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: Break the glass. George
: We can't! Paul
: It's Beatle proof. John
: Nothing is Beatle proof!
: Move over, I'm driving. George
: No, I got here first. Ringo
: We'll drive if you like. George
: No, you sit in the middle. John
: No, I'm sitting in the middle. George
: Who said you were driving? Ringo
: I am driving. George
: I'll get in the back, then.
[they drive off camera
[opening a door to find King Kong abducting a woman
: Do you think we're interrupting something? John
: I think so.
: Well, lads, what do you think? George
: I think that... Old Fred
: Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead! What do you think? Paul
: Well, um... Old Fred
: Pounding overwhelming waves! What do you think of that, eh? John
: Well, I think that... Ringo
: As a matter of fact, I think that... George
: I think... Old Fred
: Well? George
: I've forgotten.
: Well, in my humble opinion, we've become involved in Einstein's time space continuum theory. George
: Oh, right. John
: Relatively speaking, that is.
: Maybe time's gone on strike. Ringo
: What for? George
: Shorter hours. Ringo
: I don't blame it. Must be very tiring being time, mustn't it? George
: Why? Ringo
: Well, it's a twenty four hour day, isn't it? John
: You surprise me, Ringo. Ringo
: Why? John
: Dealing in abstracts.
[after Ringo ejects himself from the submarine
: Poor Ringo. George
: Poor lad. Paul
: Never did no harm to no one. John
: Hey, lads, now that Ringo's gone, what do we do? Old Fred
: Learn to sing trios. Paul
: Naw, let's save the poor devil.
[being swallowed by the vacuum monster
: The motor's packing in! Old Fred
: By all the sea nymphettes! We're losing power! George
: We're being swallowed! Paul
: What should we do? John
: Serve tea? Paul
: [the motor has conked out
] By Neptune's knickerbockers! She's puttered out! George
: Maybe we should call a road service? Paul
: Can't, no road! Ringo
: And we're not subscribers? John/Paul/George
: Subscribers, oh.
: Ok, men all aboard. Lets go somewhere. Ringo
: [Indicating Jeremy
] What about him? John
: He's happy enough going around in circles. Ringo
: Aw, poor little fellow. Paul
: I don't know. Ringo's just a sentamentalist. Ringo
: Aw, look at him. Can't he come with us?
[he goes over to Jeremy
: Hey, Mr Boob! You can come with us if you like. Jeremy
: You mean you'd take a nowhere man? Ringo
: Yeah, come on. We'll take you somewhere.
] Tiptoe through the meanies.
: Okay, instruments at the ready. John
: Okay, on the beat of one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six. Ringo
: Hey, can't you make it three? John
: Oh, all right, on the beat of three: A-one, a-two, a-three.
: If I could come in, here, I think the theory put forward by Einstein. Paul
] Einstein, Einstein, any any any old Einstein. John
: Could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space. George
: Uh, John. John
: According to the now-famous theory of relativity. George
: John. John
: Which, briefly explained. George
: John! John
: Is simply a matter of taking two eggs. George
: John! John
: Beating lightly, and adding a little salt and pepper to taste.
: As a matter of fact, there's a war on. John
: Then brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence! Shall we hence? Paul
: Oh, let's not waste any more time sitting on the hence! Beatles to battle! Charge!
: Hey! There's a Cyclops! Paul
: Can't be. It's got two eyes. John
: Must be a "bicycle-ops" then. Ringo
: There's another one. John
: A whole "'cyclopedia"!
: All right then. Let's get this vessel shipshape. George
: I kind of like it the way it is. Submarine shape.
: Yes, dey do look very nice, don't dey? Ringo
: Yes, dey do. John
: Dey do dough, don't dey? George
: Yes, dey do. Ringo
: Don't dey, dough? George
: Fa-la. Dat dough!
: Do you speak English? Jeremy
: Old English, Middle, Dialect, Pure. Paul
: Well, do you speak English? Jeremy
: You know, I'm not sure. Ringo
: He's so smart he doesn't even remember what he knows!
: It's all in the mind.
: George, what are you doing up there? George
: [driving in Ringo's car
] Now, what is it, Ringo? Is there a matter you'd like to take up or down? Ringo
: [indicating Fred
] This chap, here. Old Fred
: [crazy gibberish
] Submarines! Explosions! Ringo
, Old Fred
: Blue Meanies! George
: Aww, you're nuts, the pair of you.
: Hey, that's my car, lad. George
: How do you know it's your car, lad? Ringo
: I know it anywhere. Red with yellow wheels.
[the car changes colors
: I mean blue with orange wheels.
[the car changes colors again
: It's all in the mind.
: [they're hiding from the Meanies in the gazebo
] Do you think they heard us? John
: I hope not. Paul
: Shhh! George
: What did you say? Paul
: Shhh! George
: Good plan.
: Hey, it's seen us! Old Fred
: Fire the boxing button! Paul
: Whoever heard of a "boxing button"? George
: Who cares! Find one!
: Hey, he looks wrong. Paul
: He doesn't look at all well. George
: In fact, he's horrible. John
: He's so ugly. All
: Really ugly!
: [George tries to fix the sub's motor, receiving a huge electric shock instead
] What do you think? George
: I think I burnt me finger.
: [after they have all been turned into much younger versions of themselves
] Now I don't mean to alarm you, mates, but the years are going backwards. George
: What does that mean, Old Fred? Old Fred
: It means that if we slip back through time at this rate, pretty soon we'll all disappear up our own existance!
[the Beatles have finally arrived in Pepperland
: Pepperland! George
: Looks a bit salty around the edges.
: It's all in the mind, you know!
: Not a Meanie in sight. John
: Not even a teeny Meanie. Paul
: Not even a teeny weeny Meanie. Ringo
[the Beatles just saw duplicates of themselves in a second yellow submarine
: Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet. Ringo
: There's only two of us. John
: Well, then, I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is none other than ourselves... Old Fred
: Going backwards. John
: In time.
[as the sub travels through the Sea of Time, the Beatles and Old Fred turn smaller and younger because the time is traveling backwards
: [as they reduce in size
] Hey, look, everything's getting bigger! John
: It's not. It's us that are getting smaller.
: We're the spitting image of ourselves! Pepperland George
: Golly yeah!
: [referring to Dr. Jeremy Hillary Boob, Ph.D
] A Boob for all seasons!
[the Beatles are shown as their live action selves
: That was one great party. And we brought back some lovely souvenirs.
[takes out a kite string with a wind-up mistaken for a motor
: Here's the motor. Paul
: And I've got a little
[the word "love" comes out of his hand
: love. Ringo
: [takes out a fake hole from his pocket
] And I've got a hole in my pocket. George
: A hole? Ringo
: Well, half a hole anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy. George
: What can he do with half a hole? Paul
: Fix it to keep his mind from wandering!
[Jeremy is writing with his foot
: The footnotes for my nineteenth book. This is my standard procedure for doing it. And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it! George
: A boob for all seasons. Paul
: How can he lose? John
: Were your notices good? Jeremy
: It's my policy never to read my reviews.
: All together, now!
[seeing John looking through a telescope, concerned
: What's the matter, John Love? Blue Meanies. John Lennon
: Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted in the vicinity of this theatre. There's only one way we can go out! George
: How's that? John Lennon
: That's not your grandfather! Paul
: It is, you know. George
: But I've seen your grandfather! He lives in your house! Paul
: Oh, that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather, as well. John
: How do you reckon that one out? Paul
: Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they?
: What's the matter with you, then? Ringo
: It's his grandfather. I can tell he doesn't like me. It's cause I'm little. George
: Ah, you've got an inferiority complex, you have. Ringo
: Yeah, I know, that's why I play the drums - it's me active compensatory factor.
[Ringo gets a large pile of fan mail
: Must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo. George
: He comes from a large family.
: [referring to half-dressed room service waiter hiding in the wardrobe
] Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard? George
: Nah! Paul
: Don't be soft! Ringo
: Well, someone did. George
: [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down
: He's right, you know John
: There you go.
: Honestly! Me mind boggles at the very idea, a grown man and you haven't shaved with a safety razor. Shake
: It's not my fault. I come from a long line of electricians.
: Has success changed your life? George
: What would you call that hairstyle you're wearing? George
: He's very fussy about his drums, you know. They loom large in his legend.
: Anyway, if you don't cooperate, you won't meet Susan. George
: And who's this Susan when she's at home? Simon Marshall
: Only Susan Canby, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her, she's your symbol. George
: Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong? Simon Marshall
: I beg your pardon? George
: Oh, yeah. The lads frequently sit 'round the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once, we all sat down, wrote these letters, saying how gear she was and all that rubbish. Simon Marshall
: She's a trendsetter. It's her profession! George
: She's a DRAG - a well-known drag. You turn the sound down on her and say rude things. Simon Marshall
] Get him out of here! George
: Have I said something amiss? Simon Marshall
: Get him out! He's knocking the program's image! George
: Sorry about the shirts! Simon Marshall
] GET HIM OUT!
: Sorry we hurt your field, mister.
: [as TV Director walks away with PA
] There he goes. Look at him. Bet his wife doesn't know about her. John
: If he's got one. Look at his sweater. Paul
: You never know, she might have knitted it. John
: She knitted him.
[Having makeup applied
: Hey, you won't interfere with the basic rugged concept of me personality, will you madam?
: [George runs into Ringo in the hallway
] Hey Ringo, you know what just happened to me? Ringo
: No, I don't.
[George gives Ringo a dirty look
: You ought to stop looking so scornful, it's twisting your face.
[George grabs his face and walks off looking confused
: Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull. Paul
: Should I? George
: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff. Paul
: What's that supposed to mean? George
: I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like. John
: George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!
: We are on in twenty minutes. George
: Can I say something? T.V. Director
: What? George
: I don't think it's very likely that we will go on. The law of averages is against it.
: Put yer tongue away, it looks disgustin hangin out, all pink and naked.
: [sees Paul's grandfather for the first time
] Hey! George
: [in unison
] Who's that little old man? Norm
: Well, who is he? Ringo
: He belongs to Paul.
: I don't snore. George
: You do, repeatedly. Ringo
: Do I snore, John? John
: Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son. Ringo
: That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul? Paul
: With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't. Grandfather
: Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted. Paul
: Ah, come off it, it's only a joke! Grandfather
: Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!
: Now look, I've had a marvelous idea. Just for once, let's all try to behave like ordinary, respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any strokes, or do anything I'm gonna be sorry for. Especially tomorrow at that television theater, because...
[looks at John, who is holding up a bottle to his nose
: Are you listening to me, Lennon? John
: You're a swine. Isn't he, George? George
: Yeah, a swine. Norm
: Come on, you lot! Get your pens out! George
: Why? Norm
: It's homework time for you load of college puddings. I want this lot answered TONIGHT! Ringo
] Aww... I want to go out. Norm
: Now, I'll brook no denial! John
: You couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine. Norm
: Ooh! Chatter on, son. Chatter on! A touch of the writer's cramp will soon sort YOU out!
[George has been mistaken for a teen model
] Simon Marshall
: We'd like you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers. George
: Oh, by all means. I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality. Simon Marshall
: Well, not your REAL opinion, naturally. It'll be written out for you, and you'll learn it. Can you read? George
: 'Course I can. Simon Marshall
: I mean LINES, ducky. Can you handle lines? George
: Well, I'll have a bash. Simon Marshall
: Good. Give him whatever it is they drink, uh, coke-a-rama? George
: Ta. Simon Marshall
: Well, at least he's polite. Show him the shirts, Adrian.
[Adrian gives George some shirts
] Simon Marshall
: Now, you'll like these. You'll really "dig" them. They're "fab," and all the other pimply hyperboles. George
] I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty. Simon Marshall
: Grotty? George
: Yeah, GROTESQUE! Simon Marshall
: Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. It's rather touching, really. Here's this kid, giving me his utterly valueless opinion, when I know for a fact that within a month, he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status because he isn't wearing one of these nasty things! Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit! That's why they were designed! But that's what you'll want. George
: I won't! Simon Marshall
: You can be replaced, chickie baby. George
: I don't care. Simon Marshall
: And that pose is out too, Sonny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately and be right-wing.
: [to Grandpa as he sulks
] Don't worry son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy. Paul
: Oh ho, it's a laugh a line with Lennon! Paul
: Anyway, it's your fault.
[points to Ringo
: Why me? George
: Why not you?
[pause, he looks around baggage holding, pats the dog next to him
: God, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny. They usually reckon dogs more than people in England. You'd expect something more palatial.
[turns back to Paul
: Let's do something then. Paul
: Like what?
[John takes out a pack of cards
: Okay. George
: [as the schoolgirls arrive to watch
] Cor, there's the girls. Ringo
: I'll deal 'em. John
: [Ringo separates the cards into two even piles and simply flicks through them
] Aye aye, the Liverpool Shuffle. Ringo
: [after montage of them playing with 'I Should Have Known Better' in background, Ringo has won
] Mine, all mine! John
: He's wearing his lucky rings.
: There's more here than meets the eye! George
: Ho ho. John
: Ho. George
: Ho ho. John
: Ho. George
: Ho ho ho John
: Ho ho! George
: Ho ho. John
: Huh ho.
[to an Indian man standing on his head
: Doesn't the blood rush to your head Sir?
[In the restaurant kitchen
: Doesn't the eastern flavor come rather expensive?
[Paul to belly dancer
: Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?
: What's your electric bill like? Algernon
: Sort of a long counterfoil!
: [referring to Ringo's finger
] Hey, there might be some insurance. John
: I wouldn't think of such a thing!
: Find out, eh?
: [realizing the curling stone is actually a bomb
] Hey, it's a thingie! A fiendish thingie!
[At Scotland Yard
: Hold on, it's them! Only me and Paul know we're here. George
: I know we're here.
: [voice distorted
] It is one of those rela tela camenzas! George
: Bad machine!
: I'm always getting winked at these days. It used to be you didn't it Paul?
[In disguise at the airport. Newspapers have discovered their destination
: Okay, who let it out? John
: Nobody'll know! Paul
: We're not going there. John
: We just put it 'round we're going there. Paul
: We're not going there! John
: We just put it 'round we're going there! George
: Just so everybody'd think we were going there. Ringo
: I'd like to go there. John
: You wouldn't like it. Ringo
: Where are we going, then? John
: Never you mind.
[Paul tracking foot prints
: Easterner with greasy feet speak with fork tongue. John
: Does he? What's he say? Paul
: Passing this way, hot foot, many moons to temple. George
: Don't encourage him. You've got the part Paul! John
: Dare we ask how you know? Ringo
: How? Paul
: How? I saw these footprints and this guide book which points out places of local worship. John
: To the temple!
: Oh come on now lads, don't be windy, where's that famous pluck? John
: I haven't got any, have you George? George
: Did have. Paul
: I have had. Ringo
: I will have! Lead on!
: Hey, you're all red again. Ringo
: I know, I'm beginning to like it!
: Allow me. I'm a bit of a famous mimic in my own small way, you know James Cagney.
[imitating Ringo on the phone
: Hello, there, this is the famous Ringo here, gear fab. What is it that I can do for you, as it were, gear fab? George
: Not a bit like Cagney.
: Boys, are you buzzing? John
: No thanks, I've got the car! Cameo
: No no no. I'll have to play it back. You'll have to do it again!
[He plays the recording back so they can hear the buzzing sound
: Is that you? Paul
: No. George
: Well don't look at me.
[Ringo and his drums crash through the sawn-through floor to the room below
: That was you buzzing! You naughty boy!
: How's your equilibrium ring? Ringo
: How's yours? You lied again, George. George
: How'd you know it's not you that's lied. Ringo
: Cause I never am. Am I, Paul? Paul
: Yeah, you are.
: [referring to a drill coming through a painting
] What's that? Austrian Waiter
: What's what? George
: That little whirly thing coming out of his stomach. Austrian Waiter
: I can't look!
[a hose comes through the whole the drill made
: It's only a hose.
[the waiter faints as the Beatles investigate the hose
: [listens into the hose then hands it to John
] It's for you. John
: Who is it? Paul
: The gardener.
[One of Clang's men is choking John
: Get off!
[George jumps in to help, but Clang's man falls aside. George ends up choking John
: It's me, you fool! George
: [Still choking John
] Oh, sorry! John
: Well, stop it!
[Dewey meditating with the Maharishi and The Beatles
] The Maharishi
: Only through meditation can we begin to understand our role. Paul McCartney
: We're nothing but... grains of sand. Dewey Cox
: That was freakin' transcendental, Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon? John Lennon
: Yes, Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can...
[glares at the camera
] John Lennon
: *imagine*. Dewey Cox
: What do you think, George Harrison of The Beatles? George Harrison
: I don't know. You know? I'm just trying to get more songs on the album. Ringo Starr
: And as Ringo Starr, I'm not so interested in meditation, I just like to have fun.
[holds up peace sign
] Dewey Cox
] I like the little one.
: [high on LSD with Dewey as a cartoon
] Just keep thinking happy thoughts, Dewey. I'd hate for this to turn into a bad trip. Dewey Cox
: [scary music plays
] Uh-oh! John Lennon
, Paul McCartney
: 'Uh-oh'? George Harrison
: What's that scary music? Dewey Cox
: I had an unhappy thought! George Harrison
: It's a bad trip. Paul McCartney
: Bad trip, bad trip! Dewey Cox
: [a machete walks up to him
] Help! Trippy machete!
[the machete cuts him in half
] Dewey Cox
: Aw, fuck me! I can see my large colon! Dewey Cox
: [wakes up frightened
] Ahh! I guess I do got some demons! George Harrison
: You alright Cox? Dewey Cox
] I don't know! Ringo Starr
: Do you want some more LSD? Dewey Cox
] Yeah, I think I do!
: I just sit here while my guitar quietly wimpers. Paul McCartney
: Well you are the quiet one, so why don't you shut the fuck up? Ringo Starr
: I've got a song about an octopus. John Lennon
: Jam it up your ass. You're lucky we still let you play drums!
[the Be-Sharps perform on a building rooftop
] George Harrison
: It's been done.
: Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison. Homer
: Oh my God! Where did you get that brownie?