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: Bullwinkle, I'm worried. Bullwinkle
: Ratings down in the show again? Rocky
: No. Bullwinkle
: That's odd. Rocky
: I'm worried because there have already been two attempts on your life. Bullwinkle
: Oh, don't worry. We will be renewed. Rocky
: I'm not talking about the Bullwinkle Show. Bullwinkle
: You had better; we could use the publicity.
: [trying to trick Rocky and Bullwinkle
] I am part of one of the biggest advertising company's in the country. Dancer, Prancer, Blitzen, and Fink. Bullwinkle
: Yeah, I have heard of those first three fellows, but who is Fink? Boris
: I am Fink. Natasha
: You can say that again, dahling.
: [recognizing Boris's voice
] That voice. Where have I heard that voice before? Bullwinkle
: In about 365 other episodes. But I don't know who it is, either.
: Bullwinkle, it says here that for you to inherit the fortune, you have to spend the weekend in the ancestral home, Abominable Manor. Bullwinkle
: That's no problem. I've been living in an abominable manner all my life.
: Bullwinkle, do you know what an A-Bomb is? Bullwinkle
: Sure, a bomb is what some people call our show. Rocky
: I don't think that's very funny. Bullwinkle
: Neither do they, apparently.
: But here, cleverly disguised as a bomb, is a bomb.
: On the moon we always carry a spare heart. Bullwinkle
: Must be nice come Valentine's Day.
: And now... Bullwinkle
: Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat.
[lead-in to many commercials
: Look, Bulliwinkle, a message in a bottle. Bullwinkle
: Fan mail from a flounder? Rocky
: This is what I really call a message.
[Rocky and Bullwinkle have brought an old model ship to an antique dealer
: Bullwinkle, this ship is covered in rubies and look what's written on the side! O-Mar Khay-yam. Bullwinkle, do you know what this is? Bullwinkle
: Well, if you're waiting on me to say it, I won't. Antique Dealer
: Me neither. Rocky
: OK, then this must be
: "The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam". Bullwinkle
, Antique Dealer
: [explaining the components of a stereo system
] This is the amplifier, which amplifies the sound. And this is the preamplifier, which, of course, amplifies the pree.
: You just leave it to my pal Rock. He's the brains of the outfit. General
: And what does that make you? Bullwinkle
: What else? The executive.
: For all of you who want to be tigers in the field of journalism, here's Mr. Know-It-All. Bullwinkle
: Hello, copycats.
: Today's lesson is how to be a lion tamer and pick up a little scratch... on the side... of your head.
: It's Bullwinkle! Captain Peter "Wrongway" Peachfuzz
: Or a figment of somebody's imagination. Rocky
: Figure of who's imagination? Bullwinkle
: Who you calling a Fig Newton?
: Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
: Got the wrong script from the teleprompter. As you know this is really the Humphley/Brinley report. No no. The Bullwinkle Show. And I am your moose-ster of ceremonies for the next half-hour: Bullwinkle his-self. As if you couldn't tell. I mean what other show has a host who sings, dances, recites poetry and has antlers? Well, on this network anyway...
: [pointing to Florida on a map
] Here it is: Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. Rocket J. Squirrel
: Bullwinkle, that's Florida! Bullwinkle
: Well, if they keep adding new states all the time how can you expect me to keep up?
: I'd like to apply for a job as an usher? Boris
: What experience have you had? Bullwinkle
: I've been in the dark for most of my life.
: Bullwinkle, did you forget the plot again? Bullwinkle
: In a word, you said it. Rocky
: That's three words. Bullwinkle
: I'm a heavy tipper.
: A thousand dollars to get to Frostbite Falls? Bullwinkle
: You can buy the place for eight dollars cash.
: Jumping G. Horsefat!
: Are you getting sea sick, Bullwinkle? Bullwinkle
: No, I always turn green this time of year. Rocky
: Well if you think this is bad? Bullwinkle
: Yeah. Rocky
: Just wait till we cast off.
["Bullwinkle's Corner" does "Tom, Tom the Piper's Son" as a "Dragnet" spoof. Bullwinkle, as Tom, is arrested for stealing a pig. At the police station, he is grilled under a hot light by two police detectives who speak in quick "Dragnet"-style dialogue
] Police Officer #1
: D'you know it's a felony to pack a pig over a state line? Police Officer #2
: Pig-napping! Bullwinkle
: But, it's a pig in a poem! Police Officer #1
: Oh, a pig in a poke, huh? Bullwinkle
: Not "poke." "Poem." Pig in a poem! Police Officer #2
: Pig poem? Bullwinkle
: [Measuring with his hands
] Not so pig, just about... Police Officer #1
: You makin' fun of the way we talk? Bullwinkle
] No, but it's *catchin'!* Police Officer #2
: [Writing on a notepad
] Name? Bullwinkle
: I'm Tom, Tom the Piper's Son! Police Officer #1
: [Holds up the pig
] All right, Piper's Son. What were you gonna do with the pig? Bullwinkle
: Well, the poem says, "The pig was eat." But... Police Officer #2
: Gonna eat it, huh? Police Officer #1
: On a platter? Police Officer #2
: Apple in it's mouth, like that? Bullwinkle
] Certainly not! Police Officer #1
: All right, Piper's Son, you can go. But don't leave town. Bullwinkle
: Thanks! Can I have my pig back? Police Officer #2
: No. Evidence. Bullwinkle
: [Moves toward the door
] Darn! Police Officer #1
: One more thing, Piper's Son. Bullwinkle
: What's that? Police Officer #1
: [Holds up the pig, smiling
] You got an apple on you?
[Bullwinkle looks dizzy. The "Dragnet" theme plays: 'Dum de dum dum!'
: [Last lines in last episode of series
] Well, the old place is back to sub-normal, Rock?
[while fishing from a boat with Rocky near Moosylvania
: Yeah and we-
[interrupted by sound of gunshot
: Hey, was that a shot? Bullwinkle
: Heck, no, Rock. Rocky
: Well, it sounded like a shot. Bullwinkle
: Nope. Rocky
: Then, what was it? Bullwinkle
: That was, "The End."
["The End" appears in the sky above their boat
] The Announcer
: By George, he's got it! It is "The End." But watch for another episode soon of "Rocky and Bullwinkle." Bullwinkle
: It may be a little hard to find, but don't give up. Rocky
: We're not!
[in the White House
: Bullwinkle, allow me to be frank. Bullwinkle
: Okay, Frank. Allow me to be Bullwinkle. Cappy
: [putting out hand
] I'm Cappy Von Trapment, FBI. Bullwinkle
: I thought you said your name was Frank. Cappy
: SHUT UP, BULLWINKLE. Bullwinkle
: Okay, Frank.
: Hokey smoke, are you all right? Bullwinkle
: Yes, but I think we're on the wrong show.
[looking at Karen
: Look how well they drew that girl.
[Bullwinkle is going for a walk in the woods
: But Bullwinkle, there aren't any more woods. Bullwinkle
: You don't have to tell me, I'm the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation. Rocky
: You mean "wildlife conSERVation." Bullwinkle
: What'd I say? Rocky
: You said "wildlife conVERSation." Bullwinkle
: Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.
: Bullwinkle, you weigh 400 imaginary pounds. Bullwinkle
: Yeah, but it's all moose-le.
: Don't you guys know about faxes? Lewis
: Yeah, don't you know about E-mail? Bullwinkle
: Sure. A fax is a little red critter that hunts geese and chickens. Half of them are males, and the other half are "E-males". Martin
: No, it's a way of transmitting computer-generated information across great distances in the blink of an eye! Bullwinkle
: Well I was close.
: The defendants are charged with grand theft auto: 1 count; breaking out of jail: 1 count; impugning the character of a prison guard: 1 count; reckless driving: 4 counts; talking to the audience; five counts; criminally bad punning: 18 counts. Bullwinkle
: And three dukes and seven earls. Ha ha ha ha. Judge Cameo
: Make that 19.
: And so RBTV changed its name from Really Bad Television to Rocky and Bullwinkle Television. Bullwinkle
: What's the difference?
: Bullwinkle, can you rappel? Bullwinkle
: Sure. I've been repelling viewers for years.
[Bullwinkle is flying over Washington D.C
: Boy, New York sure has changed a lot since my day. They even moved the White House here.
: But Karen, we can't ride to the rescue in a stolen truck. Bullwinkle
: Yeah. Why couldn't you steal something with bucket seats?
: What moose can't drive a automobile?
[Crashes into a wall
: Never said I could drive it well.
: It's Rocky... and Bull... Bull... Bullwinkle
: I believe the word you're looking for is "winkle".
: Quick! Let's go to a commercial!
: What is this? PBS?
[Bullwinkle has just lost radio signals he picked up from electricutions in his antlers
: Oh man! I was just getting jiggy with it!
[Rocky and Bullwinkle have their faces censored on news cameras
: Hey, Rocky, your face is all blurry. Rocky
: Yours too.
[Rocky and Bullwinkle have been flattened by a truck
: This movie's getting kinda... Rocky
: Don't say it! Bullwinkle
: What kind of music is this? Karen
: Hip-hop. Bullwinkle
: [begins "hip-hopping"
] Ok, but I still want to know what kind of music this is.
: Rocky's right, Karen, and two rights don't make a wrong! Rocky
: Bullwinkle, that's not what you mean! Bullwinkle
: You mean two rights do make a wrong? Rocky
: No! Bullwinkle
: I always thought two rights made a U-turn. Karen
: I don't know how much more of this I can take. Bullwinkle
: Well, let's find out. Two U-turns make a circle, two circles make a figure-8, two figure-8's make a butterfly... Karen
: Look, all I want from you guys are results, okay?
: Heavens to Betsy! This car is sticking its tongue out at me!
: [over stock footage of various historical events in a parody of a newsreel
] 1964, a crucial moment in American history: Lyndon Johnson is re-elected to the presidency by a landslide, the New York World's Fair introduces a bright new future... Narrator
: [scene cuts to show an animated Bullwinkle pull Rocky from his hat
] and after five scintillating years on the air... Bullwinkle
: Presto! Narrator
: The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show is abruptly cancelled. Bullwinkle
: [in unison
[the boys are pulled off screen to the right by a vaudeville hook as two janitors come by to clean up the mess
: Sorry about that, boys.
[screen cuts to a card reading "TODAY", followed by shots of more recent live-action footage
: A lot has changed in 35 years: Velcro has replaced the zipper, sneakers have lights on them, the Cold War is over, and The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show is still cancelled.
[newsreel ends as a hobo yawns and exits the theater
: [cut to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota where things are looking lively with the locals
: Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, once the beloved home of Rocky and Bullwinkle had been a thriving cartoon town.
[crossfade to a "third-world country version" of Frostbite Falls
: Now, it was crippled by year's of reruns.
: Meanwhile all was well with our heroes. Rocky was his old self again. Bullwinkle
: Ah i'll never forget our trip to New York to visit President Washington. Narrator
: And so was Bullwinkle. Yes glad to be home in their revitalized little town Rocky the Flying Squirrel took a well deserved joy ride through the sunny skies of Frostbite Falls. Bullwinkle
: Bye. Rocky
: Bye Bye.
: When we last left our intrepid duo... Rocky
: For one thing it was 1964! Bullwinkle
: Yeah how long did you expect us to stay frozen like this? I could use a potty break.
: Moose Squirrel in hat you now receive our greatest honer. To be sacrificed and have your hearts plucked out. Rocky
: Hokey Smoke! That's a Reward? Bullwinkle
: Jeepers i hate to see what you fellas do for punishment. Mayan Priest
: Eh same thing only you don't get the cool necklaces.
: Hello there culture lovers. Today we take a look at the modern day poet from Michigan named Marshall Matters the third better known as Eminem. Here is one entitled Superman. They call me Superman. Leap tall Superman ain't saving whoa! Ooh. Okay that is all for today next week the complete works of Mr. 50 Cents.
: Boy you really don't know what's inside a person till you marry them. Rocky
: Well at least no one was hurt.
: Bullwinkle let's get out of here! Bullwinkle
: Right behind you Rock!
: Oh penny!
: Gee Rock you're my best pal! Let's never let anything come between us again. Rocky? Hey Rock. Hey Rocky i think she likes you.
: May i? Robot Moose
: Yes my darling. Man
: I love this song!
Rocket J. Squirrel
: Gee, it sure is foggy! Bullwinkle J. Moose
: Yeah! Can't see my nose in front of my face. Of course, that's quite a distance.