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: And somebody bumped against the bathroom door. Perry Mason
: In any country but this, they would have let him in.
: Did you get anything out of Patton? Perry Mason
: No, only a knife.
: Margie was at Patton's apartment, and when I came in, she was taking a bath. Thelma Bell
: What's wrong with that? Don't lawyers take baths? Perry Mason
: Very few. I like them, but uh, the police wouldn't. They'd say that Margie was washing off bloodstains.
: [to Bradbury and Spudsy in the restaurant
] Well, there's no one I'd rather pin this killing on than a doctor.
: [after exiting his chartered plane a little airsick
] What's his name and where'd he go? Airline Official
: His name was Roberts. I dropped him at a bus for the Lakeview Hotel. Perry Mason
: They haven't got a lake here, have they? Airline Official
: No, but the hotel has beds for you to lie down on. Perry Mason
: That's a very clever remark. Take me to a taxi, please.
Policeman at Ambulance
: [Seeing Mason rolling a woman on a gurney
] Have an accident? Perry Mason
: No, thank you.
: [Cautioning Margie and Doray to stop embracing and leave before police arive
] Hang together, and you'll hang separately!
: [Ridiculing Doray when he finds him alone in his hotel room
] All alone in the bridal suite?
] Perry Mason
: You must love yourself.
: Give me a 7 letter word that starts with S that means lawyer. Della Street
District Attorney Hamilton Burger
: [arresting Douglas Keene
] Come with me, Mr. Keene. Perry Mason
: Oh don't be so formal, Burger, just call him Aunt Effie.
: [after announcing Wilma's cut out of the will
] So what're you going to do now? Wilma Laxter
: Do you like waffles? Perry Mason
: Come again? Wilma Laxter
: I've managed to save away some money from my allowance, that way I can be independent. And I'm going to open a waffle shop, what do you think? Perry Mason
: On one condition. Wilma Laxter
: What's that? Perry Mason
: That you have plenty of melted butter.
: [seated at a booth in the waffle house
] Are you tickling my ankle? Perry Mason
: You think I would? Della Street
: I know you are.
[looks down and sees Clinker
] Della Street
[picks him up, looks at Perry
] Della Street
: I'm sorry, I really thought that was you. Perry Mason
: Well, it's not a bad idea.
: [Working on a crossword puzzle
] I tell you what I'll do, Della. I'll settle for a seven letter word beginning with S meaning lawyer. Della Street
: Shyster! Perry Mason
: Getting a bit fresh, aren't we, Della?
: [Walking through the apartment hallway
] Louise DeVoe - that sounds more like a chorus girl than a nurse. Paul Drake
: What are you gonna tell her, chief? Perry Mason
: She's the one that's gotta tell - I hope.
: You and your cats! You'll probably end up in jail! Perry Mason
: A lot of interesting people in jail, Della.
: Remember, Cartwright, don't have secrets from your lawyer. I won't betray your confidence.
: I'm afraid you're on pretty thin ice, Mr. Mason. Perry Mason
: Will you skate with me? I haven't fallen through yet. Della Street
: It's dangerous. Perry Mason
: Will you take a chance? Della Street
: You know I will.
: [to Bessie
] Remember, nobody ever got into trouble by not talking too much.
District Attorney Claude Drumm
: Mason, you've got the reputation of being one of the shrewdest criminal lawyers in the country. Perry Mason
: Thank you. District Attorney Claude Drumm
: But even the cleverest lawyer sometimes puts his foot into it.
: [to Bessie
] You can't afford to lie to them, and you can't afford to tell them the truth. You're in a jam, and you've got to keep quiet! Do you understand?
: [Trying the door
] It's locked!
[He starts looking through his skeleton keys
] Paul Drake
: Which will it be? Conscience or curiosity? Perry Mason
District Attorney Hamilton Burger
: [after Perry arrives at the pier
] Tell me, what are you doing down here? Perry Mason
: Why, uh, my presence here is purely coincidental. District Attorney Hamilton Burger
: Whenever you show up immediately after a murder has been committed, there's only one answer.
: [to Della
] Bishops don't often need lawyers. Show him in.
: Uh, remind me to give me a raise in the morning. Della Street
: I'll remember to forget that.
: I want that article out of Spicy Bits, and I want it out NOW. Perry Mason
: Will you put the gun down please? Leah Milnor
: Have you never read Mc Nae's Guide? That article is malicious rubbish.
: Tell me who's the real owner of this blackmail rag and maybe we can make a trade. Frank Locke, an alias of Cecil Dawson
: Do you smoke it or take it in the arm? I'm the owner!
: [Hanging up the phone perplexed, Perry sees the houseboy by the door
] Muh lad, I'll have that glass of Scotch you offered. Filipino houseboy
: [Initially puzzled, but he regains his wits
] Scotch?... Oh, yes. Me too, sir.
: Down South is a thousand miles as the crow flies, but I'm no crow.
Paul Drake Jr.
: Somebody is scaring her. Perry Mason
: Well prove it, and do it quickly.
: Too bad you didn't support the hypotheses that David Hall committed suicide, you might never have been found out. Andrew Lloyd
: I wanted the world to remember David Hall, not as some suicidal neurotic but as a man who is, a hero, as heroes often do; he met a sad, sudden, and tragic death.
: Somebody must've hired a private eye to tail me. Perry Mason
: David Hall? Jordan White
: I don't know why he would. He was at the top, right along with Stephen King, he wouldn't need money from blackmail.
: She's more of a legitimate fake than I thought she was.
: [Advising a client
] Say nothing and plenty of it.
District Attorney Stacey
: [Referring to the whereabouts of Detecive Lucas, who's obviously avoiding Perry
] Probably find him at the club. Out yesterday I shot a... Perry Mason
] You boys ain't playin' golf. You're playing hide-and-seek. It's a kid's game at best, Mr. D.A. Perry Mason
: [a frustrated Mason uses his cane to hit one of the golf balls on Stacey's floor and it hits a nearby lamp
] Bad shot, Mr. Mason. Perry Mason
: [On his way out the door
: I don't think much of people who prey on other people's weaknesses - who peddle gossip, who blow up snapshots into dirty postcards.
: Some things a lawyer has to do aren't very pleasant. He takes his clients as they come. They're in trouble so he can't always expect them to tell the truth... He's a fool if he completely trusts any client, but that's beside the point. His job is to believe and to help them as best he can. The only times when he's really a fool is when he sticks by a client who won't trust him.
: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Mr. Mason has indeed surpassed himself. He has created for you a story which is pure poppycock! - absolute and complete nonsense. The defendant in this case is a shrewd, scheming woman. She seduced her employer, she stole from him and finally she murdered him. And as for Mr. Mason's ridiculous theory about a hose, this is an *abandoned real estate office* we're talking about - the water's been shut off there for over a year - how can anyone possibly... Perry Mason
: Your honor, the District Attorney is stating facts not in evidence. Since he lost the opportunity to get these matters in legitimately, in rebuttal, he is now trying to do it through prejudicial misconduct. I ask the court to declare a mistrial. Hamilton Burger
: A *mistrial*! - how can you -... Judge
: Mr. Burger, Mr. Mason's point is well taken...
: Why is it - every time a beautiful girl walks into this office, my normally intelligent friend... Perry Mason
: She wasn't so beautiful, Paul - that's what intrigued me. Paul Drake
: You're worse off than I thought.
: Good art is like music. It should be enjoyed, not dissected. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: An excellent sentiment, Mr. Mason, but a bit basic perhaps. You wanted to see me? I'm Vincent Kenyon. Perry Mason
: Dr. Kenyon, I'm interested in a painting called "The Three Witches." I was told you'd bought it. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Yes, you passed it as you came in. It's the best of the Culross collection. Perry Mason
: It has been suggested that the painting was completed by another artist after Culross' death. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Are you Mrs. Culross' attorney? A very emotional woman, Mr. Mason, totally ignorant of art. This canvas is genuine, from first stroke to last. Perry Mason
: You seem to be an expert on Culross, Dr. Kenyon. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: I should be. I was the first to recognize his talent. Perry Mason
: You have no objection to our verifying your observation scientifically? Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Well, inexpert handling of a valuable canvas is really quite out of the question. Perry Mason
: That's reasonable, Doctor, but we will in no way touch the painting. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Ah. Well, very well.
[Mason examines the painting with a piece of equipment
] Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Well, Mr. Mason, are you satisfied? Perry Mason
: Completely. My thanks for your cooperation. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Well, if you had accepted my opinion, you could have saved yourself trouble. Anyone even with the remotest familiarity with Culross' work would never begin to doubt the authenticity of this canvas. Obviously you were wasting your time. Perry Mason
: You could be right, Dr. Kenyon. Good day. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Good day, Mr. Mason.
: Dr. Kenyon, you are an expert on fine arts? Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: It has been said so. Perry Mason
: When you purchased the painting called "The Three Witches" for the Hessler collection, it was in the belief that Jack Culross was dead? Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Yes. Perry Mason
: As you previously stated, you were the unwitting victim of a fraud. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Well, obviously. Perry Mason
: As you were when you bought a forged Matisse from Culross? Hamilton Burger
: Your Honor, we protest. Judge
: The witness will answer the question. Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Well, I... Perry Mason
: Dr. Kenyon, did you not buy from Jack Culross an alleged Matisse called "Blue Waters"? Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: Yes, I did. Perry Mason
: Are you aware that the genuine "Blue Waters" is in a private collection in London? Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: But I found that out later. Hamilton Burger
: Your Honor, we protest this irrelevant attempt to degrade a witness for the state. Judge
: Since this is related to probity of the expert witness, I find it most relevant and illuminating. Continue, Mr. Mason. Perry Mason
: Was Culross blackmailing you in order to promote his career, Dr. Kenyon? Dr. Vincent Kenyon
: I won't answer! I won't!
: The traffic in narcotics has enraged every decent-thinking man and woman in this country.
: [Lt.Tragg enters Perry's office
] Well, how are you Tragg? Lt. Tragg
: Oh, I'm glad to see you in a good humor. Now sit down and let me make you unhappy.
: [after Della gets off the phone with Chapman's secretary
] Incidentally Mr. Chapman, I have a message for you from her. She says that works piling up, things are in a turmoil, and the office needs you. Perry Mason
: That sounds exactly like a secretary!
: Now it seems to me the place to start is at the beginning.
: I don't need an autopsy to tag this one. It screams murder. Perry Mason
: When it stops screaming and starts following the rules of evidence, I'll start listening. Lt. Tragg
: My, we're very legal this morning.
: Will you come back? Gladys Strome
: Why should I? For the first time in my life, I'm happy. Perry Mason
: What kind of happiness can you build on someone else's misfortune? Gladys Strome
: Please, spare us the bromides.
: When all else fails, there's only one thing left to do - that's appeal to someone's better instincts. Paul Drake
: And hope he has some.
: Now, dad-blame it, let's have the WHOLE truth!
: Della, Della, think like a woman for a minute. Della Street
: I'll try.
: Two pawn tickets- one she hides in the label of a mink coat, the other ticket stays in her purse where anybody might find it. It's inconsistent. Paul Drake
: She's a woman. Perry Mason
: Nah, that's no excuse.
: When you pick someone to lie to Mrs. Granger, never choose your doctor or lawyer. In both cases they can be fatal.
: Two lives are at stake, Mr. Burger - I am in no hurry to short-cut the fullest measure of justice for their protection. Hamilton Burger
: Neither am I, Mr. Mason - I resent your implication that I am.
: [answers telephone
] Hello? Lt. Tragg
: You don't care what hours you keep. Perry Mason
: Who is this? Lt. Tragg
: You're friend and admirer. Perry Mason
: Lt Tragg? Lt. Tragg
: Yes it is.
: We get out of life what we deserve - no better, no worse.
: Look, Mr. Mason - I was only his secretary - not his conscience. I did what I was told to do - period. Perry Mason
: Out of loyalty or love, Miss Waters? Miriam Waters
: What difference does that make? He's dead, isn't he? Sure, I suppose he was robbing everybody blind. Maybe he never intended to make "Mr. Nobody." And maybe he was trying to promote himself into some overseas production unit, but so what? That's the way the business is - and that's the way a lot of the people in it are. Charlie was no better than many; I admit that. But he was no worse than most, either.
: Almost anyone is capable of a crime under certain circumstances.
: Could Jasper have killed Callendar? Paul Drake
: Perry, he was only in there ten seconds. Perry Mason
: How long does it take to stick a sword in a man?
: A toast to the things for which there are no substitutes: good friends... happy days... and... victory.
: You know cross-examination is like prospecting. You see something that looks promising, you work a vein for all it's worth. If you're lucky- you may hit a bonanza.
: [at the murder scene
] What brings you here? Perry Mason
: I wanted to have a little talk with Marshall Scott.
] Perry Mason
: Murder? Lt. Tragg
: That's right. What was the little talk about? Perry Mason
: That's confidential Lieutenant. That bookend the murder weapon? Lt. Tragg
: That's confidential Counselor.
: Perry... isn't there anything else you want you ask me? Perry Mason
: Paul, the only real doubt I have about you is what you're going to say when you see my bill.