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Quotes for
Ralph the Guard (Character)
from "Animaniacs" (1993)

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"Animaniacs: Branimaniacs/The Warners and the Beanstalk/Frontier Slappy (#1.51)" (1994)
Ralph the Guard: Pea, pie, poo, kerplot. I smells Yakko, Wakko and Dot!
Yakko Warner: Don't you mean "Fee-fi-fo-fum"?
Ralph the Guard: Yeah, but it don't rhymes with Dot.

Yakko Warner: [rhyming à la Dr. Suess] I'm sure you'll love this, have a seat. Here's your meal, gold eggs and meat.
Ralph the Guard: I does not like gold eggs and meat, It's you who I would like to eat.

Yakko Warner: Eat them, eat them on a cloud.
Ralph the Guard: Oh, all right, for crying out loud!
[takes the plate and swallows the meal]
Ralph the Guard: Mmmmm! Gold eggs and meat I do not hate.
Yakko Warner: But now those clouds won't hold your weight.
Ralph the Guard: Gee, I never thought about that.
[Ralph falls through the cloud, crashing into the ground bellow]
Ralph the Guard: Fee-fi-fo-fum, I fall down and hurt my bum.


"Animaniacs: Slippin' on the Ice Song/'Twas the Day Before Christmas/Jingle Boo/The Great Wakkorotti: The Holiday Concert/Toy Shop Terror/Yakko's Universe (#1.50)" (1993)
Dot Warner: [after Ralph who's dressed as Santa Claus crashes through their ceiling] He was dressed all in furs with a glaze in his eyes, 'cuz the fall knocked him silly
Ralph the Guard: [Dazed] Duh, happy Easter you guys!
Wakko Warner: His face how it twinkled, his dimples how merry
Dot Warner: His cheeks were like roses
Yakko Warner: [Pointing at Ralph's belly sticking out his shirt] His gut that was scary!


"Animaniacs: De-Zanitized/The Monkey Song/Nighty-Night Toon (#1.1)" (1993)
Narrator: Inside the Water Tower room there was a log flume and a picture of a big baboon.
Ralph the Guard: Huh?
Narrator: And three little toons acting like goons.
Yakko: I'm Yakko
Wakko: I'm Wakko.
Dot: And I'm cute!
Narrator: A dog and a cat.
Runt: Cat? Where's a cat?
Narrator: And a big-headed rat
The Brain: I'm a mouse, not a rat.


"Animaniacs: Hello Nice Warners/La Behemoth/Little Old Slappy from Pasadena (#1.13)" (1993)
Mr. Director: I'm balled over. That was good. You kids got it. You got that special zingy thing. That thing that only comes from here.
[Points at Yakko's chest]
Yakko Warner: That's just a spaghetti stain.
Mr. Director: See, that's funny. You're wack-o!
Yakko Warner: No.
[Grabs Wakko]
Yakko Warner: This is Wakko.
Mr. Director: You're funny!
Yakko Warner: No, I'm Yakko. And, that's Dot.
Dot Warner: Have we met before?
Mr. Director: [Crazy Voice] Oh! I love these kids! They are so funny! Sweet kids who look like puppies! Flamiel!
[Normal voice]
Mr. Director: Where're you kids going?
Yakko Warner: Gen Murray's house?
Mr. Director: You kids are gonna be in my movie.
Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner: [to audience] Movie?
Mr. Director: Who are you talking to?
Wakko Warner: The people watching on TV.
Mr. Director: Peoples? What peoples?
[Crazy voice]
Mr. Director: Hello, nice people in the TV!
[Normal Voice]
Mr. Director: Hey! I don't see any... where'd they go? Ah, there you are!
[Crazy Voice]
Mr. Director: Nice kids, we're with the movie gonna do a thing!
Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner: AAAAAAAAAAH!
[Try to run out the door]
Ralph the Guard: Duh! Where are they?
Yakko Warner: [Shuts the door] Okay, Mr. Penzoil Head, you talked us into it. We'll do your movie.
Mr. Director: [Crazy voice] Oh1 You'll do! The mov...! You'll do the! Happy! I am! So much! Oil!
Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner: [to audience] Be afraid! Be very afraid!