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[the company medical officer comes to visit Reggie
] Wellness Person
: Hello Reggie. Reggie Perrin
: Hello, slightly pointless wellness person.
: You know what I wanted to be when I was a child Reggie? Reggie
: Megalomaniac businessman?... Completely wild guess. Chris
: No. A panda.
: Here lies Reginald Iolanthe Perrin. He didn't know the names of the trees and the flowers, but he knew the rhubarb crumble sales figures for Schleswig-Holstein.
: Joan, tell me: what 'is' to become of me? Well I'll tell you 'exactly' what's to become of me, Joan. I'm going to go on from success to success. Grot, EuroGrot, MacGrot, TaffyGrot, PaddyGrot, Worldwide Grot Incorporated; I'll win the Queen's Award to Industry, and GayGrot will win the Industry's Award to Queen; cruet sets with no holes will be on display at the Design Centre; children as yet unborn will wear shirts that say Reggie Perrin Rules OK; I'll be made Poet Laureate! And when Prince Charles has his first son, I'll write, "The bells ring out with pride and joy / Our Charlie's given us a boy." I'll get richer and richer and lonelier and lonelier and madder and madder, and I'll refuse to walk on the floor for fear of contamination! And unlike Howard Hughes, who was strangely trusting in that respect, I'll refuse to walk on lavatory paper either. And I'll die rich, emaciated, and alone. And you, you'll be successful, oh yes! You'll sell your memoirs to The Sun, to The People; "The Reggie Perrin I Knew: The Truth About the Perrin Family". And you'll get richer and richer and lonelier and lonelier and madder and madder, and 'you' will die rich, emaciated, and alone. That is what is going to become of me, Joan, that is what is going to become of 'us', Joan. That is exactly what's going to become of us.
] Reginald Perrin
: Well thank you 'very' much for this little chat, Joan.