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Quotes for
Brent Leroy (Character)
from "Corner Gas" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Corner Gas: Cousin Carl (#1.8)" (2004)
Brent LeRoy: [on Oscar's homemade beer] Oh, really dad, it tastes like you beat a skunk to death with a salmon!

Brent LeRoy: [fantasizing] Is this my happy place?
Angel #1: Yes. I'm the Angel of Good Times and No Hassles.
Angel #2: And I'm the Angel of Readily Available Food and Refreshments.
Brent LeRoy: Ooh! What have I done to deserve this?
Angel #2: Don't talk silly. Your pudding bath is ready.

Cousin Carl: Look, Brent, I can't help but get the feeling that there's some jealousy here, y' know, that somehow my success has made you feel emasculated.
Brent LeRoy: That's not it at all... Emasculated means - ?
Cousin Carl: Like you're not a man.
Brent LeRoy: That's not it at all!

Emma Leroy: Carl Jung says we all have a shadow figure, a kind of nemesis. In fact, I actually found mine.
Brent LeRoy: What'd you do?
Emma Leroy: I married him.

Brent LeRoy: [about Oscar's home-brewed beer] Geez, Dad, did you mix this in a skidoo boot or a crow's nest?
Oscar Leroy: It's like a Belgian beer.
Cousin Carl: Not the Belgium I've been to.
Brent LeRoy: I suppose you've been to the good Belgium?

[the intro to their talent-show comedy skit]
Brent LeRoy: We're Shekel and Jekyll! I'm Murray Shekel...
Cousin Carl: ...and I'm Dr. Jekyll!
Brent LeRoy: I'm a Catskills comedian...
Cousin Carl: ...and I'm a brilliant scientist with an evil demon lurking within!

Mrs. Jensen: [about Oscar] With him, the customer was always number one. Oscar always treated people with great respect.
Oscar Leroy: [enters] Hey jackass, stop talking to this old wing-nut and pump my gas!
Brent LeRoy: Well, he's a people person.

Wanda Dollard: Now, I just need to finish the set design. I'm thinking something shiny. Bright colors, red, green, flashing lights.
Brent LeRoy: So old Chistmas decorations?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah!
Brent LeRoy: Fine, you deck the halls but I'm not donning any gay apparel.
Wanda Dollard: Okay.

"Corner Gas: Ruby Reborn (#1.1)" (2004)
[first lines of the series]
Brent LeRoy: Want me to fill it up?
Man: Sure. You know I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.
Brent LeRoy: Well, you still haven't really. About halfway to go yet.
Man: Sure is flat.
Brent LeRoy: How do you mean?
Man: You know, flat. Nothing to see.
Brent LeRoy: What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.
Hank Yarbo: How do you mean?
Brent LeRoy: Topographically I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.
Hank Yarbo: There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.
Brent LeRoy: There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh... Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.
Man: You guys always this sarcastic?
Brent LeRoy: There's nothin' else to do.

Brent LeRoy: Don't point your pickle at me!

Hank Yarbo: [upon seeing the changes to the coffee shop] What the hell did she do to this place?
Brent LeRoy: Here we go. Would ya settle down Hank? It's just a little different.
Hank Yarbo: Different? We're in the seventh circle of Hell here! Look, look at this, where's the old clear salt and pepper shakers? I mean you can't see inside these ones, how are you supposed to know which is which?
Emma Leroy: One shaker's black and one shaker's white.
Brent LeRoy: Take a leap of faith.
Hank Yarbo: What if it's a trick?
Wanda Dollard: Then shake some on your hand first.
Hank Yarbo: That's unsanitary.
Brent LeRoy: I've seen you eat gum off your shoe.
Hank Yarbo: What's that got to do with anything?

Hank Yarbo: Hey Wanda, what do you know about this Lacey?
Wanda Dollard: I know she doesn't have cataracts, so you don't have a chance.
Brent LeRoy: Scorch!

Hank Yarbo: [referring to the changes to the coffee shop] I'm gonna fight this.
Emma Leroy: It's her place, she can do what she wants with it.
Hank Yarbo: Well, I got two words for you; boycott. I'm gonna put this place out of business.
Brent LeRoy: Hank, if you had the power to put companies out of business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, and deodorant.
Emma Leroy: Clean underwear.
Brent LeRoy: Books.
Wanda Dollard: Pants that fit.
Emma Leroy: Nail clippers.
Brent LeRoy: Dandruff shampoo.
Wanda Dollard: Um... dental floss.
Emma Leroy: Toilet paper.
Oscar Leroy: Pick-up trucks.
Brent LeRoy: You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?
Oscar Leroy: Shut up!

Hank Yarbo: [about Lacey] Is it so unreasonable to be curious about a new person in town? Does she have a criminal record? That's a reasonable question. Does she do drugs? That's a valid inquiry.
Brent LeRoy: Maybe she doesn't want us in the coffee shop 'cause she's turning the whole place into a methamphetamine lab. Get the kids hooked on the meth and the crack cocaine, 'cause once they're hooked on that, you know what's next: marijuana. Then jazz music. Forget about it.

[Brent adds video rentals to Corner Gas' services]
Oscar Leroy: This will just confuse people. They won't know whether this is a gas station or a drive-in theater. What, are you in show business now? The gas business not good enough for you? You've got to be Ed Sullivan? "We've got a great shoooo! We've got a really big shoooo!" What the hell are you thinking?
Brent LeRoy: I'm thinking your Ed Sullivan needs work.

[Oscar doesn't know how to set up his VCR, but rents "Jaws" anyway]
Brent LeRoy: So, uh, what was your favourite part of the movie?
Oscar Leroy: The shark parts.
Brent LeRoy: Which, uh, which shark parts?
Oscar Leroy: They were all pretty good. The shark in the water there, being all mean and what not.
Brent LeRoy: Hey, did you, did you like the part where the shark fought the dinosaur?
Oscar Leroy: Yeah, that was okay, I guess.
Brent LeRoy: How about the part where the shark grows legs and walks up on the beach and has a sword fight with the sheriff?
Oscar Leroy: That part was a little farfetched for my taste.
Lacey Burrows: Oh, my favourite part was when the shark went back to his home planet. It made me cry.
Oscar Leroy: Yeah. Choked me up too... I gotta go.
Lacey Burrows: He must have the director's cut.

Corner Gas: The Movie (2014)
Brent Leroy: Alright buddy here's your tab - time to go
Jerome: I'm not ready to go
Brent Leroy: Well I'm ready for you to go - you're getting a little sloppy. So vamoose!
Jerome: Or?
Brent Leroy: Or... skeddadle, scurry, scoot...
Jerome: I'll go when I'm good and ready
[Brent rolls up his sleeve showing his arm]
Jerome: As it turns out, I'm ready now
[and he turns to leave]

Brent Leroy: Finally! I get to see a robot fight a werewolf.

Bad Guy: [armed robber enters Corner Gas brandishing a shotgun] Open the till! Put the money in a bag - Now!
Brent Leroy: Ok. Did you bring your own bag? Or I'll have to charge you a nickle.
Bad Guy: How about I blow your head off and charge you 50 cents for the shell?
Brent Leroy: That's not a fair comparison at all.

Hank Yarbo: [opening lines] How long has it been?
Brent Leroy: [immediately without looking up from comic book] April 13th 2009
Hank Yarbo: No way! You sure?
Brent Leroy: Well I can't be 100 percent sure since I don't know what you're talking about.
[April 13, 2009 was the last broadcast of a new episode of the TV series]

Oscar Leroy: Are you questioning my abilities?
Brent Leroy: No dad - when it comes to your abilities none of us has any question.
Oscar Leroy: Sure laugh it up! You won't be so smart when the four Norsemen of the apocalypse come riding down Main Street.

[after seeing Brent and Lacey kiss affectionately]
Oscar Leroy: She likes you. Ask her out, ya Jackass!
Brent Leroy: I did ask her out. Two years ago.
Lacey Burrows: [everyone is stunned] I said yes, in case this isn't clear.

[Brent and Lacey have been officially a couple for two years]
[last lines]
Emma Leroy: This is great! I can finally have grand-children.
Lacey Burrows: Oh, no. We discussed it. We're not going to have kids.
Brent Leroy: [Emma is shocked] What? I'm not sharing my comic books with a grubby little jam-hands.
Emma Leroy: Son of a...
[cut to closing credits]

Hank Yarbo: I can't believe those Wullerton weirdos
[Hank and Brent spit]
Hank Yarbo: raised all that money to bail us out.
Brent Leroy: Yeah, all those lemonade stands and choir recitals...
Brent Leroy: Hmph. Those self-serving *bastards*.

"Corner Gas: Slow Pitch (#2.17)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: Yeah, Wes is crazy, this coming from the man who once punched a skunk.
Oscar Leroy: He had it coming!

Hank Yarbo: I think what Brent is trying to say here, Wes, is that we came here for a good time. Even though you called us a bunch of nimrods.
Wes Humboldt: I didn't call you a...
Paul: Earlier, he called you a bunch of useless ragtags...
Hank Yarbo: Just stay out of this, Paul! You just want us to bet so we'll buy more beer and whatnot at your place.
Paul: Well, duh.
Hank Yarbo: Ragtag? I don't think I like the sound of that.
Brent LeRoy: Sticks and stones, Hank. They're just words.
Paul: He also called you mamby-pambies.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, someone wants their teeth kicked in.
[Wes just looks confused]

Brent LeRoy: [making a toast] To victory!
Lacey Burrows: To perfect attendance.
Wanda Dollard: [who's drunk] To the internal combustion system, baby!

Hank Yarbo: Great. I can already taste Wes eating those nachos.
Brent LeRoy: Okay, let's ignore Hank's disturbing image.

Player 1: [looking at Brent's team] Hey, they only have 9 players!
Brent LeRoy: Ah, crap. Hey, Wes, a bear! A big bear!
[Not surprisingly, Wes doesn't fall for it. Oscar glares at Brent]
Brent LeRoy: What?
Oscar Leroy: Jackass.

Brent LeRoy: You show me where in the rule book it says you need 10 players.
Karen Pelly: Actually, it's rule number one. Each team must have 10 players.
Brent LeRoy: Nice helping, Karen.

Brent LeRoy: No need to argue. You were out.
Wes Humboldt: Damn right I'm out.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, look, Wes, it's Lacey.
Wes Humboldt: [looks behind him, Lacey waves] Ah, crap.

"Corner Gas: Full Load (#6.1)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: Knock knock! I come bearing gifts.
Emma Leroy: What's this?
Brent Leroy: It's my old MP3 player. I got a new one, so I thought you could have this one.
Emma Leroy: What's an empty tree player?
Brent Leroy: M-P-3. It stands for music playing... 3.

[to Brent, after seeing the perogies Davis made]
Lacey Burrows: Wow, so how many of those are you going to eat?
Davis Quinton: Oh, no, no, no, Brent's not allowed to enter the eating contest.
Lacey Burrows: Why? Are you some kind of pro or something?
Brent Leroy: No, I'm not a pro... the pros know who I am. No, no one will enter if I enter, so I entered you.
Lacey Burrows: You entered me?
Brent Leroy: We should probably change verbs before this gets weird.

Brent Leroy: [to Lacey] Wow, you can eat. I had no idea you could unhinge your jaw like that. I think I saw you on the Discovery Channel.
Davis Quinton: Hey, champ! So how'd you like those perogies? Pretty tasty, huh?
Lacey Burrows: Honestly, I was eating so fast, I couldn't taste a thing.
Davis Quinton: [disappointed] Oh, I see. I'm glad to know I wasted my Friday night cooking those up, when I could have been... I could have been... anyways, I wasted my time.

Brent Leroy: It's already arranged! I phoned Fitzy's grandma, asked her to make four dozen perogies, bring them over here.
Davis Quinton: Fitzy's grandma! Why didn't you ask me?
Brent Leroy: You said you'd never do it again.
Davis Quinton: I didn't say that.
Lacey Burrows: You did. It was just a bit more whiny.

[hearing Emma singing along to the MP3 player]
Brent Leroy: Where'd you get this?
Emma Leroy: Karen. She off-loaded some more down-with-it tunes.
Brent Leroy: If by 'down-with-it' you mean filthy... you shouldn't be singing about things you don't understand.
Emma Leroy: You put 'Skinamarinkydoo' on here. I have no idea what that means.
Brent Leroy: What's not to get? That's right in the title.

[trying to convince Lacey to go up against him in a food eating contest]
Brent Leroy: Okay, how about this: you want to get the roof here fixed, right?
Lacey Burrows: Yeah, but I can't afford it.
Brent Leroy: I'll do it for you. I'll re-tar the whole place, I'll re-shingle the eaves troughs or whatever you do to a roof, no expense to you, if you can beat me in an eating contest.
Lacey Burrows: Okay, I'll do it.
Brent Leroy: Why not?
Lacey Burrows: I just said I'll do it.
Brent Leroy: Oh.

Brent Leroy: Who would have thought that inside that skinny little frame lived the heart of a giant, glutinous porker?
Lacey Burrows: I am not a porker! I just ate 40 perogies in under a minute.
Lacey Burrows: Oh my God, I am a porker!

"Corner Gas: Census Sensibility (#4.13)" (2007)
Brent LeRoy: [about Wanda's meal replacement bars] These don't have nougat in them or anything. It's got soy. That's like the anti-nougat. If nougat and soy were ever to touch, we'd all be vapourized.

[Brent tries to sell Wanda's bars]
Brent LeRoy: You can replace a whole meal with these.
Emma Leroy: Are you saying my cooking's bad?
Brent LeRoy: No. I'm saying sometimes you might rather eat a pressed bar of soy from Uzbekistan.
Emma Leroy: Stay away from me.

Hank Yarbo: You saved my life.
Brent LeRoy: Yeah. What's that make it, the eighth time?
Hank Yarbo: First time with a pickle. Well, a sweet pickle.

Brent LeRoy: [eating a meal replacement bar, grimacing] Gee willikers, that's tasty.
Wanda Dollard: Would you like me to teach you some grown-up curse words? I've got lots.

Wanda Dollard: [talking to a room that's empty apart from her and Brent] Remember! There is no I in team!
Brent LeRoy: I'm the only one on the team.
Wanda Dollard: And you wonder why you failed.

Hank Yarbo: Yep, census. It's a young man's game. You gotta watch your health. I mean, I almost choked on a pickle.
Brent LeRoy: I know, I was there.
Hank Yarbo: No, after that.
Brent LeRoy: You choked on another pickle?
Hank Yarbo: No, same one.

"Corner Gas: The Taxman (#1.2)" (2004)
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Is your father coming in today?
Brent LeRoy: Is he in some kind of trouble?
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Trouble? What makes you think he's in trouble?
Brent LeRoy: What if I told you he was out of town?
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Is he out of town?
Brent LeRoy: What if he was?
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Do you know where he is or not?
Brent LeRoy: What's your favourite colour?
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Excuse me?
Brent LeRoy: I was just seeing how long we could answer questions with questions. That was fun, wasn't it?

Brent LeRoy: Morning, want me to fill it up?
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Do you work here?
Brent LeRoy: It'd be a pretty weird hobby.

Marvin Drey the Taxman: I just need to speak with your father to verify a few things.
Brent LeRoy: I don't think he's here, I think he went to Hawaii.
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Hawaii?
Brent LeRoy: Not Hawaii, somewhere cheaper than that... Red Deer.

Marvin Drey the Taxman: I can appreciate that you don't wanna help me. I get that a lot, sometimes I get outright hostility. Just because of my job.
Brent LeRoy: Well, no offense but I mean I can't just turn over my father. There's a bond between father and son that's strong and sacred.
Oscar Leroy: Hey idiot! You left the lid on the dumpster up last night! Crows have scattered garbage all over the place out there. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it, it'll be you out there on your hands and knees scrapin' up crow crap!
Brent LeRoy: I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

Brent LeRoy: Well, let's say hypothetically my Dad can't find these sales records, what's the deal then, prison?
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Well, there's no tax prison in Canada, you don't have to worry about that.
Brent LeRoy: I wasn't worrying, I was suggesting.

Brent LeRoy: [about Oscar] I heard him yell at a butterfly once, called it a son of a bitch, told it to get out of his garden.

"Corner Gas: Will and Brent (#3.4)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: [to Brent, about Oscar and Emma] You told me they were dying.
Emma Leroy: Told him what?
Hank Yarbo: Brent was convinced you were dying and was hoping to get your couch.
Emma Leroy: Is that true?
Brent Leroy: Everything except what Hank said.

Wanda Dollard: So you don't want to kill your Dad?
Brent Leroy: Well, not for his stuff.

Brent Leroy: Most people your age have wills.
Emma Leroy: What do you mean, our age?
Brent Leroy: I said wage. People of your wage... bracket. Is what I said.

Wanda Dollard: Hey, Lacey! I need your boards! I'm up to my armpits in bulletins!
Brent Leroy: [to Oscar] That's almost 2 feet of bulletins.

Brent Leroy: Actually, you know what, I don't like the bulletin boards. Too cluttery. I'm shutting them down.
Wes Humboldt: You're just mad because Oscar and Emma wouldn't give you the couch.
Brent Leroy: It's not about that!
Someone in the crowd: Murderer!
Brent Leroy: Who said that?

"Corner Gas: Demolition (#4.5)" (2006)
[repeated line]
Brent LeRoy: Coffee break!

Hank Yarbo: [entering Corner Gas] Hey, d'you guys carry dynamite?
Brent LeRoy: That's funny, 'cause we were just talking about getting more impulse items.
Wanda Dollard: I said we should have nut bars at the counter and here you are.
Hank Yarbo: So it's over there by the milk, or... ?
Brent LeRoy: We don't have dynamite.
Hank Yarbo: Oh. I told Cecil I'd demolish his barn by tomorrow, but if I do it by hand it's gonna take at least, y' know, longer than that, so I'm thinking boom, you know.
Brent LeRoy: Geez. I don't know if you and dynamite should be together in the same room.
Wanda Dollard: Unless there's a short fuse and a locked door.

Brent LeRoy: Here's what I figure: we tie your truck up to the support beam inside the barn, pull the whole thing down in one shot.
Hank Yarbo: Um hm, right. And the dynamite's attached to the beam?
Brent LeRoy: There's no dynamite.
Hank Yarbo: You sure that'll work?
Brent LeRoy: My friend Mr. Isaac Newton thinks it will work.
Hank Yarbo: Do I know him?
Brent LeRoy: Yeah. He's got an apple orchard outside of town, big bump on his head.

Brent LeRoy: [looking at Cecil's barn] Oh, how the mighty will fall! This kind of reminds me of David and Goliath.
Oscar Leroy: How does tearing down a barn remind you of two guys in a fist fight?
Brent LeRoy: [to Hank] And he used to teach Sunday school.

[Hank hitches his truck to the barn's support beam]
Hank Yarbo: [to Oscar] Okay, she's good! Give 'er a snoot!
Oscar Leroy: What does that mean?
Brent LeRoy: Could be anything. I think he means drive.

"Corner Gas: Merry Gasmas (#3.13)" (2005)
Lacey Burrows: What is a Dog River Christmas like, anyway? I bet it's great!
Wanda Dollard: Oh, there's snow, and, um... um... uh...
Brent LeRoy: Wind. Sometimes it's windy.
Wanda Dollard: Cold, usually.
Brent LeRoy: And then we eat.
Lacey Burrows: Careful not to build it up too much.

[about "Chew-Bot," the toy Wanda got for her son's Christmas present, a half-goat, half-robot action figure]
Wanda Dollard: Trans-Farmers. They're the hottest thing out there. All the stores sold out of them months ago.
Brent LeRoy: How'd you get one?
Wanda Dollard: Well, it was just a matter of analyzing the market data, spotting a trend...
[flashback: Wanda wrestles with a fellow shopper for the last remaining Chew-Bot]
Wanda Dollard: Back off or you'll be sucking your Christmas turkey through a tube!

Wanda Dollard: At first it's a goat. But then when there's trouble, it's a robot! And when there's real trouble...
[the toy goat's head accidentally pops off]
Brent LeRoy: Oh, cool! The head comes off!
Wanda Dollard: The head came off!
Brent LeRoy: Oh. The head's not supposed to come off.
Wanda Dollard: [trying to reattach the head] No, no, no, no!
Brent LeRoy: Well, they don't build robot goats like they used to.

[Hank stores donated gifts at Corner Gas]
Wanda Dollard: That's Chew-Bot!
Hank Yarbo: Well, you can't have this one. This one's for needy people.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah? Well, right now I'm needing it!
[She lunges for it; Brent grabs her]
Brent LeRoy: Whoa, Wanda! Come on! You can't do that! It's for poor people and it's Christmas!
Wanda Dollard: You're right. Stupid poor people.

Hank Yarbo: How's Christmas at the Leroy home?
Brent LeRoy: Terrible. Mom's making real food right on the stove. They've got a new tree. It's made out of wood. Wood!
Wanda Dollard: [dryly] This could be the worst Christmas ever.

"Corner Gas: Face Off (#1.12)" (2004)
Brent LeRoy: [Wanda is due to provide commentary on the hockey team's home games] I love the way you call games. What is it you call a goal again?
Wanda Dollard: Twine tickler!
Brent LeRoy: Uh, offside?
Wanda Dollard: Premature!
Brent LeRoy: Somebody elbows somebody in the mouth?
Wanda Dollard: Bender in the beer hole!
Brent LeRoy: I make a huge save?
Wanda Dollard: That's never come up.

Lacey: [about the Dog River River Dogs hockey team] I thought you said you were a lousy goalie.
Brent LeRoy: No. I said I let in a lot of goals, mainly 'cause I get 110 shots a game.
Lacey: Wow. No neutral zone trap for you guys, huh?
Brent LeRoy: Well, our defencemen can't skate backwards. That's the crux of it.

Lacey: So what's your story, Rocket?
Brent LeRoy: Rocket Ronnie Raymore, born and raised in Stonewood, Saskatchewan, where he grew up to become the type of guy who gives himself a nickname.
Rocket Ronnie: I didn't give myself the nickname.
Lacey: It's okay. I used to call myself Xanadu. It's a good movie.

Lacey: [about the River Dogs hockey team] Why are the guys so against me being the coach?
Brent LeRoy: Well, I'm not sure. Let's ask your penis. Excuse me, Lacey's Penis... What the... ? You don't have one!
Lacey: Oh, you can't be serious.
Brent LeRoy: I'm serious. I didn't see one.
Lacey: They won't let me coach because I'm a woman?

Hank Yarbo: [during pre-game team meeting] Huge crowd out there, boys.
Brent LeRoy: What do you figure?
Hank Yarbo: Got to be close to 50.
Davis Quinton: Let's not disappoint them, boys. I hate losing to this team. Actually, I hate losing in general, but especially to this team.
Brent LeRoy: And you guys stay on that Rocket Ronnie. Geez, I hate getting deked out by that guy. I hate getting deked! It's like being tricked! Guy says, "I'm going to go left," but then he doesn't go left. He goes right and then he scores and he's some kind of hero and I'm a gullible jackass.
[the team stares at him]
Brent LeRoy: So stay on him, is all.

"Corner Gas: World's Biggest Thing (#1.6)" (2004)
[Brent writes some names on a chalk board behind the Corner Gas counter]
Oscar Leroy: More bounced checks? Cheap sons of ... Who is it? Peter Parker? Who's that? Is he from town here? And who's this Gene Luck Pycard?
Brent LeRoy: I think that's Jean-Luc Picard.
Oscar Leroy: What a handle! ... Marge Simpson? That sounds familiar. She's bounced checks here before, I think! That's it! Don't take checks from Marge Simpson or that French guy!
[He walks out]
Lacey: This is fun for you?
Brent LeRoy: He's still trying to track down Arthur Fonzarelli.

[at a meeting of the ad hoc committee to decide what World's Biggest Thing the town will build]
Mrs. Jensen: Dog River has always been a farming community. I think that we should build something that would show how proud we are of our agricultural heritage.
Brent LeRoy: There you go. Now we're cooking.
Mrs. Jensen: My suggestion is we should build a hoe.
Brent LeRoy: Uh ... World's Biggest Hoe?
Lacey: They do attract people. And they certainly generate revenue.

Lacey: You should seriously consider starting your own cult.
Brent LeRoy: I'm thinking about it. Play your cards right and you could be wife number thirty.

Brent LeRoy: Everyone, Hank has had a good idea! Someone circle the calendar!

Brent LeRoy: No, you guys, it can't be the World's Second Biggest Something. It's like the Greatest Show on Earth, nobody's heard of the Second Greatest Show on Earth.
A Local: Quincy.
[everyone nods in agreement]

"Corner Gas: Smell of Freedom (#2.3)" (2004)
Karen Pelly: Oscar's got a cat up his tree.
Davis Quinton: Oh, I see what you're saying.
Karen Pelly: No, he's actually got a cat up his tree.
Brent Leroy: What did you think she was saying?
Davis Quinton: I thought it was a euphemism for something.
Brent Leroy: For what?
Davis Quinton: I don't know, it sounded like a euphemism. I didn't want to be left out.
[Brent and Karen stare at him]
Davis Quinton: Oh, see, I knew it'd be awkward once you found out I couldn't smell.

Emma Leroy: It's a Neil Diamond record. It's for your father.
Brent Leroy: Why would Dad want a Neil Diamond record?
Emma Leroy: Oh, he loves Neil Diamond. He's a... he's a, whatcha call it, a Trekkie.
Brent Leroy: No, Ma, that's something else.

Oscar Leroy: [Brent is reading a book about the history of Dog River in an attempt to learn more about the people around him] You're not going to learn anything from a stupid book.
Brent Leroy: Wise words, Dad, but I disagree. For example, did you know that Wes here's father died in Korea, saving his entire platoon?
Wes Humboldt: Daddy's dead?
Oscar Leroy: We told him he joined the circus, ya jackass.

Brent LeRoy: Hey, I'm, uh, I'm sorry about that crack I made at the Ruby. Which, although it was funny, may have seemed insensitive. Although it was funny.
Davis Quinton: It's okay.
Brent LeRoy: Why didn't you tell me you couldn't smell?
Davis Quinton: I did.
Brent LeRoy: Can you smell propane?
Davis Quinton: No, I can't smell anything.
[flashback ends]
Brent LeRoy: Anyone could've missed that.
Davis Quinton: Well, you obviously don't remember the rest of the conversation.
Davis Quinton: It's not that I can't smell propane, it's that I can't smell *anything*. Propane, skunk, leftovers. I have no sense of smell!
[flashback ends]
Brent LeRoy: Ah, you talk in riddles.

Brent LeRoy: Can I help you, Wes?
Oscar Leroy: Hey, I was here before him!
Wanda Dollard: Age before more age.
Oscar Leroy: Oh sure, big spender! Go ahead! But just remember, money talks. But it don't sing and dance. And it don't walk!

"Corner Gas: Comedy Night (#1.10)" (2004)
[last lines]
Brent LeRoy: Hey, if you enjoyed our episode about reading, why not check out some of the books we mentioned on our show: The Life of Pi, by Yann Martel; The Saint in New York, by Leslie Charteris; Don Pendleton's Mack Bolan Executioner #147: Payback Game, by Jerry VanCook; and if you enjoyed our wildlife segment, check out Dingoes In Their Habitat, by Jay Robertson ... which isn't even a real book, actually. It's just something our props guy, Jay Robertson, made for us. Actually not a bad read. So visit your local library and get into the magic of reading.
[Colin Mochrie ducks into the shot]
Colin Mochrie: Pick up a book! Reading is cool!
Brent LeRoy: This guy's gotta be in everything!

Oscar Leroy: Comedy's not funny. There's nothing good on TV any more.
Brent LeRoy: You were laughing at the TV last night.
[flashback: Oscar, Brent, and Emma watch a nature program]
Announcer: ... and so the lion pounces on the unsuspecting dingo.
Oscar Leroy: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Didn't see that coming!

[before hosting Comedy Night, Hank hones his anti-heckler insult skills]
Brent LeRoy: Hey, Hank, you suck.
Hank Yarbo: Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date later.
Lacey Burrows: You're not funny.
Hank Yarbo: Ain't it sad when cousins marry?
Oscar Leroy: Hi, Hank.
Hank Yarbo: Shut up, old man.

Oscar Leroy: Did you hear? They're building that new call centre - in Wullerton!
[Everybody spits, including Lacey, who looks appalled at what she's just done]
Brent LeRoy: [to Lacey, evilly] You're one of us now.

"Corner Gas: Dark Circles (#5.4)" (2007)
Salesman: [at Corner Gas] I like you. I'm gonna put you down for 20 boxes.
Brent Leroy: 20? I can't afford...
Salesman: I'm doing you a favour, but no discount unless you order 30 boxes.
Brent Leroy: No, what I want is...
Salesman: [writing purchase order] - 30 boxes. You got it. Nice doing business with you, buddy boy.
[he passes Lacey on his way out]
Lacey Burrows: That guy just winked at me.
Brent Leroy: You got off easy. Sometimes he pats my bum.

Lacey Burrows: So you are telling me you just bought 30 boxes of something and you don't even know what?
Brent Leroy: Hey, aren't you going to ask me why I'm not wearing my work shirt?
Lacey Burrows: [about the salesman] Because that guy told you not to?
Brent Leroy: It slipped off the hook and then into the garbage and then out to the dumpster and hauled away.
Lacey Burrows: You know, Brent, I'm a little more concerned about you getting pushed around by this guy.
Brent Leroy: Yeah, I ordered a new one. Should be here soon.
Lacey Burrows: Okay, are you just making up my side of this conversation?
Brent Leroy: A little hungry, yeah.

Hank Yarbo: I'm gonna fake some UFO crop circles tonight, freak people out. You want in?
Brent Leroy: Intriguing. How do we do it?
Hank Yarbo: Well, we...
Brent Leroy: You lost me.

[Brent's new, black gas station uniform shirt inspires him to take on a too-cool attitude]
Gas Customer: Yeah, so it was cloudy this morning, but it looks like it's clearing up.
Brent Leroy: Whoopty ding.
Gas Customer: Pardon?
Brent Leroy: You heard me.
[inside Corner Gas, Lacey stares at Brent through a window]
Wanda Dollard: Drool much?
Lacey Burrows: I am not drooling.
Wanda Dollard: Whatever you say, Droolie, but you like this new bad boy Brent, don'tcha?
Lacey Burrows: Brent a bad boy? The same Brent who won't eat crunchy peanut butter because, and I quote, "it feels lumpish and bumply"?
Wanda Dollard: That was Blue Shirt Brent. Black Shirt Brent would eat crunchy peanut butter right off the spoon, no bread. He's a bad boy and you like it.

"Corner Gas: Ruby Newsday (#3.12)" (2005)
Lacey Burrows: Hank's short on cash and the paper boy industry is being taken over by twelve-year-olds.
Brent Leroy: What's next, dogs chasing cats?

Hank Yarbo: I lost my part-time job delivering papers.
Brent Leroy: Oh, why'd they give you the boot?
Hank Yarbo: Ah, something about lack of focus, reliability... it's kind of fuzzy.
Lacey Burrows: I didn't know they delivered the Howler.
Hank Yarbo: No, it was one of those big-city ones... The Globe & Post, or The Post & Beam... National Stick... I can't remember.

Vicki Gabereau: Well, I'm with the world famous cartoonist, Brent Leroy. Tell me, Brent, is this the best your imagination can come up with, being on the Vicki Gabereau Show?
Brent Leroy: What? I love your show!
Vicki Gabereau: But this isn't even my set.
Brent Leroy: Oh, this is all just in my head.
Vicki Gabereau: Uh-huh. Well, your imagination sucks. I'm getting a coffee.
[she leaves]

Brent Leroy: Hey, Dad! Good news, I'm out of the newspaper business.
Oscar Leroy: How does that get me a red wagon?
Brent Leroy: One sentence into the conversation, and you lost me.

"Corner Gas: Hurry Hard (#2.11)" (2005)
[Brent decides to split from Oscar's curling rink, or team, and form his own]
Brent Leroy: Mom, will you come with me?
Emma Leroy: I'm sorry, son. I'm sticking with Oscar. You dance with the one that brung you.
Oscar Leroy: Damn right.
Emma Leroy: No matter how disappointed you are in his dancing.
Oscar Leroy: Damn right.
Brent Leroy: Fine. Wanda, will you come with me?
Wanda Dollard: You rented "Jerry Maguire" last night, didn't you?
Brent Leroy: Yeah. Forgot to bring it back, too, but regardless, will you come with me?
Wanda Dollard: I don't know, Brent.
Brent Leroy: Bear in mind I sign your pay cheque.
Wanda Dollard: Fine. I'll join you on your team.
Brent Leroy: Yes! Thank you, Wanda. You won't regret this.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, yeah. You complete me.

Lacey Burrows: I don't even know what I'm saying!
Brent Leroy: Then our work here is done.

Brent Leroy: [coming up with a name for his new curling team] ... or Team Leroy...
Wanda Dollard: The Next Generation.
Brent Leroy: There might be a copyright issue.

Wanda Dollard: [about Lacey] She's still a free agent. Up the ante.
Brent Leroy: Would you be on our team, please?
Wanda Dollard: Good ante.

"Corner Gas: Block Party (#3.15)" (2006)
Brent LeRoy: [playing with Hank's Lego model of the post office] Aah! It's Handzilla and he's wearing a watch! That's 'cause it's time to kick your house down!

Brent LeRoy: Well, if all the good stuff's been done, that kinda leaves your niche wide open.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah. Thanks Brent! Always there to pick me up!

Oscar Leroy: [to Wanda about a party for her birthday] Don't hold your breath.
Brent LeRoy: Yeah, that's Karen's thing.

Brent LeRoy: Me, organise? I had my shoes on the wrong feet til noon.

"Corner Gas: Whataphobia (#2.4)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: [about Lacey's globophobia] The point is it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Lacey Burrows: [smiling] Do you really believe that?
Brent Leroy: Not for a second.

Brent Leroy: Oh, hey, Mum. Davis? What's up?
Emma Leroy: After Oscar's rampage, I went down to Stan's to apologize and...
Davis Quinton: She punched him out.
Emma Leroy: He was being a jackass!

Brent Leroy: [to Hank] I realised at that moment you were either not allergic to bees or an idiot. I later replaced 'or' with 'and'.

Brent Leroy: [eating some food that Oscar has actually cooked] Hmm. It's, um, it's, er, what's the word I'm looking for?
Wanda Dollard: [with a mouthful of food] Repellent?
Brent Leroy: Yeah, it tastes like bug repellent.

"Corner Gas: Happy Campers (#4.18)" (2007)
[about a Dog Riverite who disappeared after Davis revealed he was a protected witness]
Davis Quinton: He missed big city life. He decided to go home.
Brent LeRoy: In the middle of the night after he burned down his own house?

Davis Quinton: We don't have to make waffles the first night. The first night we can have beans. Then in the morning we can have waffles. I brought maple syrup, but I didn't bring blueberry syrup, because I thought: "Camping: we're roughing it."
Oscar Leroy: We're not going camping, jackass!
Davis Quinton: Huh?
Brent LeRoy: He said we're not going camping. Then he called you a jackass.

[Davis finds out that instead of camping, Oscar and Brent merely go to the city and split up for 3 days]
Davis Quinton: What do you do in the city?
Oscar Leroy: I go to the library and read magazines. I got my library buddies there.
Brent LeRoy: Those guys are hoboes.
Oscar Leroy: Hoboes ride trains! These guys are intellectuals: Rowdy and Patches and Shy Pete.
Brent LeRoy: The one guy's got a top hat with no top in it. That's not a hobo?
Oscar Leroy: Aw!
Davis Quinton: What about you? What do you do in the city?
Brent LeRoy: Uh...
[he imagines himself sitting at a table playing a role-playing game]
First RPG Guy: Ha! The Dark Elf has resisted your Vorpal Sword!
Brent LeRoy: [takes dice] Yeah? Well, I'll use the crystals of Zanothe to weaken his magic armor - huh? - show him who's vorpal!
[back in the real world:]
Brent LeRoy: I keep busy.

Oscar Leroy: Why is this fire always putting smoke in my eyes?
Brent LeRoy: Because it hates you.

"Corner Gas: Bend It Like Brent (#6.2)" (2008)
Davis Quinton: Hey, Brent, who's your favourite football team?
Brent Leroy: The Riders. Duh.
Davis Quinton: No, not Canadian football.
Brent Leroy: Oh, then the Minnesota Vikings.
Davis Quinton: No, out on the pitch!
Brent Leroy: What do you mean? Soccer?
Davis Quinton: Yeah.
Brent Leroy: Well, then, it's a tie between the Manchester I-Don't-Give-a-Craps and the London Not-a-Real-Sports.

Lacey Burrows: [at a soccer match] Hey, Davis, I think we need to take Peter out.
Davis Quinton: But he looks like he's having fun out there.
Lacey Burrows: Well, we need someone faster. Take him out.
Davis Quinton: Fine. Peter!
[He motions Peter "in" to the sidelines]
Brent Leroy: Don't listen to her, Davis. I'll back you. Leave him in.
Davis Quinton: Peter! Stay out there!
Lacey Burrows: I said pull him out.
Davis Quinton: Peter! In!
Brent Leroy: Leave him in, Davis.
Davis Quinton: [to Peter] Out!
Lacey Burrows: Peter needs to come out.
Davis Quinton: [to Peter] In!
Brent Leroy: He's the captain. He needs to stay in.
Davis Quinton: [to Peter] Out!
Lacey Burrows: [to Davis] Out!
Davis Quinton: [to Peter] In!

Brent Leroy: [after Davis agrees that both he and Lacey can be sponsors for the new soccer team] Well, that's it then, blokes. Let's celebrate with some bangers and mash and ring up our mobiles, or my name isn't Sir Aluminium Boot-Bonnet.
Davis Quinton: [to Lacey] Is he having a laugh?
Lacey Burrows: Or some kind of seizure.

Brent Leroy: [watching the soccer game with Lacey after being dumped as a sponsor] The coach is a winker!
Lacey Burrows: It's wanker.
Brent Leroy: Oh. Well, I don't speak English.

"Corner Gas: Pandora's Wine (#2.13)" (2005)
Brent Leroy: The bed is the couch of the bedroom.
Davis Quinton: Food for thought. Not good food, more like marshmallows or beef jerky for thought.

Brent Leroy: This seems like it's right up Dad's alley, but it doesn't sound like you, Mum.
Emma Leroy: Are you kidding? Our marriage is based on revenge.
Oscar Leroy: It's kept us together for 35 years.

Lacey Burrows: I heard through the grapevine that you didn't want to invite me to brunch.
Brent Leroy: Oh. Hey, did this grapevine have a green hat and glasses? Cause you might be confusing grapevine with nut bar.

Lacey Burrows: [after she's late for brunch] Well, I'm sorry, I didn't write the time down. People keep taking my pens.
Oscar Leroy: Hey! Finders' keepers, losey Suzie.
Brent Leroy: Yeah, that's how that goes.

"Corner Gas: Hair Loss (#3.11)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: [about his hair] I'm going bald, Hank. These things are like lemmings.
Hank Yarbo: Lemmings go bald?
Lacey Burrows: Lemmings follow each other off cliffs and jump to their deaths.
Hank Yarbo: Just 'cause they're going bald?

Brent LeRoy: [about going bald] This stinks. Like I don't have enough face east to west, now it's pushing northward.
Lacey Burrows: Well, maybe you could grow a beard and bolster the south.

Wanda Dollard: [about the lamp she bought at auction] This piece is in original condition. It's worth 1,500 bucks. Guess how much I paid for it? Come on, guess how much!
Brent LeRoy: I'm going to guess less than 1,500, or you wouldn't be this excited.
Wanda Dollard: 40 bucks! I would have gotten it for 35, but Karen yawned and the auctioneer thought she made a bid.

Lacey Burrows: Don't let gossipy geese get your goat.
Brent LeRoy: I'm going to need a second with that one.

"Corner Gas: Lacey Borrows (#4.15)" (2007)
Oscar Leroy: Horror movies are stupid. Name one good horror movie you've seen.
Brent LeRoy: I can't.
Oscar Leroy: See? They're all stupid.
Brent LeRoy: No. I just haven't seen one.
Emma Leroy: Oh, you haven't lived until you've seen power tools cut a teenager in half.
Brent LeRoy: I took shop class.

[Wanda tries to help Brent pick out his first horror DVD]
Wanda Dollard: Maybe we should go with something light. Ah! How about this?
Brent LeRoy: Scream Fest is light? What is it, a romantic romp?
Wanda Dollard: How about Hell Train? Bunch of people trapped on a possessed train. Based on a true story.
Brent LeRoy: Satan's locomotive?
Wanda Dollard: Ah! Dr. Murderblood?
Brent LeRoy: Is that the sequel to Mr. Murderblood Goes to Medical School?
Wanda Dollard: Okay. You really don't want to do this, do you?
Brent LeRoy: [picks up another DVD] Hey! Garfield!

[Oscar, Emma, Wanda, Karen, and Brent watch a slasher DVD]
Oscar Leroy: Who's that guy?... Why's he getting out of the truck?... Is that his cabin or her cabin?... What do you think a place like that'd go for?
Wanda Dollard: All good questions, Oscar. Why don't you close your eyes and think about them for a while?
Karen Pelly: [to characters in the movie] Ooh, don't go in there!
Wanda Dollard: I betcha a cat's gonna jump out.
Brent LeRoy: A cat? When?
Emma Leroy: We don't know when.
Brent LeRoy: Why do cats gotta jump out at people all the time?
Wanda Dollard: Here, kitty, kitty...
[a loud noise on the soundtrack; everyone cringes]
Wanda Dollard: ...or buzz saw.
Brent LeRoy: I'm just glad it wasn't a cat.

"Corner Gas: Cable Excess (#5.1)" (2007)
[a cable TV company van pulls up to the Corner Gas pumps]
Brent LeRoy: Want me to fill it up?
Cable Guy: Please.
Brent LeRoy: Okay. How about I do it next Tuesday, sometime between eight and four?

Hank Yarbo: You think free laundry, chili cheese dogs, and taking time off is really going to help?
Brent LeRoy: Au contraire. And I don't say that lightly. Or with a decent accent.

Lacey Burrows: Why don't you and I team up together and do a show? It could be fun.
Oscar Leroy: No.
Lacey Burrows: Oh come on, will you at least think about it? I could make it worth your while.
Oscar Leroy: Lacey, chemistry or no chemistry, I'm happily married!
Lacey Burrows: Oh, no, Oscar, that is not what I meant. And you know, just for the record, that's never going to be what I meant. Ever. Just to be clear - never. Ever.
Brent LeRoy: [entering] What's going on?
Oscar Leroy: Not sure. Getting mixed signals.

"Corner Gas: Safety First (#3.10)" (2005)
Lacey Burrows: [at the Ruby Café] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, come on. You can't quit. Who'll bus the tables?
Ruby Cook: [his first lines of the series] Is that all you see me as? A busboy? You don't know that I've always wanted to work on a llama farm!
[He walks out]
Lacey Burrows: Yeah? Well, be careful. They bite your fingers off.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, that's not going to work. Danger is part of the allure of llama farming.
Lacey Burrows: Did you know he wanted to work with llamas?
Brent LeRoy: I didn't even know he could talk.

[Karen shows her drawings for the bike-safety coloring book]
Lacey Burrows: I think it's good! It's good! It reminds me of that artist, uh, um...
Brent LeRoy: Beethoven?
Lacey Burrows: He was a composer. He couldn't draw.
Brent LeRoy: Exactly.

[Hank has a new job working for the town]
Brent LeRoy: You okay, Hank?
Hank Yarbo: Lots of pressure. Pop Rocks, please, grape, and pop. Can, can of pop.
Karen Pelly: Pop Rocks and pop? Won't that make your stomach explode?
Hank Yarbo: Live free or die.

"Corner Gas: Security Cam (#2.8)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: [as he's installing the security camera, to Lacey] Now, no more dirty talk. Hand me that big tool so I can mount this.

Hank Yarbo: [entering Corner Gas] Get rid of that stupid security camera yet?
Brent Leroy: Nope.
Hank Yarbo: Then I can no longer hang out here.
[he leaves]
Brent Leroy: [to Lacey] Thing just paid for itself.

Lacey Burrows: [after Davis dramatically tells Brent that he has some bad news about his parents] He's auditioning for the security camera.
Brent Leroy: Oh, that in no way explains it.

"Corner Gas: Pilates Twist (#1.3)" (2004)
Lacey: If I start a Pilates class will you join?
Brent LeRoy: That depends.
Lacey: On what?
Brent LeRoy: On what is Pilates?
Lacey: Oh okay. Pilates is a method of unifying your mind and body...
Brent LeRoy: You lost me.
Lacey: Oh, come on Brent. Don't you wanna unify your mind and body?
Brent LeRoy: No, I'm not gonna put all my eggs in one basket!

Lacey: I'm sorry. I've just been feeling a little oogie the past few weeks.
Brent LeRoy: Oogie or logie?
Lacey: Well, it started out logie, it led to oogie.
Brent LeRoy: Logie can do that.

Hank Yarbo: [Brent and Hank are wearing the same shirt] Look at us, we're identical!
Brent LeRoy: We're not identical, I have different pants than you.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, I don't even wanna get into your pants.
Brent LeRoy: You're not gonna with that kinda whining.

"Corner Gas: Fun Run (#3.7)" (2005)
Paul Martin: Good evening, Canada. I'd like to take this opportunity to address the nation in regard to some important issues.
[Brent is seen lurking in the background]
Paul Martin: As you know, we live in a country...
Brent Leroy: Uh...
Paul Martin: ...that is...
Brent Leroy: Excuse me.
Paul Martin: Hi, Brent.
Brent Leroy: Hello, Mr. Prime Minister. I'm just kind of wondering what you're doing.
Paul Martin: Well, I'm speaking to the nation. I'm addressing Canada.
Brent Leroy: Oh. Hello, Canada... Um, is this something you have to do right now?
Paul Martin: Is now a bad time?
Brent Leroy: Sort of. For me, anyway. I kind of had the next thirty minutes planned out.
Paul Martin: Couldn't you do your thing later?
Brent Leroy: This is really the only half hour they let me do anything. The rest is pretty much Canadian Idol.

Hank Yarbo: I don't contribute to society.
Brent Leroy: Sure you do. You're a morale booster. By contributing nothing, you make everyone else feel good about themselves.
Hank Yarbo: That's not good enough anymore.

Lacey Burrows: I guess my favorite part is when I'm running and I think I can't go any more, and then this calmness kicks in and the pain disappears.
Wanda Dollard: Ah, the endorphins. Makes the body feel like it's dipping into a deeper reservoir of fuel.
Lacey Burrows: I slept so well last night. Brent, you should run with us. You'd sleep better.
Brent Leroy: Maybe you guys could talk about running some more. I'd drift right off.

"Corner Gas: Contagious Fortune (#5.14)" (2008)
[Hank enters Corner Gas wearing sunglasses]
Wanda Dollard: Ladies and gentlemen: Ray Charles.
Hank Yarbo: Where?
Brent Leroy: Don't play any of your crazy boogie woogie music in here, Mr. Cool.
Hank Yarbo: I'm not wearing these to be cool. There's something wrong with my eye, all puffy and itchy. It hurts to look at the sun. I think it might be time to get glasses.
Wanda Dollard: Looks like you have conjunctivitis.
Hank Yarbo: What? Oh, man! How long have I got?
Wanda Dollard: I wish. It's just pinkeye.
Brent Leroy: Just pinkeye? That's like saying it's just... just... all right, it's just pinkeye, but still, Hank, get out!

[Hank and Brent kick Wanda, who has caught pinkeye from Hank, out of Corner Gas]
Hank Yarbo: Maybe I was too tough on her. I too was once like her.
Brent Leroy: Short and angry?
Wanda Dollard: [yelling from outside] Hey, Yarbo! I'm coming back for you!
[she points at her pinkeye]
Wanda Dollard: You made me like this! I'll be back... for you!
Brent Leroy: Short and creepy?

Wanda Dollard: [to Brent, who is cleaning Corner Gas] You missed a spot.
Brent Leroy: How'd you get in here?
Wanda Dollard: Through the Ruby. Duh!
Brent Leroy: Hank! Wanda's breached the perimeter!
Hank Yarbo: What? How?
Brent Leroy: Through the Ruby. Duh!
[Lacey enters from the Ruby Café]
Lacey Burrows: Sorry! She got past me!
Wanda Dollard: That's right! I said I'd be back! You can't stop my pinkeye revenge!
[she spreads her pinkeye germs over the Corner Gas counter]
Wanda Dollard: Go, my pets! Spread your pink path as I have commanded you!
Brent Leroy: Yeesh. A little dramatic.
Wanda Dollard: Oh, and "breached the perimeter's" your everyday lingo?

"Corner Gas: Picture Perfect (#3.9)" (2005)
[Brent enters Corner Gas with his huge, vintage 1973 instant camera]
Brent LeRoy: It works fine. It takes pictures. That's what a camera is supposed to do, isn't it?
Wanda Dollard: Exactly. And if it comes with a matching thermos, all the better.
Brent LeRoy: Matching thermos. Nice. You got any more wisecracks?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah. How much gunpowder do you put in the flash tray?
Brent LeRoy: Hilarious. Any more?
Wanda Dollard: If you took a picture of me right now, would I come out wearing a bonnet?
Brent LeRoy: Are you done?
Wanda Dollard: If you point that thing at a...
Brent LeRoy: You're done.

Hank Yarbo: [playing on a bar trivia team with Lacey] Hey, Wanda's here. We should get her on our team. She knows everything.
Lacey Burrows: Nobody knows everything.
Brent LeRoy: [looking at his new digital camera] What exactly is a megapixel?
Wanda Dollard: It determines the resolution of the image.
Karen Pelly: Wanda, what are the house odds in roulette?
Wanda Dollard: Straight up pays out 35 to 1, but house odds increase with double zero bets.
Hank Yarbo: What's the capital of Canada?
Wanda Dollard: Ask a nine year old.
Hank Yarbo: [to Lacey] See?

[Oscar has stolen a garden gnome from next door]
Oscar Leroy: Your mother thinks this gnome looks like me.
Brent LeRoy: I don't think so.
Oscar Leroy: [to Emma] See?
Brent LeRoy: I think you look like that gnome.
Oscar Leroy: Stop being smart!
Brent LeRoy: [to the gnome] Oh, cool trick, Dad. I didn't even see your lips move.

"Corner Gas: Rock On! (#2.15)" (2005)
[Thunderface - Brent, Wanda, and Hank's high school rock band - rehearses for the first time since 1986]
Hank Yarbo: That is so totally awesome to play again! Totally awesome!
Wanda Dollard: He is totally saying "awesome" too much.
Brent LeRoy: I know. Gag me.

Brent LeRoy: You know what's really depressing?
Wanda Dollard: That I just agreed with Hank about something?
Brent LeRoy: That's peculiar and unnerving.

Brent LeRoy: [to Hank] Let me guess: you're broke.
Hank Yarbo: What makes you say that?
Wanda Dollard: Because you're staring at the cash the way Hank stares at cash.
Wanda Dollard: Oh my God. You've become your own metaphor.

"Corner Gas: TV Free Dog River (#6.13)" (2009)
[during Turn Off Your TV Week, Brent looks for alternative entertainment]
Brent Leroy: [looking at a lava lamp] Whoa! Now it's two pieces of floatey goop!

Brent Leroy: [to customers at Corner Gas] I've soaped up the windows on Wanda's car pretending to be Hank and there's a lemon meringue pie placed precariously on top of the ladder. Let's see waht happens... on the Hank and Wanda Show!
[but Hank and Wanda are on to him and turn the situation to their advantage]
Wanda Dollard: That looks like a delicious watermelon, Hank. Wherever did you get it?
Hank Yarbo: At the Food Mart. 99 cents a pound.
Wanda Dollard: Food Mart's great. I find that their warm and friendly staff is always eager to answer any question I might have.
Hank Yarbo: And now with the extra till they've added, there's no reason to wait in line.
Wanda Dollard: [singing a jingle] Who's smart?
Hank Yarbo: [singing] Thou art!
Hank Yarbo, Wanda Dollard: [singing] When you shop at Food Mart!
Brent Leroy: You've got to be kidding me.
Window Denizen: This is just one big ad!

Davis Quinton: [hosting a jazz radio program] Hello, jazz fans. This is Downtown Davis. I'm gonna make a phone call, but it's not a real phone call. It's what we like to call a crank call. Okay, here we go.
[he dials]
Brent Leroy: [answering] Corner Gas.
Davis Quinton: Hello.
Brent Leroy: Hey, Davis.
Davis Quinton: Oh, it's not Davis. This is John Coltrane, jazz saxophonist. Do you have any popsicles?
Brent Leroy: Isn't John Coltrane dead?
Davis Quinton: Yeah. That's why this is... Charlie Parker.
Brent Leroy: He's dead too.
Davis Quinton: Right. I mean... Ornette Coleman.
Brent Leroy: You want to think this through and call me back?

"Corner Gas: Just Brent and His Shadow (#4.4)" (2006)
[about some friends who divorced]
Emma Leroy: Well, Barb said it was the constant bickering that got to her.
Oscar Leroy: They never bickered! Tom always paid full price.
Brent LeRoy: That's dickering.
Oscar Leroy: I thought that was bickering.
Brent LeRoy: It's dickering.
Wanda Dollard: Now you're bickering about dickering.

Brent LeRoy: [to Kyle, his job shadow] ... and that is how you stack wiper fluid. The important thing is not to get intimidated by all the stuff that I know.

Brent LeRoy: [referring to an 'Out of Order' sign on one of the petrol pumps] Oh, Hank wrote that.
Emma Leroy: Really? I'm impressed. A lot of those letters are from the alphabet.

"Corner Gas: Hero Sandwich (#2.7)" (2004)
Wanda Dollard: [discussing the way that Brent has organized the magazine rack] Then why do the gardening magazines lead into the fashion magazines?
Brent Leroy: Plants...
Wanda Dollard: ...Implants.

Oscar Leroy: This is government mind control, that's what it is. Telling you what to do. Stop here, walk, don't walk, do this, don't do that, eat your peas.
Brent Leroy: Eat your peas?

Brent Leroy: [about Emma] If you don't pick one of her drawings, you'll break her heart.
Wanda Dollard: What will she break in return?

"Corner Gas: Cat River Daze (#6.11)" (2009)
[Brent has slipped on some cans lying on the floor of Corner Gas, spraining his ankle]
Wanda Dollard: Look, I'm sorry you fell. And I'm sorry I kicked your ankle after you fell. I thought you were still faking it at that point.
Brent LeRoy: Uh huh.
Wanda Dollard: And I'm sorry I made you walk all the way to the car. And I'm sorry I tickled you while they were putting on the leg brace.
Brent LeRoy: Wouldn't you have figured it out at that point?
Wanda Dollard: That is when I figured it out. It seemed pretty elaborate with all the doctors and nurses.
Brent LeRoy: And the swelling and the X rays and the screaming and the sedative?

Karen Pelly: [to Brent] I almost slipped on those cans.
Brent LeRoy: Wanda!
Wanda Dollard: I already yelled at her!

Davis Quinton: You find me annoying, right?
Brent LeRoy: I do.
Davis Quinton: Thank you.

"Corner Gas: Oh Baby! (#1.4)" (2004)
Emma Leroy: [after teaching Brent how to babysit and handle children] A child's mind is their strength and their weakness.
Brent LeRoy: You're like Yoda.
Emma Leroy: I don't know what that means.

Brent LeRoy: [in Dog River's extremely small library] Hey Alice, I was wondering if...
Alice: Shh!
Brent LeRoy: Pardon?
Alice: [whispering] This is a library. Shh!
Brent LeRoy: Well, we're the only ones in here.
Alice: [whispering] I'm sorry Brent, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't keep it down.
Brent LeRoy: [whispering] Okay, I was just wondering if you had a book on child psychology.
Alice: [still whispering] On what?
Brent LeRoy: [still whispering] Child psychology.
Alice: [still whispering] "Jives on top of me"?
Brent LeRoy: [sarcastically] That's right Alice, I want a book about jives on top of you.

Brent LeRoy: What are you guys watching?
Hank Yarbo: Soccer, you want in on the action? I got a good feeling about Brazil.
Brent LeRoy: Naw, I don't know anything about soccer.
Hank Yarbo: It's a complex sport. It took me quite sometime before I fully understood the subleties of the game.
Hank Yarbo: Hey what's he doing? You can't pick up the ball and run with it like that you moron!
Paul Kinistino: Uh... this is rugby.

"Corner Gas: Blog River (#4.8)" (2006)
Emma Leroy: What the heck's a blog?
Brent Leroy: Well, it's an on...
Oscar Leroy: We just got Hank to shut up, don't you start!

Brent Leroy: Look, I hurt a friend once with a careless lie. I learnt a valuable lesson about lying more convincingly.

Oscar Leroy: The point is, I lost the game fair and square, so she has to stop moping, and the food gets better.
Lacey Burrows: Wait a minute. You threw the game, didn't you?
Oscar Leroy: No.
Brent Leroy: [to Emma] Wait a minute. You didn't read my blog, did you?
Emma Leroy: No.
Karen Pelly: [entering] The game was rigged?
Oscar Leroy, Emma Leroy: No.
Lacey Burrows: So can I clang or not?
Oscar Leroy, Brent Leroy, Emma Leroy, Karen Pelly: No!

"Corner Gas: Mosquito Time (#2.10)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: [about getting Oscar to help out at Corner Gas] I understand it's an odd request. Especially getting him to work here for free.
Wanda Dollard: You got me to work here for almost free.
Brent Leroy: You almost work.

Oscar Leroy: Why are all the gums sugar free?
Brent Leroy: You tell me, commies or hippies?

Brent Leroy: Well, I hate to say I told you so...
Lacey Burrows: Do you? Because I'm not really getting that feeling.

"Corner Gas: Self-Serving (#6.3)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: 'Buffet' is a little je ne sais quoi.

Oscar Leroy: [at the gas pumps, looking at the sign advertising self-service] What the hell is this?
Brent Leroy: It's a self-service option I'm offering.
Oscar Leroy: You're a jackass.
Brent Leroy: What's wrong with self-service?
Oscar Leroy: I don't have to talk to you, and I pay less?
Oscar Leroy: It's perfect.
Brent Leroy: So then why am I a jackass?
Oscar Leroy: I don't know. You get it from your mother. Now stop talking to me, I'm doing self-service, jackass!

"Corner Gas: Coming Distractions (#5.16)" (2008)
Lacey Burrows: [at the Ruby Café] Yeah, well, I guess if you did leave without paying, I wouldn't have too hard of a time tracking you down.
Brent LeRoy: I don't know about that. I can be pretty elusive if I want to, disappear like a ninja. You'd have no hope of finding me.
[Duane "Dog" Chapman and Beth burst in]
Beth Smith: There he is!
Duane 'Dog' Chapman: [aiming a gun] Freeze! Let me see your hands now!
[they bend Brent over the cash counter]
Beth Smith: Watch out now. He could be dangerous.
Duane 'Dog' Chapman: His reign of terror is over.
Brent LeRoy: Damn! I thought I lost you guys in Arizona!
Duane 'Dog' Chapman: You may be good, bro, but we're better.

Karen Pelly: [to Davis] Maybe Brent will go with you.
Brent LeRoy: Maybe... unless you're talking about France. Then forget it.
Davis Quinton: No, no. I'm talking about Raptorman 2.
Brent LeRoy: Oh. The first one was awesome. This one's supposed to be even awesomer.
Karen Pelly: You two nerds should put on your Spock ears and go together.
Davis Quinton: This is a completely different genre.
Brent LeRoy: Yeah. We wear claws.

"Corner Gas: Dress for Success (#3.1)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: Don't you think a skirt is a little la-di-da for a gas station?
Wanda Dollard: I'm not the one in the powder-blue blouse.
Brent LeRoy: It's not a blouse. And it's not powder blue. It's sky blue, like the sky, where there's jet fighters and lightning... and it's not a blouse.
Wanda Dollard: You're the boss, Blousie.

Emma Leroy: As long as you're standing there, you could help me with these dishes.
Brent LeRoy: Geez. I'd better not stand here, then.

"Corner Gas: Classical Gas (#5.8)" (2008)
Emma Leroy: Brent, what are you doing for dinner?
Brent Leroy: Eating?

Lacey Burrows: [about Jonathan] He found his way over from Kenya, hopefully he can make it to the Ruby.
Brent Leroy: Yeah, wouldn't want him to get lost in the metropolis of Dog River.
Hank Yarbo: [laughs uproariously, everyone just stares at him] Oh man, that's funny! You're funny!
Lacey Burrows: What about what I said?
Hank Yarbo: Not so much, no.

"Corner Gas: Mail Fraud (#3.6)" (2005)
[Brent is on "staycation", i.e. sitting in front of Corner Gas imagining he's somewhere else]
Lacey Burrows: I need an explanation... Well, you, you at least need to talk to me, because it's just plain rude to just sit there and ...
Brent LeRoy: Dear Lacey: I hope this post card finds you well.
Lacey Burrows: What are you doing?
Brent LeRoy: I've spent the last few days in Aruba.
Lacey Burrows: What, you're a verbal post card now?
Brent LeRoy: As I'm not in Dog River right now, I can't speak to you directly. I know this must seem foolish to you, but I've never been one to bow to peer pressure... well, except for when I had that cigarette in high school... and wearing rugby pants in the eighties. I don't know... Anyway, I wish you were here in person so I could tell you this directly.
Lacey Burrows: I am there. I mean, I'm here. You're here.
Brent LeRoy: I must sign off now. We're about to land in Madrid, and Kyle, our flight attendant, has demanded I put my table tray in its upright position. He's a saucy one! See you soon. Hola! Brent.

Wanda Dollard: [confronting Brent on his "staycation"; Lacey tries to stop her] Dear Brent: I know you're on vacation, but if you get a chance, maybe in between your pedicure and your mud bath, you can fix the debit machine like you said you would. All the best. Wanda.
Brent LeRoy: Dear Wanda: You can do it. Sincerely, Brent.
Wanda Dollard: Dear Brent: I don't have the pass codes to fix the machines, do I? P.S.: Your shirt's ugly.
Hank Yarbo: [joining them] Dear Brent: If you were any kind of pal, you'd bring me over there with you instead of leaving me here.
Brent LeRoy: Dear Hank: If I wanted you here, I would have stayed there.
Hank Yarbo: Dear Brent: You suck out loud!
[he leaves]
Wanda Dollard: P.S.: You've got pasty white chicken legs.
[she leaves]
Brent LeRoy: Dear Lacey: I can't help but get the feeling you've ruined a good thing. Wish you were here so I could thank you in person.

"Corner Gas: All My Ex's (#1.7)" (2004)
Brent LeRoy: Dad look, you're gonna be around for a long time.
Oscar Leroy: How can you be so sure?
Brent LeRoy: Because, I've angered the Karma Gods, and you're my punishment.

Oscar Leroy: A guy my age goes to the doctor and everyone's gonna assume he's going to get one of those little blue pills. Everyone in town will be talking about how I can't...
Brent LeRoy: Dad!
Emma Leroy: What's he talking about?
Brent LeRoy: Viagra.
Emma Leroy: Oh, for Pete's sake... well if you're going there anyway, you may as well ask.
Brent LeRoy: Ah, Mom!

"Corner Gas: Grad '68 (#1.5)" (2004)
Karen Pelly: Everybody was in on this crime, it's sort of like "The Orient Express".
Brent LeRoy: I think I ate there once.
Karen Pelly: No, the Agatha Christie book. All the suspects teamed up to do the crime.
Hank Yarbo: Well, I guess I don't have to finish reading that one!

Brent LeRoy: [about the new signs Lacey has put on the bathroom doors - the Roman symbols for man and woman] I think people are going to say 'Am I a fat guy shooting arrows or a fat guy fighting vampires?'

"Corner Gas: No Time Like the Presents (#5.15)" (2008)
Wanda Dollard: [to Hank] You're ahead an hour? What's the future like? Do I get replaced by a robot?
Brent Leroy: How do we know you're not already a robot?
Wanda Dollard: That's ridiculous. Foolish human.

Karen Pelly: [Hank won't pay a parking ticket because, according to his time, he isn't even parked there yet] A little help here, Brent?
Brent Leroy: Mmm. You've saved a lot of daylight moving ahead 12 hours, haven't you?
Hank Yarbo: Sure have.
Brent Leroy: Think how much more you'd save if you moved another 12 hours ahead.
Karen Pelly: Yeah! It'd be like being on Australian time.
Brent Leroy: Fair dinkum.

"Corner Gas: Get the F Off My Lawn (#6.18)" (2009)
Brent Leroy: [at Corner Gas] What's this?
Wanda Dollard: A list of demands for better working conditions.
Brent Leroy: Extended vacation time? Permanent parking spot? A sturdier stool? You make this sound like a sweatshop.
Wanda Dollard: Oh, that reminds me.
[she adds another item to the list]
Brent Leroy: I do wear deodorant!

Brent Leroy: [reading Wanda's list of strike resolution demands] "Item #2: Wanda Dollard will no longer be required to stock shelves or ring in customers." You see, that could be problematic, what with that being the whole job.

"Corner Gas: Poor Brent (#2.6)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: [about a 50 inch TV] One of these monster's will do me til I'm 50.
Wanda Dollard: You're not 50?
Brent Leroy: You're not fired?

Brent Leroy: [looking at Lacey's pedant] Wow, nice rock. Who you trying to impress?
Lacey Burrows: Well, Wanda, but I don't think she noticed.
Brent Leroy: Maybe you should send her flowers instead.

"Corner Gas: Two Degrees or Separation (#4.3)" (2006)
[Brent tries to trick his employee, Wanda, who is short, into giving away her height]
Brent LeRoy: Hey, Wanda, I need to check some tax information.
Wanda Dollard: Shoot.
Brent LeRoy: [shows her a form] Is this your social insurance number?
Wanda Dollard: Yup.
Brent LeRoy: And you were born in Saskatchewan?
Wanda Dollard: Uh huh.
Brent LeRoy: And what's your height?
Wanda Dollard: Seven foot three.
Brent LeRoy: Aha! You fell right into... Oh. Well played.

Brent LeRoy: [after another ploy to learn Wanda's height has backfired thanks to Hank] I don't know why I involve you in my schemes.
Hank Yarbo: Well, maybe you're afraid of success on some level.

"Corner Gas: The Brent Effect (#2.1)" (2004)
Hank Yarbo: [about Canadians] You ask anyone over the age of 30 how tall they are, they're going to tell you in feet and inches. Huh? Watch!... Hey, Wanda!
Wanda Dollard: What?
Hank Yarbo: What size is that milk you're putting out?
Wanda Dollard: Uh, some two liters and some half liters.
Hank Yarbo: How tall are you?
Wanda Dollard: Yes, Hank, I'm short. Very funny. You're a regular Jay Lame-o. I'm still tall enough to kick your sorry ass.
Brent Leroy: Now ask her if she's over 30.

[Emma and Oscar quarrel]
Brent Leroy: Mom, Dad, settle down, okay? We're going to have civilian casualties here and then we've got the UN crawling all over the place.

"Corner Gas: Shirt Disturber (#6.10)" (2009)
Brent LeRoy: [to comic book artist, holding comic book] It's kind of funny, but I forgot to get you to sign this.
Peter Moore: Who should I make it out to?
Brent LeRoy: [nervously] Me.
Peter Moore: Your name?
Brent LeRoy: Yes.
Peter Moore: What's your name?
[Brent freezes up]
Hank Yarbo: [whispering] Brent!
Brent LeRoy: [to Hank] Not now!

Brent LeRoy: [chasing Peter Moore] Just a quick autograph! I'm a big fan! I have all your comics! We could be friends! I'm not a stalker! I know your birthday!

"Corner Gas: Wedding Card (#2.2)" (2004)
Oscar Leroy: Listen, if we are going to do this wedding, I'd be proud if you'd be my best man.
Brent LeRoy: Aw, geez, Dad, I'd love to.
Oscar Leroy: Thank you, son.
Brent LeRoy: But I can't, I'm giving Mom away.
Oscar Leroy: You're useless!

Brent LeRoy: [to Oscar] Look, I'm sorry about the best man thing. It's just that Mum asked first and, more importantly, I like her better.

"Corner Gas: The J-Word (#5.12)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: [referring to Oscar's overuse of the J-word] Everybody's a jackass.
Oscar Leroy: I know. That's why I use the word so often.

Brent Leroy: [to Hank, about him and Lacey] You guys aren't in love. You're barely in like.

"Corner Gas: Gopher It (#4.19)" (2007)
Oscar Leroy: It's Lacey's idea. She says we should build a casino.
Brent LeRoy: Really? That doesn't sound like something Lacey would say. In fact, just the other day...
[in flashback]
Brent LeRoy: Hey, Lacey, you want to play some pinochle for matchsticks?
Lacey Burrows: Uh, how many matchsticks? Is it legal? Maybe we shouldn't. It could lead to pennies and then who knows what. No, this is a bad idea.
[in present day]
Brent LeRoy: She's not exactly Doyle Brunson.

[first lines]
Lacey Burrows: What's this mayor challenge?
Brent LeRoy: Fitzy's looking for ways to put Dog River on the map.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah. Whenever election time rolls around, he starts to pretend he cares.
Hank Yarbo: How can you guys be so cyclical?
Wanda Dollard: That's cynical.
Lacey Burrows: Maybe he meant we talk in circles. We do that sometimes.
Hank Yarbo: Yeah, Wanda. If you weren't so cyclical, you'd know that.

"Corner Gas: The Good Old Table Hockey Game (#4.14)" (2007)
Lacey Burrows: [about the Dog River Youngish Women's Association] If I join I can nominate someone as a Distinguished Woman.
Brent LeRoy: What's their definition of distinguished?
Hank Yarbo: A woman who was on fire and they put her out.
Lacey Burrows: It's a woman who's distinguished herself.
Hank Yarbo: Oh. That's even harder.

Brent LeRoy: [before Game 1 of the table hockey series] So you've trained pretty hard. I heard you've been jogging.
Karen Pelly: I heard you've been drinking.
Brent LeRoy: Well, I don't want to brag...

"Corner Gas: Meat Wave (#6.4)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: You borrowed a snowsuit off Fitzy for a lame gag?
Hank Yarbo: And his long underwear.
[Brent just stares at him]
Hank Yarbo: What? I commit to a joke.

Brent Leroy: [on the phone] A week? We can't wait a week to get this fixed, my buddy's got a pound cake baking in his long-johns!
Brent Leroy: Whattya mean, what does that mean? Pound cake, baking, long-johns, what part don't you...? Hello?

"Corner Gas: Knit Wit of the Month (#5.10)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: Say "Hot Hawaiian Hula-Hoops".
Wanda Dollard: Quit trying to eat my breath!

Lacey Burrows: [after she makes Josh Employee of the Month] Hey Josharoo.
Josh the Cook: Hey Lacearoo.
Brent Leroy: I think I'm going to lose my luncharoo.

"Corner Gas: Lost and Found (#2.5)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: I'm not up on that new stuff.
Wanda Dollard: You're not up on it or you're not into it?
Brent Leroy: I may be into it if I was up on it, but I'm not up on it, so I'm not into it. What I'm into, I'm up on.
Lacey Burrows: I'm mostly into what I'm up on, but even though I'm not up on the new stuff, I'm sort of into it.
Brent Leroy: I'm down with that.
Wanda Dollard: Prepositions are fun, aren't they?
Brent Leroy: What's a preposition?

Brent Leroy: [after Oscar finds a pair of pants by the side of the road] Gees, I hope it's not genetic.
Wanda Dollard: Are you kidding? You're getting more like him every day.
Brent Leroy: Oh, don't be a jackass.

"Corner Gas: Trees a Crowd (#3.8)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: That was no fair. They had a gun!
Hank Yarbo: We could have lost an eye! Then no more fun and games. Except for pirates. Lot of pirates hace just one eye. They have lots of fun and games.

"Corner Gas: All That and a Bag of Chips (#6.5)" (2008)
Brent Leroy: [to Hank and Wanda, who are trying to crack the password on Hank's laptop] Mind if I try?
Wanda Dollard: You?
Wanda Dollard: Look, if I can't figure it...
Brent Leroy: And I'm in.
Wanda Dollard: What? What is it?
Brent Leroy: Your pet's name.
Hank Yarbo: Wiggles? We tried that.
Brent Leroy: No, literally the words 'your pets name'.
Wanda Dollard: I have to admit, I was not prepared for that level of stupidity. How did you crack it?
Brent Leroy: I just had to think like a Hank who was trying to outsmart a Wanda.
[Wanda and Hank look at him before nodding slowly]
Brent Leroy: Plus, I was standing beside Hank when he typed it in.

"Corner Gas: Hair Comes the Judge (#4.1)" (2006)
Emma Leroy: What's going on?
Brent LeRoy: I'm getting a little trim from Karen. I mean, Karen's cutting my hair.

"Corner Gas: Rock Stars (#6.9)" (2009)
Oscar Leroy: Why do you suddenly want to learn guitar?
Brent Leroy: You are aware I was the lead guitarist in a band all through high school.
Oscar Leroy: And now you want to learn how to play the thing? You should have thought about that back then when it could have done some good.
Brent Leroy: Thanks. Oh, by the way, the Father of the Year committee called. It's between you and Fred MacMurray.

"Corner Gas: An American in Saskatchewan (#2.12)" (2005)
Oscar Leroy: I really liked the ATM, until Emma came. What good has she ever brought me?
Lacey Burrows: What about Brent?
Oscar Leroy: I guess.
Brent Leroy: Love you too, Dad. Give us a hug.
[hugs Oscar]
Oscar Leroy: Don't you touch me!

"Corner Gas: I Love Lacey (#1.13)" (2004)
Lacey Burrows: I don't think anyone's home. I wonder where they could be.
Brent Leroy: I don't know. It's almost if there's a huge football game on in a nearby city.
Lacey Burrows: Maybe they got there by putting some sort of fuel in their tank.

"Corner Gas: Reader Pride (#6.8)" (2009)
Brent Leroy: I'm Saskaman, super Rider fan!
Hank Yarbo: You're Saskajerk, super jerky man.

"Corner Gas: You've Been Great, Goodnight (#6.19)" (2009)
[last lines of the episode - and the series]
Last Scene Guy: Hey, I saw you at the Chuckle Barn the other night. You were really funny.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, thanks.
Last Scene Guy: You doing any other cities?
Brent LeRoy: No, I'm just sticking around here.
Last Scene Guy: Oh, good one. Always on, eh?
Brent LeRoy: Yeah. Never a dull moment.

"Corner Gas: Buzz Driver (#5.7)" (2007)
[Wanda, who has drunk too much Haywire, an energy-boosting drink, is working in Emma's garden]
Brent LeRoy: [in his car] Yo, Zippy, time to get back to your job.
Wanda Dollard: [babbling] It's a nice day for it. I like working outside. The sun is shining and the birds are singing and the sky is bleeding and the grass is screaming. I want to stay here.
Brent LeRoy: Okay, well, I guess I'll just go back to Corner Gas... you know, the place that's full of Haywire.
Wanda Dollard: [suddenly sitting in his front passenger seat] This is nice in here. You spilled some toothpicks, 234. I counted them. Let's go. Come on!

"Corner Gas: One Piano, Four Hands (#4.10)" (2006)
[Emma is offering piano lessons]
Wanda Dollard: You think she'll take me on?
Brent Leroy: Take you on?
[he imagines Emma and Wanda taking each other on in a wrestling match]
Wanda Dollard: You're going down, lady! That championship belt's mine!
Emma Leroy: You don't know enough people to take me down, pipsqueak!
Wanda Dollard: [as they grapple] Get ready to feel the pain!
[back in the real world:]
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, that's what I meant. I meant take me on as a student.

"Corner Gas: Key to the Future (#3.2)" (2005)
Hank Yarbo: I had a dream about your mom.
Brent LeRoy: You have five seonds to make my skin stop crawling.

"Corner Gas: R2 Bee Too (#6.15)" (2009)
Brent Leroy: [about Lacey's chicken Kiev] You've gotta have it. It's like an angel crapped on your plate.

"Corner Gas: Friend of a Friend (#3.14)" (2006)
Lacey Burrows: Great news! My friend from college is coming to Dog River.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, I didn't know you went to college.
Lacey Burrows: Yeah. It's not a big deal. Everyone goes to college.
Brent LeRoy: I didn't.
Hank Yarbo: I didn't.
Oscar Leroy: I didn't.
Emma Leroy: I didn't.
Wanda Dollard: I did... but I don't go around bragging about it.
Lacey Burrows: [to Brent] I thought just you and I were talking.

"Corner Gas: Bingo Night (#2.9)" (2004)
Karen Pelly: We know what biscotti is, Lacey.
Oscar Leroy: It's just a little 1995, don't you think?
Lacey Burrows: Oh.
Brent Leroy: Is my dad hipper than you?

"Corner Gas: The Accidental Cleanist (#5.17)" (2008)
Oscar Leroy: Trees are like magnets for booze.
Brent LeRoy: Do you even care about making sense any more?

"Corner Gas: Bean There (#3.18)" (2006)
Hank Yarbo: I could save up and buy a Lamborghini.
Wanda Dollard: You have to save up to buy linguini. You can't afford that magazine... I should have said "magazini". "Linguini", then "magazini". Oh, that would've been great! Could we do it again?
Brent LeRoy: No. Look, Hank, if you want to shoot for the moon, you go ahead.
Hank Yarbo: All I want is a sports car. Let's not get carried away with the space travel, huh?
Wanda Dollard: You'll never have a Lamborghini, you weenie, because your brain is teeny.
Brent LeRoy: The moment's gone now.

"Corner Gas: Cell Phone (#1.9)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: [about the "I love Dog River" button] She's right. Whoever did it can't draw.
Paul Kinistino: I drew it.

"Corner Gas: Doc Small (#2.14)" (2005)
Brent LeRoy: I could get stuff for free as long as what I'm buying is less than the hassle of making change.
Wanda Dollard: Ah, the pain in the ass threshold.

"Corner Gas: Dog River Dave (#4.2)" (2006)
Wanda Dollard: This is sarcasm. You're a giant of a man, a brilliant boss, and I'm lucky to be working for you.
Brent Leroy: You, work. Wow, that IS sarcasm.

"Corner Gas: Seeing Things (#4.17)" (2007)
[Wanda accompanies Brent to a laser eye surgery clinic]
Receptionist: Mr. Leroy? The doctor will see you now.
Brent LeRoy: Oh, so he's a doctor? That's a relief. I'll just head on in, then.
[He goes into the doctor's office. Wanda starts to put on her coat]
Receptionist: Aren't you going to wait and drive him home afterwards?
Wanda Dollard: I'll be driving him home in about four seconds.
[Brent bolts from the office]
Brent LeRoy: He had a model of an eye and he opened it up in half right in front of me!
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, yeah. The humanity.

"Corner Gas: Jail House (#4.6)" (2006)
Lacey Burrows: The reek? Now what is wrong with a little citrus, bramble berry, eucalyptus potpourri?
Brent Leroy: I don't know what those words mean. Except citrus. That means oranges.

"Corner Gas: Happy Career Day to You (#6.17)" (2009)
Oscar Leroy: [Brent enters the room carrying a vacuum cleaner] What's that for?
Brent Leroy: To pump your stomach.
[Oscar moans]
Brent Leroy: Let's just say it's the worst case scenario.
Hank Yarbo: Power drill's ready to go.
Brent Leroy: Okay, second worst case scenario.

"Corner Gas: Hook, Line and Sinker (#1.11)" (2004)
Brent Leroy: I wanted to write 'Lacey is a cow', but I couldn't find a W.
Lacey Burrows: [enters] You don't have to do that. I took down the 'Brent is an ass' sign.
Wanda Dollard: [disappointed] Aw!