Conrad Shepard
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Quotes for
Conrad Shepard (Character)
from "Weeds" (2005)

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"Weeds: Risk (#3.13)" (2007)
Celia Hodes: I want to be part of the team, one of the cool kids! What can I do? What can I do? What can I do?
Conrad Shepard: There ain't nothing for you to "do" but collect your rent every month.
Celia Hodes: Oh, sure. Everyone gets to have fun except me. Well, fuck that shit! I am here to kick ass!
Conrad Shepard: Who's ass?
Celia Hodes: Whoever gets in my way! Come on, let me do something fun. Come on. Please? I'm on a real high, here, do not bring me down!
Conrad Shepard: Okay, Gangster Barbie, I will figure something out
Celia Hodes: You'll see, I'm good. I'll be ready, I will not disappoint you, I'll be a great soldier!
Conrad Shepard: I'm sure you will. Hold this?
Celia Hodes: Helping Daddy, aren't I? Hahahahaha!

Celia Hodes: I want to be part of the team, one of the cool kids! What can I do? What can I do? What can I do?
Conrad Shepard: There ain't nothing for you to "do" but collect your rent every month.
Celia Hodes: Oh, sure. Everyone gets to have fun except me. Well, fuck that shit! I am here to kick ass!
Conrad Shepard: Who's ass?
Celia Hodes: Whoever gets in my way! Come on, let me do something fun. Come on. Please? I'm on a real high, here, do not bring me down!
Conrad Shepard: Okay, Gangster Barbie, I will figure something out
Celia Hodes: You'll see, I'm good. I'll be ready, I will not disappoint you, I'll be a great soldier!
Conrad Shepard: I'm sure you will. Hold this?
[Hands over pliers]
Celia Hodes: [Playing with fliers] Helping Daddy, aren't I? Hahahahaha!


"Weeds: Must Find Toes (#2.7)" (2006)
Nancy Botwin: Is he gonna be okay?
Dr. Bertner: Is he a dancer, professional athlete or foot model?
Nancy Botwin: None of the above.
Dr. Bertner: He should lead a normal life.
Nancy Botwin: Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Dr. Bertner: You know, if you'd brought in the toes, we might have been able to reattach them.
Andy Botwin: [on morphine] Must find toes.
Nancy Botwin: Oh, Conrad, well - where are the toes?
Conrad Shepard: The dog ate 'em.
Nancy Botwin: The dog ate 'em.
Dr. Bertner: Well that's that.
Nancy Botwin: When's he gonna be able to go home?
Dr. Bertner: He have insurance?
Nancy Botwin: Oh, no.
Dr. Bertner: He can go home now.


"Weeds: Dead in the Nethers (#1.6)" (2005)
Celia Hodes: Who's the hottie?
Nancy Botwin: My carpenter, Conrad. Conrad, this is Celia.
Celia Hodes: Hello, carpenter. Do you want to see something?
[Celia begins to lower her shirt revealing her tattoo]
Nancy Botwin: Celia, you have to stop flashing your boobs to the world -
Conrad Shepard: Oh, speak when spoken to.


"Weeds: Free Goat (#1.2)" (2005)
Conrad Shepard: One day we gonna all retire to some beach house in the Caribbean.
Keeyon: Til some wrath of God type shit happens, and washes everything away in a tidal wave like those poor fuckers in Indonesia.