Aunt Hilda
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Quotes for
Aunt Hilda (Character)
from "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" (1996)

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"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Five Easy Pieces of Libby (#2.14)" (1998)
Zelda Spellman: I've done it! I'm on the verge of one of the biggest scientific breakthroughs in the history of mankind.
Salem Saberhagen: How incredible!
[to Sabrina]
Salem Saberhagen: You gonna finish that toast?
Zelda Spellman: You know that formula I've been working on? I found the key ingredient.
Sabrina Spellman: Liquorice?
Zelda Spellman: Oh, don't be silly, Sabrina, liquorice won't cure allergies. It's ostrich saliva.
Hilda Spellman: [to Sabrina] The hard part is getting them to drool. Give me that.
[Reaches for Zelda's beaker, which smashes on the floor; the entire room is suddenly spotless]
Sabrina Spellman: Wow! One drop of that and the whole kitchen is spotlessly clean!
Hilda Spellman: I'll say! The walls, the table, the counters...
Sabrina Spellman: Salem!
Salem Saberhagen: [Salem has turned completely white] I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped twenty points.
Zelda Spellman: [Pointing at Sabrina, Hilda and herself] Blonde, blonde, blonde.
[Pointing at Salem]
Zelda Spellman: Dead.

Salem Saberhagen: Man! This house is so spotless and germ free Howard Hughes could live here!
Hilda Spellman: Zelda, if we could market this stuff, we'd make a fortune!
Salem Saberhagen: Good luck! The FDA will never approve of ostrich saliva. Those pencil pushing bureaucrats have ruined many a dream.
Hilda Spellman: Well, we could still sell it in the Other Realm. What do you say, Zeldy?
Zelda Spellman: No. I made this formula to cure allergies and end suffering, not to whiten.
Hilda Spellman: You ever cleaned a toilet? That's suffering! Besides, you said it didn't even cure allergies.
Zelda Spellman: Yet! Medical breakthroughs take time, get off my back! This is why Pasteur broke up with you!
[Leaves]
Hilda Spellman: He told me he had to work out stuff with his Mother!
Salem Saberhagen: You gotta hand it to Zelda. She's a pillar of integrity.
Hilda Spellman: Yeah. Let's steal her formula!

Hilda Spellman: [Hilda and Salem approach Zelda's lab] The coast is clear! Operation "Find the Allergy Formula, That Also Cleans, Don't Get Caught and Make a Lot of Money" is underway.
Salem Saberhagen: You start looking, and I'll start workin' on a shorter code name.

Hilda Spellman: [Hilda and Salem have made a commercial for their new cleaning product] Here it comes!
Hilda Spellman: [On TV, holding up a stone] This dungeon stone is white, but what would you call this one?
[Holds up a whiter stone]
Salem Saberhagen: Bright!
Hilda Spellman: Exactly! And that's why, for the next twenty minutes, we'll be telling you how you can get your house this clean with new Scientist-in-a-Drum!
Salem Saberhagen: And now, here's Bruce Jenner to tell you more.

Zelda Spellman: Is that all there is?
Sabrina Spellman: [Some pieces of Libby are missing] Box is empty, how can we be missing pieces?
Quizmaster Albert: Didn't you read the fine print?
[Hands the box over to Sabrina]
Sabrina Spellman: [Reading box] Some pieces not included in box? What a rip-off!
Quizmaster Albert: I guess you didn't see this either.
[Gives Sabrina an hourglass]
Quizmaster Albert: Now if you don't find the missing pieces and put them in before the sand runs out, Libby will be a puzzle forever.
Sabrina Spellman: What?
Hilda Spellman: Boy! In the final analysis, the Libby puzzle isn't much fun, is it?

Zelda Spellman: Sabrina, I don't think I told you this, but, in my opinion, your Democracy Daze float was the best.
Sabrina Spellman: Thanks! It did turn out great.
Zelda Spellman: It's going to stand as a monument to your creative talent and democratic spirit.
Sabrina Spellman: Not really. When we got back to the school, the engine Harvey'd been working on blew up, and the whole thing burned to the ground.
Hilda Spellman: Ever reminding us that democracy is a fragile thing.


"Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch: Chariots of Fear (#1.24)" (2014)
Hilda Spellman: [on the motorbike's engine] This things got the same sounding problem as me. Ha! I'll just have to go easy on the throttle.
Hilda Spellman: [riding off] I have a hard time going easy on the throttle!

Hilda Spellman: [after running into a glass door] Oh, typical clumsy me!

Hilda Spellman: Oopsie doodles!


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Hilda and Zelda: the Teenage Years (#1.15)" (1997)
[Hilda and Zelda just turned themselves into teenagers]
Sabrina Spellman: Your voices don't sound teenage.
Zellary - Young Zelda: [in her own voice] We can change that.
[Zelda works her magic]
Zellary - Young Zelda: [teenage voice] Is this better?
Hillary - Young Hilda: [in a deep manly voice] And how about me? Hee Hee Hee. Oops. Wrong direction
Hillary - Young Hilda: [teenage voice] There we go.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: She's Baaaack! (#4.20)" (2000)
Sabrina Spellman: Well, since Cousin Amanda's visiting for the weekend, I thought to get her a little present!
[conjures up a pillory, a heavy wooden structure with apertures for restraint]
Hilda Spellman: That's a thoughtful gift from all of us!
Zelda Spellman: Now, now, she's family. We should welcome her with open arms!
[conjures the punitive device away]
Zelda Spellman: And if she tries anything, we have an electric cage in the basement.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It (#2.7)" (1997)
Hilda Spellman: [Hilda and Zelda are making Candy corn in a couldron] May I lick the bowl?
Zelda Spellman: Yes. Of course, you'll be horribly burned...


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Quiz Show (#2.22)" (1998)
Hilda Spellman: I've got it! I remember how to turn myself into fire.
Salem Saberhagen: If it involves dried branches and kerosene, it's not really magic.


"Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch: What a Ride (#1.22)" (2014)
Zelda Spellman: How's it going?
Hilda Spellman: I don't know. I'm suppose to beat a dozen eggs, but this doesn't look quite right.
Zelda Spellman: I think your suppose to crack the eggs first.
Hilda Spellman: Oh, that would make things less crunchy.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Pilot (#1.1)" (1996)
Sabrina: So what are you saying? That I'm not who I think I am? You're not who I think you are? And my father lives in a book?
Hilda: [scoffs] Finally, she gets it!


"Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch: Home Sweet Home (#1.19)" (2014)
Amy: So what, now they're not gonna turn this place into a mall?
Sabrina Spellman: Nope. The guy that was gonna tear us down changed his mind.
Amy: Well, what about my needs? I need a place to buy clothes and jewelery and shoes. You think I just roll out of bed looking this good? Well, of course I do. But that's just because I wear designer pajamas. But I can't wear those out of the house. Although I'd still be better dressed than either of you. But a mall...
Sabrina Spellman: [as Amy continues to talk] Hey, is that the hat from the silent wizard who never said a word?
Hilda Spellman: Yes, I was just about to de-magic it.
Sabrina Spellman: Let me borrow it for a sec.
Amy: [continuing] And shoes that are better than yours. And get my nails done to be better than yours.
Sabrina Spellman: Hey, Amy, try this on.
Amy: What? Why would I wanna wear that? It doesn't go with anything I have on, and I...
[Sabrina places the wizard hat on Amy's head]
Amy: [speaks, but is alarmed not to hear her own voice]
Hilda Spellman: I really should take that hat to the back room.
Sabrina Spellman: I know. Just let me enjoy it for one more minute.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Meeting Dad's Girlfriend (#1.20)" (1997)
Sabrina Spellman: So, you think you'll get married?
Edward Spellman: [at the same time as Gail] No.
Gail Kippling: [at the same time as Edward] Yes.
Gail Kippling: Did you say no?
Edward Spellman: Yes. Didn't you?
Gail Kippling: No.
Edward Spellman: You said yes?
Gail Kippling: Yes.
Edward Spellman: When I said no?
Gail Kippling: Yes.
Edward Spellman: That's not good.
Gail Kippling: No,
Edward Spellman: Are you upset?
Gail Kippling: Yes.
Edward Spellman: Would you like to talk?
Gail Kippling: No.
Edward Spellman: I think we should.
Hilda Spellman, Zelda Spellman: Yes!


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: The Equalizer (#2.17)" (1998)
Hilda: Oh, by the way, Zelda and I are chaperoning the school dance Friday.
Sabrina: What? Why don't you just hang a big "Nerd Girl" sign around my neck?
Hilda: Okay.
[She points and Sabrina gets her wish]
Sabrina: Nobody likes a house where you can't speak figuratively.


"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Third Aunt from the Sun (#1.7)" (1996)
Hilda Spellman: The party's over. Sabrina's coming home.
Vesta Spellman: You know the rules around here. Now that Sabrina's at the pleasuredome, she can do whatever she wants.
Zelda Spellman: [Scoffs] So that's your plan!
Vesta Spellman: Please. I don't plan. I scheme.