Judge Turpin
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Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
[from trailer]
Judge Turpin: [as he sentences boy prisoner] May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Judge Turpin: Oh yes... such practices. The Geishas of Japan, the concubines of Siam, the catamites of Greece, the harlots of India. I have them all here, drawings of them. Everything you've ever dreamed of doing with a woman. Would you like to see?
Anthony Hope: I think there's been some mistake.
Judge Turpin: I think not. You gandered at my ward, Johanna. You gandered at her. YES, sir, you gandered!
Anthony Hope: I meant no harm.
Judge Turpin: Your meaning is immaterial. Mark me! If I see your face again on this street, you'll rue the day you were born.

Judge Turpin: You're in a merry mood today, Mr. Todd.

Sweeney Todd: And who may it be said is your intended, sir?
Judge Turpin: My ward... and pretty as a rosebud.
Sweeney Todd: Pretty as her mother?
Judge Turpin: [confused] Wha... what was that?
Sweeney Todd: Nothing, sir. Nothing. May we proceed?

Judge Turpin: How seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit.
Sweeney Todd: With fellow tastes... in women at least.
Judge Turpin: [unsettled] What's that?
Sweeney Todd: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir. But then I suppose the face of a barber, the face of a prisoner in the dock, is not particularly memorable.
Judge Turpin: [with immense shock] Benjamin... Barker...
Sweeney Todd: [shouts] Benjamin Barker!

Johanna: [after Turpin discovers her packing] Sir, a gentleman knocks before entering a lady's room.
Judge Turpin: Indeed, he does, but I see no lady. I told myself the sailor was lying, that my Johanna would never betray me, never hurt me so.
Johanna: Sir, I will leave this place.
Judge Turpin: I think that's only appropriate since you no longer find my company to your liking.
[the Beadle appears at the door]
Judge Turpin: We shall provide you with new lodgings. Until this moment I have spared the rod. But the ungrateful child has broken my heart. When you've learned to appreciate what you have done, perhaps we shall meet again. Until then, think on your sins.
[the Beadle takes Johanna away by force]

Sweeney Todd: What may I do for you today, sir? A stylish trimming of the hair? A soothing skin massage? Sit, sir, sit.
Judge Turpin: [singing] You see, sir, a man infatuate with love, her ardent and eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, but first, sir, I think... a shave.
Sweeney Todd: The closest I ever gave.

Anthony Hope: [Johanna is being hauled off to the asylum] Where are you taking her? Tell me or I'll...
Judge Turpin: You'll kill me, boy? Well here I stand!

Judge Turpin: [arriving at the barbershop] Mr. Todd?
Sweeney Todd: At your service... an honor to receive your patronage, my lord.
Judge Turpin: Do you know me, sir?
Sweeney Todd: Who in this wide world does not know the great Judge Turpin?
Judge Turpin: These premises are hardly prepossessing. And yet the Beadle tells me you're the most accomplished of all the barbers in the city.
Sweeney Todd: That is gracious of him, sir.

[Anthony barges into the barbershop, not realizing that Todd and the Judge are there]
Anthony Hope: Mr. Todd! I'm running away with Johanna! She'll marry me Sunday!
[He stops short as he sees the judge in the barber's chair]
Anthony Hope: [the Judge hears this and gets angry]
Judge Turpin: You... there is indeed a higher power to warn me thus in time.
[wipes his face and goes to Anthony]
Judge Turpin: Johanna, elope with you? I'll make sure that neither you nor any other man shall ever set eyes in her again!
[turns to Todd]
Judge Turpin: And as for you, barber... that's all too clear what company you keep! Serve them well and hold their custom, for you'll have none of mine!
[storms out of the barbershop]

Judge Turpin: I have news for you, my friend. In order to shield her from the evils of this world, I have decided to marry my dear Johanna.
Beadle: Ah, sir, happy news indeed.
Judge Turpin: Strange, though, when I offered myself to her, she showed a certain reluctance.
Beadle: [sings] Excuse me, my lord. / May I request, my lord, / Permission, my lord, to speak? / Forgive me if I suggest, my lord, / You're looking less than your best, my lord, / There's powder upon your vest, my lord, / And stubble upon your cheek. / And ladies, my lord, are weak.
Judge Turpin: Stubble, you say? Perhaps I am a little overhasty in the morning.
Beadle: [sings] Fret not though, my lord, / I know a place, my lord, / A barber, my lord, of skill. / Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord, / Some eau de cologne to brace my lord / And musk to enhance the chase, my lord, / You'll dazzle the girl until...
Judge Turpin: Until?
Beadle: [sings] She bows to your every will.

Beadle: [after the judge has sentenced a boy to death by hangin] Thank you, your honor, just the sentence we wanted.
Judge Turpin: Was he guilty?
Beadle: Well, if not, he'd certainly done something to warrant a hanging.
Judge Turpin: What man has not?

Sweeney Todd: Pretty women.
Judge Turpin: Silhouetted.
Sweeney Todd: Stay within you.
Judge Turpin: Glancing.
Sweeney Todd: Stay forever.
Judge Turpin: Breathing lightly.
Sweeney Todd: Pretty women.
Sweeney Todd, Judge Turpin: Pretty women!


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1982) (TV)
Judge Turpin: [singing] What more can man require than love sir?
Sweeney Todd: [singing] More than love sir.
Judge Turpin: [singing] What sir?
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Women.
Judge Turpin: [singing] Ah yes, women.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Pretty women.


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street in Concert (2001) (TV)
Judge Turpin: You see sir a man infatuate with love, her ardent an eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone, and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, but first sir I think... a shave.
Sweeney Todd: The closest I ever gave.