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Quotes for
Judge Constance Harm (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

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"The Simpsons: The Parent Rap (#13.2)" (2001)
Judge Constance Harm: Grand theft auto?
Bart Simpson: It was an accident, ma'am.
Judge Constance Harm: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me its frosting.
Homer Simpson: What did she say about cupcakes?

Judge Constance Harm: According to this, your father was driving you to school. Then where was he when you stole the police car?
Homer Simpson: Uh, your Honor, I was chasing the KBBL Party Penguin Prize Patrol.
Judge Constance Harm: You abandoned your son to win forty dollars?
Homer Simpson: And a Blue Oyster Cult medallion.
[Holds it up and admires it]
Homer Simpson: Cool.
Judge Constance Harm: And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble?
Homer Simpson: Your Honor, if may sing a little bit of, "Don't Fear the Reaper," I think you'll agree...
Judge Constance Harm: I'm familiar with BOC. But you have got a boy here who is crying out for adult supervision.
Homer Simpson: I couldn't agree more. Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or au pair.
Judge Constance Harm: Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw.
Homer Simpson: It won't!

Judge Constance Harm: I hereby order you to be tethered to your son.
Homer Simpson: Tethered!
Judge Constance Harm: Tethered. Report to room five.
Homer Simpson: Room five!

Judge Constance Harm: Agh! That quilt was made by my Grandmother.
Homer Simpson: So... it cost you nothin'.

Judge Constance Harm: I'm gonna lock you up till frogs do fractions!

Judge Constance Harm: Oh, I can't resist that look. You remind me of me, when I was a little boy.

Judge Constance Harm: But I was about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official!

Judge Constance Harm: [a woman, to Bart] You remind me of myself... when I was a little boy.


"The Simpsons: Chief of Hearts (#21.18)" (2010)
Judge Constance Harm: Homer Simpson, for causing a panic in a bank, I hereby sentence you to 100 hours of community service.
Homer Simpson: Community service? But... that's work! What about jail?
Judge Constance Harm: [Pounds gavel] Community service!
Homer Simpson: No! Please send me to jail! Free meals! Teardrop tattoos! Library books that come to you! I'll serve anything but the community!