Albert Einstein
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Quotes for
Albert Einstein (Character)
from "Einstein" (1984)

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I.Q. (1994)
Albert Einstein: Algae? This is a color?

Albert: Don't let your brain interfere with your heart.

Albert Einstein: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Ed Walters: Well what would be the odds of that happening?

Bob Rosetti: You're Albert Einstein!
Albert Einstein: Yes.
Bob Rosetti: E equals M C squared!
Albert Einstein: [laughs] I hope so.

Albert Einstein: Catherine is my niece.
Ed Walters: She's your niece?
Albert Einstein: Yes
Ed Walters: She's... your niece?
Albert Einstein: I can't have a niece?
Ed Walters: But that makes you... her uncle.
Albert Einstein: It works nicely, doesn't it?

Albert Einstein: If you had had a nickel for every nickel that he has, you would have a lot of nickels.

[Albert turns the rudder of the sailboat causing Catherine to fall into Ed's lap]
Catherine Boyd: Uncle Albert!
Albert Einstein: I'm steering ze boat...

Catherine Boyd: [expressing her disbelief in Ed's scientific credentials] He is a mechanic!
Albert Einstein: I was a clerk in a patent office. Faraday was a carpenter. Isaac Newton was an insurance salesman.

Albert: Zat gravity, it's a killer.

Ed Walters: You were a patent clerk.
Albert Einstein: Sigmund Freud, I'm sure, was a tobacconist.

Albert Einstein: God does not play dice with the universe, but I will.

Young Einstein (1988)
Albert: I'm a Tasmanian

Albert Einstein: That's it! That's the theory of relativity! Light travels to us from the hands of the clock, to tell us the time. But, if we were to travel away from the clock at the speed of light...
Marie Curie: The hands of the clock would appear to have stopped!
Albert Einstein: Time would stand still! This moment *would* last forever.

Albert Einstein: Dad, I want to be a physicist.
Mr. Einstein: What do they grow, son?
Albert Einstein: They don't grow anything.
Mr. Einstein: Well what's the use of them then?

Albert Einstein: Just a moment Marie, I'm having an idea

Albert Einstein: If you can't trust the Governments of the world, who can you trust?

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014)
Taxi Driver: Hey, Einstein, it's a red light.
Albert Einstein: Hey, I'm walking here!

Mr. Peabody: This is the greatest collection of geniuses ever assembled! Surely we can come up with another way of getting to the past.
Leonardo da Vinci: I can-a build a catapult. And, we go very fast.
Albert Einstein: But, remember, as you approach the speed of light, gravity will get too strong.
Isaac Newton: Oh, indeed. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
Agamemnon: How about we just punch that big hole in the face?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Descent: Part 1 (#6.26)" (1993)
Albert Einstein: [working out how much the next bet in the game is] Now, let's see, where were we? Yes, you raised Mr. Data four. Which means that, erm, the bet is seven... to me?
Isaac Newton: [frustrated] The bet is ten. Can't you do simple arithmetic?

Albert Einstein: The uncertainty principle will not help you now, Stephen. Hm? All the quantum fluctuations in the universe will not change the cards in your hand. I call. You are bluffing. And you will lose!
Prof. Stephen Hawking: Wrong again, Albert.
[presents a hand of four 7s]
Albert Einstein: Shit.

"Genius.: Chapter Two (#1.2)" (2017)
Young Albert Einstein: Oh, Mileva, can't you see? I'm head over heels in love with your mind.

Mileva Maric: Wait, what time is it?
Young Albert Einstein: What is time? That is the real question.

Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 (2000) (VG)
Lt. Eva Lee: [the intro to Operation Fallout] We're all sorry about General Carville commander. The Soviets are using their Crazy Ivans everywhere. Carville said that you will be the one that will lead us to victory. Well, it seems you're proving him right.
[Eva gets a signal on her headphones]
Lt. Eva Lee: Commander, I have Doctor Einstein on closed circuit channel 2.
Prof. Albert Einstein: Allow me to say Danke Shoen commander. Thank you for saving my home. I have something that how shall we say to even the score ya? You are aware of my Chronosphere. It is a device which is capable of moving matter through time and through space... I have thought many long days and nights for the perfect place on where to deploy this weapon. There is only one small problem.
[comes to the globe and points to Florida]
Prof. Albert Einstein: The perfect place is to be here, on a tiny island in the Florida Keys, only a few short kilometers from Soviet Cuba.
[sees an explosion from outside]
Prof. Albert Einstein: Oh. I must get back to work.
Lt. Eva Lee: I have just received reprots of Soviet nukes in the area. It'll make Chronosphere deployment quite a challenge, good luck commander.

Gen. Ben Carville: [the intro to Operation: Eagle Dawn] Well, I've gotta hand it to you kid. I've never seen Tanya stick her neck out for anybody. She's on an assignment back home, but she asked me to convey any regards she can muster. Oh, and you really impressed those Germans too. So, in appreciation, their chancellor has put us in touch with their leading citizen. Doctor Einstein, you still there?
Prof. Albert Einstein: [drawing something on his chalkboard] Ja. Ja. I am here, one moment. Well, commander. You know of course, that war is not my vocation. I am only a scientist. But Sovet premier Romanov and his generals, they will stop at nothing, to rule the minds and the bodies of everyone on the planet, when they have the psycic technology to do this. But, I too. I know a few tricks.
[faxes you a blueprint of a new base defense system]
Prof. Albert Einstein: These are plans for a Prism Tower. Your president, he has expressed great interest in its application.
Gen. Ben Carville: Thanks, Doc. Commander, the reds have established a forward base near D.C. with the ability ot deploy Tesla Coils. Now, they're pretty well entrenched. But, I think if we can take the capital back we can turn the tide. I am tired of hanging out in Canada. Get me my office back!

"Alien Nation: Three to Tango (#1.8)" (1989)
Detective Matthew Sikes: Albert, just a sec. 700 women? Really?
Albert Einstein: Every year.
Detective Matthew Sikes: Tell me, how do you keep it... How do you keep it going?
Albert Einstein: I eat a lot of raw pancreas.

Detective Matthew Sikes: Albert, just a sec. 700 women? Really?
Albert Einstein: Every year.
Detective Matthew Sikes: Tell me, how do you keep it... How do you keep it going?
Albert Einstein: I eat a lot of raw pancreas.

"Animaniacs: Yakko's World/Cookies for Einstein/Win Big (#1.2)" (1993)
Einstein: Cookies? What would I do with cookies?
Dot: You eat 'em, silly mustache man! Whoa, dumber than advertised!

Yakko: All right, all right. We get the picture. If you don't want any cookies, then just leave!
Einstein: I'm not going to leave - this is *my* house.
Yakko: All right, then *you* leave.
Einstein: Fine!

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)
Albert Einstein: [to Dexter and Able who are attacking Al Capone] You smack, you kick, you smack, you kick, you smack, you kick. Team work, fellas, wunderbar!

Larry Daley: [tries to steady his bobblehead]
Albert Einstein: Don't touch the hair!

"Genius.: Chapter One (#1.1)" (2017)
Albert Einstein: This is nonsense! May I remind you, Mr. Geist, your country has invited me, not the other way around.
Raymond Geist: Yes, professor. But you have a history of... how shall I put this... controversy... which calls into question your loyalties.
Albert Einstein: Loyalties?
Raymond Geist: And it is my job to insure that any individual coming to our shores does not pose a threat.
Albert Einstein: If you wish to talk about threats, Mr. Geist, perhaps you should take a look outside your window. Have you noticed the charming fellows in brown shirts who call me Jewish swine and want people like me dead?
Raymond Geist: If you are referring to the Nationalist Socialist Party, they are not in power.
Albert Einstein: Oh, no? You want to take a walk with me?
Raymond Geist: Professor, I did not call you here today for a lesson in German politics.
Albert Einstein: I'm not giving you one, because I doubt you'd be smart enough to be in my class.

Luitpold Math Teacher: Herr Einstein, are you still too busy contemplating the secrets of the cosmos to solve this equation?
Young Albert Einstein: Oh, no sir, I've already solved it.
Luitpold Math Teacher: Leave. Now.
Young Albert Einstein: On what offence?
Luitpold Math Teacher: Your mere presence spoils the respect of the class for me.
Young Albert Einstein: That is not an objective reason.
Luitpold Math Teacher: Out!
Young Albert Einstein: Natural log of constant multiplied by x equals natural log of one plus v squared. And since v equals y over x. That gives us the final function: x squared plus y squared minus c x cubed equals zero. And speaking truthfully sir, your mere presence spoils my respect for the future of Prussian mathematics.
Luitpold Math Teacher: Out!

Einstein and Eddington (2008) (TV)
[Einstein is trying to work out why Newton's Laws of Motion do not correctly explain the orbit of the planet Mercury]
Max Planck: May I ask you a very serious question? What if God were to say you were mistaken? If he said "Stop. Newton is right"?
Albert Einstein: Then I would thank God for his point of view, and we would agree to differ, and I would be left feeling very sorry for God.

Fritz Haber: [Elsa accompanies Einstein as he fetches his mail in the senior common room of the University. As they enter the room, the other faculty members looks up]
Fritz Haber: This is the senior common room.
Albert Einstein: [Einstein looks at Haber]
Fritz Haber: She's a woman...
Albert Einstein: [Einstein looks at Elsa]
Albert Einstein: Do you know Haber, I think you could be right. Quick, what should we do? God knows. Anything might happen.

Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 (2008) (VG)
Premier Cherdenko: [the Game's intro] The Premier is gone.
General Krukov: Yes, the coward has already fled. The USSR is at death's door, commerade.
Premier Cherdenko: That is why we must hurry.
[Lifts up a bust which hides a button and which relveals a hidden elevator]
Premier Cherdenko: Sir, I beg you, please.
[Krukov gets in the elevator]
General Krukov: What is this, some sort of an escape route?
Premier Cherdenko: No, sir. 12 Months ago, I was put in charge of a top secret project.
General Krukov: Whatever it is, it is too late.
Premier Cherdenko: With repsect, General you are wrong.
[the elevaotr reaches its destination]
Premier Cherdenko: Please.
[Both Cherdenko and Krukov step out of the elevator]
Premier Cherdenko: For you see sir, time is on our side
[the huge time machine is revealed]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: No, no no it isn't ready it is not tested, we don't even know if it works.
General Krukov: What works?
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: My time machine.
Premier Cherdenko: Prepair these co-ordinates.
[Hands Zelinsky a piece of paper]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: No, no please.
Premier Cherdenko: Now.
[the trio walk toward the time machine]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: Please, no.
Premier Cherdenko: Get in.
General Krukov: You can not be serious.
Premier Cherdenko: Come, commerade general. A new world order awaits.
[the trio sit down and are transported into time]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: [after arriving to their destination in time] No, no. Touch nothing. We musn't do anything to disrupt space-time coninuum.
General Krukov: Where are we?
Premier Cherdenko: Brussels. 1927.
General Krukov: 1927?
Premier Cherdenko: The servey international conference.
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: Is that Einstein?
Premier Cherdenko: Yes, doctor. The man clearly responsible for our enemies' technological superiority. The man who made them invincible.
Albert Einstein: Gentlemen.
[Cherdenko zaps Einstein with a handshake and disintegrates Einstein]

Zapped! (1982)
Dexter Jones: [stoned and dreaming] Mr. Einstein! I'm feeling strange. Someone's putting some shit on my mind.
Albert Einstein: Sounds like too many chili dogs, Dex. Have to learn to relax!

Alien Nation: The Enemy Within (1996) (TV)
Albert Einstein: You get a lot of trouble when you don't love yourself.