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: Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about. President Schwarzenegger
: Ok, I pick 3! Russ Cargill
: Try again. President Schwarzenegger
: 1! Russ Cargill
: Go higher. President Schwarzenegger
: 5? Russ Cargill
: Too high. President Schwarzenegger
: 3? Russ Cargill
: You already said 3. President Schwarzenegger
: 6? Russ Cargill
: There is no 6. President Schwarzenegger
: 2? Russ Cargill
: Double it. President Schwarzenegger
: 4! Russ Cargill
: As you wish, sir.
: [enters the Oval Office
] President Schawarzenegger. President Schwarzenegger
: Ja. That is me. Russ Cargill
: The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels. President Schwarzenegger
: Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito. Russ Cargill
: You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.
[holds up cage with the mutant squirrel
] President Schwarzenegger
] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound! Russ Cargill
: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I'm just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
[spreads the files on the President's desk
] Russ Cargill
: Each one will cause untold misery and... President Schwarzenegger
: [points to File #3
] I pick Number Three! Russ Cargill
: Really? You don't want to read them first? President Schwarzenegger
: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!
: [looking at Lou Ferrigno's picture
] I'm bigger, stronger, greater. I will win. I will conquer. Arnold Schwarzenegger
: [looking at Gray Davis's picture
] I'm bigger, stronger, greater.
Beach Girl #1
: Hey Arnold, Franco. Are you guys going to the Pump House tonight? Arnold Schwarzenegger
: We are the pump house, right Franco? You girls make me hot. I gotta cool off. Let's go! C'mon ladies! Let's go. C'mon!
[Runs into the ocean
: What you don't want to eat is donuts. No donuts.
[Dave has bitten into one and spits it out
Arnold Schwarzenegger Look-a-like
: Hasta la vista. Bruce Willis Look-a-like
: Yippee kai yay. Jason Statham Look-a-like
: Darn it, I don't have a catch phrase. Arnold Schwarzenegger Look-a-like
: Ha ha ha ha, I have so many of them. I'll be back! Jason Statham Look-a-like
: You know what I mean Chuck? Chuck Norris Look-a-like
: No, because I'm Chuck Norris, and catch phrases need *me*.