Silas Botwin
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Quotes for
Silas Botwin (Character)
from "Weeds" (2005)

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"Weeds: The Whole Blah Damn Thing (#4.3)" (2008)
Silas Botwin: [while arguing whether or not to mercy-kill Bubby] Yeah, sure. Death is no big deal. Because life is just... blah, blah, blah.
Andy Botwin: Look, Silas. Life is just blah, blah, blah. You hope for Blah, and sometimes you find it, but mostly it's blah. And waiting for blah. And hoping you were right about the blahs you made. And then, just when you think you've got the whole blah damn thing figured out, and you're surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up. And blah, blah, blah.
Silas Botwin: [sighs] Alright. Let's do this.
Shane Botwin: [to Andy] That was good.
Andy Botwin: I have my moments.

Silas Botwin: Yeah, sure, death is no big deal and life is just blah blah blah.
Andy Botwin: Look Silas, life is just blah blah blah. You hope for blah, and sometimes you find it; but mostly it's blah, and waiting for blah, and hoping you were right about the blahs you made. And then, just when you think you have the whole blah damn thing figured out and you're surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up. And blah, blah, blah...


"Weeds: Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood (#2.5)" (2006)
Silas Botwin: Why do you have a home pregnancy test?
Nancy Botwin: D-do you *want* me to kill you?

Nancy Botwin: [about Megan being pregnant] How did this happen?
Silas Botwin: You don't wanna hear it.
Nancy Botwin: Oh, but I really do.
Silas Botwin: If I had to bet on it, I'd say it was three weeks ago in my room. Doggy style. When I pulled out the condom was gone. Megan has really strong muscles, must've sucked the thing right off.
Nancy Botwin: Ah-ahh. Stop, stop, stop.
Silas Botwin: You asked. You want to be the cool Mom.
Nancy Botwin: No. No, I don't. There are a million things in this world I want to be. 'Cool Mom,' nowhere on that list.
Silas Botwin: [Megan shows her the pregnancy test; positive] Well, I hope Grandma's on that list.


"Weeds: A Yippity Sippity (#6.3)" (2010)
Silas Botwin: Normal Newmans from normal town. You really believe we could keep this up for any serious amount of time?
Nancy Botwin: This is who we are now. This is us.
Silas Botwin: What if you had gotten a real job after Dad died and we could have skipped all this shit?
Nancy Botwin: We would have to sell the house, move to a very different zip code. You and Shane would have gone to even lousier public schools.
Silas Botwin: That doesn't sound so bad.
Nancy Botwin: You probably still would have knocked up a girl, only this one maybe would have been blind instead of deaf, or missing a limb. You would have struggled with your grades, smoked weed, dropped out, gotten your G.E.D... Your brother still would have had rage issues. He would have lost his virginity to a skanky girl, or a skanky girl duo. He would have grown increasingly alienated, and ended up stabbing the mailman or my manager at the Gap. We would be in the exact same spot we're in now.
[Shane walks in]
Silas Botwin: Shane, if Mom would have worked at the Gap instead of selling drugs, do you still think you would have killed somebody?
Shane Botwin: Probably.


"Weeds: Corn Snake (#2.1)" (2006)
Silas Botwin: You didn't tell me she couldn't sleep over. C'mon, Nancy.
Nancy Botwin: [irritated] Stop calling me Nancy! My name is *Mom*. Or 'Mommy Dearest'...


"Weeds: Felling and Swamping (#6.2)" (2010)
Silas Botwin: Maybe she's not dead - maybe she's just injured.
Shane Botwin: Maybe she was just injured before mom pulled the automatic pool cover over her head.


"Weeds: A Modest Proposal (#5.6)" (2009)
Doug Wilson: We ask ourselves what would Georges Hamilton do.
Silas Botwin: What? Why?
Doug Wilson: The man slept with his step-mother when he was 12 years old, clearly he can do anything.


"Weeds: Fashion of the Christ (#1.4)" (2005)
Silas Botwin: [reading a t-shirt] "Chris died for your sins." Is that a joke?
Andy Botwin: Yeah, on me. That's what happens when you outsource to fucking Malaysia. 8-year-olds in a sweat shop can't spell for shit.