Laura Holt
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Quotes for
Laura Holt (Character)
from "Remington Steele" (1982)

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"Remington Steele: Red Holt Steele (#2.3)" (1983)
Laura Holt: Well, before giving us the results of your excavation, Mildred, there's a small administrative point we need to address.
[Laura slaps Remington's feet off the desk]
Laura Holt: While it is more than apparent that Mr. Steele here is the senior member of the firm, the fact is that for the nuts and bolts operation, we're more or less, um, equals. Wouldn't you say, Mr. Steele?
Remington Steele: One might even go so far as to say that Miss Holt is sort of in charge of such things.
Mildred Krebs: He's the boss, but you're in charge?
Remington Steele: Having worked for the government, Mildred I wouldn't think the concept is beyond your grasp.

Remington Steele: We're being shot at
Laura Holt: But why?
Remington Steele: Because we're kissing. Someone *always* shoots at us when we're kissing!

Laura Holt: I can take care of myself. I have for a long time now.
Remington Steele: Yes, well that was before it made a difference to me.
Laura Holt: And now?
Remington Steele: Now, we're going to have some noodle soup. It comes out of those little foil packets these days. Then you're going to have the unprecedented honor of sleeping in my bed, uh, pajamas optional, while I keep company with the couch. But no matter how you slice it, you're stuck with me tonight, so I suggest you make the best of it.

Laura Holt: [with tears building in her eyes] Tonight, if you asked me... I don't think I could say no.
Remington Steele: Tonight, I don't think that I could ask.
[sweet and tender kiss]
Remington Steele: Get some rest.We have work to do in the morning.

Remington Steele: We're being shot at
Laura Holt: But why?
Remington Steele: Because we're kissing. Someone ALWAYS shoots at us when we're kissing!

"Remington Steele: Santa Claus Is Coming to Steele (#4.14)" (1986)
Mildred Krebs: As much as I can get on that hairbag
Remington Steele: Where do you pick up all of these expressions Mildred?
Mildred Krebs: Television, I guess
Remington Steele: I thought you only watched PBS?
Mildred Krebs: [a little later] Well how do we stop that slimeball? Alistair Cooke says that a lot.
Remington Steele: Does he?
Laura Holt: [Laura walks in] That hairbag, that slimeball!
Remington Steele: You watch PBS too?

Mildred Krebs: We certainly have had our share of sickos this trip.
Laura Holt: The scary part is they came right to our doorstep.
Remington Steele: Yes, nothing like bringing ones work home, eh?

Wally Donovan: You know I think what you do is fascinating Laura? And I wouldn't be one of those husbands who don't let their wives work, no sir. I'd want to help you with it!
Laura Holt: Oh, what a generous offer Wally.
Wally Donovan: And I wouldn't hog the spotlight like that show-off boss of yours does. I know how hard you work. I watch you every night in your loft pouring over those papers into the wee small hours. That would be another reason why we would be good together - I can't sleep at night either.
[distant sirens]
Wally Donovan: What's that?
Laura Holt: Probably just Fire Engines. Your a... your a very good photographer, those are excellent pictures. Did you study photography?
Wally Donovan: That's what they let me do when I wasn't answering all those questions.

Remington Steele: Supposing you had children. Just supposing I mean. Would you intend to continue working? Or would you feed the little tykes breakfast in the morning and then rush off to a nice juicy murder? I'm mean would you call them up at school and apologize that you couldn't pick them up because you were being held hostage?
Laura Holt: Are you saying that a woman's place is in the home?
Remington Steele: Actually, I was thinking of a more specific area.

"Remington Steele: License to Steele (#1.1)" (1982)
Murphy Michaels: Laura, we made a rule: if a client insists on dealing directly with Remington Steele, we pass.
Laura Holt: Gordon Hunter is creating a media event - television, newspapers, People magazine for God's sake. Whoever provides security for the gems gets kissed by the same spotlight. The publicity is worth its weight in clients.
Bernice Foxe: And you want Remington Steele to personally supervise security.
Laura Holt: That's right.
Bernice Foxe: Can I ask a dumb question? How is Remington Steele going to do that if he doesn't exist?

Remington Steele: Impeccable man, your Mr. Steele. Do you know there's not a piece of lint, a speck of dandruff, a hank of hair on any of his suits? And he obviously wears a shirt once and then discards it since there's no laundry marks to be found. The same with the shoes. The soles seem never to have touched the ground. Not one single solitary scuff mark.
Laura Holt: He's fastidious, almost to a fault.
Remington Steele: Bald too?
Laura Holt: Of course not.
Remington Steele: Then he's blessed. I'm forever plucking stray hairs from my comb and brush. Positively demoralizing, but an inescapable part of the human condition. Hmm? Does any of this say anything to you Miss Holt? It does to me. It fairly shouts Remington Steele is an elaborate ruse. He does not exist. You invented him.

Remington Steele: I'm afraid it's time to leave your lovely city.
Laura Holt: Where will you go?
Remington Steele: Wherever the gems travel next. San Francisco, I believe. I give you my word. I won't try to liberate the gems until they're safely out of your jurisdiction.
Laura Holt: All things considered, you made a delightful Remington Steele.
Remington Steele: If the press of other commitments wasn't so severe, I might relish the role on a permanent basis.
[kisses her hand]
Remington Steele: After all, I'm a man who enjoys impossible challenges.

"Remington Steele: Hounded Steele (#2.21)" (1984)
Remington Steele: [Steele shows Laura his cup of coffee] Have you tried this?
Laura Holt: [Frustrated] I made it, I don't have to taste it!
Remington Steele: It's like a hot cup of The Thames!

Remington Steele: In matters of this nature, Miss Mellish, I find it advisable for subjects to focus on the initial stages of their narrative and then to proceed accordingly.
Shirley Mellish: [to Laura] What did he say?
Laura Holt: He means,"start at the beginning."

Anatole Blaylock: [walking up] Congratulations, officer. You've just arrested a world-famous thief.
Diamond Cop #1: Who are you?
Remington Steele: [to Blaylock] What have you done with Mildred?
Diamond Cop #3: [to Remington Steele] Against the wall!
Anatole Blaylock: If you check that man's pockets I'm certain you'll find the Jennings diamond.
Diamond Cop #3: [searches] They're clean, Lieutenant!
Diamond Cop #1: [to Blaylock] Well what's this all about?
Anatole Blaylock: He has the diamond! He *must*!
Diamond Cop #1: This is the man you want, Lieutenant; he killed an Interpol agent! Will you listen to me?
Mildred Krebs: [runs up, wet, and indicates Blaylock] Arrest this man!
[Blaylock growls, shoves her and Diamond Cop #1, and runs away]
Kevin Masters: [takes his dog Dolittle and sets him loose] Tango!
[Dolittle chases after Blaylock and bites his trouser leg, tripping him. As the rest give chase, he pulls a revolver, but Steele kicks it out of his hand as he runs past]
Diamond Cop #1: OK, take him away!
[Diamond Cops #2 and #3 do so]
Remington Steele: Well! I guess that dog is good for something after all.
Laura Holt: [looks at Steele's feet, smiles] Uh, Mr. Steele?
[She points down. He looks down and it's implied the dog is urinating on him again. She laughs as he pulls a stoic face]

"Remington Steele: Vintage Steele (#1.19)" (1983)
Wilson Jeffries: I saw that body in the vat, and suddenly I thought to myself..."What would Laura do about this?".
Laura Holt: So you stuffed him in the trunk of a car and ran away with it.
Remington Steele: Are you talking about this Laura here?

[Laura's car speeds into a dirt parking lot at a vineyard, tires screeching, she suddenly turning the car, and it halts to a stop right in front of a building]
Remington Steele: Well, you certainly taught that road a lesson it won't soon forget.
Laura Holt: No sense in dragging this thing out.
[the three of them get out of the car]
Wilson Jeffries: It's inside, I'll show you.
[Laura walks inside the building]
Remington Steele: Oh. Uh, if you don't mind my asking Wilson... uh, when you and Miss Holt were, uh, uhm...
[moving his hands]
Wilson Jeffries: Cohabitating.
Remington Steele: Yes, uh.
[Clears throat, continues moving his hands]
Remington Steele: Was her driving always so, uh... exuberant?
Wilson Jeffries: If anything, it's gotten a little better. But I'm sure you know how she is. Impulsive, uninhibited... absurdly passionate. It must get trying for you at times, keeping her in check.
Remington Steele: Oh, well, I do what I can. Hmm.
[Wilson goes inside]
Remington Steele: [to himself, looking baffled] Absurdly passionate, eh?

[Remington, Laura and Claude are sitting around a wine barrel, containing a body that was found at the vineyard, as they hide it from potential investors]
Laura Holt: It would appear someone might be using Harry here to sabotage your deal.
Claude Vandermeer: Harry? You found out his name. That's great.
Remington Steele: Yes, well, I'm afraid it's more endearing than accurate. This neighbor of yours, Werner... do you think he might be responsible?
Claude Vandermeer: Well, he's not one of my bigger fans, but I can't believe he's capable of killing anyone. My mother on the other hand...
Remington Steele: Thick and stormy past, eh?
Claude Vandermeer: When I was nine, I set up a lemonade stand. My mother told me the key to good lemonade was to scratch the sugar and double the salt. And when I had a paper route, she used to go through my papers everyday and take out the funnies. She's always had this problem with me succeeding, and she knows that this wine is my chance to finally make it on my own. I wouldn't put anything past her. Not after watching her drive my father, Arnold, to his grave.
Laura Holt: Your father's name was Arnold?
[Laura and Remington exchange a look, as they both know that Claude's mother's horse is named Arnold]

"Remington Steele: Steele Spawning (#4.12)" (1986)
Laura Holt: Read him his rights.
Bingham 'Bing' Perret: You have the right to remain silent.
Truck Driver: That's it?
Bingham 'Bing' Perret: What do you want, the Magna Carta?

Laura Holt: The man's a spoiled, overgrown brat. He should be spanked!
Remington Steele: Easier said then done.

"Remington Steele: A Steele at Any Price (#2.6)" (1983)
[while looking at a Pitkin painting]
Remington Steele: Molly Donavan paid money for this woman's work?
Laura Holt: For an expose.
Remington Steele: Exposing what? Shocking lack of talent?
Laura Holt: I didn't know you had such definite opinions about... art.
Remington Steele: Laura, must I remind you that only a couple of years ago I was appropriating some of the finest works in Europe.
Laura Holt: I do my best to forget that.

[At the main entrance to the Conant Art Gallery]
Laura Holt: Do you think you can penetrate this bastion of culture alone?
Remington Steele: Oh of course. Laura you've changed my life. I'm actually looking forward to going through the front door.

"Remington Steele: Sting of Steele (#1.21)" (1983)
[Laura has phoned Steele]
Remington Steele: Steele here.
Laura Holt: You sound awful.
Remington Steele: [pinching his nose] Beastly cold, beastly.
Laura Holt: What's that noise?
Remington Steele: [talking from the limo phone, at an airfield] Noise?
Laura Holt: Sounds like an airplane.
Remington Steele: I'm watching a movie, um, 30 Seconds Over Tokyo, heroic stuff. Makes me proud to be in your brave country. Well, I have to go now, Laura, time for my medication. And please, Laura, don't under any circumstances come to my apartment. One of us has to stay healthy.
[hangs up limo phone]
Remington Steele: Wonderful invention, that call forwarding.

Remington Steele: I realize trust is not something bestowed but earned and on the face of it, I've done nothing to earn yours.
Laura Holt: Notice how I'm not jumping in to argue with you?

"Remington Steele: Steele Away with Me: Part 2 (#2.2)" (1983)
Remington Steele: You know Laura, in crimes of this magnitude it's usually standard to offer a finders fee. Usually at 10% of the value and 10% of 250,000,000 dollars is...
Laura Holt: 25,000,000.
Remington Steele: Do you realize we could be given 25,000,000 dollars as a reward for being honest?
Laura Holt: That really astounds you. Doesn't it?
Remington Steele: It heartens me Laura. It absolutely heartens me.

Remington Steele: Laura do you think I'd really leave you in the lurch? Or are you just curious? Part of my mysterious past.
Laura Holt: Well sure I'm curious. You announce you're going to take a more active interest in the agency and I wonder how many other places we can't go because some other Captain Rios is looking for you. I wonder when somebody's going to show up on the agency's doorstep looking for you to solve an old case or settle an old grievance. You're damn right I'm curious!

"Remington Steele: Steele Knuckles and Glass Jaws (#2.9)" (1983)
[last lines]
Laura Holt: [softly sings] Hennessey Tennessy tootled the flute/Oh, the music was something grand/A credit to old Ireland/Is MacNamara's band.
[she hums the rest of the song as Steele slowly stares at her and smiles]

"Remington Steele: Steele Belted (#1.6)" (1982)
Remington Steele: I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
Laura Holt: [Scene Change] Your name *isn't* Remington Steele.
Remington Steele: A mere technicality.

"Remington Steele: Steele Trying (#3.21)" (1985)
Remington Steele: You know, we have gone through this whole case... without you once coming up with a movie reference.
Laura Holt: Well, here you go, I've got an appropriate one.
Remington Steele: Oh?
Laura Holt: The Lost Weekend, Ray Milland. Jane Wyman, Paramount, 1945.

"Remington Steele: Etched in Steele (#1.7)" (1982)
Remington Steele: Would you like to know what I think?
Laura Holt: About the murder?
Remington Steele: About you. You know what you are? A workaholic. That's what you are!
Laura Holt: No? Really? Terrible vice, you oughta try it some time
Remington Steele: It just drives you crazy that there are no mysteries to solve, no clues to, to ponder, no suspects to, ah, suspect!
Laura Holt: Hah! Speak for yourself! I have a mystery to solve, I have clues to ponder, I have suspects to suspect!
Remington Steele: Ho, yes indeed! Nothing frightens Laura Holt like having time on her hands or heaven forbid that she has a second to stop and think and feel, and perhaps, perhaps actually get to close to some of the people she works with!
Murphy Michaels: [opens the door to Laura's office & pops his head in] I heard fighting so I knew Mom and Dad were home.

"Remington Steele: Stronger Than Steele (#3.13)" (1985)
Remington Steele: Mildred, I'm worried.
Mildred Krebs: Ms. Holt?
Remington Steele: Uh-huh. Usually she's the logical one, I mean everything by the book, allowing precious little time for emotions to creep in and cloud her perceptions. Now look at her - she trading "blings" and "blergs" with an homicidal actor.
[Laura hangs up the phone and heads for the front door]
Remington Steele: Laura, where are you going?
Laura Holt: To meat Max.
Remington Steele: Laura, the man is dangerous, he's already wanted by the police for murder!
Laura Holt: The Fugitive!
Remington Steele: [Misunderstanding her meaning] Yes, the fugitive Maxwell Donahue.
Laura Holt: No, The Fugitive, David Janssen, a Q.M. production, 1963-67.
Remington Steele: [Momentarily confused, he turns to Mildred] Mildred, you're an American, what is she talking about?
Mildred Krebs: It's an old television series.
Laura Holt: David Janssen played a man running from the police for a murder he didn't commit; he'd been framed.
Remington Steele: [Outraged] And that's what you're basing his innocence on? A television show?
Laura Holt: How many times have I followed you blindly just because you thought one of our cases bore a faint resemblance to the plot of some silly movie?

"Remington Steele: Steele at It (#3.1)" (1984)
Remington Steele: So... does, uh, Remington Steele return to Los Angeles with you? Or does he, uh, disappear back into the misty might again?
Laura Holt: How can he disappear? You're not only a nationally known detective; you're an international hero.

"Remington Steele: Steele Alive and Kicking (#4.21)" (1986)
Laura Holt: [after Vinnie breaks through Laura's kitchen window] Who *are* you?
Vincent Dowd: Vinnie Dowd. I'm in trouble and I need your help.
Remington Steele: Wouldn't it have been easier to use the door?
Laura Holt: Wait a minute. Vincent Dowd? The LeBlanc kidnapping?
Vincent Dowd: Yea. Only I didn't do it. You gotta believe me.
Remington Steele: I thought you were convicted of murder. Life imprisonment.
Vincent Dowd: Yea, but I was framed.
Laura Holt: By whom?
Vincent Dowd: Me.
Laura Holt: [Incredulously] You framed *yourself*?
Vincent Dowd: Did a humdinger of a job, huh?

"Remington Steele: Steele in the News (#1.18)" (1983)
Remington Steele: Ah, before we go charging off I think you should know that Miss Vogleson is determined to unearth the truth about Remington Steele.
Laura Holt: Oh I knew that interview cover was a mistake.
Remington Steele: Yes, well don't worry Laura. Rather than embarrass and jeopardize you and the agency I'm prepared to do the honorable thing.
Murphy Michaels: You're gonna leave.
Remington Steele: I was thinking more along the lines of, uh, stealing her notes.

"Remington Steele: Love Among the Steele (#2.7)" (1983)
Remington Steele: Someone's just been shooting at us!
Laura Holt: But why?
Remington Steele: Because we were kissing! Someone ALWAYS shoots at us when we're kissing!

"Remington Steele: Tempered Steele (#1.2)" (1982)
Laura Holt: What should I call you when we're alone?
Remington Steele: Well, I'm quite used to the name that you came up with.
Laura Holt: It's from a typewriter and a football team.
Remington Steele: Then pick one. I've probably used it.

"Remington Steele: Steele on the Air (#4.10)" (1986)
Radio Caller: [Laura and Steele enter the lobby of the radio station. The broadcast can be heard over the air] Hello, Doctor, last week you referred to the use of vegetables.
Remington Steele: [Steele looks at the large sign on the wall which reads 14-KROT] Fourteen krot?
Laura Holt: K-R-O-T... "14 - Carat".
Remington Steele: Uh-huh.
[They listen to the radio program being broadcast]
Dr. Pam: It isn't important what vegetables you use. Carrots, corn on the cob, zucchini, they are all terrific.
Remington Steele: A radio cooking show?
Laura Holt: That's Dr. Pam, a phone-in sex therapist.
Remington Steele: I must remember to get the cook book.

"Remington Steele: Second Base Steele (#3.4)" (1984)
Remington Steele: Forgive me for saying so, Mr. Kelsey, but aren't you going to a lot a trouble just to preserve a game?
Ralph Kelsey: A game? Baseball is a lot more than just a game, Mr. Steele. It's a way of life. It's... it's America.
Laura Holt: I don't think Mr. Steele has ever played baseball.
Ralph Kelsey: [Kelsey leans back into his seat, dejected] Ohhh...
Remington Steele: I may not have played, Ms. Holt, but I am a keen observer of your national past time.
Ralph Kelsey: So, you'll take the case?
Laura Holt: I'm sure Mr. Steele will play ball, won't you, sir?
Remington Steele: Certainly. When do we kick off?

"Remington Steele: Steeling the Show (#1.11)" (1983)
[Laura and Remington have brought Veronica home]
Mickey Prentice: Ronnie.
Veronica Kirk: Oh!
Mickey Prentice: Thank God you're all right...
Veronica Kirk: Oh, it was the skull-faced reaper, Mick. I felt him at my shoulder, his razor scythe glinting in the moonlight, and his rancid breath hot on my neck.
Mickey Prentice: I won't let him have you, Ronnie. I'll never let him have you.
Veronica Kirk: Oh, such a dear fool you are.
[touches Mickey's cheek]
Veronica Kirk: A dear, sweet fool.
[Mickey and Veronica walk towards the house]
Laura Holt: A skull-faced reaper with hot rancid breath, eh?
Remington Steele: Oh, a bit colorful perhaps but, then, drama was her life.
Laura Holt: Still is.

"Remington Steele: Altared Steele (#2.4)" (1983)
Laura Holt: Terry Lowell Dannon, according to the funeral home register. Ring any bells?
Frank Dannon: Total stranger.
Remington Steele: Widow number two, uh, Barbara Troy Dannon.
Frank Dannon: No, I ...
Laura Holt: Nancy Stinson Dannon. Is this doing anything for you?
Frank Dannon: No, I ...
Remington Steele: Stella Martino Dannon?
Frank Dannon: She's not my TYPE.
Mildred Krebs: Everyone appears to be your type.