Lily Munster
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Lily Munster (Character)
from "The Munsters" (1964)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The Munsters: Rock-a-Bye Munster (#1.4)" (1964)
Lily Munster: I think I'll break the news to your uncle Herman gently. His birthday's coming up week and, eh, you know how he feels about strange people in the house.
Marilyn Munster: Yes, you'd better tell him while he's in a good mood. We wouldn't want him to go all to pieces.
Lily Munster: No, I know. It's such a nuisance putting him back together again.

Herman Munster: [Herman and Lilly are resting on the balcony in the rain] We had weather just like this on our honeymoon, remember? What a beautiful spot that was, Devil's Island.
Lily Munster: Too bad they closed it down. Seems like all the really nice resorts are gone.

Marilyn Munster: Uncle Herman's not around, is he?
Lily Munster: No, he took Spotty down to the carwash for his weekly bath.

Lily Munster: Are you Diamond Jim?
Diamond Jim: Yes, ma'm.How do you do?
Lily Munster: I'm Mrs Munster.
Diamond Jim: Oh.
Lily Munster: I called here about an hour ago. Are you the one I talked to?
Diamond Jim: Eh no, it, eh, must have been my brother, Diamond Irving.

Diamond Jim: Excuse me, lady, but were, were you ever in the movies?
Lily Munster: Oh yes, just last Saturday night, we saw a lovely picture: The Body Snatchers.

Eddie Munster: Was daddy playing poker all night with the men from the office?
Lily Munster: No, dear.
[Herman serves Lily breakfast]
Eddie Munster: He must have done something pretty bad to be acting this mushy!

Herman Munster: What I'm dying to know is: when. When the child is due. I mean approximately.
Lily Munster: Approximately? I can tell you exactly. It's a boy, he'll arrive at nine o'clock tomorrow morning and his name is Elmer.
[Herman is stunned]

Lily Munster: Herman, you certainly have a good heart.
Herman Munster: Best money can buy.

Lily Munster: Herman, I don't want you going out. You already had a sinus attack today and you're not looking well. Uuu, you even got colors in your cheeks.
Herman Munster: Really?

Lily Munster: Why don't you go to your room?
Grandpa Munster: Why should I? Any place I hang myself is home.

"The Munsters: Follow That Munster (#1.23)" (1965)
Mr. Kempner: [Lily is describing her husband to a pair of detectives] Ears?
Lily Munster: Hm. Two. Well, they're not a matched set, but only the family can tell.

Lily Munster: Herman has a very distinctive latern jaw and piercing eyes. And ah, classic nose... oh, and an overhanging forehead.
Mr. Kempner: An overhanging forehead?
Lily Munster: Yes, it keeps the water out of his eyes when he's in the shower.

Lily Munster: I'd hate to lose Herman... he's one in a million.
Mike: [after Lily leaves the office] One in a million? From the description I'd say the odds are a lot higher.

Marilyn Munster: Why all the formality, Aunt Lily? It almost seems like the reading of a will...
Lily Munster: I'm afraid it's not that happy an occasion.

Lily Munster: Herman, I'm so sorry. I never should have blamed you for doing anything wrong, pussycat. I'll never mistrust you again, in all my lives.
Herman Munster: There, there, Lily, I forgive you dear, but I always want you to remember this. I want you to remember one thing: In the great vegetable market of life, I have never been one to pinch the tomatos.

Lily Munster: With all these problems, I've been neglecting my house to house calls.
Marilyn Munster: Well, Bundles for Transylvania is a worthy cause. Why back in the old country, they should get down on all fours and thank you for what you've done.

Herman Munster: Lily, you may not believe this, but I'm secret agent 702.
Lily Munster: Herman, you may not believe this, but I'm Sonny Liston.
[Knocks him out with one right hook]

"The Munsters: Movie Star Munster (#1.28)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Eddie, I am very upset with you this morning. I told to keep Spot's water dish filled out in the yard. Last night he got thirsty, he went down the street, and drained Mr. and Mrs. Haslett's pool.
Eddie Munster: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
Lily Munster: Well Mrs. Haslett just phoned. She was very embarrassed when her husband went out for his morning dip, and dove into an empty pool.
Marilyn Munster: What kind of a neigborhood is this, where people begrudge a poor dumb animal a drink of water?

Lily Munster: What's new in the paper, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Oh, nothing much. Hey, the New York Museum is sending some archeologists to Transylvania.
Lily Munster: Hm, well I hope they don't dig up anyone we know.

Herman Munster: They asked me down their office and I signed the contract and they start shooting me tomorrow.
Lily Munster: Shooting you?
Herman Munster: Lily, that's a showbusiness expression, like, eh, roll 'em, lights, action, anchors away, that kind of stuff.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, I just can't wait to see your face on a wide screen. Forty feet wide and twenty feet tall. The audience's eyes will just pop out!

Lily Munster: Herman, you had us so worried, one of these days you'll put us all in an early grave.
Grandpa: Isn't that just like Lily, always looking at the bright side of things.

Spot: [Lets out a burst of flame]
Lily Munster: Don't panic Spot! Turn down your burner, give us a chance to think!

"The Munsters: Grandpa Leaves Home (#1.14)" (1964)
Lily Munster: [Grandpa and Herman are arguing] Oh stop it you two! You'll wake the dead again!
Grandpa: That's right Lily, go right ahead, take his side. But I know what's going on, you just can't wait to see me in my grave.
Lily Munster: Oh Grandpa, we've seen you there lots of times before.

Lily Munster: [about Grandpa] Last time we had a family spat, he turned himself into a frog and lived under the porch for weeks.
Herman Munster: Yes, and I've never seen him happier. He could croak every night.

Herman Munster: I'm the one who let him go, I'll go get him. And don't worry dear, I'll bring him back, dead or alive.
Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you're always so optimistic.

Herman Munster: Lily, I feel terribly conspicuous dressed the way we are for such a shabby place.
Lily Munster: Well, let's hope it'll be nicer inside and not one of those beatnik joints. If there's anything I can't stand, its weird people.

The Woman: Excuse me deary, I was just admiring your ring.
Lily Munster: Oh, thank you.
The Woman: Oh, it's simply gorgeous. Rhinestone?
Lily Munster: Oh, no, no, tombstone.

Lily Munster: [watching Grandpa's magic act] His magic's been getting so rusty.
Herman Munster: I know... The way he's been carrying on lately, he couldn't produce a rabbit on Easter Sunday.

"The Munsters: Herman's Lawsuit (#2.31)" (1966)
Eddie Munster: Boy, mom, you sure have a lot of recipies here. Cesar salad, beef Stroganoff, Napoleon brandy, Bloody Mary.
Lily Munster: Yes Eddie, and at one time or another, they were all friends of the family.

Lily Munster: Silly bird. When is he going to stop picking that mailmans bag?
The Raven: Ne'er more, ne'er more.

Lily Munster: That's a good boy, Eddie. You polish Spotty's scales 'till you can see your face in them.

Grandpa: [reading Herman's goodbye note] Goodbye forever. I can never raise 20.000 dollars, so I'm doing the noble thing by running away like a rotten coward.
Lily Munster: P.S. If someday my miserable bones are washed up on a desert island, do not bother to send for them, as they won't be worth the parcel post charges. Signed Herman Munster, ratfink.

Lily Munster: [jumping in front of Herman who is facing a firing squad] Shoot if you must this square, green head, but you'll have to kill me first, she said.

Lily Munster: So you see Herman, when that woman hit you with her car, she thought she disfigured you.
Herman Munster: Well I just don't understand it, it was the same handsome face I've had all my life.
Lily Munster: It's like I always say: you should never leave the house without shaving.

"The Munsters: A Walk on the Mild Side (#1.3)" (1964)
Lily Munster: Oh, you've been reading in the dark again, it will ruin you're eyes and then we'll have to get you another pair.

Herman Munster: Lily, just look at this: a hundred and three dollars for electricity!
[the lights go out as he hands her the bill and loud noises emerge from the dungeon]
Lily Munster: Well, you know, Grandpa needs a lot of electricity to carry on his experiments in the dungeon.
Herman Munster: Why can't he have his dungeon in the attic, where there's plenty of light?

Grandpa: It just so happens that right now I am working on a fabulous invention that will make this family some big money!
Lily Munster: What kind of invention?
Grandpa: I'm not talking. Why, that's the way Eddison got the electric light away from me.

Lily Munster: What are you talking about?
Herman Munster: The thing! The horrible thing! You we're right, Lily, it grabbed me in the park. It was awful. It had two heads and four long blue arms!

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, what are we going to do?
Herman Munster: Well, I guess someone will have to go to the park and protect her.
Lily Munster: I'll get my coat.
Herman Munster: No. Lily, I'll go alone.
Lily Munster: Oh, you can't go out there alone!
Eddie Munster: Why don't you take Spot with ya?
Herman Munster: Hah! Spot's afraid of his own shadow.
Herman Munster: [glances a look at Spot's shadow] Come to think of it, I don't blame him.

"The Munsters: Come Back, Little Googie (#1.25)" (1965)
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Hi everybody, this is Googie Miller. Googie, this is my mom
Googie Miller: Hi.
Lily Munster: Hello, Googie.
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: ...and this is my cousin Marilyn
Googie Miller: Like Wow!
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: And this is my grandfather...
Googie Miller: Hi.
Grandpa: Hi. eh, What are you staring at, my little man?
Googie Miller: I've never seen a penguin smoking a cigar before

Lily Munster: Dinner's just about ready, Herman. Would you please blow out the candles?
Herman Munster: Yes dear.
[the candles are blown out and curl down under Herman's mighty breath]
Herman Munster: .

Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Gee, I'm sorry.
Lily Munster: If you go with bad companions, some of it is bound to rub off on you.
Herman Munster: Exactly. Which brings to mind a famous old quotation: he who lies down with dog, gets up with fleas.
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Who said that, daddy?
Herman Munster: I'm not sure, I think it was the man who trained Lassie.

Lily Munster: [Grandpa's setting up a huge mousetrap at the bottem of the stairs, with the intention of trapping Googie] What are you doing?
Grandpa Munster: Well, Lilly, he as a handbuzzer. Can't I just play a little harmless practical joke on him?
Lily Munster: Put that away!
Grandpa Munster: I never get to have any fun anymore.

Lily Munster: [after Googie puts nitro in Grandpa's caldron] Have you seen Grandpa?
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: [Explosion in dungeon and Grandpa goes flying out into the rafters] Here he comes now!
Lily Munster: What happened to you?
Grandpa Munster: [beaten up and clinging to rafters] Never mind what happened to me. Wait 'till you see what happens to Googie.

"The Munsters: A Visit from the Teacher (#2.32)" (1966)
Lily Munster: What's the subject of your school composition, Eddie?
Eddie Munster: 'My parents, an average American family'.
Lily Munster: Fine, dear. When your father comes to, I'm sure he'll be able to help you with it.

Lily Munster: I guess it's cold rhinoceros sandwiches again tonight!

Eddie Munster: How do I look?
Lily Munster: Oh, just fine, Eddie. Did you wash up?
Eddie Munster: Sure. I brushed my fangs and washed behind my points.

Lily Munster: I'm going into the kitchen and see to it that the cheese dip doesn't crawl out of the dish.

Lily Munster: Eddie, ehm, Spot's in the kitchen. Whey don't you take him out in the yard and help him bury someone?

"The Munsters: Herman's Sorority Caper (#2.30)" (1966)
Herman Munster: Now, are there any questions?
Grandpa: Eh, yes, there is one. Eh, why do we need a master plan to go to a drive-in movie?
Lily Munster: Grandpa, Herman has a very mechanical brain. In fact, I believe it once used to belong to an old mechanic.

Lily Munster: What movie is playing tonight, Herman?
Herman Munster: 'The Beast that ate Louin New Jersey', a critical succes from coast to coast.

Lily Munster: It's times like this when it's comforting to have a father who's a mad scientist.

Lily Munster: [to Grandpa] Well, do something! Don't just sit there enjoying the obituaries!

Lily Munster: [on the phone] Herman? Oh, oh, you, you great big sweet lump of sweetness, you're safe!

"The Munsters: The Sleeping Cutie (#1.12)" (1964)
Lily Munster: Oh Marilyn! Oh my! Those circles under you're eyes! How lovely you look today.
Marilyn Munster: Well, I wish I felt as well as a look. I just haven't been able to sleep for the last two nights.
Grandpa: Have you tried hanging from the rafters with your head down, like I do?
Marilyn Munster: I'd like to, Grandpa, but I just don't seem to have the toes for it.

Marilyn Munster: I'm just dead on my feet.
Lily Munster: Isn't everyone?

Paul Newmar: Man, this is certainly a fascinating theater you got here.
Lily Munster: Oh, this isn't a theater, this is our home.

Lily Munster: Mr. Prince, I have to be frank with you. Poor Marilyn is, well, to put it bluntly, less attractive than the rest of the family.
Herman Munster: You might say she's the 'ugly duckling'.
Dick Prince: And you want me to kiss her?
Grandpa: Well, you can close your eyes.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you're so sweet and thoughtful. When they made you, they broke the mold.
Herman Munster: The doctor always was a butterfingers.

"The Munsters: Herman's Rival (#1.15)" (1964)
Mr. Haggerty: Name?
Lily Munster: Mrs. Lily Munster.
Mr. Haggerty: [writing it down] Lily...
Lily Munster: Oh, if you don't mind, I'd rather use my maiden name.
Mr. Haggerty: Well, that's entirely up to you, eh, what is your maiden name?
Lily Munster: Dracula.
Mr. Haggerty: Dracula? That's, an... unusual name.
Lily Munster: Oh, not at all. Why, back in the old country the woods are full of them.

Mr. Haggerty: Age?
Lily Munster: 137.
Mr. Haggerty: No, no, not your weight, your age.
Lily Munster: That is my age.

Marilyn Munster: What is Ramon like?
Lily Munster: Well, he looks a little bit like Cary Grant. Poor man.

Lily Munster: Hello dear.
[kisses Herman on the cheek]
Grandpa: [thinking Lily is cheating on Herman] Can you spare it?

Marilyn Munster: Well maybe Grandpa could help us out. He's very well off.
Lily Munster: He was, he was. You know the expression, "You can't take it with you? Well Grandpa did.
[Lily walks to the doorway then turns around]
Lily Munster: The only trouble was -- he forgot to bring it back.

"The Munsters: Mummy Munster (#1.32)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Who were you calling?
Herman Munster: Oh, I was just trying to make an appointment at that new barbershop.
Lily Munster: What's wrong with your old barber?
Herman Munster: Oh Lily, he always made me very nervous, dear, the way he'd always blindfold himself before he'd give me a shave.

Lily Munster: Are you sure that silly sleeping pill of yours will wake him up at ten tonight?
Grandpa: Hm. Sure I'm sure! I'll bet one of my lives on it.

Thatcher: Miss, this is our curator, Dr. Wilkerson...
Lily Munster: How do you do? I was just admiring your museum. You have such lovely dead things on exhibit.

Lily Munster: Oh Grandpa! Why can't you experiment on white mice like any other normal mad scientist?

"The Munsters: Far Out Munsters (#1.26)" (1965)
Eddie Munster: Mom, if we do rent the place, can I use some of the money to buy Spot a new toy?
Lily Munster: Oh Eddie, we gave him a foreign sports car for Christmas, he played with it a couple of times, and then he threw over the back fence.

Eddie Munster: Hey mom, can I go out and walk around the ledge?
Lily Munster: Oh no, no, Eddie, you might fall off and hurt somebody.

Lily Munster: [listening to The Standells perform] You know Herman, they do have a certain... style.
Herman Munster: Yes, they are rather razzmatazz!

Lily Munster: Oh dear, I think he's going to recite!
Herman Munster: Ibbedy bibbedy, sibbedy sab. Ibbediy bibbedy canal boat. Dictonary down the ferry. Mary, Mary quite contrary. Ehm... Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy lost his hair. Scooba doo and scooba dye. That's chicken's not too young to fry. Live is real, live is ernest. If you're cold, turn up the furnace. Eh, I, I thank you.
[riotous aplause]
Man with the beard: Man, that guy is deep!

Munster, Go Home! (1966)
Lily Munster: Marilyn, if you should happen to meet any strange men on board, be sure and speak to them.
Herman: That's right, dear. Don't let your... unatractiveness make you self conscious.

Eddie Munster: Mom, how come pop inherited an English title? I thought he was made in Germany.
Lily Munster: Well you see, Eddie, at an early age, your father left doctor Frankenstein's lab in Germany...
Herman: [Herman puts a monocle over his eye and looks in the mirror, which promptly shatters] That's right, son.
Lily Munster: ...and then he arrived in England and he was adopted by a family called Munster, who gave him their name.

Lily Munster: Oh! Freddie Munster, you're not a very nice person!
Freddie Munster: I am a thorough rotter. Like all the Musters before me, and proud of it!

Lily Munster: [Lily and Grandpa are 'borrowing' a couple of horses] Grandpa, what if we get caught?
Grandpa Munster: Listen, it won't be the first time I was hanged as a horse thief.

"The Munsters: Tin Can Man (#1.7)" (1964)
Lily Munster: [slightly annoyed] What is so funny?
Herman Munster: It's this joke book. Listen to this one, Lily, It'll kill ya.
Lily Munster: Well, it's a little late for that, but go ahead.

Lily Munster: Herman, if you hadn't spend so much time reading that joke book, we could have been here an hour ago.
Herman Munster: Sorry dear, but you know how hard it is to put a book down in the middle of a joke.

Grandpa: What's the matter with him?
Lily Munster: You know how squeamish Herman is. He always faints at the sight of oil.

Lily Munster: [tearfully] I think our Eddie has just become a man.
Grandpa: And the hard way, not like you, Herman!

"The Munsters: Cyrano De Munster (#2.23)" (1966)
Lily Munster: He didn't even mention the L.E.T.T.E.R.
Marilyn Munster: You're absolutely R.I.G.H.T
Lily Munster: I'd better not find out he's becoming a P.H.I.L.A.N.... A.N....
Eddie Munster: I don't know what you guys are talking about, but 'philanderer' is spelled P.H.I.L.A.N.D.E.R.E.R.

Lily Munster: There's an ancient Transylvanian proverb we used to have in the old country: always put the shortest chain on the oldest wolf.

Marilyn Munster: Are you really going over to Clyde's?
Lily Munster: I certainly am. I think that Herman is meeting his female penpal at Clyde's apartment.
Marilyn Munster: What if you find out it's true?
Lily Munster: What will I do? I will take Herman apart so that even Dr. Frankenstein couldn't put him back together again.

Herman Munster: Maybe Grandpa's right. My poetry's so rancid I can't ever remember it.
Herman Munster: My life was nothing until your sweet presence...
Lily Munster: Until your sweet presence breathed the breath of love into my soul...
Herman Munster: Lily, you remembered it!
Lily Munster: Of course, Herman. And I don't think your poetry is rancid at all.
Herman Munster: Dear, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!
Lily Munster: Hm, thank you, sugarfang.

"The Munsters: Munsters on the Move (#1.27)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Oh, wait till grandpa's relatives in the old country hear about this, they'll really sit up on their hind legs and take notice.

Herman Munster: Did you hear something, Lilly?
Lily Munster: Oh that's just Spot, dear. He's had indigestion all morning.
Herman Munster: Oh. Yeah, I guess he got out again and got a hold of some bad telephone poles.

Lily Munster: Grandpa, I wonder how Herman's making out with Eddie. He's upstairs now, trying to calm him down.
Marilyn Munster: Well I had no idea he'd be so upset about moving and leaving his friends.
Grandpa Munster: I know how it is. In the old country I was always getting attached to my friends and neighbors. Especially at night.

Herman Munster: I'm gonna go down to the parlor and tell Mr. Gateman that I just can't take the new job. Hm.
Lily Munster: Oh Herman, Herman, he'll be dissapointed so let him down gently.
Herman Munster: Lilly, have no fear. In my business, we always let people down gently.

"The Munsters: Herman the Rookie (#1.29)" (1965)
Grandpa: My father and I were very close. And he used to give me such wonderful advice. I remember one day he said to me: son, as you go through life, always bury your mistakes.
Lily Munster: Bury your mistakes?
Grandpa: Yes, you see, my father never believed in divorce.

Leo Durocher: I have a business propostion for Mr. Munster, and I wonder if, eh, I could talk to you alone?
Herman Munster: Eh, eh, certainly. Would you excuse us?
Lily Munster: Of course, dear.
Grandpa: In case you need me, Herman, just give me a howl.
Marilyn Munster: [Lily, Marilyn and Grandpa move off] I wonder what the business propostion is, Aunt Lily.
Lily Munster: I don't know, but the last time a man talked to Herman alone, he wound up buying a second hand Edsel!

Lily Munster: I think this whole thing is ridiculous! Imagine, Herman, a grown man of a 150 years old, playing baseball with young men of 55 and 60.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you must realize how much we all love you and need you, each in our own way. And I most of all.
Herman Munster: Thank you Lily.
[Herman starts sobbing]
Herman Munster: Now look what you've made me do! I haven't cried like this since they canceled 'Kukla, Fran and Ollie'.

"The Munsters: My Fair Munster (#1.2)" (1964)
Lily Munster: Now you get on up to bed, and don't forget to close the lid.

Herman Munster: Well, If you don't do something about her soon, we'll have her on our hands forever.
Lily Munster: I have to do something about it? Why always me?
Herman Munster: It's enough I have to go out and scare up the rent every day.
Lily Munster: You think you're the only one who works hard? How would you like to have to clean nine rooms and a dungeon every day?
Grandpa: Will you stop the arguing? There's enough noise in here to wake the living.

Herman Munster: Lilly, it just came over me. You've never looked more lovely.
Lily Munster: Strange, I was just thinking how particularly handsome you look this morning.
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Isn't anybody going to say how lovely I look?

Marilyn Munster: Morning, Aunt Lily.
Lily Munster: Good morning, dear.
Marilyn Munster: I'm late. I gotta run. I'll grab a cup of coffee at the school cafeteria.
Lily Munster: Very well, dear. Try not to get home before dark.

"The Munsters: Hot Rod Herman (#1.36)" (1965)
Marilyn Munster: I don't know why uncle Herman wants to get become mixed up in racing.
Lily Munster: You know Herman, he always has to be a hero to his son.
Marilyn Munster: But I didn't know he knew anything about automobiles. He's really full of surprises.
Lily Munster: Full of surprises? You should have seen his X-rays after his last physical. They're some things in there that the doctor's couldn't figure out at all.

Lily Munster: Herman, this is the worst thing you've done since you bought us that mausoleum at the cemetery, and we couldn't move in because there were no kitchen privileges.
Herman Munster: How did I know it was a restricted community and they wouldn't take live people?

Lily Munster: You know, Eddie, I used to be a great racing fan back in Transylvania. Oh, I had such gay times going to the wolf tracks and betting on our family.

Lily Munster: [Eddie is chewing on a couple of rusty nails] Eddie, stop biting your nails.

"The Munsters: Country Club Munsters (#1.30)" (1965)
Herman Munster: The Munsters, mind you, the entire family, has won a membership to the Mockingbird Hights Country Club
[the entire family cheers]
Lily Munster: Oh Herman, oh, that club is so exclusive! Why, you know, you have to wait for one of the members to pass away before you can even be considered for membership.
Herman Munster: I know, that's what's so wonderful. Once we're in, we can stay forever.
Grandpa Munster: As far as I can recall, no member of my family ever passed away for good.

Lily Munster: Grandpa, this place is depressingly cheerful. But I suppose this modern decor is what they go in for.

Lily Munster: This ensemble has a cape made of tufted coffin lining in a lovely shade of cemetery grey. This little number was very inexpensive. The fabric is made of black widows webs, and the underslip, pure unborn centipede.

Lily Munster: It's just lucky you didn't run into that fiend this morning when you were playing there.
Herman Munster: Don't say such a thing, dear If I ever came face to face with a frightening, horrible creature like that, it would scare me out of a hundred years growth!

"The Munsters: John Doe Munster (#2.9)" (1965)
Eddie Munster: Is pop home yet?
Lily Munster: Not yet, dear. But be patient. He'll be home in two shakes of a wherewolf's tail.

Lily Munster: I thought you were coming as Rock Hudson? You look like Rudolph Valentino.
Grandpa: Musta have gotten a hold of some old pills. Well, at least I'm still in the 20th century.

Herman Munster: [Herman has amnesia and has been legally adopted by Lily] Oh mommy?
Lily Munster: Yes?
Herman Munster: I just remembered
Lily Munster: [hopeful] You did?
Herman Munster: I remember I keep forgetting to ask you what happened to your husband?
Lily Munster: Well, he... he...
Grandpa: Well, he, he's no longer with us.
Lily Munster: Oh, that's too bad. I sure would like a poppa. Even Captain Midnight has a poppa.
Lily Munster: We hope he may come back someday
Lily Munster: I certainly hope so. But if he doesn't, I'm sure a keen looking chick like you will have no trouble finding a new one.

"The Munsters: The Midnight Ride of Herman Munster (#1.11)" (1964)
Lily Munster: Grandpa, how old is Herman, I keep forgetting?
Grandpa: Well, they started working on 'em right after the war of 1812. They ran into a... shortage of parts at the medical school... I'd say they sewed up the job around 1850.

Police Sergeant: [on the phone] Eyes?
Lily Munster: [on the other end] Two. There wasn't room for any more.
Police Sergeant: I mean what color.
Police Sergeant: Oh, oh, well, one's brown, and one's chartruese. They thought it would match his complexion.

Grandpa: Now, Lily, don't get upset until you've seen him. After all, you know that the police have been mistaken about Herman before.
Lily Munster: I suppose you're right, Grandpa. Last time he fell asleep in the park, we had to pick him up at the mortuary.

"The Munsters: A House Divided (#2.29)" (1966)
Marilyn Munster: Oh, what do you have in the jar, Eddie?
Eddie Munster: It's my science project for school. It's a Black Widow spider.
Lily Munster: Oh, that could be dangerous. You be real careful when you take the spider out of the jar, Eddie, so that nobody hurts it.

Lily Munster: The last time they made a present for Eddie, it broke loose and swallowed a milktruck.

Lily Munster: [to Eddie] Oh, eh, before you go to bed, be sure to put on the heavier lid. It's going to be chilly tonight.

"The Munsters: Dance with Me, Herman (#1.22)" (1965)
Lily Munster: We ought to get to the bottom of this at supper.
Herman Munster: Well, it may not be that serious, Lilly. It may have just slipped her mind. Things are always popping out of my head...
Lily Munster: Yes, but with you, we can always put them back in.

Marilyn Munster: Well I'm surpised that he never learned to dance when he was younger.
Lily Munster: Well, when other young men were going to parties and dances, I'm afraid he was always tied up at the laboratory.

Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Hey mom, can I take Spot to school today?
Lily Munster: Not today Eddie, Spot's being punished. He got out last night and ate all the neigbor's trash cans.

"The Munsters: Just Another Pretty Face (#2.17)" (1966)
Herman Munster: [shouting] Grandpa, chow time!
Grandpa: [shouts back over the noise of his machinery] Just start without me. I'm inventing a machine that's going to achieve on world peace!
Lily Munster: We're having broiled shark and tossed centipede salad.
Grandpa: [to himself] Well, the world waited this long, it can wait a bit longer.

Grandpa: Look what I found, tucked a way in my files:
Herman Munster: What is it, plans for a condominium in Transylvania?
Grandpa: No, It's your original blueprint!
Lily Munster: The original?
Grandpa: Correct!
Lily Munster: The one they followed when they, when they put him together?
Herman Munster: How did you get it?
Grandpa: [reading the inscription] To our favorite Count Dracula, a souvenir from Dr. Frankenstein and all the guys and galls.
Lily Munster: Isn't that sweet.

Herman Munster: ['Aunt' Herman is off to work as a cocktail waitress] Good night, dear
[blows Lily a kiss]
Lily Munster: Goodnight, dear.
[blows a kiss in return]
Lily Munster: Oh, eh, don't let the customers get fresh.

"The Munsters: Herman's Happy Valley (#1.35)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [about the raven] When is that silly bird gonna get girls of his mind?
The Raven: Ne'er more, ne'er more.

Lily Munster: It's so hard to find a good vacationing spot since the closed down Devil's Island.

Lily Munster: Don't you just love to watch a fire?
Grandpa: Lily, I've seen Chicago, San Francisco and the burning of Rome. You've seen one, you've seen them all.

"The Munsters: Munster the Magnificent (#1.34)" (1965)
Grandpa: I'm gonna break a long standing American tradition. I'm gonna be nice to my son in law.
Lily Munster: How kind and noble you've become since you started reading Mary Worth.

Herman Munster: When it comes to talent, Herman Munster is complete washout. I'm just gonna have tell my little boy that his daddy is a great big stupid lox.
Lily Munster: No, dear, you're a great big lovable lox.

Lily Munster: Grandpa! How can you act like that? After all Herman has done for you. Why, if it wasn't for him, you'd still be back in the old country, hanging around in some damp old cave, scratching fleas out of your wings and wondering who your next square meal was coming from!

"The Munsters: Autumn Croakus (#1.10)" (1964)
Marilyn Munster: I can't quite put my finger on it, but somehow that woman seems strange.
Lily Munster: Doesn't everybody? You'll learn to live with it dear, I have.

Lily Munster: [Lily wakes up Herman in the middle of the night] Herman?
Herman Munster: What?
Lily Munster: Listen...
Herman Munster: I don't hear anything.
Lily Munster: That's it! The shutters have stopped squeaking.
Herman Munster: Lily. You're always not hearing things. Go to sleep.

Lydia Gardner: Uh, do any other members of your family live with you?
Lily Munster: No, they're all dead.
Lydia Gardner: I see. Passed away?
Lily Munster: [smiling] No, they haven't gone anywhere. They're just dead.

"The Munsters: Prehistoric Munster (#2.25)" (1966)
Lily Munster: This lump of clay is Marylin's new project for art class. She has to sculpt something out of it.
Marilyn Munster: Oh, maybe I could do a bust of a classical greek. Like Apollo, or Achilles, or...
Grandpa: Seymour.
Lily Munster: Who's Seymour?
Grandpa: Who's Seymour? Seymour Akkalacsis, he was a famous greek taxidermist back in Transylvania. He used to stuff all the guys mother in laws for free room and board.

Lily Munster: Oh, my, that mailman certainly keeps his distance, since that time Spot burried him in the backyard.
Herman Munster: Some people get so annoyed with pets.

Eddie Munster: I mailed his picture into the contest after the deadline.
Lily Munster: I don't understand, he's supposed to be meeting with the commity now. I wonder who he is talking with? The last time he met with strangers, they sold him the Vic Tanny franchise for Greenland.
Grandpa: Don't worry about it, Herman has a good head on his shoulders. Nothing in it, but he's got a good head on his shoulders.

"The Munsters: Herman, Coach of the Year (#2.5)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [Grandpa is sowing a skirt for Marilyn] Oh, these remnants that Herman brings home from the lining room at the parlour make lovely pleated skirts.
Marilyn Munster: And Grandpa, you're so good at sowing things together.
Lily Munster: Well, with Herman in the family, you develop a knack for it.

Lily Munster: There goes a fine husband.
Marilyn Munster: There goes a fine father.
Grandpa: There goes a nut if I've ever seen one.

Lily Munster: Oh father, you make everything so clear and concise and logical. It's almost like having David Brinkley for a daddy.

"The Munsters: Grandpa's Call of the Wild (#1.16)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Marilyn, are you sure you won't be frightened staying here alone?
Marilyn Munster: Oh of course not, Aunt Lily, how could I be frightened staying in a friendly old house like this?

Lily Munster: Oh, Herman, isn't it a lovely night?
Herman Munster: Yes. I hope the moon doesn't come out and spoil it all.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, we've got to get him out of his cage tonight. Tomorrow they're shipping him off to the New York Zoo!
Eddie Munster: Yeah, you gotta get Grandpa. Some kids are always bragging about their grandpas in heaven, what are they gonna say when I tell 'em my grandpa's in the zoo?

"The Munsters: All-Star Munster (#1.17)" (1965)
Lily Munster: I was hoping you'd come home. We have a much more serious problem.
Herman Munster: Really? Did Grandpa blow up the dungeon again?

Lily Munster: Oh Marylin, this is Mr. Moose Mallory and his father.
Marilyn Munster: How do you do?
Moose Mallory: I'm mighty glad to meet you, Ma'm. I declare, you're prettier than a bucket full 'o hoglivers.
Marilyn Munster: [flattered] Oh, thank you very much.

Moose Mallory: Look at the eggs they have in there.
[reaches into a cupboard and pulls out a watermelon sized egg]
Moose Mallory: Big 'uns too.
Lily Munster: We have vultures in the back.
Moose Mallory: Well, I'd hate to reach under one of them.

"The Munsters: Eddie's Nickname (#1.19)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Did you ask him why he was so definite about quitting school?
Herman Munster: Wel, no.
[waving his newspaper in the air]
Herman Munster: With Little Orphan Annie in such a mess, I guess I just didn't come round to it.

Lily Munster: I want you two to stop fighting. Now. Now you make up and bury the shovel.

Lily Munster: Eddie, don't get your beard in your soup.

"The Munsters: Love Locked Out (#1.24)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Be careful, eh, those office parties can get a little wild...
Herman Munster: Dear, eh, you don't have to worry about me, dear. I'm no Water Cooler Casanova. As a matter of fact, I'm so square, that I understand that some of the secretary's are starting to refer to me as Herman the Cube.

Lily Munster: Now don't you think you should run along to bed?
Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Okay.
Lily Munster: Have you done everything? Have you put away your toys and brushed your fangs?

Dr. Harvey Baxter: Now, tell me something about your background. For instance, where were you born?
Lily Munster: Transylvania. My father is a Count.
Dr. Harvey Baxter: And your husband?
Lily Munster: No Count.
Dr. Harvey Baxter: Bitterness is not the answer. I meant where was he born.
Lily Munster: Oh, my husband was made, doctor, not born
Dr. Harvey Baxter: Oh yes, of course, that's fine. Every woman should think her husband is a self made man.
Lily Munster: Oh, he had help...
Dr. Harvey Baxter: No look, tell me, is there another woman?
Lily Munster: No, the doctor quit after Herman.

"The Munsters: Bronco Bustin' Munster (#2.3)" (1965)
Herman Munster: Golly, when Eddie first mentioned the idea of bronco busting to me, it sounded kinda like a fun thing.
Lily Munster: But dear, the last time you were on a merrygoround horse, you had to wear a safety belt. I don't want you to go through with this. You'll just go out and get yourself killed. You're only 152 years old. And I won't have you cut down in the prime of your life.

Marilyn Munster: It certainly was nice of Uncle Herman to get us this private Box.
Lily Munster: Well, we Munsters always feel more at home in a box.

Marilyn Munster: Uncle Herman is certainly showing the spectators what he's made of.
Lily Munster: Yes, and I hope we can replace the parts!

"The Munsters: Yes, Galen, There Is a Herman (#1.38)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [at the diner table] Eddie, Eddie, don't just sit there. Wolf down your food.

Lily Munster: Herman, you and your stories. Sometimes you act so childish, it's hard to believe you're a 150 years old.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, You can't expect to be a big hero and save a boy's life every day. Normal people like us just don't have exciting adventures all the time.
Herman Munster: Well, my life is duller than most. The most exciting thing that happened to me before this was 20 years ago. When a man stopped me on the street and asked me if I was voting for Al Flanden.

"The Munsters: The Musician (#2.24)" (1966)
Herman Munster: Eh, what's on tonight's menu?
Lily Munster: Aha! Iguana soup, salamander salad with centipede dressing...
Herman Munster: Ah!
Lily Munster: ...and rolled hyena foot roast.
Herman Munster: Oh goody, that's just what Mr. Gateman likes. Nothing fancy, just plain old cooking.

Lily Munster: Eh, Mr. Gateman, would you care for some more pie?
Mr. Gateman: Mrs. M, seeing as I'm in a gay, party mood, I would love some.

"The Munsters: Herman the Great (#1.8)" (1964)
Herman Munster: Eddie should go to college, after all, his father was a college man.
Lily Munster: How long were you in the Heidelberg University, dear?
Herman Munster: How long? I was in their medical school for six years... in several different jars.
Grandpa: Yes Lily, your husband was a man of parts!

Lily Munster: [Herman is on the phone] Well, I hope that's not another salesman on the phone trying to sell us more cemetery plots. We have enought trouble making the payments on this place without thinking of resort property.

"The Munsters: Pike's Pique (#1.5)" (1964)
Lily Munster: Herman, you certainly have a good heart.
Herman Munster: The best money can buy!

Lily Munster: [to Herman] That's right, dear, don't be afraid, you just show him who you're made of!

"The Munsters: Herman, the Master Spy (#2.2)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [not trusting Grandpa's crystal ball] That crystal ball has never been the same since Spot sat on it for three days and tried to hatch it.

Marilyn Munster: Is the hamper all packed, Aunt Lily?
Lily Munster: Yes, yes, oh, I've even brought a jar of ants.
Grandpa: Good idea.
Lily Munster: Yes, it would be just our luck to get there and have none of the little dears show up and spoil our picnic.

"The Munsters: Grandpa's Lost Wife (#2.20)" (1966)
Lily Munster: Now Grandpa, what do you mean, you don't know? Are you sure you don't have a wife in Sioux city?
Grandpa: Well, I'm pretty sure, you know after all I've been married quite a few times, and, a man 378 years old does have a tendency to outlive a wife or two.

Lily Munster: [about Grandpa] Just between you and me, you know those fangs he's always talking about? They're just dentures.

"The Munsters: Eddie's Brother (#2.27)" (1966)
Herman Munster: Eddie, what are you doing up in that tree? Come down here this instant.
Eddie Munster: I won't. I'm gonna stay up here till I croak. 'Cause Nobody loves me. Nobody cares!
Lily Munster: Oh, Eddie, we all love you. We love you from the bottom of your little hooves to the top of your little pointed ears.

Lily Munster: [reading aloud a letter] Dear Mrs. Munster, I wanna thank you all for sending me to live with uncle Garret and aunt Mina on their lovely ranch in Death Valley. I'm looking forward to visiting Eddie and all of you on vacations. Signed, your loving robot, Boris. Isn't that a sweet letter?
Grandpa: Yeah, you know, he writes pretty good for a kid I slapped together in a couple of hours.

"The Munsters: If a Martian Answers, Hang Up (#1.18)" (1965)
Eddie Munster: Hey mom, how come Grandpa and dad aren't having dinner with us?
Lily Munster: Well, Grandpa said they had to go out tonight on important business.
Eddie Munster: But Grandpa didn't even take his shuffle!

Eddie Munster: Hey mom, maybe dad's out playing poker with some men , and when he comes home you'll have to yell at him and make him sleep on the sofa.
Lily Munster: Eddie! Where did you get ideas like that?
Eddie Munster: From television.
Lily Munster: You see, Marylin. It's just the way I told you. Those shows on television about horrible families have a definite effect on children.

"The Munsters: The Treasure of Mockingbird Heights (#2.14)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Your Uncle Herman just isn't the lucky type. Like that time a few years ago, we won those cruise tickets on the Titanic, at the last minute he couldn't get time off from work.

Lily Munster: Stop it! Grandpa, now blow out your fingers and behave.

"The Munsters: Herman's Raise (#1.37)" (1965)
Lily Munster: What I want to know is, what's Herman been doing this past week after he left the house every morning?
Grandpa: He's been out looking for work. He's had five jobs in five days. You can't ask for a better record than that, he's a perfect failure!

Lily Munster: I tell you, Pussycat looks up to you the way Richard Chamberlain looks up to Raymond Massey.
Mr. Gateman: Mrs. Munster, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

"The Munsters: Herman, the Tire Kicker (#2.28)" (1966)
Marilyn Munster: Oh dear, I just feel as though it's all my fault.
Grandpa: Now Marilyn, don't blame yourself. Your uncle Herman is a born loser.
Lily Munster: Grandpa, you know that Herman is a kind, trusting soul, with a great faith in his fellow human being.
Grandpa: You know a better way to be a loser?

Lily Munster: Grandpa, isn't it wonderful the way Marilyn's handicap brings out the natural sweetness in people?

"The Munsters: Family Portrait (#1.13)" (1964)
Lily Munster: [Herman is looking for Grandpa] Oh, I can't imagine where he is. He knows the reporters are coming this afternoon.
Herman Munster: I guess he's gone somewhere, but the question is: when will he come back?
The Raven: [sqawks] Ne'er more!
Herman Munster: You stay out of this.

Lily Munster: Eddie? Are you in bed?
Eddie Munster: [from inside his room] Yes, but I can't stay awake!
Lily Munster: You'll be able to, dear, just lie there with your eyes open, dear.

"The Munsters: Love Comes to Mockingbird Heights (#1.31)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Herman , haha, you're so cute. You give me vulture bumps all over.
Herman Munster: I do have a certain build in charm...

Lily Munster: I hope Marylin has as wonderful a wedding as we had, Herman. Oh, it was so touching when that mad scientist gave you away and they presented me with a copy of your blueprints.
Herman Munster: Yes, dear. I just hope whereever Marylin is tonight. she's looking into a pair of eyes as romantic as mine.

"The Munsters: Herman's Peace Offensive (#2.15)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Eddie, you should always listen to your father, because under that sweet, boyish countenance, he has the wisdom and understanding of an Art Linkletter.
Grandpa: [rolling his eyes] Oh boy!

Lily Munster: Eddie, go to your room.
Eddie Munster: But mom, us guys are having a ball clobbering guys.

"The Munsters: My Fair Munster: Unaired Pilot 1" (2004)
Herman Munster: Say, listen, why don't you send her to that man who does your hair?
Phoebe Munster: Well, I don't think that would do any good, he's just a beautician, he's not a miracle man.

Herman Munster: If you don't do something about her soon, we'll have her on our hands forever.
Phoebe Munster: Me? If I don't do something about it soon? Well, I always have to do something about it. It's me, always me.
Herman Munster: It's enough I have to go out and scare up the rent every day.
Phoebe Munster: You think you're the only one who works hard? Hah! Well, how would you like to have to clean nine rooms and a dungeon every day?

Mockingbird Lane (2012) (TV)
Lily Munster: I wonder if this would've happened sooner if I breastfed.
Herman Munster: I have to assume you're talking about Eddie.
Lily Munster: Evidently it's important.
Herman Munster: You were so nervous about holding him after what your sister did to Marilyn.
Lily Munster: Well, that was post-partum.

Lily Munster: Next full moon, you'll have a pet who'll watch over you, so you won't hurt yourself or anybody else.
Eddie Munster: Will it watch over you too?
Lily Munster: Yes, he'll watch over me too.
Eddie Munster: A dog can't stop a werewolf from eating somebody.
Herman Munster: This one can.
[Herman whistles and a dragon appears]
Eddie Munster: [pets dragon] Do I get to keep him?

"The Munsters: Underground Munster (#2.13)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you're such a monster sometimes.

Lily Munster: [hangs up the phone] Oh, deary me.
Grandpa: What's the matter, Lily?
Lily Munster: The mayor's planning to blow up Herman in about ten minutes!

"The Munsters: Bats of a Feather (#1.20)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Eddie, you naughty, naughty boy! you traded your grandfather for a squirrel?

Herman Munster: You know, there is something strange, Lilly. Before we took off, this plane was filled with people. As soon as we came on and set down, they all got up and left.
Lily Munster: Well, I guess maybe they just came to see somebody off.

"The Munsters: A Visit from Johann (#2.26)" (1966)
Lily Munster: Eddie! You take those curlers off your ears this minute!
Eddie Munster: Nobody is gonna notice me with just plain pointed ears. Can't I curl them just a little?
Lily Munster: No you can't.
Herman Munster: Eddie, your mother is right. We don't want any child of ours going to school and being stared at.

Lily Munster: Grandpa, I just had a terrible thought. Do you think Dr. Frankenstein could have gotten mixed up? I mean, taken Herman and left me Johann?
Grandpa: Of course not, Lily. Heheh. Anyway, if you ask me, there's not enough difference to worry about.

"The Munsters: Low-Cal Munster (#1.6)" (1964)
Dr. Dudley: [after exanining an unconsious Herman] I hate to say this, but, eh, you called me a little too late. There's nothing more I can do.
Lily Munster: What do you mean? This is just a fainting spell, he's had these before.
Grandpa: Well, about eight or nine times in the last one hundred years!

Lily Munster: Well, it was very nice of Mrs. Farber not to send for the police after the way Herman acted.
Marilyn Munster: Mrs. Farber was very understanding. As a matter of fact, she said whenever her husband goes on a diet, he acts hardly human. Becomes a regular fiend.

"The Munsters: Happy 100th Anniversary (#2.6)" (1965)
Grandpa: After you hear what I have to say, your marriage will be peaches and cream again.
Herman Munster: I hate peaches.
Lily Munster: I hate cream!

"The Munsters: Will Success Spoil Herman Munster? (#2.12)" (1965)
Lily Munster: That dream I had last night was the straw that broke the dragon's back.

The Munsters' Revenge (1981) (TV)
Lily Munster: I just talked to aunt Elvira. She's flying in from Salem... for the Halloween holiday.

"The Munsters: Lily Munster, Girl Model (#1.33)" (1965)
Lily Munster: Grandpa, how about you? Would you like to take me to the movies?
Grandpa: Movies? What's playing?
Lily Munster: 'The Killer Werewolf' and 'Vampires of Blood Alley'.
Grandpa: Lily, I go to the movies for escapism. I don't wanna see every day people doing every day things.

"The Munsters: Herman Munster, Shutterbug (#2.4)" (1965)
Eddie Munster: I guess it's okay for pop to have a hobby.
Lily Munster: Yes, but I hope he doesn't get into trouble with this one. Remember last time? He tried to make a ship inside a bottle. We had to break the bottle to get him out.

"The Munsters: Big Heap Herman (#2.18)" (1966)
Marilyn Munster: [Herman is forcing the family to take a trip to Buffalo Valley instead of the beach] I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make it, Uncle Herman, I have tests at school. And besides, everyone knows that Buffalo Valley is definitely no place to meet boys.
Lily Munster: Well, perhaps your dear uncle is hoping you might meet some rich, handsome buffalo.

"The Munsters: Munster Masquerade (#1.1)" (1964)
Lily Munster: [to the babysitter] Well, goodnight Mrs. Morton, make yourself at home. Oh, and if Eddie's pet Spotty comes scratching at the backdoor, don't let him in. Last time he ate the sofa.

"The Munsters: Herman's Driving Test (#2.11)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [abou Herman] Oh dear, he just has to pass that driving test. If he doesn't, he'll lose his job. And you know how reluctant companies are to hire people when they're up in their 150s.

"The Munsters: The Fregosi Emerald (#2.21)" (1966)
Grandpa: Who, well, where's Marilyn?
Lily Munster: She went out with Roger Davis. It's the fourth straight date!
Herman Munster: Oh, sounds serious. Last time she was out four nights in a row, she had a job walking the neighbor's dog.

"The Munsters: Knock Wood, Here Comes Charlie (#1.9)" (1964)
Lily Munster: [Grandpa has just disappeared in a puff of smoke] I wish he wouldn't do that, it gets ashes all over the floor!

"The Munsters: Lily's Star Boarder (#2.8)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [having just walked in on Herman and Grandpa spying through binoculars] Herman Munster, are you looking at Mrs. Kelly doing her deep knee bends again?

"The Munsters: Don't Bank on Herman (#1.21)" (1965)
Lily Munster: [Taking Marylin's temperature] Oh! She has a fever: Ninety eight point six.
Marilyn Munster: But, but isn't that normal, Aunt Lilly?
Lily Munster: Oh heavens, no. We Munsters average in the low fifties.

"The Munsters: The Most Beautiful Ghoul in the World (#2.19)" (1966)
Lily Munster: [to Marilyn] Hm. A little more toadstool base for Mrs. Harkness.

"The Munsters: Herman Picks a Winner (#2.16)" (1966)
Lily Munster: You mean to say that Herman couldn't pick a winner on his own?
Grandpa: Lily, he couldn't pick a jack rabbit out of a herd of turtles.