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Quotes for
Brian Epstein (Character)
from The Hours and Times (1991)

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The Hours and Times (1991)
John Lennon: I find you an engaging and remarkable man, Brian. I've never met a man like you. I don't really want to have it off with you.
Brian Epstein: [hopefully] But you've never ruled it out?
John Lennon: Well, that would be putting you in an awful place, wouldn't it?
Brian Epstein: It has to be better than what I've been feeling lately.
John Lennon: If you don't fuck me, who will you fuck? It's a cold, cruel world out there, Brian. Everyone thinks we're off humpin' the weekend away. That really fuckin' pisses me off.

John Lennon: The lads are probably having a big party without us.
Brian Epstein: You're not allowed to think about them. Doctor's orders.
John Lennon: Dr. B. Epstein, Certified Faith Healer and Proctologist. What a shitty job that must be. No pun intended.

Brian Epstein: I was surprised you brought up what you brought up just now. Why is it so awkward when we talk about it?
John Lennon: Don't know.
Brian Epstein: It puts me in a very awkward position. You see, I get the feeling I'm supposed to bring it up and then I'm damned for doing so.
John Lennon: I enjoy hearing about your conquests - this lorry driver, that docker.
Brian Epstein: Yes, well, that's all very well, but it's when it comes closer to home - I just don't know what to say when that happens.

John Lennon: You know what Jung would call you?
Brian Epstein: What's that?
John Lennon: One queer Jew.

[John is in the bath, playing the harmonica]
John Lennon: Alright, Eppy?
Brian Epstein: Sounds like you're having fun.
John Lennon: Been waitin' for you to scrub me back.

Prick Up Your Ears (1987)
Joe Orton: I take it they
[the Beatles]
Joe Orton: all sleep together...
Brian Epstein: They do NOT.
Joe Orton: But they're all very pretty. I imagined they just had a good time... sang, smoked, fucked everything in sight including each other. I thought that was what success meant.

"The Comic Strip Presents...: The Beat Generation (#1.3)" (1983)
Brian Epstein: Starting first of June, 12 weeks, all right? Top of the bill, Lena Martell; Bimbo the Performing Dog; Zelda the Hypnotist...
Michael White: What's he done?
Brian Epstein: What's he done? He's done 12 weeks at Blackpool, that's all he's done. Alright, no, listen... compere-cum-comic, he doubles up, you win at both ends, Johnny Clamp, right? You can't go wrong. And the music, we've got a lovely little combo...
[consults scrap of paper]
Brian Epstein: called The Beatles. Right? There you go. Joan of Arc haircuts and rock n' roll, the kids love it.
Michael White: What do they do?
Brian Epstein: What do they do? About fifteen minutes, they're good for a fill, they're excellent.
Michael White: Alright, I'll tell you what I'll do. Drop the hypnotist; I like Joan of Arc, I'll take the combo.