Quotes for
Dr. Alan Statham (Character)
from "Green Wing" (2004)

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"Green Wing: Housewarming Party (#1.5)" (2004)

Dr. Alan Statham: [Reading a text off Boyce's phone] Hello... Buc...?
Boyce: Hello Boyce
Dr. Alan Statham: Oh yes, hello Boyce, yes, oh you with a u, very clever, I want you to cmmm...
Boyce: I want you to come...
Dr. Alan Statham: Oh yes, I want you to come... on my ttttits...
[Statham looks disgusted and hands the phone back]
Boyce: Quite forward isn't it? She's a primary school teacher!
Dr. Alan Statham: [annoyed] A word with you, Mr Boyce!

[Alan is wearing a balaclava and pretending to kidnap Joanna]
Dr. Alan Statham: Drive!
Joanna Clore: I am!
Dr. Alan Statham: Well keep doing so!
Joanna Clore: Where?
Dr. Alan Statham: Turn right, here. Did you indicate? Yes, into second...
Joanna Clore: You sound like a driving instructor, now!
Dr. Alan Statham: Shut up! I make the rules here!
Joanna Clore: [mocking] Banging the dashboard with your clipboard
Dr. Alan Statham: You shut up! I'm in charge.
[fiddles with balaclava]
Dr. Alan Statham: Ohh, this is getting very itchy
Joanna Clore: Yea, yea, leave it on
Dr. Alan Statham: I'm your worst nightmare!
Joanna Clore: Yea, the degree of menace is killing me
Dr. Alan Statham: Could we have the heater off?

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"Green Wing: (#2.4)" (2006)

[Attempting badly to manouevre his car into the tightest parking space imaginable]
Dr. Alan Statham: Bloody Metro! Get out of the way!

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"Green Wing: (#2.2)" (2006)

Boyce: Can I have it back, please? My potty putty?
Dr. Alan Statham: Well, I daresay you can. You're a big, strong boy and I've no doubt that if I were to give it back to you, I'm sure you could hold it and therefore have it in your possession.
Boyce: May I have my potty putty back, please?
Dr. Alan Statham: Thank you.
[hands back]
Dr. Alan Statham: There you go, take your p-p-potty putty and go and do some growing up somewhere else!
Boyce: Oh, er, by the way, Professor McMay does want to come to your lecture... Professor McMay from pedantics.
Dr. Alan Statham: I don't know any Professor McMay.
Boyce: Oh, sorry, did I get it wrong again? Sorry. Professor McCan from paediatrics.
Dr. Alan Statham: Will you desist? He's a very important man, and you're not to play with his name. No - when is he coming? The Professor.
Boyce: The, er, 21st of Can.

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