Alex P. Keaton
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Quotes for
Alex P. Keaton (Character)
from "Family Ties" (1982)

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"Family Ties: 4 Rms Ocn Vu (#3.8)" (1984)
[Alex has turned the house into a hotel to pay for car damage while parents were away]
Alex P. Keaton: I can explain everything!
Steven Keaton: Oh can you? Can you explain the valet parking in the drive way?... The flashing vacancy sign... in front of the house? The billboard on Route 41?

[Steven's reaction to Alex turning their house into a hotel]
Steven: Alex, parents are conditioned to put up with a few minor accidents when they leave their children home alone. A broken vase, spilt milk on the rug... There was a kangaroo... in my living room.
Alex P. Keaton: ...He was just here for the party dad.
Steven: Then I guess I'm overreacting.

Alex P. Keaton: Come on dad, do you plan to be mad at us forever?
Steven Keaton: ...that is my plan.


Family Ties Vacation (1985) (TV)
Mallory Keaton: Do they have toast in England?
Alex P. Keaton: Yeah, I think a boat load just came in this morning.
Mallory Keaton: Alex, you don't have to be so sarcastic, okay? We are in a foreign country. We don't know for sure if they have toast here.
Alex P. Keaton: Mallory, the United States was started by people from England. They had toast before we did.
Mallory Keaton: Oh yeah? Who invented it?
Alex P. Keaton: Alfred Toast.


"Family Ties: A, My Name Is Alex (#5.23)" (1987)
Psychiatrist: How do you know about Grant College?
Alex P. Keaton: My sister Mallory goes there.
[scoffs]
Alex P. Keaton: Grant College, the school that offers a course in the opening of an umbrella.
Psychiatrist: I got an "A" in that course.