Murphy Brown
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Quotes for
Murphy Brown (Character)
from "Murphy Brown" (1988)

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"Murphy Brown: Birth 101 (#4.26)" (1992)
[after giving birth]
Murphy: Oh god, my body's making milk. It's like one day discovering you can get bacon out of your elbow.

Murphy: [in labor] Jim, cut me open! Cut me open and get this kid out of me! Use a scalpel, use a pocket-knife, use a rotten, stinking melon-baller if you have to, just do it!
[Corky comes in with a plastic cup]
Corky: Here's some ice cubes, Murphy. Can I put some in your mouth, I see your hands are full.
Murphy: Screw the ice cubes, Corky! You're a woman, you gotta help me! Smother me with the pillow! Do it for sisterhood! Do it for Betty Fernand! Kill me now!
Jim: [looking at the monitor] She's going to blow!
[everyone ducks as the next contraction hits and Murphy screams]

Miles Silverberg: [on Murphy's baby video] But I want you to know that your mother behaved as best she could... under the circumstances.
[Cut to Murphy's hospital room, where she is in labor and throttling Miles]
Murphy: [screaming] You son of a bitch! You *man*! You did this to me! You and every other man! I'm taking you with me!

"Murphy Brown: Goin' to the Chapel: Part 1 (#2.26)" (1990)
Corky: [panicking over her upcoming wedding] Murphy, you may not know this but I'm a virgin.
[Corky sobs and Murphy smirks]
Murphy: Frank owes me fifty bucks.

"Murphy Brown: He-Ho, He-Ho, It's Off to Lamaze We Go (#4.23)" (1992)
Murphy: I already know how to breathe and I am the last person who needs lessons on how to push.

"Murphy Brown: Devil with a Blue Dress On (#1.2)" (1988)
Murphy: You know, a lot of things went through my head in the last fifty-six minutes, but the same thought kept coming back to me. You saw your brass ring and you went for it. It took a lot of chutzpah. I have to respect a person for that.
Corky: Gee, Murphy, I'm so glad you feel that way.
Murphy: I should mention one other thing however, do anything like this again and you're dead.
Corky: [Corky laughs] Okay.
Murphy: No, understand this. It's not just an idle threat or colorful exaggeration. I know people. It would happen. It could be fast or painful and lingering. Water, cement, without a trace or well placed bits and pieces. All my choice.
Corky: I understand.