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Quotes for
Tony Hancock (Character)
from "Hancock's Half Hour" (1956)

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Call Me Genius (1961)
Hancock: It's a self portrait.
Mrs. Crevatte: Who of?
Hancock: Laurel and Hardy!

Jim Smith: English names are so mysterious, don't you think?
Hancock: Oh, yes. I knew an 'Arry Trubshawe and a Bert 'Iggins once. Dead mysterious they were.

Hancock: Ladies and gentlemen, I shall now bid you all good day. I'm off! I know what I was cut out to do and I should have done it long ago. YOU'RE ALL RAVING MAD! None of you know what you're looking at. You wait 'til I'm dead you'll see I was right!

Hancock: Your colours are the wrong shape.


"Hancock's Half Hour: The Baby Sitters (#6.6)" (1960)
Mr. Frobisher: It's just that you don't look like babysitters.
Anthony Aloysius Hancock: Don't look like babysitters. Is that the remark of a scientific mind?

Anthony Aloysius Hancock: Incidentally what size is your television?
Mr. Frobisher: 21 inches.
Anthony Aloysius Hancock: That's alright, we don't usually accept anything under 17 inches


Hancock & Joan (2008) (TV)
[Tony and Joan have just made love; in a panic at his forthcoming stage performance, Tony rushes to the toilet, suffering from a sudden attack of diarrhoea]
Tony Hancock: What am I doing? My arse has exploded and my teeth are chattering.
Joan Le Mesurier: When I was living in Ramsgate, my friend Sheila worked on the dog track. She said when you see the dogs on parade before the race, if one of them has a hard-on or has just had a crap, put your money on it. I'd back you on both counts tonight.

[Tony and Joan have had a blazing row because Tony is blind drunk; she grabs his bottles of brandy and throws them at the wall; swearing profusely, Tony staggers across the room and tries to hit her with a coffee table; both of them end up on the floor]
Tony Hancock: [gleefully] I do enjoy our little after-dinner chats, don't you?


"Hancock: The Blood Donor (#1.5)" (1961)
Anthony Aloysius Hancock: [to doctor at blood donating clinic] A *pint*? That's very nearly an armful.


"Hancock's Half Hour: Twelve Angry Men (#5.4)" (1959)
Anthony Aloysius Hancock: Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain? Brave Hungarian peasant girl who forced King John to sign the pledge at Runnymede and close the boozers at half past ten! Is all this to be forgotten?