Max Carrigan
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Quotes for
Max Carrigan (Character)
from Across the Universe (2007)

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Across the Universe (2007)
Max: Jude, this is my sister, Lucy.
Jude: [later, to Lucy] My god, you... you have perfect teeth!

Army Sergeant: Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army?
Max: I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung.
Army Sergeant: As long as you don't have flat feet.

Max: [they head for the basement of the campus, they come to a room. Jude closes the door] Shit, I'm outta shape! Woo!
[he pants heavily trying to catch his breath before he recognizes Jude from earlier]
Max: You're the guy who was asking for the janitor, right?
Jude: [nods] Yeah.
Max: So what are you, uh, like the, uh, assistant janitor?
Jude: I'm just bunking down here, y'know. Temporarily.
Max: [as he observes his surroundings] Why?
Jude: Why do you need to know?
Max: You wanted by the cops? Huh? FBI?
Jude: You know it looks to me as though, uh... You're the one who's on the run.
Max: Uh... yeah. Thank you for that by the way.
Jude: What would that lot have done if they'd caught you?
Max: [he and Jude sit down] I don't know. Something, uh, involving genitalia and shoe polish.
Jude: Nasty.
Max: Yeah. Where's that accent from?
Jude: Same place as me. Liverpool.
Max: Do you have a name?
Jude: Yeah.
[smiles]
Jude: It's Jude.
Max: [smiles] Max.
[he extends his hand, Jude shakes his hand]
Jude: [as he shakes Max's hand] I'm please to meet you.
Max: Well, uh, Jude, as a stranger to our shores, the least I can do is offer you some Ivy League hospitatilty.
[he tosses Jude a flask]
Jude: [a beat] Cheers.
[he takes a drink from the flask]

Max: And you know what really pisses me off is I swallowed all those cotton balls and they never even took a damn x-ray.
Hippy dude: You still have options man.
Max: Yeah, jail or Canada and they both suck. I mean I could never come home, so what is it, it's a choice of a 6x4 cell or an endless wasteland of frozen tundra.
Hippy dude: Montreal is cool.
Max: Man, they speak French.
Hippie Guitarist: So learn French. Learn French or die.

Sadie: You got a good memory for faces?
Max: Yeah, I think so. Why?
Sadie: There's no mirror in your bathroom.

Lucy's Mother: Is that fashionable?
Max: Is what fashionable?
Lucy's Mother: Your haircut, or lack of one.
Lucy: Androgyny suits you, Max.

Hippy dude: You have options, man.
Max: Yeah, jail or Canada - and they both suck!

Jude: What are you going to do if you don't go back to college?
Max: What any irresponsible, unmotivated, drop-out would do. Go to New York, like tonight.

Max: She loves you - yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Max: I don't believe this! What do they talk about when I'm not here?
Lucy: You, mainly.

Max: [walking in and seeing Lucy and Jude in bed together] So that's how it is?
Jude: [They both wake up and Lucy starts laughing a little] Yeah. That's how it is.
Max: Well, speaking as a brother, I think she could do better.
Lucy: [a little stunned] Max? Get out!
Max: Well I'm sorry, but, as blissful as you are in the throes of young love, I'm just letting you know I have a date with Uncle Sam.
[Walks out of the room]

Max: [aside to Lucy, as he observes Emily from afar] When did Emily get tits?
Lucy: Max!
Max: [Emily walks by] Emily...
[gives the thumbs up]

Jude: What is that place?
Prankster: The headquarters of the league of spiritual deliverance!
Dr. Robert: The home of Dr. Gary, another outlaw, like myself. We're navigators, we're aviators, we're eatin' tators, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, we don't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers... of transcendental perception. What's weird is, we haven't met yet, on this or any other plane.
Prankster: Hey doc, he says he won't see you, man.
Dr. Robert: Why, is he sick?
Prankster: He just said he's busy.
Dr. Robert: Did you tell that
[sniff]
Dr. Robert: sonofabitch that we drove 3,000 miles to see him? Alright, everybody back on the bus. We're going home, to California.
Max: Doc, California isn't home to all of us.
Dr. Robert: What can I say? You're either on the bus, or off the bus.

Max: You're up before two and looking wicked cool. Who's it for?
Sadie: I have a meeting.
Max: [southern accent] Why, is that prayer a meeting?
Sadie: Yeah, for your twisted soul.
Sadie: [kisses Max's cheek]
Sadie: Put my shirt away when you're done.
Max: Yes ma'am.

Jude: Excuse me, you don't know where I could find Professor Hubert, do you?
Max: Um, no such person, not that I'm aware of.
Jude: Uh, Professor Wesley Hubert?
Max: Listen buddy, I've pissed off every Professor in Princeton, and he's not one of them.
Max: Oh, wait a second,
[points off screen, towards audience]
Max: there's a Wes Hubert. That's him, right over there.

Max's Father: Goddammit, Max! Get serious, for once! What are you going to DO with your life?
Max: Why is it always what will I do? "What will he do", "What will he do," "Oh, my god what will he do", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you do defines who you are.
Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you are defines what you do. Right Jude?
Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.

Jude: [after Vietnam] You don't seem too messed up.
Max: Well, everything below the neck works fine.

JoJo: I remember this one guy, he ate a ton of beets the night before the physical. Looks like blood when you piss.
Max: [looking mildly disgusted and distracted] No, I hate beets.

Max: [impatiently] Hey, can we get the check, please?
Katz's Waiter: [annoyed] In a minute.
[waves him off]
Max: ...What is with these pricks?

Jude: [about the letter he got] Max, what exactly does it say?
Max: It says I have to report to an induction center on the 7th.
Sadie: You've got a week to contract some fatal disease, honey.

Max: Come on, Luce. We've got to do something with him, he's a sailor on leave! He needs a bar, a brawl, and a brothel!

Max: [invites Jude over to him and Lucy's house for Thanksgiving]
Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal?
Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition.
Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate.
Max: [Max chuckles]
Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.

Max: [Discussing Lucy on the drive to New York] She's got a boyfriend.
Jude: That's okay, I got a girlfriend.

Max: [singing] Happiness is a warm gun.
Singing Nurse: Bang Bang, Shoot, Shoot.