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Quotes for
Albert Einstein (Character)
from "Einstein" (1984)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Dr. Einstein: At least people in plays act like they've got sense.
Mortimer Brewster: Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?
Dr. Einstein: [agonizing] How can somebody be so stupid!

[discussing the body count]
Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve.
[angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie]
Jonathan Brewster: I've got thirteen!
Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag.
Jonathan Brewster: Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...
Dr. Einstein: Phoenix?
Jonathan Brewster: The filling station...
Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh!
[slits throat]
Dr. Einstein: Yes.
Jonathan Brewster: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.
Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!
Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!
Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!

Dr. Einstein: Where am I? Oh, here I am.

Dr. Einstein: [to Jonathon] We got a hot stiff on our hands!

[after listening to Mortimer's description of a character in a play]
Dr. Einstein: You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.

Dr. Einstein: You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he know something about us, what happens?
Jonathan Brewster: We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff!

Jonathan Brewster: Tonight, we are taking care of Mortimer.
Dr. Einstein: But, Johnny, not tonight. I'm sleepy. We'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.
Jonathan Brewster: Look at me, Doctor. You can see that it's got to be done, can't you?
Dr. Einstein: Yeah, I know that look.
Jonathan Brewster: It's a little late to dissolve our partnership.
Dr. Einstein: Okay, okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it. But the quick way, huh? The quick twist like in London.
Jonathan Brewster: No, Doctor. I think this calls for something special. I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.
Dr. Einstein: [cringing] No! Not the Melbourne method, please! Two hours!

Jonathan Brewster: [pulling on surgical gloves] And now doctor... we go to work!
Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny. I cannot operate without a drink!
Jonathan Brewster: Pull yourself together, doctor!
Dr. Einstein: I cannot pull myself together without a drink!

Dr. Einstein: Alright, Mr. President, we go to Panama.
Teddy Brewster: Bully, bully! Follow me, General. It's down south, you know.
Dr. Einstein: [hat falling across his eyes] Well, Bon voyage!

Teddy Brewster: [showing Einstein a photo] This is the picture I was telling you about, General. Here we are, both of us. President Roosevelt and General Goethals. That's me, General, and that's you.
Dr. Einstein: My how I've changed.

Dr. Einstein: [to Mortimer] Look, when Johnny's in that mood, he's a madman! He's a maniac! And then things happen. Horrible things...
[draws finger across throat]

Martha Brewster: Are you leaving, Doctor?
Dr. Einstein: Yes, please.


I.Q. (1994)
Albert Einstein: Algae? This is a color?

Albert: Don't let your brain interfere with your heart.

Albert Einstein: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Ed Walters: Well what would be the odds of that happening?

Bob Rosetti: You're Albert Einstein!
Albert Einstein: Yes.
Bob Rosetti: E equals M C squared!
Albert Einstein: [laughs] I hope so.

Albert Einstein: Catherine is my niece.
Ed Walters: She's your niece?
Albert Einstein: Yes
Ed Walters: She's... your niece?
Albert Einstein: I can't have a niece?
Ed Walters: But that makes you... her uncle.
Albert Einstein: It works nicely, doesn't it?

Albert Einstein: If you had had a nickel for every nickel that he has, you would have a lot of nickels.

[Albert turns the rudder of the sailboat causing Catherine to fall into Ed's lap]
Catherine Boyd: Uncle Albert!
Albert Einstein: I'm steering ze boat...

Catherine Boyd: [expressing her disbelief in Ed's scientific credentials] He is a mechanic!
Albert Einstein: I was a clerk in a patent office. Faraday was a carpenter. Isaac Newton was an insurance salesman.

Albert: Zat gravity, it's a killer.

Ed Walters: You were a patent clerk.
Albert Einstein: Sigmund Freud, I'm sure, was a tobacconist.

Albert Einstein: God does not play dice with the universe, but I will.


Young Einstein (1988)
Albert: I'm a Tasmanian

Albert Einstein: That's it! That's the theory of relativity! Light travels to us from the hands of the clock, to tell us the time. But, if we were to travel away from the clock at the speed of light...
Marie Curie: The hands of the clock would appear to have stopped!
Albert Einstein: Time would stand still! This moment *would* last forever.

Albert Einstein: Dad, I want to be a physicist.
Mr. Einstein: What do they grow, son?
Albert Einstein: They don't grow anything.
Mr. Einstein: Well what's the use of them then?

Albert Einstein: Just a moment Marie, I'm having an idea

Albert Einstein: If you can't trust the Governments of the world, who can you trust?


"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Descent: Part 1 (#6.26)" (1993)
Albert Einstein: [working out how much the next bet in the game is] Now, let's see, where were we? Yes, you raised Mr. Data four. Which means that, erm, the bet is seven... to me?
Isaac Newton: [frustrated] The bet is ten. Can't you do simple arithmetic?

Albert Einstein: The uncertainty principle will not help you now, Stephen. Hm? All the quantum fluctuations in the universe will not change the cards in your hand. I call. You are bluffing. And you will lose!
Prof. Stephen Hawking: Wrong again, Albert.
[presents a hand of four 7s]
Albert Einstein: Shit.


Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 (2000) (VG)
Lt. Eva Lee: [the intro to Operation Fallout] We're all sorry for General Carville commander. The Soviets are using their Crazy Ivans everywhere. Carville said that you will be the one that will lead us to victory. Well, it seems you're proving him right.
[Eva gets a signal on her headphones]
Lt. Eva Lee: Commander, I have Doctor Einstein on closed circuit channel 2.
Prof. Albert Einstein: Allow me to say Danke Shoen commander. Thank you for saving my home. I have something that how shall we say to even the score ya? You are aware of my Chronosphere. It is a device which is capable of moving matter through time and through space... I have thought many long days and nights for the perfect place on where to deploy this weapon. There is only one small problem.
[comes to the globe and points to Florida]
Prof. Albert Einstein: The perfect place is to be here, on a tiny island in the Florida Keys, only a few short kilometers from Soviet Cuba.
[sees an explosion from outside]
Prof. Albert Einstein: Oh. I must get back to work.
Lt. Eva Lee: I have just received reprots of Soviet nukes in the area. It'll make Chronosphere deployment quite a challenge, good luck commander.

Gen. Ben Carville: [the intro to Operation: Eagle Dawn] Well, I've gotta hand it to you kid. I've never seen Tanya stick her neck out for anybody. She's on an assignment back home, but she asked me to convey any regards she can muster. Oh, and you really impressed those Germans too. So, in appreciation, their chancellor has put us in touch with their leading citizen. Doctor Einstein, you still there?
Prof. Albert Einstein: [drawing something on his chalkboard] Ya. Ya. I am here, one moment. Well, commander. You know of course, that war is not my vocation. I am only a scientist. But Sovet premier Romanov and his generals, they will stop at nothing, to rule the minds and the bodies of everyone on the planet, when they have the psycic technology to do this. But, I too. I know a few tricks.
[faxes you a blueprint of a new base defense system]
Prof. Albert Einstein: These are plans for a Prism Tower. Your president, he has expressed great interest in its application.
Gen. Ben Carville: Thanks, Doc. Commander, the reds have established a forward base near D.C. with the ability ot deploy Tesla Coils. Now, they're pretty well entrenched. But, I think if we can take the capital back we can turn the tide. I am tired of hanging out in Canada. Get me my office back!


"Animaniacs: Yakko's World/Cookies for Einstein/Win Big (#1.2)" (1993)
Einstein: Cookies? What would I do with cookies?
Dot: You eat 'em, silly mustache man! Whoa, dumber than advertised!

Yakko: All right, all right. We get the picture. If you don't want any cookies, then just leave!
Einstein: I'm not going to leave - this is *my* house.
Yakko: All right, then *you* leave.
Einstein: Fine!


Einstein and Eddington (2008) (TV)
[Einstein is trying to work out why Newton's Laws of Motion do not correctly explain the orbit of the planet Mercury]
Max Planck: May I ask you a very serious question? What if God were to say you were mistaken? If he said "Stop. Newton is right"?
Albert Einstein: Then I would thank God for his point of view, and we would agree to differ, and I would be left feeling very sorry for God.

Fritz Haber: [Elsa accompanies Einstein as he fetches his mail in the senior common room of the University. As they enter the room, the other faculty members looks up]
Fritz Haber: This is the senior common room.
Albert Einstein: [Einstein looks at Haber]
Fritz Haber: She's a woman...
Albert Einstein: [Einstein looks at Elsa]
Albert Einstein: Do you know Haber, I think you could be right. Quick, what should we do? God knows. Anything might happen.


Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014)
Taxi Driver: Hey, Einstein! Get off the road!
Albert Einstein: Hey, I'm walking here!


Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 (2008) (VG)
Premier Cherdenko: [the Game's intro] The Premier is gone.
General Krukov: Yes, the coward has already fled. The USSR is at death's door, commerade.
Premier Cherdenko: That is why we must hurry.
[Lifts up a bust which hides a button and which relveals a hidden elevator]
Premier Cherdenko: Sir, I beg you, please.
[Krukov gets in the elevator]
General Krukov: What is this, some sort of an escape route?
Premier Cherdenko: No, sir. 12 Months ago, I was put in charge of a top secret project.
General Krukov: Whatever it is, it is too late.
Premier Cherdenko: With repsect, General you are wrong.
[the elevaotr reaches its destination]
Premier Cherdenko: Please.
[Both Cherdenko and Krukov step out of the elevator]
Premier Cherdenko: For you see sir, time is on our side
[the huge time machine is revealed]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: No, no no it isn't ready it is not tested, we don't even know if it works.
General Krukov: What works?
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: My time machine.
Premier Cherdenko: Prepair these co-ordinates.
[Hands Zelinsky a piece of paper]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: No, no please.
Premier Cherdenko: Now.
[the trio walk toward the time machine]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: Please, no.
Premier Cherdenko: Get in.
General Krukov: You can not be serious.
Premier Cherdenko: Come, commerade general. A new world order awaits.
[the trio sit down and are transported into time]
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: [after arriving to their destination in time] No, no. Touch nothing. We musn't do anything to disrupt space-time coninuum.
General Krukov: Where are we?
Premier Cherdenko: Brussels. 1927.
General Krukov: 1927?
Premier Cherdenko: The servey international conference.
Dr. Gregor Zelinsky: Is that Einstein?
Premier Cherdenko: Yes, doctor. The man clearly responsible for our enemies' technological superiority. The man who made them invincible.
Albert Einstein: Gentlemen.
[Cherdenko zaps Einstein with a handshake and disintegrates Einstein]


Zapped! (1982)
Dexter Jones: [stoned and dreaming] Mr. Einstein! I'm feeling strange. Someone's putting some shit on my mind.
Albert Einstein: Sounds like too many chili dogs, Dex. Have to learn to relax!


Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)
Albert Einstein: [to Dexter and Able who are attacking Al Capone] You smack, you kick, you smack, you kick, you smack, you kick. Team work, fellas, wunderbar!