... The condom was kinda old.
Claire Washburn: How old was this antique condom?
Lindsay Boxer: Oh, you know what, let's not go down that road.
Lindsay Boxer: Latex is very durable.
Lindsay Boxer: Please don't focus on that point. It was a one time thing.
Claire Washburn: Oh my God.
Lindsay Boxer: It was a mistake!
Claire Washburn: Oh! My! God!
Lindsay Boxer: Whatever! Will you stop saying 'oh my God'?


"Women's Murder Club: Play Through the Pain (#1.6)" (2007)
Lindsay Boxer: [about Heather] Is this just going to be a thing of hers? She's just gonna pop up whenever she wants to?
Claire Washburn: [handing Lindsay her drink] I got your juice.
Lindsay Boxer: Thank you.
Jill Bernhardt: Tom is marrying her, she's gonna be around for... ever.
Lindsay Boxer: I just - have you seen the way she looks at him? It's just so googly-eyed?
Claire Washburn: You mean kind of like how you look at him?
Lindsay Boxer: I am not, nor have I ever been, googly-eyed... Over anybody... Distract me! Tell me about the GPS records...

Claire Washburn: What did you do to my son?
Cindy Thomas: Me? What? Nothing.
Claire Washburn: He seems to be a little bit in love with you.
Cindy Thomas: We bonded. So, where is everybody? What happened to celebration mojitos?
Claire Washburn: Jill had dinner plans and Lindsay disappeared once Parris was booked.
Cindy Thomas: What's gonna happen to the Donovan boys?
Claire Washburn: Moving to Orlando.
Cindy Thomas: At least they'll be with family. So, you know how I totally earned Maurice's trust with my doe-eyed charm and razor-sharp knowledge of sports stats?
Claire Washburn: Mmh-hmm.
Cindy Thomas: He sent over two box tickets to Sunday's game.
Claire Washburn: Isn't accepting gifts against newspaper policy?
Cindy Thomas: I thought about that, but I don't really cover sports so I don't see it as a conflict of interest.
Claire Washburn: Nice rationalization there, Skipper.
Cindy Thomas: You'll think so, too, when I tell you that I wanna give the tickets to Nate and Ed. You know, fathers, sons, football. It's a thing.
Claire Washburn: So now my husband is gonna be a little bit in love with you...


"Women's Murder Club: Welcome to the Club (#1.1)" (2007)
Jill Bernhardt: Thats why I'm not moving in with Luke. Moving in leads to marriage, and marriage leads to
[pause]
Jill Bernhardt: ick.
Claire Washburn: Trust me honey. If its the right guy, the Ick is worth it.

Jill Bernhardt: Why would Tom take the job? Do you think he's maybe...exploring the idea of getting back together? It's possible. Things change.
Lindsay Boxer: Well, I care about my job the same amount as I did when we were together. That hasn't changed.
Claire Washburn: But Tom didn't leave you because you cared about your job. He left because it was all you cared about.
Lindsay Boxer: [Lindsay pauses as she looks at Claire.] Why are we friends?
Claire Washburn: Because I always tell you the truth. Just like I did when I warned you, that whole thing with the Kiss-Me-Not Killer...
Jill Bernhardt: Obsession...
Claire Washburn: I did not say it, but yes, obsession, was going to cost you your marriage.


"Women's Murder Club: Blind Dates and Bleeding Hearts (#1.3)" (2007)
Lindsay Boxer: Any more questions, Lois Lane?
Cindy Thomas: Yeah, cocktails, nicknames. Does this mean that I am...in the club?
Lindsay Boxer: Okay, there are a few ground rules.
Cindy Thomas: I already know a few. No ducking the tape at crime scenes, no first names in public, assume that everything is off the record until I'm told otherwise. What else?
Lindsay Boxer: Make me laugh when the chips are down.
Jill Bernhardt: If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. Even when you think I don't want to hear it.
Claire Washburn: Keep my secrets. Trust me with yours. Oh, and buy me shoes on my birthday.
Cindy Thomas: So, I'm...I'm in?
Lindsay Boxer: [hands Cindy the check] You're in.