Benjamin Franklin
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Quotes for
Benjamin Franklin (Character)
from 1776 (1972)

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1776 (1972)
[Standing awkwardly nearby as Jefferson and Martha embrace]
John Adams: Jefferson, kindly introduce me to your wife.
John Adams: She is your wife, isn't she?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Of course she is. Look at the way they fit.

John Dickinson: Mr. Jefferson, Mr. Lee, Mr. Hopkins, Dr. Franklin, why have you joined this... incendiary little man, this BOSTON radical? This demagogue, this MADMAN?
John Adams: Are you calling me a madman, you, you... you FRIBBLE!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Easy John.
John Adams: You cool, considerate men. You hang to the rear on every issue so that if we should go under, you'll still remain afloat!
John Dickinson: Are you calling me a coward?
John Adams: Yes... coward!
John Dickinson: Madman!
John Adams: Landlord!
John Dickinson: LAWYER!
[a brawl breaks out]

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Please Mr. Dickinson, but must you start banging? How is a man to sleep?
[laughter from Congress]
John Dickinson: Forgive me, Dr. Franklin, but must YOU start speaking? How is a man to stay awake?
[More laughter]
John Dickinson: We'll promise to be quiet - I'm sure everyone prefers that you remained asleep.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: If I'm to hear myself called an Englishman, sir, I assure you I prefer I'd remained asleep.
John Dickinson: What's so terrible about being called an Englishman? The English don't seem to mind.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Nor would I, were I given the full rights of an Englishman. But to call me one without those rights is like calling an ox a bull. He's thankful for the honor, but he'd much rather have restored what's rightfully his.
John Dickinson: When did you first notice they were missing, sir?

[Jefferson's wife visits, and they retire behind closed doors]
John Adams: Good God, you don't mean... they're not going to...? In the middle of the afternoon?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Not everybody's from Boston, John!

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Oh John, you can dance!
John Adams: We still do a few things in Boston, Franklin.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [to Dr. Hall] What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a great man before?

John Adams: Well, Franklin, where's that idiot Lee? Is he back yet? I don't see him.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Softly, John, your voice is hurting my foot.
John Adams: One more day, Franklin. Then I shall propose to Congress. That strutting popinjay was so damn sure of himself. He's had time to come back with a dozen proposals by now!

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: John, really. You talk as if independence were the rule. It's never been done before. No colony has ever broken from the parent stem in the history of the world.
John Adams: Damn it, Franklin! You make us sound treasonous.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Do I? Treason, eh?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Treason is a charge invented by winners as an excuse for hanging the losers.
John Adams: [scoffs] I have more to do than stand here listening to you quote yourself.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: No, that was a new one.

John Adams: God help us.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Oh, he will, John. He will.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Revolutions, Mr. Dickinson, come into this world like bastard children - half improvised and half compromised.

[as they stand on the sidewalk below Jefferson's apartment]
John Adams: This is positively indecent!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Oh, John, they're young and they're in love.
John Adams: Not them, Franklin. Us! Standing out here, waiting for them to... I mean, what will people think?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Don't worry, John. The history books will clean it up.
John Adams: It doesn't matter. I won't be in the history books anyway, only you. Franklin did this and Franklin did that and Franklin did some other damn thing. Franklin smote the ground and out sprang George Washington, fully grown and on his horse. Franklin then electrified him with his miraculous lightning rod and the three of them - Franklin, Washington, and the horse - conducted the entire revolution by themselves.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: I like it.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: If we do not hang together, we shall most assuredly hang separately!

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Don't worry, John, the history books will clean it up.
John Adams: Hmm... Well, I'll never appear in the history books anyway. Only you. Franklin did this, and Franklin did that, and Franklin did some other damn thing. Franklin smote the ground and out sprang George Washington - fully grown and on his horse. Franklin then electrified him with his miraculous lightning rod and the three of them, Franklin, Washington and the horse, conducted the entire revolution all by themselves.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [pondering] I like it.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: A rebellion is always legal in the first person, such as "our rebellion." It is only in the third person - "their rebellion" - that it becomes illegal.

[Adams and Frankline wait expectantly on the street below Jefferson's apartment]
John Adams: [reading a note tossed down from Jefferson] "Dear Mr. Adams, I am taking my wife back to bed. Kindly go away. Your obedient, T. Jefferson." Incredible!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [chuckles] You know, perhaps I should have written the Declaration. At my age there's little doubt that the pen is mightier than the sword.

[John Adams volunteers to visit New Brunswick after a report is given of Washington's soldiers being afflicted with venereal disease and alcoholism]
John Adams: Wake up, Franklin, you're going to New Brunswick!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [Half asleep] Like hell I am. What for?
Hopkins: The whoring and the drinking!
[Franklin gets up and marches off right behind Adams]

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Tell me, Mr. Wilson, when you were a judge, how in hell did you ever make a decision?
James Wilson: The decisions I made were based on legality and precedent. But there is no legality here, and certainly no precedent.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [losing his temper] Because, it's a new idea, you CLOD! We'll be making our own precedent!

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: As you know, the cause that we support has come to a complete standstill. Now, why do you suppose that is?
Richard Henry Lee: Simple! Johnny here is obnoxious and disliked!

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: If Sam Adams can't put up with you, no one can.
John Adams: You're getting at something.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: How can you tell?

Edward Rutledge: [In the final vote for Independence, Rutledge wants the slavery clause removed from the Declaration, or else he will vote against independence] Well, Mr. Adams?
John Adams: Well, Mr. Rutledge.
Edward Rutledge: [stands] Mr. Adams, you must believe that I *will* do what I promised to do.
John Adams: [stands and approaches him] What is it you want, Rutledge?
Edward Rutledge: Remove the offending passage from your Declaration.
John Adams: If we did that, we would be guilty of what we ourselves are rebelling against.
Edward Rutledge: Nevertheless... remove it, or South Carolina will bury, now and forever, your dream of independence.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: John? I beg you consider what you're doing.
John Adams: Mark me, Franklin... if we give in on this issue, posterity will never forgive us.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: That's probably true, but we won't hear a thing, we'll be long gone. Besides, what would posterity think we were? Demi-gods? We're men, no more no less, trying to get a nation started against greater odds than a more generous God would have allowed. First things first, John. Independence; America. If we don't secure that, what difference will the rest make?
John Adams: [long pause] Jefferson, say something.
Thomas Jefferson: What else is there to do?
John Adams: Well, man, you're the one that wrote it.
Thomas Jefferson: I *wrote* ALL of it, Mr. Adams.
[stands and goes to the Declaration, crosses out the clause]
John Adams: [snatches the paper from Jefferson and takes it to Rutledge] There you are, Rutlege, you have your slavery; little good may it do you, now VOTE, damn you!
Edward Rutledge: [takes the paper] Mr. President, the fair colony of South Carolina...
[looks at Adams]
Edward Rutledge: ... says yea.

John Dickinson: Fortunately, the people maintain a higher regard for their mother country.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Higher, certainly, than she feels for them. Never was such a valuable possession so stupidly and recklessly managed, than this entire continent by the British crown. Our industry discouraged, our resouces pillaged... worst of all our very character stifled. We've spawned a new race here, Mr. Dikinson. Rougher, simpler; more violent, more enterprising; less refined. We're a new nationality. We require a new nation.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Congratulations, John. You just made your greatest contribution to Independence: you kept your flap shut.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [to John Dickinson] Be careful, Mr. Dickinson. Those who would give up some of their liberty in order to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

John Adams: Franklin, where in God's name have you been?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Right here, John, being preserved for posterity. Do you like it?
[John walks around to look at the painting]
John Adams: It stinks.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: As ever, the soul of tact.
John Adams: Well, the man's no Botticelli.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: And the subject's no Venus.
John Adams: Franklin, where were you when I needed you? You should have heard what I suffered in there.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Oh, I heard, all right. Along with the rest of Philadelphia. Lord, your voice is piercing, John.
John Adams: Well, I just wish to Heaven my arguments were.

John Adams: Now, will you be a lover or a patriot?
Thomas Jefferson: A lover.
John Adams: No!
Thomas Jefferson: But I burn, Mr. A.
John Adams: [emphasized] So do I, Mr. J!
Thomas Jefferson: [astonished] You?
Roger Sherman: [astonished] You do?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [astonished] John!
Robert Livingston: [Pondering] Who'd have thought it?

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: We've no choice, John. The slavery clause has got to go.
John Adams: [stunned] Franklin, what are you saying?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: It's a luxury we can't afford.
John Adams: [pause, then] 'Luxury?' A half million souls in chains... and Dr. Franklin calls it a 'luxury!' Maybe you should have walked out with the South!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [dangerous] You forget yourself sir. I founded the FIRST anti-slavery society on this continent.
John Adams: Oh, don't wave your credentials at me! Maybe it's time you had them renewed!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [angrily] The issue here is independence! Maybe you have forgotten that fact, but I have not! How DARE you jeopardize our cause, when we've come so far? These men, no matter how much we may disagree with them, are not ribbon clerks to be ordered about - they are proud, accomplished men, the cream of their colonies. And whether you like them or not, they and the people they represent will be part of this new nation that YOU hope to create. Now, either learn how to live with them, or pack up and go home!
[pause, then]
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: In any case, stop acting like a Boston fishwife.

Hopkins: Ah, Ben! I want you to see some cards I'd gone and had printed up. Oughta save everybody here a lot of time and effort, considering the epidemic of bad disposition that's been going on around here lately. "Dear Sir, you are without any doubt, a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief, a scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking, pimping, pocket-picking, thrice double-damned no-good son of a bitch." and you sign your name - what do you think?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: I'll take a dozen, right now.

John Adams: Mr. Jefferson? It so happens that the word is UN-alienable, not IN-alienable.
Thomas Jefferson: I'm sorry, Mr. Adams, but "Inalienable" is correct.
John Adams: I happen to be a Harvard graduate, Mr. Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson: Well, I attended William & Mary.
Hancock: Mr. Jefferson, will you concede to Mr. Adams' request?
Thomas Jefferson: No, sir, I will not.
John Adams: Oh, very well, I withdraw it!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Oh, good for you, John!
John Adams: I'll speak to the printer about it later.

[debating on America's national bird]
John Adams: The eagle.
Thomas Jefferson: The dove.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The turkey.
John Adams: The eagle.
Thomas Jefferson: The dove.
John Adams: The eagle!
Thomas Jefferson: [considers] The eagle.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The turkey.
John Adams: The eagle is a majestic bird!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The eagle is a scavenger, a thief and coward. A symbol of over ten centuries of European mischief.
John Adams: [confused] The turkey?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: A truly noble bird. Native American, a source of sustenance to our original settlers, and an incredibly brave fellow who wouldn't flinch from attacking a whole regiment of Englishmen single-handedly! Therefore, the national bird of America is going to be...
John Adams: [insistently] The eagle!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The eagle.

Rev. John Witherspoon: Dr. Franklin? I'm afraid I must be the bearer of unhappy tidings. Your son, the royal governor of New Jersey, has been arrested, and has been moved to the colony of Connecticut for safekeeping.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Is he unharmed, sir?
Rev. John Witherspoon: When last I heard, he was.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Well then, why the long face? I hear Connecticut's a excellent location. Tell me... why did they arrest the little bastard?

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: What do you think, Doctor? Democracy. What Plato called "A charming form of government, full of variety and disorder. I never knew Plato had been to Philadelphia.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [referring to Martha Jefferson] No wonder the man couldn't write! Who could think of independence being married to her?

[Jefferson is arguing about being appointed to the declaration committee]
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Don't worry, Tom. Oh, let me handle it. I'll get Adams to write it.
Thomas Jefferson: I don't know. He had a funny look on his face.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: He always does.

John Adams: Damn it, Franklin, we're at war.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: To defend ourselves, nothing more. We expressed our displeasure, the English moved against us, and we in turn have resisted. Now our fellow Congressmen want to effect a reconciliation. Before it *becomes* a war.
John Adams: Reconciliation, my ass! The people want independence!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The people have read Mr. Paine's "Common Sense". I doubt very much the Congress has.
John Adams: Well, that's true.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: John, why don't you give it up? Nobody listens to you; you're obnoxious and disliked.

[Adams, Franklin, and Jefferson wait outside the Chamber, while Thomson is reading the Declaration to Congress]
John Adams: There's nothing to fear; it's a masterpiece. I'm to be congratulated.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [surprised] You?
John Adams: [waving at Jefferson] For making him write it.

[Adams and Franklin arrive at Jefferson's apartment to check the status of the Declaration, and hear him playing his violin instead]
John Adams: What is that racket?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: It's the latest thing from Europe, John. It's called music.
John Adams: I came here expecting to hear a pen scratching, not a bow.

John Dickinson: [James Wilson is about to vote for independence in defiance of John Dickinson] And is that how new nations are formed? By a nonentity seeking to preserve the anonymity he so richly deserves?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Revolutions, Mr. Dickinson, come into this world like bastard children... half improvised and half compromised. Our side has provided the compromise. Judge Wilson is now supplying the rest.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin: [watching Martha, mesmerized] Oh, John, look at her. Just look at her.
John Adams: Oh, I am.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: She's even more magnificent than I remember. Of course, we didn't see much of her front last night.

Hopkins: [Franklin's gout is acting up] Been living too high again, eh, pappy?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Oh, Stephen, I only wish King George felt like my big toe, all over.

Ben and Me (1953)
Amos Mouse: My name's Amos, one of the church mice from over on Second Street, and the first thing I'd do is figure a way to heat this place. All your heat's going up the chimney.
Ben Franklin: And what would you propose?
Amos Mouse: Put the fire in the middle of the room.
Ben Franklin: Oh, nonsense! You want to burn the place down?
Amos Mouse: Make something out of iron to put it in.
Ben Franklin: Say, that might be an idea.

Amos Mouse: Say, Ben, this your paper?
Ben Franklin: That's it, Amos. "Poor Richard's Almanac".
Amos Mouse: [Amos reads the paper] "Sunrise: 6:22, Sunset: 7:43, High Tide: 4:20... a cat in gloves catches no mice..." Huh! "Poor Richard's Almanac." Poor, indeed.
Ben Franklin: But Amos, consider all the information...
Amos Mouse: Information! Ben, when the sun's up, it's up! Why read about it?

Amos Mouse: [noticing Ben is about to run into a lamp post] Post, Ben! Post!
Ben Franklin: Oh, how do you do, Mr. Post?

Tom Jefferson: I've been racking my brains, working day and night, but it's no use! I'm stuck!
Ben Franklin: But Red, I thought it was finished.
Tom Jefferson: It is, it is, Ben, but I don't like the beginning. It just doesn't sound right. Listen to this: The time has come when we the people of these colonies...
Ben Franklin: Yes, yes?
Tom Jefferson: No! No! Not big enough! How about this: Now is the time when we the people...
Ben Franklin: Well, um...
Tom Jefferson: No! No! Not strong enough! Uh... The time is at hand when we the people mu... Oh! You see what I mean, Ben? If I could only find the words...
Amos Mouse: [whispering] Psst! Ben! How about our contract?
Ben Franklin: [whispering] No, Amos. Not now.
Amos Mouse: [whispering] Yes! Now, or I'm leaving!
Ben Franklin: [whispering] Alright, Amos. Alright.
Ben Franklin: "When in the course of human events, it becomes necess..."
Tom Jefferson: Ben! That's it! That's it! When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to disolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the seperate and equal station to which the laws of nature...
[fade to the House of Representatives]
Tom Jefferson: ...and, for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.

[after Amos is nearly killed during the kite experiment]
Ben Franklin: Amos, speak to me. Was it electricity?
Amos Mouse: Was it electricity?
[shouting, with lightning coming out of his mouth]
Amos Mouse: WAS IT ELECTRICITY? Goodbye! Goodbye, and forever!

[Amos has combined Ben's reading and regular glasses]
Ben Franklin: Well, well, well!
Amos Mouse: Will they do?
Ben Franklin: Will they? Why, Amos, this is a great idea. Two-way glasses. By George! Bifocals.

Ben Franklin: Well, what would you suggest?
Amos Mouse: First, I'd give it a new name. Something snappy, like... the Gazette. The Pennsylvania Gazette. It'll work perfectly.
Ben Franklin: Well... sounds alright.
Amos Mouse: And then, tell them what's going on! Give them some news! Real news! Wake them up!
Ben Franklin: But where would I get news at this hour?
Amos Mouse: I'll get it for you. Hold everything, Ben, until I get back.

Amos Mouse: [voiceover] As the years passed, Ben's reputation grew. Letters poured in from all over the colonies. Requests for money, for information on inventions, advice in business, and even advice to the loved one. I spent all my time answering them. Meanwhile, Ben putted around with his experiments.
Ben Franklin: [sneaks up on Amos with and shocks him with his finger]
Amos Mouse: [screams] Oww!
Ben Franklin: [laughing] Oh, Amos, you should have seen yourself! That was so funny!
[notices that Amos is going away]
Ben Franklin: Amos, where are you going?
Amos Mouse: I'm leaving!
Ben Franklin: Leaving? Aww, Amos, can't you take a little joke?
Amos Mouse: Joke?
[shows Ben what he did to his tail]
Amos Mouse: You call *this* a joke?
Ben Franklin: Oh, Amos, I didn't mean it. Now, please don't go. I'll never do it again.
Amos Mouse: Well, no more tricks, now. Promise?
Ben Franklin: I promise.
[crosses his fingers]

Governor Keith: Good day, Franklin.
Ben Franklin: Good day, Mister...
Amos Mouse: [whispering] Govenor Keith and Dr. Farmer.
Ben Franklin: Govenor Keith, Dr. Farmer.
Governor Keith: Read your new paper, my boy. Congratulations. First rate. Keep up the good work, Ben.
Amos Mouse: [whispering] Thank you, your excellency. I shall do my best.
Ben Franklin: Thank you, your excellency. I shall do my best.
Dr. Farmer: Bright man.
Governor Keith: Yes, indeed. Very alert. Seems to know what's going on.

Ben Franklin: Well, Amos, we're a success. What a day. What a day.
Amos Mouse: Yes, Ben.
Amos Mouse: What a day.
Ben Franklin: Now I can pay my bills and you can have cheese.
Amos Mouse: Cheese. Mmmmmm. Good night, Ben.
Ben Franklin: Good night, Amos.

Colonist: What happened?
Colonist #3: Did he listen?
Colonist: What about the taxes? Did he lift them?
Colonist #3: Did he tell him, Ben?
Colonist: What did the king say?
Colonist #2: What did he say?
Ben Franklin: Gentlemen, I'm afraid the mission was a failure. The king was unreasonable. He wouldn't listen.
Colonist: Alright, men! We'll fight for our independence!
Colonist #2: It has to be war!
Colonist #3: He's right!
Ben Franklin: War? But gentlemen, there must be some other way.
Colonist: Some other way?
Colonist #2: What way?
Colonist: No! We've got to fight!
Colonist #3: What if we lose? Or we'll hang from trees!
Colonist: What'll we do, Ben?
Colonist #2: Yes, what'll we do?
Ben Franklin: If I only knew. If I only knew.

"Young Person's Guide to History: Episode #1.1" (2008)
Benjamin Franklin: [addressing Continental Congress] Gentlemen are we going to continue to let King George take away our rights like a bride on her honeymoon ?
Continental Congress Heckler: Franklin show me your tits!
Benjamin Franklin: Or are we finally going to say no and cross our legs?
Continental Congress Heckler: Hey Franklin do these words ring a bell? Suck It!
[throws cup at Benjamin Franklin]
Benjamin Franklin: I... hey... now I have a dinner to go to after this! Now that is completely uncalled for! You want to get up here and do this?

Paul Revere: [Riding on a bicycle to give warning] The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming!
[sees station wagon driven by Thomas Jefferson heading for him]
Paul Revere: No!
[station wagon hits Paul Revere]
Paul Revere: Aah!
Benjamin Franklin: [wakes up in passenger seat wearing sleep mask] What was that?
Thomas Jefferson: Nothing. And take that stupid thing off your head. It's embarrassing.

General George Washington: [Benjamin Franklin opens motel room door to find General George Washington outside] Good God!
Benjamin Franklin: Oh hey General Washington.
General George Washington: You smell like whiskey and sperm!
Benjamin Franklin: Well...

Monsieur Bouffant: [At a dinner where the eagle is the main course] This is delicious garlon. I have been all around this world and I have never ever come in contact with such a delicious creature as the garlon.
Benjamin Franklin: The Eagle.
Thomas Jefferson: Hey.
Benjamin Franklin: I mean you think it's funny to act...
Thomas Jefferson: To the garlon huh!
[the rest toast]
Benjamin Franklin: I'm sorry it's an eagle! You know it's not... there's no such thing as a garlon. You think it's funny to...
Monsieur Bouffant: Great garlon.
Benjamin Franklin: French idiot! I'll be in my carriage! Ignorance!

Benjamin Franklin: Monsieur Bouffant allow me to introduce Thomas Jefferson.
Monsieur Bouffant: Thomas Jefferson? Wait you are the lunatic that keeps sending me moose carcasses in the mail.
[cut to his children screaming]
Monsieur Bouffant: You made our children cry.
Thomas Jefferson: I'm gon' keep making them cry until you admit American superiority in the case... in the term of...
Benjamin Franklin: [Franklin tries to whisper help] Animal
Thomas Jefferson: In animal...
Benjamin Franklin: Species and size...
Thomas Jefferson: and size.
Monsieur Bouffant: Oh no no! Elaine!
Elaine: Yeah?
Monsieur Bouffant: Le coq sil vous plait
Elaine: Le coq.
[Elaine produces a live rooster]
Elaine: [Thomas Jefferson gasps]

Monsieur Bouffant: So may I ask Mr. Jefferson. What animal represents America?
Thomas Jefferson: [Jefferson trills to buy time] The bear!
Monsieur Bouffant: Russia.
Thomas Jefferson: They already got the bear?
Monsieur Bouffant: Yes. Yes.
Benjamin Franklin: [whispers to help Jefferson] Turkey.
Thomas Jefferson: I'm not saying turkey you stupid...
Benjamin Franklin: Say lion.
Thomas Jefferson: All right shut up. The... tiger the most powerful...
Monsieur Bouffant: India.
Thomas Jefferson: Huh... What?
Monsieur Bouffant: India.
[laughs at Jefferson]
Thomas Jefferson: The garlon! He's like a big 'ol building with fur and anger and he flies tall and he got a big mouft and he's got a face full of buildings which he will beat you up with cause he's got a building in his pocket.
Monsieur Bouffant: I would love to see this garlon.
Thomas Jefferson: And you will cause I'm gonna bring a garlon back here and he's gonna swallow your wife's cock.

"John Adams: Independence (#1.2)" (2008)
Edward Rutledge: Must you be so extreme, Dr. Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin: [Wryly] I'm an extreme moderate, Mr. Rutledge. I believe anybody not in favor of moderation and compromise ought to be castrated and that all this should be sent down to the... the Parliament for they seem to need - how should I put it? - stones.
[He smiles broadly]

Benjamin Franklin: Dr. Rush has been telling me...
[Rush agrees]
Benjamin Franklin: ... that he has bled most of Philadelphia. He quite swears by the regenerative powers of desanuinization.

John Adams: Do you not believe in saying what you think?
Benjamin Franklin: No, I'm very much against it. Thinking aloud is a habit responsible for much of mankind's misery.

Benjamin Franklin: Diplomacy is seduction in another guise, Mr. Adams. One improves with practice.

Benjamin Franklin: [to Adams] I beg you to go gently. You are a guest in Philadelphia. Fish and guests stink after three days.

Benjamin Franklin: Diplomacy is seduction in another guise Mr. Adams, one in brute practice.

"John Adams: Don't Tread on Me (#1.3)" (2008)
John Adams: [Referring to Quincy] I shall rely on your judgment as to a proper school for him.
Benjamin Franklin: Why, all of Paris is school, Master Adams, the young man need only avail himself of the lessons.

Benjamin Franklin: There are times we must act against our inclination.

Benjamin Franklin: We are all actors here, Mr. Adams, and so far my performance has been well received.

Benjamin Franklin: [Angrily to Adams] What are you thinking of? A good diplomat, Mr. Adams, observes much, acts little, and speaks softly!

"Bewitched: Samantha for the Defense (#3.14)" (1966)
Judge: Mr. Franklin, this jury has found you not guilty. A judgment in which the court concurs. You are free to go but I would like to ask you one question. Do you intend to continue being Benjamin Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin: Your honor, I believe that a man's wisdom, if he have any, should be left to future generations to measure against their own circumstances. If a man lives beyond his time and attempts to impose old notions upon new generations he puts himself in very grave danger of loosing any claim to wisdom at all. Therefore, your honor, although I shall continue to be Benjamin Franklin, for I can do no other, I shall no longer be that untimely gentleman in your gracious company. Good day sir.
Judge: Well, if he isn't, he ought to be. Court's adjourned.

Samantha Stephens: Darrin, sh-shouldn't we get Mr. Franklin a lawyer?
Darrin Stephens: Honey, we can't! What can we tell him? Mr. Franklin, couldn't you defend yourself?
Benjamin Franklin: Now that might be unwise, sir. The man who defends himself in court has a fool for a lawyer, and a jackass for a client.

Samantha Stephens: Your Honor, may I ask a question?
Judge: If it's relevant.
Samantha Stephens: How can a District Attorney accuse Mr. Franklin of stealing his own property?
Chuck Hawkins: He hasn't proved yet he IS Benjamin Franklin.
Benjamin Franklin: And you sir have not proved that I am not.

"Futurama: All the Presidents' Heads (#6.20)" (2011)
Philip J. Fry: [about a piece of currency being fake] Duh! It says Colony of Maffasuchets.
Bender: [Snorts] More like Tax-a-ffusechets.
Benjamin Franklin: That's just how we print the s's, you ftupid fhitheads!

"Sleepy Hollow: This Is War (#2.1)" (2014)
Benjamin Franklin: You still haven't learned my alphabet, have you?
Ichabod Crane: [sheepishly] There are only so many hours in the day.
Benjamin Franklin: Rise earlier. The key to success lies under the alarm clock.

"Into the West: Wheel to the Stars (#1.1)" (2005)
Johnny Fox: Do you even know what to do with her?
Jacob Wheeler: I'm going to set her free and send her back to her people.
Ben Franklin: Set her free? Why?
Jacob Wheeler: You of all people know why. It i'd thought different, you'd be back on that plantation.

The Broken Chain (1993) (TV)
Ben Franklin: What does it take to break a single arrow? Nothing! But bound together... unbreakable!

"Daniel Boone: The Printing Press (#6.5)" (1969)
Benjamin Franklin: [speaking to Daniel Boone] As a matter of fact, I'm always very enthusiastic about my discoveries, until I discover that some of them don't actually work. Heh-heh-heh-heh.

"NCIS: The Inside Man (#7.3)" (2009)
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How you doing? Special Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo. Sit down.
Benjamin Franklin: Thank you. Benjamin Franklin, Securities and Exchange Commission. I know, I don't look like an SEC investigator.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Is that really your name?
Benjamin Franklin: Yes, and I've heard every imaginable joke. So, spare me?

"Sleepy Hollow: Tempus Fugit (#2.18)" (2015)
Benjamin Franklin: What of my other ideas? Did libraries catch on?
Abbie Mills: One in every neighborhood.
Benjamin Franklin: Splendid! Splendid. Universities? Hospitals? The post office? The Franklin stove? Bifocals? Swim fins?
Abbie Mills: All still around. You're even on the hundred dollar bill.
Benjamin Franklin: [Highly pleased while Crane is disgusted] Uh huh. The hundred. How about that, Ichabod? The hundred dollar bill.
[a thought occurs]
Benjamin Franklin: What is Jefferson on?
Abbie Mills: Two dollar bill.
Benjamin Franklin: The two! The two... Does anyone even use the two? Sounds cumbersome.

"John Adams: Reunion (#1.4)" (2008)
Benjamin Franklin: Madame, I shall rise to apologize for not getting up.

Marie Antoinette (1938)
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Why, this is barbarous! Must the queen's child be born in public?
Count de Mercey: Dr. Franklin, a French monarch belongs to the public. He must be born, he must live and he must die in public.

"Jack of All Trades: The Floundering Father (#1.3)" (2000)
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: In the name of Democracy, I demand that you let me go!
Blackbeard the Pirate: Shut up, Piggy!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: How about giving me a six-course meal and a washmaiden instead?