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: For a special agent, you're not having a very special day, are you?
: Thank you, gentlemen, for fouling up two years of hard work!
: ...Oh, and you have a new codename. Rather a good one: UNCLE.
: We're wasting our time. This isn't working. Waverly
: If you would just shut up, thank you very much, Captain.
: Thrush has the Warshowsky boy in Switzerland, at school. His father wants him out of there. He doesn't seem to understand the danger of precipitous action. But he did bring us some fascinating information. Yes, fascinating and terrifying. Here's his secret plant. We must destroy it. You leave immediately. Illya Kuryakin
: What's there? Alexander Waverly
: Enough poisonous hypnotic gas to put the half of southern California to sleep, permanently. Destroy it, Mr. Solo. Whatever the cost. Napoleon Solo
: Including me, of course.
[aside, to Illya
] Napoleon Solo
: You know, sometimes I get the feeling I'm terribly expendable. Alexander Waverly
: Oh, you are.
: Just because a man sits at a desk doesn't mean he's helpless.
: Eh, try and be a bit more discrete in the future, Mr. Solo. Napoleon Solo
: Yes, sir. Dean Timothy Dwight
: And please, gentlemen, leave my daughter out of this! Since you've arrived, Minerva's been in jail, she's been in a brawl, Jonathan Trumbull has threatened to have me fired, the students are getting out of hand, and I think I am on the nerve of a vergious breakdown!
: [after Napoleon and Illya return from their mission in Italy
] Unfortunately, what you didn't learn was what really was the crucial point of the conference. The international crime syndicate must have had pretty pressing reasons for calling a meeting at this high level. Napoleon Solo
: The usual reason that family gets together is funerals. Illya Kuryakin
: Yeah, large ones. Alexander Waverly
: Well, how large and for whom is what you'll endeavor to find out. Napoleon Solo
: Well, if there's a burial plot afoot, sir, Illya and I will uncover it. Illya Kuryakin
: Would mind keeping me out of your morbid puns, please?
: [reading a newspaper article
] What? "The sale is announced of the entire list of Baldwin stock of shares in Andram Consolidated Industries to Mr. Illya Kuryakin"? Alexander Waverly
: Oh, yes. Yeah, that was an idea of Mr. Solo's. Surprised he didn't mention it. Illya Kuryakin
: I'll have his teeth for cuff links.
: Strange. Locked in this book is the secret of immortality, perhaps. Why do scientists always insist on keeping their notes in code? Illya Kuryakin
: Well they were able to decipher the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci in a little less than three hundred years. That should offer us some hope. Alexander Waverly
: Well I'm afraid gentlemen, in my position and at my time of life, that's much too long to wait.
: Mr. Waverly. Jojo's found Baldanado for us. Alexander Waverly
: Well having to trust her isn't doing too much for my ulcer, I must admit.