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Quotes for
Libby Chessler (Character)
from "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" (1996)

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"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Five Easy Pieces of Libby (#2.14)" (1998)
Mrs. Quick: I got a postcard from Valerie, she's really enjoying her trip to D.C.
[Reading postcard]
Mrs. Quick: Hi, everyone! I've visited the Vietnam Memorial, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and JFK's grave. This place is really fun!
Libby Chessler: Sounds like a big loser town to me.
Mrs. Quick: I have an important announcement to make: the school will be entering a float in the town's Democracy Daze celebration.
Harvey Kinkle: [to Sabrina] Great. I get to hear my Dad's Grenada story again.
Mrs. Quick: Now who would like to be in charge of putting the float together?
[Sabrina and Libby both raise their hands]
Mrs. Quick: Oh, my.
[Looks at Valerie's postcard from Washington]
Mrs. Quick: Well, I think this would be the perfect opportunity for the two of you to embody our democracy's two party system and work together.
Sabrina Spellman: What?

Libby Chessler: [Sabrina, Libby and other students are working on the float] The school guidelines state that the float is required to have flowers. The rest of the design is up to me.
Sabrina Spellman: Don't you mean "us"?
Libby Chessler: Well, I'll be using "me" as shorthand for "us". I've already got the floral design in my head...
Sabrina Spellman: Oh! Well I'm glad your butt is working. Oh, I'll be using "butt" as shorthand for your head.

Sabrina Spellman: [the Quizmaster's spell has made it impossible for Sabrina to be apart from Libby] Where are you going?
Libby Chessler: To cheerleading practice?
[Raises pom-poms]
Libby Chessler: Ready? Get lost!
Sabrina Spellman: Hey, you know that would make a really good story for the school paper? A day in the life of a cheerleader!
Libby Chessler: But, you despise cheerleaders. And cheerleaders despise you.
Sabrina Spellman: You're afraid I'll write a puff piece, aren't you?
[Libby walks away, and Sabrina is pulled along behind her]
Sabrina Spellman: Well, look, don't run!

Libby Chessler: [Sabrina is rehearsing with Libby and the other cheerleaders] Okay, let's do it again. Sabrina, if you insist on actually doing the cheers, you have to stop screaming "Please, let me die!"

Libby Chessler: Okay, you guys can take a break. You can go get a drink of water, and think about how you can be more like me.

Libby Chessler: Why have you decided to become my shadow all of a sudden?
Sabrina Spellman: Well, I figured since we're gonna be working together, you know, maybe we could find a common ground.
Libby Chessler: Any ground I found with you would, indeed, be common.
Sabrina Spellman: [Chuckles nervously] You know, wait, I'm just trying to get to know you better.
Libby Chessler: Well, I'm popular, confident, non-freakish. Everything you're not. And if you insist on traipsing after me, could you at least wear a higher quality perfume?
[Walks off]
Sabrina Spellman: Okay, enough. Nothing is worth this. I don't care what happens to me.
[Forces herself away from Libby, breaking the spell; there is an explosion]
Sabrina Spellman: Libby! Oh, no!
[Picks up box]
Sabrina Spellman: I turned her into a puzzle!
[Reading box]
Sabrina Spellman: For ages three and up?

Sabrina Spellman: [Sabrina thinks the puzzle is complete] Oh, no, there's still a piece missing!
[Looks at the hourglass]
Sabrina Spellman: And time just ran out!
Quizmaster Albert: Don't worry. That piece doesn't exist yet. It's Libby's compassion for others. And you have to gradually fill that space by showing compassion for Libby, even when she doesn't show it for you. In other words, learn to work together?
Sabrina Spellman: I get it.
Quizmaster Albert: Mmhm.
Sabrina Spellman: And by the way, could this lesson be any more heavy handed?
Quizmaster Albert: Well, I could've been behind a pulpit! See ya.
[Disappears; the Libby puzzles turns into Libby herself]
Libby Chessler: What... is going on? What am I doing here?
Sabrina Spellman: Oh, you just came by to see if I needed a ride. I don't.
Libby Chessler: I would not! I'm getting out of here.
Sabrina Spellman: Uh, wait, Libby. Are you okay?
Libby Chessler: I'm fine. Once again, weirdness reigns whenever Sa-freakna's around.
[Leaves]
Sabrina Spellman: Oh, yeah. Sympathy for Libby. Piece of cake!

Sabrina Spellman: [Trying to be nice] You know, Libby, I have to admit, your side of the float is looking pretty good.
Libby Chessler: I'm glad you're willing to state the obvious.
Sabrina Spellman: Oh, well, I... I'm going to accept that as a compliment.
Libby Chessler: Then you could use a dictionary!

Sabrina Spellman: [Still trying to be nice] Libby, um, I could use some help with my crêpe paper.
Libby Chessler: I have a box of matches?
Sabrina Spellman: [Knowing about Libby's love for her Grandmother] But it's just that I wanted to get done this weekend, so I could, uh, visit my Grandma.
Libby Chessler: Oh.
[pauses]
Libby Chessler: Well. I would hate for part of the float to look like you did it.
[Rolls eyes]
Libby Chessler: Okay, I'll help.
Sabrina Spellman: Thanks! You know, Libby, sometimes you're a real puzzle.
Libby Chessler: No talking!


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Pilot (#1.1)" (1996)
Harvey Kinkle: [sees Sabrina for the first time ever, through a glass door, both immediately smile at each other, then Mr Pool hits Harvey in the head by opening the glass door]
Mr. Eugene Pool: Summer's over ! Come on in !
[Scene switch, pupils are now in the classroom. Writes to chalkboard]
Mr. Eugene Pool: I'm Mr Pool
[coughs]
Mr. Eugene Pool: and I know you where hoping I was gonna spend the day mispronouncing your names, but... instead lets just jump right into biology ! The frog is a coldblooded vertebrate. As we dissect this amphibian we're looking for: the kidneys, lard, and my lost youth.
[laughter]
Mr. Eugene Pool: So if you'll each choose up a lab partner ?
[waits, nobody moves]
Mr. Eugene Pool: ... or I could pair ya by height !
[they move]
Mr. Eugene Pool: Thank you !
Harvey Kinkle: [to Sabrina] Hey you want...
Libby Chessler: [interrupts from the side] Harvey ! I'll be your lab partner !
Harvey Kinkle: [smiles shortly at Sabrina in a I'm sorry kind of way, then moves to Libby]

Libby Chessler: [Sabrina enters the bathroom, Libby, at the mirror, turns round to face her] May we help you?
Sabrina: I just wanted to wash my hands. You know, frog juice.
Libby Chessler: Hmm.
[makes room]
Libby Chessler: You know... if you stink, I'm not sure it's fair to blame the frog.
Sabrina: Well, at least I don't splash on aftershave to remind me of some boy who dumped me last summer.
Libby Chessler: How'd you know that?
Sabrina: [wonders herself, turns] I... I... I don't know, my incredible sense of smell told me?
[wonders]
Libby Chessler: Huh. Yeah, right.
Sabrina: Well, I better get going. Smell ya later!
Libby Chessler: Wait... Don't come in here again. From now on, you use the freaks' bathroom.
[turns to face mirror again]
Libby Chessler: [Sabrina gestures at Libby, which enacts a spell and makes Libby's hand cover her face in lipstick]


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Sabrina, the Teenage Boy (#2.6)" (1997)
Sabrina Spellman: Hey, Libby, what are you doing here?
Libby Chessler: Jack's been in the bathroom forever. You'd think he was a girl.
Sabrina Spellman: Sorry, but I've seen Jack leave a while ago.
Libby Chessler: Sprat Split? I listened to pepper for him. Doesn't he know who I am?


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Sabrina's Real World (#3.21)" (1999)
Libby Chessler: This is Massachusetts. Why are we having earthquakes?
Principal Willard Kraft: Democrats.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: As Westbridge Turns (#1.21)" (1997)
Nurse Nancy: Get me a cold compress.
Libby Chessler: Is that all you do?
Nurse Nancy: My hands are tied by the state.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Dream Date (#1.6)" (1996)
Libby Chessler: Hi, I'm Libby.
Chad Corey Dylan: Hi, I'm Chad.
Libby Chessler: Saw you dancing out there. You're really good.
Chad Corey Dylan: Oh, well, I'm also a daredevil and a rock musician.
Libby Chessler: Really? What instrument do you play?
Chad Corey Dylan: Well, uh, lead guitar.
Harvey Kinkle: [Scoffs] Lead guitar.
Sabrina Spellman: Hey, Harvey, don't you play an instrument?
Harvey Kinkle: Yeah! The bassoon.
Sabrina Spellman: Wow! The bassoon. I think that's really sexy.
Libby Chessler: Maybe to another bassoon.